Everything Will Change
Shadows: Falling for my Fanboy
The bustling sounds of the streets of Seoul was in melody with the sighs and sobs Sungmin was creating. With how signs of his heavy breathing was showing in a fom of smoke from his mouth was creating even more drama effect as to what was really happening.
With his hoodie in place to hide his identity, he placed his hands on his pockets and just walked like there's no tomorrow. Its always been like this. How he would feel unexceptionally sad everytime he remembers. How that song would play, how those words would linger on his mind for quite some time, how we would remember eveerything. Always reminding him that 'hey, you're the one who caused all of these'.
Those pains he felt for those 5 years weren't just child's play. It shattered his world, shattered his identity, shattered the one source of happiness he had. Sometimes he'd think, what is he even doing. Why was he even training. Why would he suddenly become an idol? For what? To live a new life? To be able to perform just like what his bestfriend Ryeowook has been doing now for a year? Or maybe to just see him. To even have a glance of him flesh to flesh. He's tired of secretly watching again on that tv screen, or that stupid computer monitor. It just reminded him of his youth. The joys he had back then. The utter feeling of euphoria enveloping him when he sees Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun. Its been 5 years since he uttered that name. He never thought he'd ever do it, all those he had done, all those things he had said. Who could ever though that the person he loved would suddenly change? Was it because of all of his doings? Did he caused for Kyuhyun to be that way? Everytime Kyuhyun would appear on that TV screen with that multiple scandals sticked to his name, Sungmin would think, 'What have I done?' He'd feel guilt. He'd feel empty. He'd always think he was the one that caused for Kyuhyun to change like that. He was whole. He was perfect. He was happy. But Sungmin left him broken into pieces that not even the world's greates super glue could stick him back together.
Now what's next for him? He's gonna prove himself. Something that he should've done years ago.
He's gonna prove to the whole world, most of all to himself, that someone like him deserves to be with someone like Kyuhyun.
But he can't. He knows he can't. Because anger would always come first. Frustrations and disappointments would always pop up when he thought of his own happiness. Its like the world was againts the thought of a happy Lee Sungmin. He'd erased the idea of happiness lingering in his life. Because after those 5 long years, he'd always be haunted of that one day that made him choose to leave Kyuhyun behind.
---------
"Don't you think I look like a mess Wook? Does it even look like I'm gonna end up as a singer anytime soon?" Sungmin frowned as he was talking with his bestfriend on the phone.
"Why are you bringing this up? Are you back on your suicidal stage again Sungmin?" Ryeowook half shouted as he reprimanded his bestfriend.
"Why would I be? I'm just asking aa simple question to my bestfriend, is that wrong?" Sungmin heard a faint chuckle from the other line.
"Ha! Just be greatful that I'm in Taiwan right now that's why I haven't hit you with a book yet." Sungmin groaned as he began rolling his eyes, as if the other would see.
"Since when did you became a sadist. You know I just miss you wookie. I'm just taking my mind off of things." Sungmin confessed as he walked towards his apartment window.
"I know I know. I miss you too. Hey, I heard from your manager that you went missing last night. Don't tell me you went there." Ryeowook stated as a matter of fact.
"No no. I didn't. I just wanted to take a stroll alone." Sungmin lied.
"Who takes a stroll alone at midnight? Don't you forget that you're a trainee who would be debuting 3 weeks from now." Sungmin heaved a sigh as he gazed at the cars passing by at the road below.
"I haven't forgot about that part Ryeowook. And can we just not talk about where I went last night. You and I both know where I went even though I don't say anything about it."
Sungmin was growing tired of this routine. How he would reminisce on some things of the past that he shouldn't be doing and then Ryeowook would catch up and tell on him like he's his legal guardian or something.
"See. I knew it. Sungmin how many times have I told you that it's dangerous? Wanna get caught by someone from that company huh? Especially Hyukjae hyung and Ky----"
"Don't even say his name. I know already okay. And I wasn't caught so I'm fine okay?" Sungmin immediately cut his friend before saying that name. He's been avoiding it ever since.
