You reject me again, this is fifteenth time in row. I know I should stop trying, but everytime you touch me, or hold my hand and smile at me, my hopes are rekindled. I've decided to give up. This whole time . . . I was just waiting for nothing. I've been too blind to see that you'll never accept my feelings. I'm done. 

Today you sit with Taeyeon. She smiles dorkily as usual, patting you on the head and making a weird joke about peas. I don't get what's so funny about . . . is that a pea plushie on painted on our van? Great. Just great. I can understand why you love her. She's kind, understanding, and always puts you first. She can cook for you, she can make you laugh, (I don't understand how) she can even defend you from the -pinching Sunny. There's only one thing that I don't like about her. It's the obsession with peas. They're everywhere. Now they're even on our van. I grumble about having our manager paint it black and white, like cookies and cream. Like us, even though I know we don't exist. I want to at least have that. Somebody comes from behind me, and I'm about to move over a bit to give them room on the couch, until I feel a sharp pain on my backside. 

"SUNNY!" She pinches me again, cackling and running off to her room. Curse her tiny little fingers! I run off in her direction, at least with her distracting me, I won't think about you. 

After I finished tickling Sunny until she couldn't aegyo anymore, I go to my room to try and get some sleep. I've been awake for  five consecutive hours, that's a record. All of this stressing about you has gotten to me. I open the door and see Hyoyeon playing Just Dance 4 again. When does she ever stop?

"Hey Sica! Wanna play?" She raises her eyebrows up and down, like that will get me to play with her. Everytime she asks, I'm never awake enough to play. I feel bad about it everytime. 

"Yes, actually, I do." She looks surprised, but she smiles at me in her special way and puts the game on. Her smile turns crazed, and she yells at me. 

"PREPARE TO LOSE!" I just realized why I always said, "no". I hear the door open, and a familiar laugh fill the room, but I don't really pay attention to it because Hyoyeon is five hundred points above me. The laughing stops a bit after, and I hear the door close again. 

I walk into Seohyun's room after my adrenaline has washed away all traces of fatigue. Stupid Hyoyeon. I haven't talked to our youngest member in a while, I wonder what she does all the time?

"Unnie? What are you doing in here?" I'm just about to answer but a crazy blur of white clothes and black hair stop me from speaking. And breathing. 

"Jessica!" 

"Yoona!? Get off of me, I can feel my ribs caving in!" She pulls me up, apologizing and taking Seohyun by the hand. 

"Come on, Hyunnie! Let's go prank that tan jerk for taping a cockaroach in the bathroom wall!" Seohyun looks like she doesn't know what to say, but she gets dragged off anyway. There goes my chance of talking to her. It's kind of a win, though. Her room smells really good, and her bed . . . is a lot softer than mine. 

I wake up to someone petting my hair. I'm confused at first, and jerk my head back. Oh. It's you. It's been a long time since we talked. A month to be exact. I was sick of being rejected. You look at me sadly, I suddenly feel bad about pulling away from you. 

"Sorry, I didn't know it was you." You seem happier than before, reaching out to pet me again. Your hand gets closer to me, I feel the urge to pull away again. Like all those times you did to me after I confessed. Yuri comes running in, slamming the shut behind her and locking it. She just got back from the market. I guess she got a greeting from Yoonhyun. 

"You guys have to help me! Yoona's coming after me, and she even got baby Seohyun as her ally! I can't win without someone, and Sooyoung is too busy playing that new shooting game!" You look at her angrily, this surprises me. I didn't know you could get angry.

"What about Sunny? Hyoyeon? Why couldn't you ask them for help?" You speak softly, but I can feel the ice coming from you. Yuri looks scared, stuttering about how this was the second room she could get into. She couldn't make it to Sunny or Hyoyeon. You don't look happy at all. Yuri keeps looking around, thinking about whether or not staying in here is safer than going outside and getting attacked by Yoona. I start to sit up, knowing that she's going to go out there alone. 

"I'll go with you." You squint at Yuri for some reason. You've always been a very complex person. 

It's dinner, but I haven't left my room. It's always the same thing when we eat. You stare at Taeyeon, thanking her for the food and complimenting her on her cooking. I don't go to dinner anymore, because I always lose my appetite anyway. I hear a knock at the door, I have a feeling it's that crazy -pincher. 

"If you pinch me again, I will tell your uncle!" I hear her cackle, the sound of scratching coming from the door. Oh no. The door flies open and she pounces on me, pinching my painfully. 

"Ow! Sunny, quit it! 

"Never!" Everyone must have heard the commotion, because about a second later everybody is in front of the door, looking awkward. Sunny's on top of me, a hand now rubbing my , while I lay under her gasping for breath. Sooyoung speaks up, while Yoona covers Seohyun's eyes. 

"We . . . didn't mean  to interupt you." Yuri speaks second.

"Yeah, uh . . . we'll just . . . go now." They all leave the doorway, except I see you still standing there. You look  . . .  mad. That isn't really unusual, now that I think about it more. You and Taeyeon argue every month or so, but the arguments never last for long. Whenever you argued, you would come to me. The arguing stopped once I quit getting in the way of everything. Taeyeon stopped getting jealous, and you stopped having to defend your faith. Taeyeon never spoke directly about it, but I knew she was starting to dislike me. Our relationship has gotten better since then. That was one of the positive things that happened once I gave up. What did you guys fight about now? You keep staring at me, like I've done something wrong. I push Sunny off of me, she laughs manically, running downstairs. I hear shrieks a couple seconds later. You're still standing there. I guess you want to talk about the argument. You start talking before I can. 

"What were you guys doing?" You sound cold again, almost as cold as me. That's scary. 

"Nothing, Sunny was just being a ert again." 

"You could have stopped her! She's half your size!" I flinch at how loud you are. You've never yelled at me like this before. I've only heard you talk to Taeyeon like this when you fought. Mostly about her ogling some other girl's . 

"I tried to! She's stronger than she looks! You try fending her off sometime!" 

"Whatever." You stomp away, and I'm lost now. What's happening? 

I wrote this because, I'm back.