Chapter 1: Oh, you have quite the interesting plot honestly. You meant to make it sound like the three leaves represented the amount of life he had left, and the fact that it all dropped meant that Onew will die, right? Thing is, I wanted to ask if it was only meant to look like that, or the situation really is like that. (Meaning, is it true if the leaves fall that Onew will die? Because it could be a twist in the plot, really. But uh, personally I think you just meant that Onew was supposed to die. OTL Sorry for beating around the bush.)
The story's okay. Sometimes though, you forget to capitalize letters like in the sentence ('what is it?') it should be ('What is it?'). Usually people use the " symbol instead of ' for conversations, but I'm not too sure if it's wrong to use the ' symbol instead of the " symbol. ^^;
Your tenses seem alright. Just that you should remember to not leave out any apostrophes such as the example in the sentence (He collapsed and Allie screamed for Onews mother.) the word (Onews mother) should be (Onew's mother).
I'm not here to point out on all your flaws. I just thought that I should just write my honest opinion and share what I know. Have a great day. (:
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