If there was anything scarier than getting up on a big stage in front of all these people and still having to remember his lyrics and the extreme dance moves, Maru didn’t know what it was.

He kept it inside him, of course. How could he ever let his hyungs know that he was... was... afraid of performing? As if they didn’t worry about him enough—what with puberty and growing and schoolwork—what if they found out about his secret fear? They would never let the baby of the team off.

Performing. The stage, the lights, the cheers. The music, the dance. Wasn’t all this what they had been preparing for all their lives?

This was what Maru wanted; he knew for sure. He wanted to dance and to sing.

But a week before their debut stage when the CEO had called for them to do a practice round for an audience of about twenty people, Maru realised he couldn’t do it. Getting on top of the little platform and seeing twenty pairs of dark, scrutinizing eyes staring back at him had chilled his entire little frame. He had unconsciously stepped back and bumped into Siwoo, who had naturally brought his hand up and squeezed the maknae’s shoulder.

“Yo, do you row low!” Maru had vaguely heard Rome call out and ended up joining in the greeting one beat too late.

Getting into position with the rest, Maru had closed his eyes and tried to stop his haggard breathing. Just do as you’ve always had during practice, manager hyung’s words rang in his mind. Yes... just like practice.

It didn’t turn out like practice.

“What got into you today, Jaejun?” Kangjun had asked afterward.

Maru had forced a little smile and had shaken his head. “I’m just tired. I’m so sorry, hyung.”

Eyeing the maknae intently, Rome had patted Maru on the back and said, “Just rest well for our debut stage.”

The debut stage! Maru’s eyes widened in fear and in shock. If he couldn’t perform in front of twenty people in a little room in the company’s building, how could he ever stand on the big stage without collapsing and dying of a heart attack?

Every day before their debut stage, Maru worried. Every night, he had the same nightmare. Every minute, all Maru could think about were those glaring eyes watching his every move, as though waiting for him to mess up.

And on the day itself, he caved in.

“I can’t do it, Barom hyung.”

Rome snapped his head towards the desperate voice. “What are you talking about?” he asked as he continued adjusting the microphone on his ear.

“I can’t perform.”

Rome narrowed his eyes but did not bother to look up. “Don’t joke like this when we’re just about to go on stage, Jaejun.”

“I’m not joking, hyung.”

“What’s wrong then? Are you sick?”

No answer came. Rome glanced up and found that the maknae, despite his naturally dark skin tone, had gone totally pale, paler than any kind of make-up could ever make him.

“You are sick?!” Rome ran forward and felt Maru’s neck.

“No, hyung,” Maru choked. “I’m... I’m scared.”

Rome relaxed visibly. “Ah, that’s normal! I’m nervous too.”

“No, hyung,” Maru said again, “I’m scared. I’m not nervous. I’m utterly and absolutely scared.”

As tears started to form in the boy’s eyes, Rome quickly responded, “Ah! Ah. Don’t cry. Don’t cry now. You’ll mess up your perfect make-up. Don’t cry, Jaejun, and tell hyung. Hyung will make it better. I promise.”

“I don’t want to face the crowd, I don’t want to see their eyes, I don’t want to look into another camera, and I most definitely do not want to go on stage.” Maru sniffed in his tears and took a deep breath. “Hyung, don’t you see? I don’t want to because I can’t. I’m scared.”

Rome was kneeling down in front of the maknae at this time. The leader glanced up behind Maru and saw a concerned face, Siwoo’s eyes questioning what was going on. Having given Siwoo an assured nod, Rome turned back to the sniffling boy.

He is so young, Rome mused. The leader had forgotten how young the boy sitting in front of him was. With the long dance practices and the many photo shoots and interviews preparing for their debut, Rome had been too busy to fuss over Maru as the older had often done during their early trainee days. The demanding schedules and the tough, mature front that Maru frequently put up had led Rome to forget that their youngest was a fragile age of fifteen years old.

It was once again time to be his rock and his support. It was time to show that Rome would never forget about Maru again.

“Jaejun, close your eyes.”

“What?”

Rome gently put his hand over Maru’s eyes. “Close them. What do you see?”

“...darkness.”

“Keep them closed.” Rome removed his hand and smiled a little at the boy's answer. “Yes, darkness. But look deeper. What do you see?”

Maru frowned and sniffed again. “I see... eyes. Many eyes. They’re all staring at me as I’m dancing. I see myself messing up a move and accidentally bumping into Hyunil hyung. The eyes laugh. I try to make them stop, but the stage lights blind me. I... I...”

“Stop.”

Sighing heavily, Maru felt a pair of strong hands cover his own shaking ones.

“Now, Jaejun, see what I tell you to see. Envision what I say. Okay?”

Maru nodded.

Rome took a deep breath. “You’re on stage. Yes, you’re being watched. You’re being watched by not only hundreds of eyes... but thousands.” At this, Maru stiffened noticeably and cringed. Rome felt his heart break a little more as he continued. “Thousands of eyes are watching you, but thousands of voices are chanting your name. They all think you are the best, and you believe that you are. I am standing next to you... we all are. Hyunil and Taemin and Junnie and Minwoo. ...it is our first ever concert in Seoul.”

Rome stopped, and Maru opened his eyes after a while. The first thing he saw was his hyung staring into space. There was an unreadable mixture of hurt and hope on Rome’s face. “...hyung?” Maru called unceratinly.

Snapping back into reality, Rome turned and looked at Maru deeply. “Jaejun, we are going to succeed. C-Clown will succeed, but we need to take this first step confidently. Jaejun, you are the best. I believe that you are. Now, it is your turn to.”  

Having given Maru one last reassuring pat on the back, Rome got up from his kneeling position and walked back to his seat.

Maru settled down into a pensive mood. A lot of things were on his mind now. Yes, the eyes were still there and so were the lights and the big, scary stage... but they were different. A lot of things were different now.

“C-Clown in ten minutes!”

Maru looked up just in time to see a staff’s head disappear through the door.

In ten minutes, they would be on stage. In ten minutes, he would have to face what he had been dreading all week long. In ten minutes, he would be in front of those eyes that had become familiar to his thoughts.

In ten minutes, Maru’s life was going to change.

...and he was excited.