Title: A Story I Cannot Tell (original fic) - based on a true story.
Author: naerok
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
Date Started: October 31, 2009
Date Completed: - -
Status: Progressing







To the reader;
I've always wanted to write a story about love. A story where the main girl finds love, works hard for love, and in the end, receives love. But in my case, and in most real-life situations, nothing is ever that easy nor that simple.

Everyone has a story to tell. As for me, I can't say my story will ever be a happy one. I can't promise you rainbows, pink balloons nor flowers. But bare with me. I promise your time won't be wasted.

. . .

{It's four in the morning. I can't seem to sleep nor eat nor do anything. I have been living like this for the past few weeks. Empty, restless, and hungry.

Food won't cure my hunger. I could care less about what I put in my mouth.

I'm not on a diet. My head may be in a poor condition, but my body surely isn't. No, it has nothing to do with food.

What I'm hungry for may be something unattainable. Something out of my grasp. Something I surely can't have.

But I crave it. Almost everyday.

I think about it—maybe a little more than I should. When I'm not thinking about it, it slips into my mind like it's been there all along, hiding underneath the waves of my subconscious.

I can't avoid it. No matter how much I try.

But honestly, I haven't been trying. When I became aware of the symptoms, I thought it was only a simple crush—pure curiosity. And I let it pass, thinking I would somehow get over it. But I didn't know myself quite then, and I'm still trying to figure out myself now.

I knew I was capable of feeling this way towards a person, but I didn't know that I could be so vulnerable.

Just when I thought I could have prevented myself from sinking too deep, I was already drowning.}



I wrote those same exact words after the realization dawned on me; after it hit me like a freight train. I got up from bed that morning, unable to sleep. I my old PC and started typing. The words were dying to be written. The feelings were building up and they were toppling over my poor heart.

This is when I began to acknowledge the feelings I had for him. It was hard to accept. I didn't want it. I refused to have it. But in the lyrics you hear too often, “love moves in mysterious ways,” love had crept up on me unexpectedly. It was so unexpected that I didn't even catch myself falling deeper and deeper and deeper...

And so, I unveil to you my story. I'm afraid and hesitant to tell a living soul. It's become a precious secret. I've kept it inside a small box, wrapped up, and buried within the depths of my heart. But as each day passes, the secret grows and grows like a heavy burden. It can no longer stay put inside its box. Its old, rotting branches have spread throughout my whole body like a disease, poking at my vulnerability, causing me pain, and without doubt, suffering. Its poisoned leaves are shedding on my entire being, making me entirely weak. At times, it gets harder to breathe...

But I realize that I can't keep quiet any longer. There are too many things I've kept inside for too long. Too many things that have wanted to be known. Too many things that have not been said...

My name is Lee Jiyoon, and this is my story. A story, I admit, that will be unbearable towards the middle, and almost impossible in the end.