Chapter 2

♥규 성♥

By the time the doors dinged on the 11^th floor Kyuhyun was in a fair mood, a smile on his lips and a little tugged on his steps, but buzzed the right way that everything was nice and cheery in his eyesight. He entered the codes for the door and was sort of expecting atleast half of his hyungdeul to be waiting to pounce on him at the door to greet him but instead he found a dark and empty hallway and then living room. So much for that idea really…something he wondered if they loved him as much as they claimed that they did. He was their maknae! They should have been there waiting for him, or rather if he would let the pretence fall away, someone in particular should have been. The year before he was there though, jumping on his back and annoying him even when they were in Taiwan for the Super Show 4 stop. Now he could have been there, Kyuhyun sighing as he walked down the corridor, his feet naturally taking him to a special doorway, always ready to go to Yesung's room.

It was only when he saw a pink bunny stuck to the front door that he stopped, all of a sudden feeling sad, his good mood vanishing. It was a good thing he saw the bunny. He was very much intending to crawl into bed with Yesung and just sleep, now realizing how awkward it would have been if he did that, positive Sungmin would not have appreciated him smothering him in kisses. He was sad and a little mad instantly, the anger building the more he stared at the door and remembered why it was empty all of a sudden. That used to be their room as well.

Yesung was a selfish bastard and would always be.

He had no right to make that decision autonomously. Kyuhyun was still seething over that. How could he just up and decide he wanted to leave? Sometimes he really hated his selfish beloved he decided, turning away from the door in a huff, cursing his feet for always seeking that door out, cursing himself for always wanting to be with a man that clearly did not want to be with him. His happiness vanishing instantly with each step he took, bitterness filling his heart, the alcohol only fuelling his displeasure and sadness, not sure what he would do now.

Why was he always so damn unlucky? Why did he have to decide he was in love with someone so freaking selfish? He could kick himself painfully he decided, sulking as he made his way back to his own room, wanting to just crawl into bed and stop thinking about stupid painful things, not wanting to open that can of worms at that moment. It was always a little hard to know that he was chasing after something that probably didn’t want to be chased after, not wanting to spend his birthday wondering if the person he loved most would ever love him half as much as he did. With a sigh he pushed open his bed room door only to be stopped in his tracks, his eyes widening as he got to the bed, his face ready to erupt into a smile, until his wretch mood took over, visions of the minutes prior flashing before his eyes, his expression instead a scowl.

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at your ‘new home’?”’ Kyuhyun asked more bitterly than he intended, his heart clawing at him, wanting to crush it for betraying him. Why was it so excited to see someone that didn’t care enough to discuss something so fundamental with him? Why was it eager to be in the presence of the man that seemingly had no care or concern for its wellbeing, the horrible person that thought it was okay for him to just singularly decide that he wanted them to be apart?

 They had a matter of months left.

He should have been doing everything in his power to ensure that they stayed by each other’s side, that Kyuhyun got to wrap his arms around his small body and hold him close, that every day they could form new memories. Apparently those things had no meaning to him. He didn’t care about those soft evening and that intense promise, he didn’t care about Kyuhyun’s happiness or his need for him. All he cared about was his own selfish agenda. Why did he think he had to leave? Why did he abandon Kyuhyun?

Seriously, just seeing him was hurting his heart, wanting to rip the goddamn thing and throw it to depths of the Han River. It was better off there. It would be free from pain and longing and Kyuhyun could finally go about his life in a sensible manner. He would finally be able to express his dissatisfaction without the stupid treacherous thing there to hold him back, without it there to whisper about happiness and warm smiles and baby hands, and the fact that even after Kyuhyun had just made it clear that he was displeased with him and quite rudely at that, all he was doing was looking at Kyuhyun with sad eyes and a forced smile from Kyuhyun’s bed, handsome as ever, dressed in old sweats, his face pulling down in that way that hurt Kyuhyun’s heart.

That was why he needed to be away from the blasted thing.

 It always affected his emotions and made it all so very difficult. He wanted to feel anger. He was justified in his displeasure and even more justified in his hostility. If he hated being with him so much that he up and decided to leave, then why in God’s name was he sitting on his bed? Kyuhyun just wanted to go to sleep, sorry that he had walked to Yesung's former room; all it did was raise the bitterness that he had worked so hard to eradicate.

 He sighed, walking into the room, his heart lurching at him, damning him to the pits of hell for making Yesung look so defeated, the older man’s face contouring in a painful way, Kyuhyun glad that he was silent. It was more reason to let his anger roam free.

 He was always silent.

 It was always things done on his terms and with what he had in that convoluted twisted mind of his, always left for him to decide, not once thinking that maybe Kyuhyun would want a say in the decision. He couldn’t help think how unfair it all was. He had always made considerations for Yesung, always let it all go to make him happy, but Yesung could never do the same for him. Hell! He thought so little of him and his place in their relationship that he thought it was okay to just pick himself up and decide to move out without Kyuhyun’s consent and agreement, even without his knowledge as well, Yesung already making plans with the manager to get his things moved before Kyuhyun was even informed of his plans, so mad that day that he thought he would burst.

 He knew Yesung had thereafter assured that he would do anything to make Kyuhyun happy and all that rubbish, but Kyuhyun was positive in his own mind that it was just the after effects of their third fight on the matter, the one time that Yesung's smiles weren’t enough to cool his temper automatically, stewing for hours before he calmed down enough to not want to rip Yesung’s throat out, Yesung needing to hang on his shoulder for him to even look at him, the older man forced to use aeygo he didn’t even know he had to deal with the situation and even then, wrapped up in his arms as he promised to be there with him as much as possible showering him in kisses, all Kyuhyun formed was resentment.

He didn’t want to look at him though. The sadness of his eyes always making it much too hard for him to endure. It was over a month since it occurred and Kyuhyun could truthfully say he understood his reasoning, listening to Yesung give an explanation a couple of times but he was still of the opinion that Yesung was the cause of his sadness truthfully. He supposed he would have been more happy to see him if he had not made that fruitless journey to his room, only to find it void of who he wanted, the resentment raising up from the depths that he had dispelled too, always aware that it never really left him.

