Choi Junhong had a problem.

He’d lived to the age of seventeen with an innocence that drew people in. It made the hyungs want to look after him and the noonas want to squeeze him. He’d always thrived under the attention, trying harder and shining brighter when he knew everyone would be watching his every move.

Unfortunately, his purity was also his greatest obstacle these days.

Ever since he’d first heard Bang Yongguk’s deep voice rapping away under the pseudonym of Jepp Blackman, Junhong had admired the older boy. The way his words flowed.  The emotion that each syllable could carry in that heavy timbre. The raw passion that Junhong could almost physically feel pouring out of the speakers and into his very soul.

He’d listened to him for months before he’d ever seen Yongguk. And the first time that Junhong laid his eyes upon the rapper, he’d discovered something about himself that he’d never realized before.

Junhong liked guys. Specifically, he liked Bang Yongguk.

He liked his plump lips, his dark eyes, his messy black hair, his dimples, and he most definitely liked the older boy’s muscled arms and the flash of his toned stomach that was revealed when he moved on stage. Standing in the crowd that day, Junhong developed his first crush.

When he was signed to the company, he’d been excited, thrilled even, to be given the chance to fulfill his dreams. When he’d found out that not only would he be in a group with his crush, but that the two of them would be debuting together before B.A.P., well he’d been beyond ecstatic, literally bouncing around his house for days before he’d officially moved into the dorm.

Meeting Yongguk face to face, talking to him and working with him on a daily basis, Junhong realized something else. Inexperienced though he was, he wasn’t stupid. He knew he was in love with Bang Yongguk. And how could he not be?

Yongguk was a demanding presence on stage, with powerful words given even more meaning in that powerful voice. Offstage, Yongguk was a lot of things. He tried to act tough and manly, watching war movies endlessly and exercising at every available opportunity, but he was really just a teddy bear. He’d paid special attention to Junhong, helping him practice, taking him for ice cream and watching him skate. On the nights that Junhong had grown homesick, Yongguk was there with a strong shoulder for him to lean on and warm arms to hold him until he fell asleep.

Yongguk became Junhong’s home away from home.

Thus, Junhong had a problem. Actually, make that two.

The first was that because of Junhong’s innocence and Yongguk’s protective nature, the maknae knew that he’d never be able to reveal his feelings for the leader. He was almost certain that although he’d caught the older boy looking at him a little too long, making his comforting touches linger just a few more seconds than appropriate, Yongguk would feel it was his responsibility to reject him because of their and their respective positions in the group.

The second, and far more pressing, problem came when they arrived at the shoot for their new music video.

“Everyone, this is Moon Soohye,” Director Kang explained as he gestured to the tall girl standing beside him. “I thought filming might be less awkward if you had a few minutes to get to know each other before we start. So Zelo, you and Soohye can go over to the snack table and talk, and the wardrobe people will tell you when they’re ready for you.”

Junhong lowered his head bashfully but walked to where the director had pointed. The girl seemed as nervous as he was, and there was a long moment of silence as they both scuffed their sneakers on the floor, lost in their own thoughts.  Across the room, he could see the rest of his band members sending him worried glances as they continued speaking with the director.

“This is pretty weird, isn’t it? I think it’s scary.” The girl’s quiet voice drew Junhong’s attention back. He smiled brightly, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

“It helps to pretend the cameras aren’t there. Sometimes it’s hard to do, especially when you have to look right at them, but it’s not so bad. Everyone here is really nice,” Junhong reassured her. He picked up a cookie for himself and held one out to her. “Is this your first time filming? It’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Soohye laughed, nibbling at her cookie. “No, no, I’m not bothered by that! I’m more worried about what your fans will do to me once they see it.”

“See what? Our fans are very supportive,” Junhong defended. He didn’t understand what could happen in the music video that would make the fans upset. He wasn’t sure of what the concept was, but he had thought they’d dance like they usually did. Maybe they’d be doing something with more of a story like in the “Stop It” video but that shouldn’t bother anyone.

“The kiss,” Soohye said with a blush. When Junhong continued to give her a confused look, she elaborated further. “The kiss between you and me.”

“WHAT?”

Both Junhong and Soohye jumped at the sudden exclamation. They turned to see Yongguk staring at the director with disbelief written into the furrow of his brows and the downward tug of his lips. Before Junhong could walk over and see what had upset the leader so badly, the wardrobe assistants were ushering him away to one of the back rooms where he was dressed in tight clothing. 

While the makeup people did their jobs, he sat in the chair and stared at his reflection in a state of shock.

The person in the mirror sort of looked like him, and yet, it was somebody completely different. The boy he was looking at was wearing skin tight, black jeans that were ripped horizontally across his thighs. There was a studded belt around his waist and silver chains hanging from his pockets. His shirt was really more of a vest than anything, low cut and revealing, and it too was black, tight, and ripped horizontally across his chest so that his pale skin shone through. His eyes were rimmed in black, his blond hair spiked up, his earrings glittered dangerously, and his lips were redder than they were naturally.

The guy in the reflection looked like a badass. It certainly wasn’t the shy, playful and pure image that the company had been having Junhong stick to.

As he stared into the mirror, his could almost imagine the person looking back at him kissing Moon Soohye. She was pretty, and she’d seemed nice enough. It shouldn’t be too hard to force himself to do it. It was only acting after all. But…

Junhong didn’t want to give his first kiss to just anyone. He wanted it to be special, memorable. He wanted it to mean something. He wanted it to be with Yongguk.

“Noona, I’m sorry, but I really need to do something right now. Can I go please?” He made his eyes wide and pouted cutely. He worried for a moment that it wouldn’t have the same effect with the costume and makeup, but the lady blushed brightly and nodded at him, ushering for him to leave.