"I'm sorry. Its just that.... For all these years, you've been hiding from him. And its every unlikely of you to suddenly show yourself out in the open. What if he sees you huh? Are you ready? Are you ready to face him already? I mean what if------" Ryeowook continued to mutter about those risks yet Sungmin was far more interested in staring at the fast paced cars again.
"Hmmmm." Sungmin continued to hum as if he was listening.
"Yah I know you aren't listening. Look, I'm just concern for you. Eunmee and Jae Hee noona asked me to watch out for you. Even though I have schedules over here and there or if I'm a celebrity already, it doesn't mean I'm not gonna be the bestfriend you have ever since elementary."
There was a short pause before Sungmin said anything.
"I know wook I know. Its just that...... It still haunts me you know. Those things that happened all of a sudden. I feel responsible. I feel like its all my fault. And I can't do anything but to sigh and think of all those what ifs and could have beens." Sungmin felt stings of liquid starting to form at the sides of his eyes.
"Hey hey, how many times have I told you that you never wanted those things. Its never your fault okay. So stop blaming yourself how everything ended up the way they are. There's still a lot of time. Time would heal the both of you. You just need time to make a decision. Resort everything before you make that big courageous move. You just need a little strong push to do it." He smiled as he wiped the pending tears.
"You really do know how to make me smile huh?" Ryeowook chuckled as he heard his bestfriend's lines.
"Eww Sungmin stop being cheesy or anything. Don't you forget that I'm taken." Now it was Sungmin's turn to laugh.
"Taken by who? Last time I check, the rookie singer Kim Ryeowook is single and will stay single as long as his contract says so." Sungmin pointed out that earned him a groan from the latter.
"Yah, I'll have you know that I've developed into someone that is full of charisma. You should see how many fans I have here. It'll drive you nuts." Ryeowook giggled as Sungmin did the same.
"Haha that's why you should get your famous over here already. I need moral support for the big day you know." Sungmin replied. He started to walk towards the door as he grabbed a coat.
"That's why I'm working my of here for you okay? Now hung up so I could work already. You should be at the practice room by now. The instructor wouldn't be happy if you were late again."
"I know. I'm on my way already. Manager won't be that happy anyways. He's gonna bug me everyday for sure. I don't know how you survived with him." Ryeowook laughed.
"Haha, why? He's a great manager! And I think he's a perfect match you. Consider your previous connections with managers am I right?"
"Shut up Kim Ryeowook. Now go away and make a living. I'll see you soon." Sungmin said.
"Fine fine. See you next week Sungmin-ah!" Sungmin hung up as he made his way downstairs where his manager was waiting for him.
"What time is it? Yah I told you not to be late Minnie." His manager groaned as he opened the door for him.
"Just chill hyung okay? Its just 10. The practice ain't until 10.:30. Just calm down Donghae hyung." Sungmin patted his back as he went inside the car. Donghae following him.
"Aish, if you weren't my friend back then I shouldn't have accepted this position. I was already great with Yesung and Ryeowook." Donghae complained as he flipped his phone open.
"Well they got greater managers so now you're mine. And I know you like me hyung. I tell you memories of your high school days remember?" Sungmin giggled as he saw Donghae's face getting redder.
"Little brat. Just because you know everything, doesn't mean you should make fun of me. Yah I have things under my sleeve too." Donghae taunted him, but just earned a playful punch from the younger.
"Haha you wish. Bring those things up and I'll march right away to hyung." Sungmin said.
"Aish fine! Let's just go to your practice so I could have peace of mind for at least 3 hours."
The car moved and they were on their way to the agency.
Its been 5 long years.
Everything changed. Everyone changed. Their lives got tangled up a whole lot more.
Sungmin sure did change. He's a new person with the same scars of the past.
But what about the other one? Have his scars healed? Or is he suffering a whole lot worse.
After all, Kyuhyun was the one left behind.
Comments