 Despite that though, he was happy to see his beloved, saddened by his pained expression and just wanted to get lost in his arms, his mind and his heart having a tug of war as he pulled his coat and sweater off his body, his t-shirt next, keeping his back to Yesung as he retrieved a t-shirt to sleep in, intent on sleeping even if he was there.

“Are you still mad about that?” Yesung asked in a quiet voice, low and nearly pitiful, not laced with anger or annoyance, not even disbelief, just sounding sad and resigned to Kyuhyun’s ears, the texture of his voice stabbing into Kyuhyun’s heart, the creature now seemingly in flamed, internally damning him to the pits of hell, wanting to rip his insides apart for being the cause of his beloved’s suffering, Kyuhyun having to forcibly bury the immediate urge to just capture Yesung in his arms and take the pain away.

The only thing that stopped him was his blinding rage, and that part of his soul, his ego and pride, all making it quite clear that Yesung had no care for his sadness, so why must he be concerned about his pain? Why was he always the one that had to extend himself and make the sacrifice? His mind raging at him inside-‘because you love him’….sigh……that he did. He always did and maybe that was the problem.

He loved him so much that he was the one that was at fault. He wanted Yesung to be happy so much that he never let himself realize that he was making himself suffer. Why couldn’t he just stay with him? Why couldn’t he atleast talk about it with him? Did he mean that little to him? He loved Yesung till it hurt and right now it was hurting, his mind trying to tell him swallow the pain, trying to get him to remember that Yesung was sitting there waiting for him, trying to get him to turn around. It was clear that he would be a fool once he saw Yesung. No matter how mad he was, he could never bear to see him in pain. He sighed.

“You thought I won’t be?” Kyuhyun asked in counter balance, not even caring that he had actually answered a question with a question, not caring if Yesung was annoyed. He was annoyed! He was mad! He was the one that was hurt.

Yesung would never know what it felt like to be abandoned.

He would never let something like that happen. He was always at his side and was unwilling to ever let that change. He couldn’t see why Yesung couldn’t give him the same sort of comfort, sighing as he pulled the t-shirt over his head, smoothing over his skin, his hands reaching for the belt on his pants, unbuckling it as he went, still refusing to turn around, though he heard the sad sigh that his answer elicited , his heart aching, a burn sensation in the middle of his chest, even is soul clawing at him, his anger strong but never strong enough for things like that not to hurt him. He was supposed to protect Yesung, he was supposed to take care of him and not let anything hurt him, least of all himself  being the cause of that sadness. He was mad at everything then, especially himself, pulling his pants down as he went, left only in his boxers, reaching for his sweats as he went.

“No” Yesung said, straightforward and bereft of any pretence. It was clear to Kyuhyun that he was being honest. His voice was low and tainted with bitterness, not having to look at him to know that he would be sitting there with that patented defeated expression that boiled Kyuhyun’s blood, his silence an indicator of the fact that he would be hurting significantly, Kyuhyun nearly positive that he most likely poisoning his mind. It would hurt him and Kyuhyun is thoroughly ashamed to say that he is glad.

He wants him to hurt.

He wants him to hurt the same way he hurt Kyuhyun. He feels horrible about it of course. He loves him too much to let him be hurt, but that does not change the pain that feels, the sadness of seeing an empty bedroom, to sleep on cold sheets knowing that the warmth that should be there had abandoned him. Yesung would never be able to make that better, never be able to justify making him feel like that. He had always avoided resentment, but that was one time that it was too hard to wash it away.

He was just sad now.

He finally pulled his pants up, fixing the waist band that never seemed to want to stay upwards, taking a deep breath as he turned around. He saw exactly what he expected, Yesung leaning against his head board with a sad expression, his eyes closed, beautiful as he had always been, Kyuhyun wanting so badly to reach out and touch his jaw line, the let his hands roam across that smooth skin and promise him that it would all be better. He could laugh at his own self. Even all that suffering in his heart, all he wanted to do was comfort Yesung.

 He knew there was a reason he couldn’t look at him.

 His heart was too bolstered by love for the depressed man to let anything best it. Anger had its place, but love was always intent on letting everyone know it was supreme. His heart burned and that blasted white light in his depth made the man seem like a beacon, the anger retreating in the face of the light spreading through him, his nerves on fire, the will to protect his beloved so strong that it was nearly impossible to stop it.

With his own defeated sigh, Kyuhyun made his way to the bed, standing at the side, reaching a hand out to push Yesung out the way, his mood much too volatile to be gentle, the older man falling to the side with a small hump. Kyuhyun then using the now free space to slide into the small bed, pulling the covers back and sliding into the covers, Yesung just watching him with that caught expression, confusion and uncertainty, Kyuhyun chuckling lowly in his throat, not even bothering to argue about why he still found him to be cute and quite possibly stupid.

With a sigh of annoyance and a requisite shake of his head to indicate that he thought the idiot made his life much too hard, Kyuhyun pushed him out of the way to pull the comforter back, waving his hand to indicate that now was the time for him to get under them, Yesung smiling at him sheepishly, taking gentle movements forward, testing Kyuhyun’s patience, the younger man reaching a hand outwards to yank him towards him and the bed, Yesung falling onto the mattress, Kyuhyun pulling the comforter over them both.

Now that was settled, Kyuhyun then had to decide what he wanted.

 He was mad but he figured he rather be with Yesung  on his birthday a lot more than he wanted to fight with him, glancing at the man watching him with wary eyes, the shyness and nervousness ever present in his countenance, Kyuhyun feeling guilty that he was the cause of that. He was resolved to fix it though, as well as, to find his own comfort, sternly pulling Yesung into a position that he favoured, the older man seemingly content to be Kyuhyun’s rag doll, allowing the younger man to pull him around in whatever way he liked, Kyuhyun pulling him until he was flat on his back and next to him , Yesung looking at him with innocent eyes from  his position on the bed, Kyuhyun smiling at him, the cutest much too strong to resist.

