ID cards and Demerits

Black Noodles

Monday: 2011.04.11: 8.05 AM

*briiing*

“Ugh!” Amy groggily opened her blue locker.

“Morning Sunshine!”

“Go away, Kevin! I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone.”

“But Amy~ how could I stay away from my favorite person?”

“Yah! Oppa, stop pouting! You’re making me happy. It’s Monday, I’m not supposed to be happy.”

Amy playfully shoved her friend into the lockers next to her as she shut her own locker. This wasn’t the best idea, though. Mrs. Rivers, the school’s pre-historic teacher, was in the hallway.

“Hey, you Kids! What are you doing?”

“…”

“I thought girls weren’t supposed to curse.”

“Shut up, haven’t you ever heard your mom curse? I know I have.”

“My mom doesn’t count as a girl.”

“Then what is she?”

Mrs. Rivers charged at the two, furious as ever. She was known throughout the school as a fun er, and she was on the hunt for her next meal. She must have been starving not being able to eat the souls of teenagers over the weekend.

“What year are you?”

“Senior.”

“Junior.”

“Give me your ID cards.”

They both silently slid off their lanyards and reluctantly placed them in the teacher’s waiting hand.

“Thank you, go on your way now, or you’ll be late for homeroom. You can have these back at the end of the day.”

“Yes, Mrs. Rivers.”

Kevin placed his arm around Amy’s shoulder and walked her to her homeroom.

 

Monday: 2011.04.11: 2.50 PM- End of School.

“KEVIN!”

“AMY!”

The blonde hair boy gently closed his locker as his friend linked arms with him.

“Let’s go to hell’s gates and get our ID cards back!”

“Why do you talk like that Amy? You’re going to get us in more trouble.”

“Calm down, oppa. Nothing’s going to happen~ we’ll only get demerits.”

“What? No! I can’t get demerits. I graduate in 2 months, and I’ve never had demerits before! I’m gunna die!!!”

Amy laughed at her hysteric friend. Kevin was ‘Mr. Perfect’ in his family and at school. He was never late, high marks in all his classes, perfectly pressed clothing, pearly white smile, class president, and always follows his family’s orders. ALWAYS, he’s becoming a doctor because they want him to be one; he wanted to be a singer.

“Yah! Stop laughing. Now my acceptance to Yale is going to be revoked!”

“Kevin-oppa,” Amy placed her hands on his shoulders and he instantly tensed up. She never combined ‘Kevin’ and ‘oppa’ together unless she was serious. “I think they’d like you better now that you aren’t ‘perfect’.”

He smiled at Amy; she always found a way to calm him down.

“I hope you’re right.”

“I bet I am, and that they’ll give you a scholarship now!”

“How much do you want to bet?”

“Mmm… I bet you… that you’ll get a scholarship by Thursday. Loser buys dinner!”

“Deal.”

Amy grabbed Kevin’s hand, shook it and walked to Mrs. Rivers’ room, not letting go of it. With a red face, Kevin followed her to the second floor.

*knock-knock-knock*

“Mrs. Rivers?”

Amy stuck her head in the door.

“Who are you?”

“Amy Song. You took my and my friends’ ID cards this morning.”

“Oh..Oh yes! I remember now, hold on a moment. I need to find the slips you and your little friend need to sign.”

The old teacher fumbled through the piles of paper on her desk. She pulled open multiple drawers, taking out cell phones and crumple pieces of paper. Eventually, her desk was a giant mess, covered with all the objects she took from students throughout the year.

“Where are they…”

“Are they the pink slips hanging on the wall?”

Being ‘Mr. Perfect,’ Kevin notices everything.

“What? Oh, they are!”

The two students signed the small pieces of paper and they left the school for the day.

“See you tomorrow, Amy!”

“Bye, oppa!”

“Amy?”

“what?”

“Uhm…. Never mind, forget it. I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“Oooo.k? Bye.”

Each left for their homes in opposite directions as is slowly began to drizzle.

