Winter 2013

For three years, Jinki has been in denial that his beloved Sooyeon is gone. News of the unfortunate plane crash spread throughout the world quite quickly. After all, what kind of reporter wouldn't want to dig up the reason for this fateful crash? It was said that Yoona, the studwardess that promised to tell Sooyeon what Jinki had said, died in the crash along with the pilot and thirty other people, including Sooyeon Jessica Jung. Jinki is one of the only survivers that are still alive from the plane crash.

Ever since the day it was announced that Sooyeon died, Jinki was thrown into what people would call severe hallucination or severe denial. Many of his friends including Minho, Taemin, Key, and Jonghyun tried to get him to come back to reality, but they never could. Although they never gave up on their friend, their hope shrank each day. Unless Onew sees Jessica in reality again, they thought, he'll probably never come out of this horrid state of mind.

Jinki wore his engagement ring everyday and talked to Sooyeon everyday. Although his parents have taken him to mental hospitals, he couldn't be cured. His brain just wouldn't allow Sooyeon to die. Eventually, people gave up, and left him to be who he is now. That is, except Sooyeon's sister, Krystal, or as Jinki calls her, Soojung.

"Beautiful day, isn't it, Sooyeon?" asked Jinki to someone no one else could see.

The man, Jinki, was sitting in a bench at a park. Jinki smiled warmly as though the person he was talking to said just what he was hoping for her to say.

"Ah, but Sooyeon," the man replied back. "Nothing here is as beautiful as you."

The people walking past him stared at him like he was insane, but Jinki didn't seem to notice. He just continued to talk, smile, and laugh at the empty space beside him.

"Onew Oppa!" a young woman called out to him.

Jinki looked up and smiled at the beautiful woman in front of him. "Soojung!" exclaimed Jinki. "What brings you here?"

The young woman ignored him and pulled his arm as a signal for him to stand up.

"Soojung! Aren't you going to say 'hello' to your dear sister?"

The woman looked at him sadly and sighed. "Onew Oppa, I told you to call me Krystal!"

Jinki smiled and said,"And I told you to call me Jinki. Soojung, Krystal is just the outside. Soojung is who you really are. Same with your sister," the man paused and turned to the empty space next to him. "Isn't that right, Sooyeon?"

When Jinki said that, Soojung, or rather Krystal, grew tears in her eyes. She sadly grabbed the man's shoulder so that he would face her. The woman then looked straight into his eyes and said,"Oppa, Jessica Unnie has been dead for three years. You know that."

Jinki shook his head and gave Krystal a small smile. "Tsk. Soojung, how many times must Jinki Oppa tell you? Your sister is right next to me. Right here in this park." Jinki patted the seat next to him.

Krystal quickly wiped her tears away and made her oppa stand. "Okay, Oppa. I get it, you're in a state of denial. You miss Sica Unnie." The young woman looked at Jinki mournfully. "But you know what? I miss her too. I miss her more than you can imagine. She was my flesh and bones, Jinki Oppa. We were sisters."

Jinki looked at her confused. "Well, of course you two are sisters! You are the splitting image of Sooyeon, Soojung. And stop saying 'was' like she's gone. She's right here."

"The point is," Krystal continued,"even though I miss Jessica Unnie, I know that she's in a better place, and I'm not in denial. I loved and still love her with every inch of my heart, Oppa, but-"

"Yoona ssi! Tell her that I love her with every inch of my heart."

Those words he had once spoken came back to him. He stepped away from Krystal abruptly.

"S-soojung, I h-have to go," Jinki stuttered out.

Krystal looked at him with worried eyes. "Are you sick? Do you need to go to the hospital? Oppa, do you-"

Jinki kissed Krystal's cheek and said,"Oppa's fine, Soojung. I just need some time alone."

And with that, Jinki ran to his car as fast as he can and drove home.

Always under exactly the same sky, always exactly the same day
Other than your not being here, there’s nothing different at all
I just want to smile, want to forget everything
Just like absolutely nothing has happened, smiling to live my days

Miss you, miss you so much, because I miss you so much
Everyday all by myself, calling and calling you
Want to see you, want to see you, because I want to see you so much
Now it’s like I have this habit, keep calling out your name
It’s the same today

I thought I’d let go, not leaving anything behind
No, no, now I still can’t let you go
Miss you, miss you so much, because I miss you so much
Everyday all by myself, calling and calling you

Want to see you, want to see you, because I want to see you so much
Now it’s like I have this habit, keep calling out your name
It’s the same today

Everyday, everyday, it feels like I’m gonna die, what should I do?

Love you, love you, I love you
I hadn’t even spoken the words, I just let you go
Sorry, sorry, do you hear my words
My late confession, can you hear it
I love you

Jinki sang along to Jung Yonghwa's lyrics to "Because I Miss You." This song to him describes his feelings of missing Sooyeon. Jinki's voice started to crack as the song continued.

Miss you, miss you so much, because I miss you so much.

"Sooyeon, I miss you so, so much," Jinki whispered.

Want to see you, want to see you, because I want to see you so much
Now it’s like I have this habit, keep calling out your name
It’s the same today.

"Sooyeon-ah," he whispered. "Where are you?"

Everyday, everyday, it feels like I’m gonna die, what should I do?

"Oppa's hurting so much, Princess. What should I do?"

Deep inside his heart, Jinki knew that his beloved princess was gone, but he couldn't accept that. Instead, he pretends that he sees her and talks and laughs with the empty space next to him. To him, Sooyeon will always be there, and he will always love her.