 With that settled Kyuhyun was ready to make himself happy and comfortable. It was still his birthday after all, leaning back against the mattress, turning on to his side, where he then proceeded to snuggle against the older man, his head coming to rest against his upper chest, upper body pressed against Yesung, snuggling beneath his chin, Yesung thankfully using his brain for a change, using his hands to wrap around Kyuhyun, caressing his shoulders and dorsum, using the opportunity to tangle their legs together, Kyuhyun smiling at the action, pleased to see that he was trying to make a change for the better, Kyuhyun interested in finding his own comfort, shifting his body until he found the perfect spot on Yesung’s chest, head comfortable just beneath his chin, flat against the surface, eyes closed as he allowed that coffee and cinnamon blend to enter his nostrils, hands drawn across Yesung’s body, fingers playing with the edge of Yesung’s t-shirt sleeve, feeling calm by the soft breathing above him, shifting until they were properly tied up with each other, running his finger against Yesung’s forearm and bicep, eyes closing as he found peace.

He was previously upset and if he were to be truthful he was still, that much anger and resentment hard to dispel no matter how hard he tried to do so. He was however more than willing to be happy with the person he loved, the warmth of Yesung’s lean body, the softness of his skin and the sweetness of his fragrance the only thing that he was willing to focus on.

“Let’s not fight today Kyuhyunnie...it’s your birthday” Yesung spoke finally, his voice still tainted with sadness but much more hopeful than anything else, Kyuhyun understanding his feeling, smiling when Yesung’s last words seemed excited, as if he was genuinely happy that it was Kyuhyun’s birthday, making Kyuhyun feel quite pleased, a smile breaking onto his lips when he felt the first kiss against his hair, another soon following this time against his forehead, Yesung’s hand shifting to brush back Kyuhyun’s hair, remaining thereafter to play with the silky locks, the small fingers sifting through his hair rhythmically, Kyuhyun feeling very light automatically.

So calm that he nearly forgot to answer the question posed to him in that roundabout way. Was he willing to ignore the issue for the time being and just be happy with his hyung, with the person that he loved? He was sure that he and Yesung would eventually have to flesh out that matter but at the same time he really was not so inclined to fight with him in that moment, wanting just to feel the warmth and the happiness, and the general feeling of being in love. He really was in agreement with the suggest, nodding along, feeling Yesung relax completely beneath him, the kisses increasing in number, the hair once more in a rhythmic manner, Kyuhyun continuing to smile in a pleased manner, feeling better now, trying to get rid of all the ill thoughts and the sulkiness from earlier, beyond thrilled that he actually got to be with Yesung in that moment, wondering what he was actually being there now.

It was strange. Shouldn’t he be home?

“How come you are here Hyung?” Kyuhyun asked, this time without malice or anger, instead just plain curiosity and concern in the subject matter, voice however low as the warmth made him docile, enjoying the to his hair, the gentle petting touching his heart.

He was genuinely curious as to why Yesung was there waiting for him. He was thrilled mind you, once he got over his initial overreacting and emergence of excessive emotion, he could recognize that it was indeed special to see him there and rather flattering. He couldn’t have asked for a better way to be greeted once he came home and now that he was nestled safely in his arms, he could wonder as to the why of the situation. He was a little worried now. What did Yesung tell his parents? How come he was waiting for him? Was everything alright? All of it going through his mind rapidly, just wanting to subdue his curiosity.

“Where else would I be on BabyKyu’s birthday?” Yesung responded with a rhetorical question, his entire disposition making it clear that he really could see no point in the question itself, as it if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

 In his mind he really could see no reason for it to be questioned in any way really. In his mind it was the most basic thing. It was Kyuhyun’s birthday. Where else could he be? He briefly wondered if Kyuhyun thought there was even a possibility that he could be somewhere else on his birthday. He really hoped that Kyuhyun knew better. It was his baby’s birthday. He must be there with him. There was never any other option in his mind. He had left home and told his mother that he would be spending the night at the dorms. When he came however he was told that Kyuhyun went out with friends.

He didn’t mind waiting on him though, sitting on Kyuhyun’s bed, after a rather horrible experience, walking into his room and seeing it covered in pink, wanting to start screaming and strangling dongsaengs before he remembered that he no longer lived there and it was now Sungmin’s room. He was a little saddened by that, aware that it caused  a bit of an issue between Kyuhyun and himself, hoping that by now the younger would be willing to understand his perspective, making his way back to Kyuhyun’s room, finding it much different from previously, now very clean and devoid of pink items, Kyuhyun’s things scattered around the room, Yesung smiling at the sight, pleased that the room reminded him so much of everything that is Kyuhyun, taking a seat on his bed, almost reaching for his laptop before he remembered that Kyuhyun hated when people touched his stuff, not even he being brave enough to touch Kyuhyun’s gaming laptop, deciding that his phone maybe a better option, settling against the headboard, waiting for Kyuhyun to arrive.

When he realized that Kyuhyun would not be back before midnight, he grabbed his phone and waited for right time. At one minute to midnight he made the call, happy when Kyuhyun answered, so excited that it was Kyuhyun’s birthday. He was so grateful for so many reasons, grateful that the younger man was with him, that he existed in the world, so many other things. He didn’t want to seem clingy though or interrupt his time with Changmin and then be accused of being jealous [he really was not! If Changmin wanted to spend time with Kyu, he would just have to accept that], keeping it short, just wanting to make sure he kept their tradition alive and he reminded him to be careful out in the cold. He really did not want him to catch a cold on his birthday.

He was a little sad that Kyuhyun reacted that way when he did arrive, remembering the feeling  in his depth, sorry and regretful that it had come to that point, but was so much better when he could stay with him, grateful that Kyuhyun despite his anger still choose to stay in his arms. He was just happy to be with him on his birthday, pressing another kiss to the soft hair.

