It was when they finally got home from the airport that he said it, when all the other members were off to bed and he and Kibum were still awake, leisurely sipping beer and sitting in the dimly lit living room of the dorm in an uncomfortable silence. He looked up at him and said his name meekly.

"Yes?" Kibum responded. 

"Well, you know, now that you're here, even if it's only for a little while," he said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I-"

"Eli," he said in that accent he loves so much, the way it comes out a little like 'Eeh-Lie-Uh.' "You don't have to bring this up."

"I want to, " he insisted. 

Kibum sighed and put his beer down on the coffee table. "Why ruin what we have?"

Eli raised an eyebrow. "How can we ruin something when it's not even there anymore, Kibum?"

"I mean," he said, picking better words. "We're in a neutral zone right now, Eli. If you bring this back up again, it's only going to hurt more when I leave."

"I don't care," he insisted. He leaned back farther in his chair. "Call me a machosist, but I don't care if it hurts. I want it back."

"You want what back?" he asked dryly. "Meaningless ?"

Eli went silent for a moment, his expression turning to something that looked to Kibum like hurt. "Oh, is that what you call it?"

"You can't be serious right now," Kibum groaned. "You're crazy." He got up off the couch and started walking towards the bedrooms until Eli grabbed his wrist in a tight hold. 

"Don't run away from this," he said sharply. "You say it was meaningless, but I know you better than that, Kibum."

"Who are you, my therapist?" he asked, frustrated now. "Trying to get in my head? It's not going to work."

"I'm not saying this as your 'therapist'," he said. "I'm saying it as a friend."

Kibum scoffed. "Oh, that's rich."

"You can deny our relationship," Eli said, holding onto Kibum's wrist tighter. "But you can't deny our friendship. More than anything, that was real. It is real."

"I'm not saying it wasn't! But I don't know what you're trying to get at here!" He tried to shake out of Eli's hold but it didn't loosen. "Let go of me, Eli," he practically growled. 

"No," he replied, stone cold. Kibum was trying to hide his shock of seeing this new side of Eli. He'd never seen him so serious or determined before, other than playing video games. "Not until you tell me the truth."

"About what?'

"How you feel."

"This sounds like a horribly written chick flick," he said, letting out a breathy laugh, while Eli's facial expression remained the same. Once he saw his joke sparked no reaction or loosining of grip, he sighed. "Alright, i'll play along here."

Eli waited for an answer. 

No matter how much he thought about it, he really didn't have an answer to give. Yes, Eli was his friend; they had a relationship more than that, like brothers. But then Eli, alchohol clouding his judgment, had come onto him, and he couldn't control himself. Waking up the next morning next to Eli in his bed set off a mental siren, repeating, "Oh , you just slept with your best friend." He thought Eli was far too drunk to remember anything, but apparently he was wrong, because Eli confronted him the next day, demanding what they were going to do about this. That was one of Eli's great flaws, always getting right to the point of things. At that moment, all Kibum wanted to do was forget, pretend it never happened and move on. But Eli has this way of always getting what he wants, and Kibum's hormones got in the way of his brain and he told him he wanted to do it again. 

It went on from there. Some nights they were drunk and others they were completely sober, knowing exactly what they were doing, so they didn't have the excuse of too much to drink. It was easy to play it off around the other members, but when it was just the two of them, things got awkward quickly. Kibum wished he could've just kept his ing hands to himself that first night, and they wouldn't be in this mess. 

Eli saw that look in Kibum's eyes, the one that says there's something he's not telling him. "Kibum," he said softly, closing the space between them. "What is it?"

He wished he could've kept his hands to himself, and started off their relationship right. 

"I don't know how I feel, honestly," he said, looking down. "I care about you though, I know that for sure." 

"It's okay to not know," Eli said, putting a hand on his face. Kibum flinched from the touch. "What was that?"

"What?"

"I can't even touch you without you bugging out now?" 

"That's not it!" he insisted. "It's just... I'm an incosiderate who has no regard for your feelings, and i'm really sorry, okay?" 

Eli walked closer, eliminating all space between them. He put their faces closer until their noses were almost touching. "Don't say that." He leaned in closer until their lips touched, soft and innocent. 

It made Kibum realize that they'd never really kissed like this before. Their kisses were usually rushed and frantic with little to no emotional feeling, but this- well, this was different. He felt butterflies in his stomach. 

He put his arms around Eli's torso and pulled him closer, trying not to rush things. He didn't want to lose Eli, not again. 

Eli ran a hand through Kibum's hair, and pulled away for a minute to mumble something in English. Even though Kibum had no idea what he said, it sounded affectionate, so he assumed it was a good thing. Eli pressed open mouthed kisses along Kibum's jaw as his eyes fluttered shut. He moved down to his neck until he was down to Kibum's collarbone, moving his shirt to the side to get more skin. 

"Eli," Kibum muttered. He lifted his chin up with his hand gently and whispered, "Can we try again?"

Eli smiled, and that's all he needed to see before he had him up against the wall, hands roaming his body while getting used to the mouth he hadn't kissed in so long, the mouth and the body he missed with every fiber of his being. He slid his hand underneath Eli's shirt, touching his skin and making him shudder. As he kissed him with as much passion he could muster, he tried to make Eli realize how much he cared, in a way he couldn't convey with words. He on Eli's bottom lip, producing a moan and hands on the back of his neck, pulling him closer and deeper. Kibum pulled away to take a breath, resting his forehead on Eli's. 

He looked into those eyes, the eyes that were willing to forgive him even though he knew he didn't deserve it. The eyes that said that Eli would be there for him always, even at the worst of times. 

It was like falling in love a second time. He didn't ever think that was possible, but Eli has this way of changing his whole world.