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Comments

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zikyungxoxo #1
great story!
elishaed
#2
Awwww cuuuuute! I liked this a lot!
Elsweyr
#3
<3
HatrednAshes #4
Nice story :)
winterflowr #5
SO cute! Gah! Kevin is so sweeeetttt!
junhuidu #6
lol I'm single, but I refuse all presents from my friends on valentines day because I'd feel like I was cheating on Black Day when I ate black noodles xD Nice story about one of my favorite holidays :)
SecretStorywriter
#7
Oh yeah, btw, it would be even better if you included the desciption for Black Day somewhere. (Maybe at the bottom of the chapter in an author's note or something.) I didn't remember what couples do on Black Day and it wasn't until I looked it up that I realized how cute the ending of the story was. Just saying... :)<br />
(I hope you don't mind me critiquing your story this much.)
SecretStorywriter
#8
Chapter 4:<br />
He tenderly crashed his lips into her soft pink glossy lips. (But. but.. but... You don't "tenderly" crash lips. You just can'ttttt! Gahhhhhh noooooO~ You need to fix that because it's really contradictory!)<br />
Ok, I feel SUPER, SUPER mean for saying this, but I don't think this was your best chapter at all.<br />
I mean, the interaction between Kevin and Amy in the other chapters was so sweet and natural! In this chapter, it was more awkward than perfectly molding together.<br />
I think that it was more awkward because Kevin stood up, pulled Amy to her feet in the middle of a restaurant and asked her if she liked him. I mean, it just... GAH. It didn't fit well.<br />
I think that you have so much better potential than this chapter and that you rushed the events of this chapter too quickly which might be why it turned out like this. True, in the beginning, they took their time sitting in the restaurant and all, but the confession was so sudden.<br />
Other than this, I think that you have a really good story, and I'm surprised that you didn't have more readers. You did have a few grammatical mistakes and proofreading mishaps, but overall, it was a cute story.<br />
I hope you continue writing and do even better next time!
SecretStorywriter
#9
Chapter 3:<br />
“You’re mean!” Amy let go and began to pout. Leaning against the lockers she slid down to the floor./“Stand up, it’s dirty down there.” Kevin stretched out his hand. Amy looked up at him and shook her head./“Come on~”/He tried to pull her up from the paper-littered floor./“Not until you sa-“/“I’m sorry, you’re beautiful, and you’re cuter than a koala.”<br />
(I really loved this interaction. It seemed so natural!! I can't even begin to explain how this is pretty much the story of my life. XD I really loved the last line too: Kevin knew exactly what to say to her to make her feel better.)<br />
“What? You’re going on a date! You should know better. Kevin, you’re special. She wouldn’t even wear a skirt for Eli, much less heels.” (Oh, ummas know exactly how to embarrass us.)<br />
“Annyeonghakiseyo Mrs. Song!” (So polite!)<br />
“But you love me!!!” she shouted as she began to dance around in the rain.” (Haha~! This is so me.)<br />
“come here, you’re going to get sick.”/Kevin opened the umbrella and pulled her under it, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. (Kyahh! So caring~)
SecretStorywriter
#10
Chapter 2:<br />
Ahh! They're so cute, hugging each other and whatnot. ^^<br />
“Oppa~ can I ask you for a favor?”/“You need lunch money again?” (I love how Kevin knows right away what she needs.)<br />
“Shh! It’s ok tummy~ I won’t neglect you anymore.” (Puahahahaha!)<br />
Everyday oppa, everyday. (Lolol! I could imagine Kevin make that mistake often. Haha.)<br />
She’s prego! (Gahhh. That word annoys me so much. Aish.)<br />
“I’m pretty sure you’re name’s Kevin…” (Oh Amy... X] )<br />
“Oh~ …turtle babies.” (Huh. My friends and I usually say "awkward turtle".)<br />
Amy turned to her right and found her friend of several years sitting beside her./“Liz! When’d you get here? You’re in this lunch?” (I wish that Amy hadn't asked the second question. If they are such good friends, wouldn't Amy have known when Liz's lunch period was?)<br />
Wow - tightly knit group of friends.<br />
“Then we need to come up with a plan!” (I'm looking forward to this!)