“Lost wondering in the park cuz you forgot your address or something equally stupid for all I know”  Kyuhyun teased good naturedly, smirking to himself, even though he was aware that Yesung probably couldn’t see him, though he was sure the older man could more than likely feel its existence just based on the period of their relationship, Kyuhyun chuckling to himself as well, finding his comment to be amusing, continuing to draw his finger down Yesung’s forearm, teasing the skin, just as the to his hair comforted him.

He supposed that was a little mean, but it was definitely funny. He was however very appreciative of the certainty in which Yesung had made the assertion of his need to be there. It was something simple of course, but it gave him great joy. No matter how simple it was things like that would always warm his heart. It was the older man admitting that he was important to him and that was something that he needed.

 No matter how much he tells himself that he didn’t need the assurance, it was always fulfilling to hear them and even better when they were so emphatic. Yesung was clearly very certain on that point and had no doubt in that aspect. He was very sincere, he could hear it in his voice and Kyuhyun was happy and felt warm. He supposed that he shouldn’t have , but it was just so much fun in that regard, and honestly he looked for it, being such an airhead sometimes. He really couldn’t have expected to live that one down.

“Brat!” Yesung admonished, tugging on Kyuhyun’s hair, the younger man still a pain in the , Yesung thinking he would mature with time and stop having such a need to be a brat all the time, always teasing him, despite the fact that he was so much older than him, sometimes thinking he was much too old for Kyuhyun, that that was one thought that he always dispelled quickly. This time however, something dawned on him, pressing a kiss to Kyuhyun’s hair to soothe the injury, though he didn’t think Kyuhyun felt it very much, just maybe wanting to kiss his little brat, who technically wasn’t so little anymore.

“I just realized that you aren’t young anymore. You are already 26. I won’t be able to call you BabyKyu soon” Yesung observed, grateful for the soft moment in which he could easily have this random sort of conversation with Kyuhyun. He was just petting his hair when it came to him.

Kyuhyun was already 26. He was shocked.

He could still remember the awkward teenager, standing in that room, looking them all up and down, shy and nervous, their less than positive welcome, Kyuhyun’s nervous nod. It feels like a lifetime ago and yet it feels like it happened yesterday to him. He can still remember the feel of Kyuhyun’s skin under his fingers when he led him to his room that first month with them in the dorms. Kyuhyun was a child then. He was still underage, just about 19 when he came to them, young and innocent. He could still see that Kyuhyun in his mind sometimes, still see his shy nervous smile or remember the awkward way he had called him hyung that first time.

It was like Kyuhyun grew up before his eyes, the shyness falling away as he got older to welcome the more confident and sometimes arrogant Kyuhyun, the nervousness disappearing as he grew out of his shell, as he grew with them , to be part of them. He was happy to see it all; thrilled that he could have been with him all that time. Their relationship was much different now obviously, but those years still brought him some happy and some sad memories, grateful that Kyuhyun was there to be with him during those days, that he has those memories. Though it now also made it quite clear to him that his baby wasn’t actually a baby anymore. When had the time gone by? He thinks however, that Kyuhyun could be 60 and he would still be his BabyKyu.

“If I am old then you are probably ancient” Kyuhyun snickered a little meanly, aware that Yesung had no malice in his statement when he uttered the words. It was not as if he was unaware of his age. It was startling sometimes when children born a good ten years younger than him popped up in their dressing rooms to greet their sunbaes.

He could still remember walking behind Leeteuk quietly, feeling ready to jump out of his skin the first time he was introduced to Shinhwa at a music show or the first time he had met Rain or SG Wannabe. It was so startling to realize that he was now in Shinhwa’s position. He now understood what it was like to watch someone ten years younger than yourself appear before your eyes telling you about their ‘dreams’ and what not. Sometimes he pretended it was not happening.

 It was like waking up from a dream.

He was going to throw the blame for that squarely on the other members of Super Junior, particular the one he was snuggled against. Despite his considerable age they all insisted on treating him like a child, as if he were a baby. He supposed in their mind he was their baby and that was not going to change despite his age. It was only when he was with other people his age, friends from school or those non celebrity acquaintances did it really hit him just much damage they do to him, all acting as if he were a child, their fans not much better.

Whilst he would sometimes throw a tantrum over that fact, he couldn’t truthfully say he wanted it to stop. He, despite his complaints sometimes, he didn’t want them to stop. He wanted to always be their spoilt maknae, wanted to be Yesung's BabyKyu. He supposed he should be a little ashamed of that fact, but he wasn’t. That was his general feeling and he was positive that no matter what he said he would still treat him like a baby. He supposed that he should have left Yesung's age alone, that being a sensitive issue for the older man, but he was just teasing. Next time he would restrain.

“ I still look younger than you though. People think you are older than me” Yesung snickered, not wanting to get caught with that age thing. He already felt ancient, especially with that army thing looming in the army, having no doubt that he was indeed ancient. He could only hope that Kyuhyun was not put off by something like that.

 As far as he knew it did not matter to the younger man very much and he truly hoped it stayed that way for a long time. He wanted them to have a wonderful life together in the future. He was sure the fact that he looked much younger than Kyuhyun could always help things equalize a bit. He wasn’t even joking. People continuously assumed that Kyuhyun was older than him. Every time it happened he laughed his head off.

 Sometimes even he felt that Kyuhyun was older than him, the younger man always so mature and well thinking, not as emotional and unbalanced as he was. Kyuhyun was just special that way and sometimes he found himself envious of the manner in which Kyuhyun could calm his emotions and face difficulties. He hoped one day he could learn from the precious little…okay not so little, but still… brat wrapped around him, tightening his grip on him.

“You aren’t human” Kyuhyun grumbled, having no other response available to him. It was not as if he could deny the assertion and he was not minded to point out that Yesung acted liked a child, simply because Yesung would have no qualms about pointing out the same about him. He was always a little more innocent minded when it came to Yesung, never feeling the urge to hide his sometimes childish tendencies.

Maybe that was why he loved Yesung so much.

It was only with him he could be so comfortable about letting the charade fall, about not being the snarky evil maknae, but Kyuhyun, the man that loved him and wanted to be at his side. Yesung was always the one closest to his heart, now the feeling simply amplified, feeling those flutters in his stomach once more. They never left really, just now more active, twisting in the arms of his beloved that somehow always managed to look like a fabled immortal prince, so youthful that it was sometimes freaky.

