Heechul just came from shooting TRAX's MV of The Cold Hearted Man. It wasn't hard for him to act at all, mainly because he's an experienced actor, and second, he just have to think of him again.

It was already the last week of January. He still keeps that letter in his pocket. He just brings it everywhere just so he would be reminded that wherever he is, he still loves him.

"Hyung, it's time to go." Sungmin said and he took his bag to leave.

_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_

It was a concert day for them and the venue had to be in, "Beijing, China." Heechul whispered. If they were with Hankyung, they will go to their house after the concert or maybe before it.

"I'll be fine." He told everyone and flashed a smile. But how long can he be strong? He has been better already. He promised s and himself that he'll think of Hankyung always there, ready to support him.

Heechul watched the others perform from the backstage. Yesung just ended, and it was supposed to be Hankyung's solo, Betrayal. "It's so ironic that the lyrics of the song fit him." He told Leeteuk. "What song?" Leeteuk asked. "Betrayal, Hankyung's solo. There's a line that says 'How can two hearts that rely on each other say goodbye?'" Heechul tried to make it a joke, and Leeteuk pitied Heechul. Everything reminded him of Hankyung. "I'm okay, I'm serious." Heechul said, but was he really okay?

He closed his eyes as he recalls the voice of the person he loved the most. He replays Hankyung's solo in his mind. It wasn't a coincidence this was his solo. He tried to laugh at how this fits Hankyung.

~How can two hearts that rely on each other say goodbye?

You know better than I do, yet you still want me to say it

Loving deeply can make people crazily courageous

I betray myself to reach your expectations

Letting go, not asking anything, say goodbye

Let it be the last indulgence I give you

Coldly, drearily, mildly, (I) will no longer watch (over you)

As long as you can be happy~

He opened his eyes and felt so alone in the cold. Even if there were a lot of people passing by him, he still felt lonely. He closed his eyes and imagined a pair of arms he had longed to hold him. "Wo Ai Ni~" He imagined him say. He opened his eyes again, and reality struck him that Hankyung wasn't there anymore. There wouldn't be any Chinese man near the water station who would steal a glance from him that he would pretend not to see, but actually loves those looks and stares he get from him. There wouldn't be those times where he would say some lame things just to get Hankyung's attention. And there wouldn't be any smile at the end of the day to make him feel so energized again.

How could it all be gone in a blink of an eye?

_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_

The guys called Heechul. It was their time to do Shining Star. He took his black cloak and his black lenseless glasses and wore it before going to the stage.

The song began and they began singing as they walk to their respective seats. Heechul only sang during the chorus, so his mind wander off. He would sing, but tears were rolling down his face.

He tried to hold his tears as memories of Hankyung enter his mind. 'Be strong.' He told himself over and over again. 'If Hankyung was here, he'd be with me. He'd hold my hand. He'd hug me and not let go of me. He'd whisper those words I always long for him to say, I love you.' He thought again. When the chorus began, he sang again.

~shining star! like a little diamond, makes me love

looking at me with the sweet smile that’s like a dream to me,

whisper to me we’ll always be together

’til the end of time~

Heechul love those lines. He remember when they would sing this, he'd think of Hankyung and he'd look at him, only to see him already looking at him. He misses Hankyung as more images of the Chinaman entered his heart. He tried not to cry, and held for himself.

Just then, something played on the screen. It was when they'd say 'I love you' in different languages. And Hankyung was the first to show on the screen. With his hands forming a heart on his head, he shouted, "Wo Ai Ni," the words Heechul had always longed for. Hankyung only said them in Chinese for Heechul because he is special. 

All the members looked at Heechul, who was obviously trying to hold his tears. 

'Hankyung... Hannie... Geng..' He muttered to himself. The song went on and the rest continued singing. Heechul tried to continue, but he just can't. The minute he saw Hankyung, he was vulnerable again. He misses them than anyone else. His heart longed to be with him. His mind and his heart was occupied by Hankyung again.

He let his guard down and started to break down. Yes, the great Kim Heechul forget everything and everyone around him and started to cry. Everyone felt so bad for him. When he was involved in accidents, he held his tears. They had never seen him cry in public like this. Hankyung was the only one could bring this effect to Heechul.

They knew why he would be this weak. First, this was Hankyung's homecountry, second, this was the first concert they held since Hankyung left, and lastly, he had seen Hankyung again, and yet he can't have him. He thought he can be strong, but he just can't. He loves him so much that the reality that he is gone breaks his heart even more. He removed his glasses and wiped his tears, as a sudden rush of all their memories came in his head.

"How do I know that you really love me?" Heechul asked liked an innocent child with tears. Hankyung smiled and put his hyung's hair behind his ear. "I'll give you a proof." He said, and in one swift movement, Hankyung placed his lips on Heechul's.

"I love you Heechul hyung~"

"I love you too, Geng. Don't be with Siwon anymore, please~"

"There are many sides of me that I want to show you, and only you."

"You are like this rose. You have to be handled with much love, care and understanding. You are a special rose, because you belong to me. And with that, I have to take really good take care of you, especially that I don't want you to be with anyone else. I want to prove to you that there's no one else for me to love except you."

"Well, I'm all yours and you're all mine."

Those warm pair of arms that hold him...

Those sweet and soft lips that only he can taste...

Those beautiful orbs that he can stare forever...

Those voice of him that depends on what side that he shows that he misses...

Those words for him that he says to him....

Belongs to the man he loves with all his heart...

As the song ended, fans were screaming his name. He ran to the backstage and fell. The other members tried to hug him, but he just cried there. "H-hankyung..." Heechul choked on his words, but it doesn't matter. 

"You aren't the only who cried." Leeteuk came and hugged Heechul. Their leader wiped the Cinderella's tears. "I... Han.. Kyung..." He couldn't speak properly. "We know. We know." Leeteuk sobbed as he holds Heechul in his arms. The other members wiped their tears too.

The beautiful face of him is now full of tears. His heart is full of pain. And his mind is filled with thoughts and memories of Hankyung. If there was one thing he wants, no, needs right now, the answer is simple. He needs his Hankyung to be with him.

When I wrote this, I was crying, especially when I watched the videos. I'm a Heechul biased, and when I watched him cry during Shining Star, it broke my heart and brought tears to my face.

For those who want to hear Betrayal, Hangeng's solo in SS2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQ5BJnzt1-w

And for those who doesn't know what happened during January 23, 2010, when Heechul cried in SS2 Beijing during Shining star, here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3TdVtI1LXs&feature=related

For Leeteuk's part, yes, he also cried. Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8rTS1wF9FQ&feature=related

Tell me, if you didn't cry. Because I seriously cried. It never fails to make me cry.