“NO! DON’T LEAVE! PLEASE…PLEASE!!! DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE!” I grabbed onto her arm and pulled her away from the door with all my might but she wouldn’t budge. She turned around to face me. Her face was filled with hurt and fatigue. I was too young to understand. I didn’t know what was going on with her, I didn’t know why. I just knew that she was leaving me. All alone. Like everyone else.
 

“Katt, please, be reasonable.” She said in reply to my pleading. Her voice sounded so broken it hurt to listened to it. Her eyes were filled with darkness. Darkness that I had seen every time someone else left. Was it because of me? Was it because I was too persistent? Too annoying? Too dependant? Too stubborn?
 

“Please…Please Sunni! Please, tell me what’s wrong! What did I do?! Whatever I did, I promise you I’ll change! I PROMISE!” Tears were streaming down my face. I didn’t make any motion to wipe them away. The more I wiped, I knew, the more that would fall.
 

“Katt…please…” Her voice cracked. I looked up through my tears and saw tears of her own falling down her fragile face. I had never seen her look so…hurt.
 

“Sunni….tell me…tell me what I did…I promise you I’ll change…I promise…” She wiped her tears away and giving me a sad smile, she cradled my face in her soft hands.
 

“It’s not your fault Katt…it’s mine.” That’s what they all said.
 

She gave me one last smile and then, she turned away, walked out the door; walked out of my life. I dropped onto the ground, my knee’s hitting the hard wooden floor beneath me with a thud. I couldn’t control the tears that was streaming down my face as fast as a tap.
 

“Why…why do they always go…why do they always go when I most need them…”

*
 

The day I met her, I thought finally. I thought that she would be with me forever. I thought that no matter what I did, she could forgive me. She would encourage me when I felt like the world was on my shoulders. She would give me a shoulder to lean on when I needed comforting from something bad happening. I thought that she would be here.
 

*
 

“Hello…”
 

“Katt? What’s wrong? Why do you sound so not you?”
 

“Hasna eonni…she left. She left me…again…” I began to cry. She had been gone for 36 hours now and for those 36 hours, I didn’t get one wink of sleep.
 

“What?! Why…?”
 

“I don’t know…I don’t know…I DON’T KNOW!!!” I slammed the phone in her ear. I knew I would regret it later but I also knew that Hasna eonni was understanding. I knew, that at least one person, would never leave me.
 

My phone rang again.
 

“Hello…?” I answered a second time in less than 5 minutes.
 

“Katt…? Is everything okay? You don’t sound nice.”
 

“Ririn eonni…….she left me.” I didn’t know what response I was going to get from Ririn eonni. She’s hardly been calling or contacting anymore but I knew that didn’t waver our friendship.
 

“Do you want me to come over?” At that, I could only smile. There was no way I could scream in her ear for that.
 

“It’s okay….I’m okay…I’ll be okay…”
 

“But-“
 

“It’s okay. I just want some time to be alone. Please.” I said. I was pleading her. The last thing I needed was for someone to come here and see me in this unworthy state. This wasn’t me. I wasn’t the type of person to be crying or to have a tear streaked red/swollen face.
 

I heard her sigh over the phone.
 

“Okay, if that’s what you want…but if you need a friend to talk to, just call me okay? I’ll get there as soon as I can yes?”
 

“Ne…thank you eonni…”
 

“Gwaenchana. I’ve always got your back. You know that!”
 

“Ne…”
 

“Well, I’ll get going now and not bother you anymore.”
 

“Bye…”
 

“Bye Katt. And remember, you’re not alone.”
 

I pondered about what Ririn eonni said to me and I smiled.
 

“She’s right…I’m not alone.”
 

But was I really the person that needed to hear that from someone else?

_________________________________________________________________

Jade eonni, You’re not alone.