Each year he looked younger if that was possible.

 It was even worse when he had that pink hair, looking so much like a child that Kyuhyun sometimes felt like a e. He really had no right to look that young. Kyuhyun was honestly starting to wonder if he sold his soul to the devil or maybe he was touched by an angel? Whatever he did, Kyuhyun sincerely doubted he was even human. He was all his though, angel or not, twisting to plant a kiss to his throat, the skin sweet and bitter, Yesung gasping at the cool lips, Kyuhyun settling back against his chest, feeling contented.

Yesung just laughed at his comment, finding Kyuhyun to be cute in that moment, his grumbles warming his heart, Kyuhyun often insisting that his looks defied the natural course of the universe, one time actually throwing holy water on him after he had returned from church, claiming that he was testing a theory. He knew Kyuhyun was exaggerating but it was still cute and he had decided not to strangle the little demon for that little stunt, Kyuhyun actually disappointed that he did not erupt into flames or burning skin, sad that his demon theory was wrong.

Sometimes he really wondered what he would do with the brat, aside from keeping him locked in his arms and loving forever and all that good stuff, positive the child would drive him crazy, especially when he did things like that, his cool lips to his skin burning, his heart thumping in his chest like a freaking drum, Kyuhyun settling back comfortably with no concern for the heat that he caused, Yesung deciding that the best way to calm his heart was to continue his petting of the younger man’s hair, listening to his soft breathing, feeling happiness in his soul, wanting only to stay with his most precious possession, pressing another kiss to the side of Kyuhyun’s temple, the younger man sighing in appreciation, staying like that for a few minutes, until the silence is broken by a question.

“How come we aren’t at a café? No coffee and candles for my birthday?” Kyuhyun questioned from his position, hand back to playing with the ends of Yesung's sleeves, the thought just randomly coming to his mind.

When it was Yesung's birthday, the older man had organized this amazing trip to a café and created one of Kyuhyun’s most precious memories, basking in the feel of his love and affection, the event itself flawed and wonderful, so much like Yesung that he was actually moved to tears. To Yesung's credit the older man had never once mentioned his tearful moment, keeping as a precious memory between the two of them. He had done that during his birthday and it had shocked Kyuhyun. It was exceptionally romantic and beautiful and not something that he would have expected from Yesung. Not that the man was incapable or unfeeling, just that he was awkward with things like that. Despite all the things that went wrong, Kyuhyun genuinely thought it was perfect.

He loved Yesung even more on that day, so much more that he thought he needed a second heart. He was bursting with affection; something that had remained constant in that time till now, despite is sometimes frustration with the older man. The love in his heart refused to subside, completely consuming him every thought. He did however find it strange that Yesung had not wanted them to go out and do anything. Given his track record he would be fussing about, trying to make things ‘perfect’. Kyuhyun thought it already was, but was just curious as to why they were allowed to just cuddle together, Kyuhyun thoroughly enjoying his pampering, and not at some romantic event.

He was sorry he asked the question however soon after.

“Oh Kyuhyun ah I am sorry. I just thought that you could use the sleep since you were so busy. Was I wrong? I am sorry! Did you want to go somewhere?  I really am sorry. I promise I will make it up to you. We can try and do something later I-“ Yesung rambled in a panic, instantly worrying when Kyuhyun had asked the question.

 He honestly had thought of taking them out somewhere, maybe a fancy restaurant where he could treat Kyuhyun like the precious thing that he was , pamper him in comforts and excesses, let him eat any wonderful thing he could imagine and be treated the way he deserved. He honestly was so minded, even calling around to find a restaurant that would be willing to let him rent out the whole thing for an evening. He had a bit of a difficulty, no one willing particularly to do so, especially when he won’t give a name and said he would pay in cash. He could see why that would be suspicious, so he let it go. He did find a place that was willing not to ask questions though and from the website it did seem to be somewhere that Kyuhyun would like. It would cost him an arm and a leg but he was willing to do it.

 He was just making some other inquiries when Donghae threw himself on him the Wednesday before, complaining about what a long week they would have and how tired he was. He petted him softly and promised to bring him sweets and whatever else he wanted, Donghae smiling at him childishly before he insisted he wanted to sleep on his hyung that was hardly there anymore. He didn’t think twice before he pulled Donghae down to sleep on his lap, the younger man making himself comfortable, though not sleeping just going on about all the things they had done in China and how un-athletic Kyuhyun was and how much funnier he was than Siwon and a field of things that Yesung nodded to or agreed with, ensuring that he listened to him, even his complaints that Kyuhyun was even moodier than usual, but he was tolerant because he knew the younger was tired.

It was then that Yesung realized that his planned may be a little excessive.

Listening to Donghae’s stories and piecing together all that he was told by Kyuhyun and Siwon, it all came back to remind him that Kyuhyun would be exceptionally busy. He sighed then in frustration, aware that there was nothing he could do to help his BabyKyu, the schedules he had endless and painful, not being spared at all, the promotions for M starting the following day even after he had his musical and then that awards show and he still had to worry about training and practice and meetings and so many other things. He could just steal him and hide him away; especially when he realized that he had schedules on his birthday as well as the day before. That would be akin to torture he decided.

He was then left in a dilemma.

He wanted to take Kyuhyun out and let him have a good experience and a good memory, but at the same time, he knew that Kyuhyun would be tired. He knew what that felt like, knew that it was like to crave for sleep and he didn’t want Kyuhyun to continue like that. He wanted him to be happy, but he figured sleep was what he needed more than anything else. He was a little unsure but after he saw the state Kyuhyun and the others were in he was sure he made the right decision to cancel his plans. He just knew that Kyuhyun would force himself to go along with everything and he did not want him in that position. Even if it was not what he wanted he cancelled his plans for Kyuhyun’s overall happiness. He didn’t want to just leave it there though, aware that Kyuhyun would have probably had a chance to sleep more without him, but was sorry to sad that he was just too selfish in that regard.