With the same determination that he put toward achieving his dreams, he ran from the room and quickly found Yongguk outside, leaning against the wall of the building and holding an unlit cigarette between his lips. He stopped beside the leader and folded his arms across his chest, leveling the older boy with a pointed look.

“It’s not lit.”

“Why would you carry them with you if you don’t smoke? Why would you keep the temptation so close?”

Yongguk snorted, his eyes running up and down Junhong, remaining longest on the holes over his thighs and upper body. He shook his head and gave a half smile that left the maknae feeling confused. “Because I’m not sure I could live without it anymore.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, Junhong-ah. Don’t worry about it.” The leader reached out to ruffle Junhong’s hair, but the maknae caught Yongguk’s wrist and held it.

Maybe the clothes and makeup made him feel more confident, or maybe it was the desperation of not wanting to waste something as important as his first kiss. Perhaps, it was simply because his feelings had become too strong, too overwhelming, and like sand castles cave under the pressure of the waves, his restraint crumbled from the strength of his longing.

He moved closer, maintaining his grasp on Yongguk’s wrist to raise it to the wall beside the leader’s head. He stepped forward, the distance disappearing between them with each beat of his heart, sounding like an alarm signal that he refused to acknowledge, until they were so near that Junhong could feel the press of Yongguk’s chest against his own with each breath he took. With his other hand, he removed the cigarette and dropped it to the ground before gently trailing his fingers over Yongguk’s cheek.

“D-don’t do this. Please.”

“You know I’ve never kissed anyone before. Am I supposed to let her be the first? Is that what you want?”

The older boy groaned, a pained sound that matched the sadness in his eyes. “It'd be good for you. She’s a pretty girl, Junhong-ah.”

This close, Junhong towered over Yongguk. He’d known he was taller, but it seemed different, more meaningful, when he had the older boy pushed against the wall, about to pour his heart out to him. He felt like he was on the edge of a cliff, about to do something that would either make him or break him. Taking a deep breath to prepare himself, Junhong looked directly into the leader’s eyes and silently begged him to understand. “She’s not you.”

Yongguk’s dark eyes lit up with something that Junhong prayed was happiness, but his face remained unreadable. “No, she’s not. I’m a man. Do you know what that’ll mean for us? For you?”

“I don’t care! There’s nothing that anyone can say that will change how I feel. Either they’ll accept us as we are, or I will remove them from my life. It doesn’t matter what other people think, only… only you.”

The corner of the leader’s mouth twitched with the beginnings of a smile. He closed his eyes and nudged his nose softly against Junhong’s, moving the hand that wasn’t pinned to the wall to grab Junhong’s hip and pull him closer.

Junhong sighed, his chest heaving from excitement and nerves and exhilaration, as he slowly lowered his wetted lips. He could feel Yongguk’s breath ghosting across him and shivered in delight. With a racing heart, he closed his eyes and hovered for a moment, too afraid to continue.

“H-hyung, please can I?”

Yongguk growled somewhere in the back of his throat, an animalistic sound that left Junhong feeling tingly and desperate, as the older boy closed the space between their lips at last.

Junhong felt like he might explode from so many sensations coursing through him at once. Yongguk’s lips were just as soft as he’d imagined they’d be, but the leader was anything but gentle. He took control, and biting, pulling Junhong’s lip between his own teeth and then soothing it with heavy swipes of his tongue. There was a hunger in that kiss, a desire so strong it made Junhong’s knees weak and only Yongguk’s hand sliding into his back pocket and gripping his bottom kept him from sliding down.

It wasn’t perfect by any means. Junhong wasn’t sure what to do, whether to or nibble or simply press his lips back against the leader’s. The first time Yongguk’s tongue ran over his bottom lip, he’d been so surprised that he’d accidentally stepped on his foot. It was messy and wet, and they probably looked ridiculous, but Junhong loved every second of it.

When they eventually pulled away, Junhong placed a kiss to the older boy’s forehead and smiled softly. “We should do that more often.”

“One kiss and you’re already insatiable.” Yongguk rolled his eyes and playfully shoved the maknae away, but he caught Junhong’s hand before he went too far and kissed his knuckles while blushing.

“That’s right, hyung,” Junhong winked cheekily, “I’m never going to get enough of you, so you better be prepared.”

As they walked back to the door of the building, Yongguk gave his hand one last squeeze and whispered in his ear, “I look forward to it.”

****

The rest of the video shoot went smoothly. Both Junhong and Yongguk had to have their makeup touched up and their hair fixed, but the makeup artists didn’t reprimand them, being too blinded by their smiles and infectious happiness.

The kiss was the last scene to be shot, and while Junhong was nervous, he was willing to do it. After all, it wasn’t his first kiss, and it was only acting. He could pretend he was kissing a doll or something and later he’d be able to forget all about it with Yongguk’s lips against his own.

As he leaned forward, ready to do as he thought he'd been told, Soohye jumped back with a startled expression. “What’re you doing?”

“The kiss scene?” Junhong answered in confusion.

Director Kang came over, raising and eyebrow in Junhong’s direction. “Zelo… You’re not actually supposed to kiss her. You’re supposed to lean close and to the side, so it looks like that’s what you’re doing. Haven’t you ever watched a drama before?”

“Oooh… That makes a lot more sense.” Junhong rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, extremely embarrassed to have gotten the situation so wrong.

As the director went back to his seat behind the monitors, Yongguk walked back to his starting position, brushing his hand secretly across Junhong’s hand as he did. "I must have forgot to tell you. The director explained it after you went to get dressed earlier." 

The maknae looked up in time to catch the leader his lips before Director Kang called them to start again.

While they finished filming, Junhong couldn't help but think that he'd never been so glad to be wrong in his life.