There was no way he could just sit home or spend time in the café with the knowledge that it was Kyuhyun’s birthday. He had to be there with him.  No two ways about it. He was a little sad by the lack of anything substantial but figured that it was for the best, or he did until Kyuhyun spoke. Did Kyuhyun feel sad that he did not do anything special for him? It then occurred to him that Kyuhyun could view his lack of celebratory finery as a sign of how he felt about his birthday and by extension him and was then in a panic mode. He really did not want to upset Kyuhyun or make him feel sad in any way. He really did not know what to do, automatically launching into a rambled apology, only stopped by the man resting against him.

“Hyung! ..Hyung! Calm down. It’s okay” Kyuhyun instructed as clearly as he could, immediately twisting his body away from Yesung so that he could get some much needed room, pulling back a little, holding up his weight just barely with one hand, the other reaching for Yesung's face, twisting into a more comfortable position, pulling himself more to his shoulder rather than his chest, Yesung forced to twist with him due to the position of his hands, more slanted now, twisting into Kyuhyun rather than flat on his back, the younger man gripping his face with his two palms now, trying to draw his attention away from his apology, shaking his head as Yesung continued to speak, his beloved just such an idiot really, Kyuhyun forced [really! He was!] to lean forward and press his lips to his to shut him up, Yesung mumbling words against his lips.

Kyuhyun chuckling, restoring to poking him hard on the side, with the hand that left his face, Yesung yelping and then scowling, but thankfully finally quiet, Kyuhyun smartly, using his distraction to pull him more into his body, both of them now lying on their sides, Kyuhyun’s head falling against his theme pillow, shaking his head as Yesung made a stern face that was bellied by his cute whine not even a second later, sliding his hand beneath his upper body, then reaching a hand around his waist, pulling him against him immediately and effectively, legs never untangling, Yesung trapped in his arms, faces in line, though Yesung was grumbling about the poke to himself, Kyuhyun leaning forward to press a soft kiss to his nose to get his attention, Yesung lifting his head, wide eyes meeting Kyuhyun, a soft blush making itself known.

“Would you stop making a fuss? This is fine. Outside is freezing. It’s nice and warm here” the clear ‘with you’ going unspoken, though it was more than obvious, Kyuhyun smiling at Yesung brightly, nodding his head to indicate that he was right, a rather cute gesture, considering that  his lengthy hair would bounce about reminding Yesung of his puppies, though Kyuhyun was much cuter by far, proven once more when he snuggled closer, sliding down a little bit to press his body tightly against his, Kyuhyun’s head and chest coming to rest against his chest, just near his heart, Kyuhyun’s grip around him tighter than a hyena, finding himself, returning the warm embrace, hands on Kyuhyun’s back and shoulder.

 Kyuhyun feeling like a child against him, though that thought is soon dispelled when the younger man sneakily kisses his throat, Yesung hissing, not in anger but from the sensitivity that it caused, smiling through the guilt. Kyuhyun was right. It was cold and there was obviously warmer, reaching for the displaced comforter, fitting it against their bodies, the air cold despite the heating, the winter so far rather harsh, wanting them to stay warm, especially Kyuhyun, positive he would claw his eyes out if Kyuhyun got sick, wanting to believe him, but still a hesitant.

He would make it better.

“Next year will be better…we will do…no…not next year…” Yesung began in an attempt to make Kyuhyun feel better or if he was willing to be truthful, in an attempt to clear his own conscious was ready to promise Kyuhyun that he would treat him better the next year, that they would do something other than be stuck in a stupid dark room, when it came crashing down on him.

 Next year he wouldn’t be there with Kyuhyun.

Why was he such an idiot? Why did he waste an opportunity? He could kick himself senseless. It was his last year with Kyuhyun or atleast his last year for two whole years and he just had to be an idiot and waste it. What was he even going to do without Kyuhyun next year? It was all so damn depressing. He had so much on his mind instantly, his words falling away, the sadness and disappointment building up in his head, his heart automatically dropping away, feeling as if he were falling.

He was a fail. He really was.

He had no idea what was going to happen soon. He knew that the date was looming on the horizon and what he fears most was in front of him. He would have to leave Kyuhyun soon and he had no idea if the younger man would still be there waiting for him. He trusted Kyuhyun when he said he would, but he knew the pains of separation. He knew how hard it was already, and was sure absence would just make it harder. He had hoped moving out and creating a little distance would be enough to make it easier later, but so far it was still very hard, missing Kyuhyun already, blatantly spending more time at the dorms when he should when Kyuhyun was there. It was all a mess in his mind. Distance seemed to make sense in the situation, but at the same time it pained him. He wanted to prepare them for a longer harder time, but still wondered if it would not be better to set Kyuhyun free so he wouldn’t suffer in that time, reminded that he really didn’t even have that option.

 Everything associated with that enlistment was a pain to him, especially when he thought about the things he couldn’t do with Kyuhyun, not being at Kyuhyun’s side, not holding Kyuhyun in his arms, not wanting to kill Kyuhyun for teasing him, not holding his hands…….it was so damn painful, wanting desperately to clear his thoughts.

It seems Kyuhyun had the same idea, though his method was slightly different, feeling and hearing the shift in the mood, wanting to smack Yesung for his stupidity. There was no doubt in his mind that the next year would be great, no matter where Yesung was. Once Yesung loved him somewhere in the world, it would be perfect. That was horribly cheesy of course but Kyuhyun could rarely help how he felt. He did however maintain enough sense to keep those sentiments to himself, rarely ever expressing it verbally.

He meant it though.

He would miss Yesung and it would feel like his heart was being ripped from his chest the day he left, Kyuhyun had no doubt about that. He was already sick every time he thought about the older man leaving his side, of not having Yesung there to hold on to him as he was now. It was like little needles digging into him. He refused to let it rip him apart though, insisting with the will of a demi god, and the stubbornness of a mule that it would be okay. Yesung loved him and even if he all he got was a lousy phone call, the fact that the man loved him would be enough for him. If nothing else he had his memories and a promise of a future together. It was only two years. They had atleast 40 left together. He could more than survive. In fact he was making plans and he always got what he wanted.  He refused to think anything else and he was not going to let Yesung think that way as well.

He was certain in his purpose when he leaned upwards and forward, the older man looking sulky already, the sadness tainting his expression, his mind clearly far away, no doubt envisioning something that Kyuhyun would never permit to exist, Kyuhyun positive that he should just punch him in the face for being such an idiot, instead choosing to kiss him instead? Why hurt his fingers and get murdered by Yesung's over protective dongsaengs and that one hyung that screeched like a freaking banshee, when he could taste rosy lips? He was no fool, except for Yesung and even then he was smart enough to know that he was better advised tasting sweet lips than being murdered.

With that settled, he pushed forward, removing whatever space was left, brushing his nose against Yesung's cheek to draw his attention, the older man’s eyes back on to him, dim but curious, Kyuhyun teasing a little, though truthfully, just taken with the aroma of his skin, brushing his nose against the smooth plains of his cheeks, his lips compelled to rest upon the slightly tanned silkiness, brushing against his nose before he finally descended to his lips, smooth and practiced, soft brushes and caresses, Yesung's eyelashes fluttering against his high cheek bone, smiling when Yesung kisses him back, shy and careful, but affectionate and filled with sweetness, gentle brush for gentle tug, Kyuhyun tugging on the lips with affectionate teasing, smiling at the playfulness and Yesung's building frustration, his cheeks rosy red, sighing in annoyance, even if it is mostly swallowed by Kyuhyun’s lips, who by then wanted to taste him more than annoy him, pressing his tongue against Yesung's lower lip, asking for entrance, wanting only what Yesung wanted to give him, the flutters in his stomach erupting into fireworks when Yesung slides his mouth open for him without any hesitancy.

 Kyuhyun was thrilled at the action itself, tasting the insides of  Yesung's mouth, delighted in the bitter flavour, coffee mixed with something sweet, like chocolate but creamier, deciding that he would figure it out later, roaming to met the tongue that had left him unchallenged, this time shyly meeting him, Kyuhyun just brushing against it easily, thrilled when it is returned, wanting to push forward but he needs to breathe and Yesung is unwrapping himself for him, feeling the hand sliding away from his back, withdrawing easily, forehead left to press against  Yesung's forehead, taking quick breathes, wondering if he would ever stop feeling so inflamed.

 They had moved to the point in their relationship in which they could kiss each without bursting into awkward chills, though it still was not as frequent as Kyuhyun liked, they were still fairly usual, yet each and every time, no matter the circumstances, he would always feel as he would combust. It makes him heady and stupid, but he still thinks the fire is a good thing and never wants it to leave him, trying to settle his heart when Yesung speaks.

“You taste sweet” spoken as an observation, stupidly saying the first thing that popped in his mind, the fact that everything about Kyuhyun tasted sweet, the flavour still lingering in his mouth as the tainted smell of alcohol teased his nose, not having misses it before but so much stronger now that he was that close to Kyuhyun, the younger’s warm breathe ghosting against his skin, his eyes trying to focus on Kyuhyun, who was pulling away a little, though he dragged him along with him, laughing as he went, wrapping his arms around him properly once again, Yesung wondering why Kyuhyun was laughing, sure he wouldn’t mind even if it was at him, Kyuhyun looking much too adorable.

“It’s the wine Hyung” Kyuhyun explained as he continued to chuckle, finding the older man to be thoroughly adorable, wanting to squish him honestly, settling with having him close, tugging them back into their positions, wanting to snuggle against him again, wondering why the idiot didn’t realise that it was the wine he was drinking earlier, the sweetness of the Pomerol remaining in his mouth, completely taken with the man making an ‘oh’ face, smiling sheepishly, Kyuhyun remembering that he had something to address.

“I don’t know what you think, but you aren’t off the hook for next year. I expect a huge, really big, amazing gift, with a love letter filled with praise for all my stunning attributes and bad song lyrics and if nothing else a phone call at midnight. We will be celebrating Hyung, one way or another” Kyuhyun spoke with sincerity despite his initial teasing, meaning his words. He genuinely expected them to celebrate his birthday even if Yesung was not there physically with him. He would live off that phone call and if he couldn’t get that, he would take even an email.

 It was just one birthday without him, he would be fine. He would miss him of course, but he really despised that way Yesung was thinking about that sort of thing. If they couldn’t be together physically they would be together in an alternative manner, whatever it took to get them through those two years. He really did expect his gift, keeping his expression stern and serious, staring into Yesung's eyes, willing the man to believe him, shaking his head at the denial or objection Yesung seemed ready to make, not willing to hear it. Yesung had to learn to trust him on things like that, keeping his gaze in place, making it clear that there was to be no objection, leaning forward slightly to kiss the soft silky skinned cheek, smiling at the man, inviting him to accept his words, but only getting swatted away.

“If I ever write you a love letter filled with any kind of poetry, shoot me” Yesung requested, rolling his eyes at the suggestion, wondering where on earth Kyuhyun came up with that sort of thing, the child more arrogant than a roman arch type in mythology and cheeky like hell as well. He could only shake his head at his insanity, not being permitted to express his uncertainty.

He really didn’t think it would be as simple as that and was about to inform Kyuhyun of that , but was impeded by his unwillingness to entertain the discussion. He couldn’t say he was sad that he denied him, not willing to go there that late in the night and it was Kyuhyun’s birthday after all. That would only serve to annoy and hurt Kyuhyun and that was something he had no intention of doing. He was therefore choosing to let that go for now, deciding to make something clear.

“You didn’t even have to ask. I would have put you out of your misery before I finished the first line” Kyuhyun chuckled, joining in the teasing, happy that Yesung was willing to accept his words or rather that he was willing not to argue about it then. He could see the doubt behind his eyes and somehow knew that it was not something that he had accepted. Yet he still cared enough to make him happy and of that he was grateful. So grateful that he was willing to torture his hyung if he ever wrote him bad poetry, happy to see Yesung's humour return since he was no longer actively worrying. It was still there, but atleast it would not torture him so strongly.

“Why do you sound so eager?….Brat!”  Yesung reprimanded with a chuckle, finding it funny and slightly disturbing how excited Kyuhyun seemed about killing him. He supposed he really did push him too far sometimes, but still!..Kyuhyun that brat!

He didn’t know what he would do with him, the child, a snarky little monster on his better days. He didn’t have the heart to smack him however, Kyuhyun smiling cheekily at him, but it was inherently cute naturally. Kyuhyun choosing to be an even bigger brat, only cheekily asking ‘If he really wanted to know?’. Yesung  however, knew much  better than to play such games with the brat, just shaking his head, making him laugh, Kyuhyun chuckling as he returned to snuggling against him.

 It seemed however that Kyuhyun was in no mood for anymore exchanges, pushing his body against his, genuinely snuggling into him. Yesung tried to adjust his body to hold him but it was proving to be difficult, instead opting to fall back against the mattress, flat on his back, Kyuhyun falling along with him, grumbling that he was comfortable, mock glaring before he repositioned himself, once more against Yesung's chest, this time closer to his shoulder rather than under his chin as he had been favouring earlier in the night, instead staying more against his upper shoulder, legs stretching and re-tangling  themselves together, Kyuhyun’s side and body pressed against his, the younger man reaching out and taking his hand in his, playing with the small fingers now and not his shirt sleeves, Yesung still wrapping his hand around his shoulder, coming to rest against his shoulder blade originally, but some smooth motion of circles and patterns were formed, rubbing Kyuhyun’s back for him, the younger man appearing to be quite peaceful, though not asleep as yet, Yesung very much aware of the difference, even if Kyuhyun’s eyes were closed, silently holding them together, his mind saying his gratitude to the heavens, thanking it for sparing Kyuhyun’s life, for letting him be there with him, to be part of his life, tightening his hug, Kyuhyun lacing their fingers together, no longer playing with his small fingers.

“I am glad you are here Hyung” Kyuhyun spoke, clearly sleepily, but expressed with genuine sincerity, no teasing or pretence, just his feelings in the matter. He was always less bratty and more truthful in those few minutes before he slept. It was too hard for him to continue with pretence. It was easier to be honest and that was exactly what he did; he said what was in his heart.

He was truly happy that Yesung was there with him to celebrate his birthday, that he was there to hold him and make it all better. He was still mad pertaining to the reason they were both forced to stay in an even more cramped room, amongst other more difficult things. He meant to endure them until such time as he could realistically sort them out however, just wanting to feel the warmth and the happiness and the love.

“Me too, Kyu ah, me too” Yesung spoke slowly and in a husky whisper, feeling a little too lost to the haze, the room and their position, and warm and ………..who was he kidding? He needed Kyuhyun to sleep and no he was with him he was rejoicing.

 He could be in the freezing cold and still be lulled to sleep with Kyuhyun’s weight on his chest, the younger man always having that sort of effect on him, pushing him over that edge, into the ocean of bliss, where the water smelt like apples and the waves were the crashing of love, lost to the warmth and the affection, drifting into eternity in a scented daze. He was truly happy to be there with Kyuhyun, especially on his birthday, happy to be with him during this time of small separation, having missed just holding on to him in the dead of night and his hair and listening to him breathe as Kyuhyun played with his small fingers. There was never any way he would not miss that feeling and whilst he knew it was probably a bad idea to return to that place, he supposed that sometimes they would both need it, just to get by.

“Happy Birthday BabyKyu” Yesung wished, aware that Kyuhyun was on the edge of sleep, not having made a remark after his agreement prior, just a nod of his head and a shift of his body into a more comfortable position, once more snuggling into him, both Kyuhyun and the comforter warming him further, though Kyuhyun always insisted that he was the warmest thing he had ever felt, which didn’t make sense to him considering science, but he let Kyuhyun go with that, figuring it was just an excuse to hold on to him, claiming that he wanted the warmth. Kyuhyun was much too cute for his own good and Yesung's sanity, wishing him a happy birthday, silently making wishes on his behalf, mind planning the things he could do for him during the day, feeling peace.

“Lovely, wonderful,  precious winter child” Yesung hummed that song he knew, which he remembered just then, thinking it would be sort of apt of the situation, pressing his lips against Kyuhyun’s forehead, smiling in a sweet sort of way until he heard Kyuhyun snort.

“Why are you so cheesy? Bad song lyrics already…..you are lucky I am too sleepy to shoot you” Kyuhyun informed as alert as he could be with sleep banging on his door, half way asleep when he heard the lyrics of the song that have been quoted to him so often, though the lyrics seemed to be slightly distorted, half heartedly chuckling after his tease, very much aware that the song had never sounded better and it warmed his heart further. He had no problem being Yesung's ‘precious winter’s child’, but he could never pass up such an opportunity to tease his sometimes cheesy beloved, even if he was half way to sleep.

“Brat!” Yesung pronounced as he whacked him on the shoulder lightly but he was laughing in that low husky [y] growl of his and Kyuhyun was sure he would have been severely tempted to kiss him but at that point, sleep was the only thing on his mind, Yesung pressing a kiss to his hair instead, smiling lazy, even more so when Yesung's hand tightened on his shoulder, their fingers then lacing together even tighter, Yesung using the pads of his fingers to rub against the back of Kyuhyun’s palm, Kyuhyun’s eyes fluttering close again.

Within a minute, Yesung felt the younger man’s breathing evening out, his movements momentarily stilled, not snoring yet thankfully, just peaceful and asleep, his own eyelids tugging from exhaustion and just that general need and want to be with the younger man in his dreams as well, wanting however to look at him for a little while longer, his BabyKyu, the precious winter baby on his birthday, not wanting to close his eyes and abandon the beautiful sight, but sleep’s will was too strong to ignore, his eyes closing of their own volition, peaceful and happy.

♥규 성♥