Italics: Things that are written

-Eunji POV-

I stood there on the first day of primary school holding my mum’s hand, I was six and you were nine. I stared at you coming in to school with your mum trailing behind you, then when your mum saw us, she dragged you over to introduce us. I remember my mum telling me Yoseob Oppa was going to look after me. Your mum told you that you were to befriend me, her best friend’s daughter. I remember you pouting, I was scared you were going to run off without me, but instead you flashed me a smile, grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the school. That was the beginning of our friendship.

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I stood there that time when the school bullies tried to pick on me, but you didn’t let them, you were fifteen but still only the size of a thirteen year old, yet you still bet them up for me, threatening them if they ever tried to hurt me again, you would kill them. I thanked you and stuck a plaster on the cut on your face, you were the knight in shining armour for a little girl who couldn’t stand up for herself.

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I stood there in your room, waiting for you to come upstairs. You had promised to help me with my math, although you laughed at me when I told you I couldn’t understand it. I hated school now, because you weren’t there, only one  more year till I could graduate and go to high school with you. When you taught me, you were strict but patient, the way you leaned close to me when you explained a question made me blush and my heart beat faster. Oppa, did you know you were my first love?

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I stood there while you told me about the girl you liked, you were in college now, and there was one girl you told me you couldn’t live without. I never told you this but you were the one person I couldn’t live without, but I never worked up the guts to tell you, so I just listen to you talk and give you advice even though it’s killing me inside. That night, I went home and poured my heart out to my diary. Yoseob Oppa… I love you

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I stood there inside the restaurant with our parents, waiting for you to arrive. When you did, you brought her with you and introduced her to us, as your fiancée. Your mum started crying, so happy her son of twenty five was finally engaged. I congratulated you as best as I could, but you had no idea how I really felt inside. Your fiancée was beautiful, she was everything I wanted to be but couldn’t, I could never compare, after all, I’m just a kid to you.  

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I sat there at your wedding, when they asked if anyone opposed to your marriage, I wished I had the guts to stand up and say something, but I didn’t. Instead, I watched you say your vows and kiss your bride. I faked a smile as best I could and hugged you and your bride. When I was younger, I always imagined I would be standing there with you at the altar. I could only watch as you left with her for your honey moon and to live out the rest of your lives together.

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I stood there at the altar on the day of my wedding, four years after yours. You sat next to my parents with your wife and your two year old son, smiling at me like a proud brother. I did love my husband but I didn’t know if it was the right kind of love. But I was happy to move on and start a new chapter in my life.

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I stood there, at your wife’s funeral, comforting you, I was by your side the whole time. Your cried you heart out than turned to me and made me promise to watch out for your teenage son if anything ever happened to you, I made you promise not to do anything stupid and reckless, that you had to live your life the way she would have wanted you to, I told you time will heal your scars, just like they are healing mine.

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And now, so many years later, after everything we’ve been through, I stand here at your funeral. True to your word, you lived your life to the fullest, but old age caught up with you, you died peacefully with your family and friends around you. Your friend is going up to speak, I try to listen but it’s hard to do anything, now that you are gone.

“Yoseob tried to live his life without regrets and he has touched everyone in this room and many more in some way. But before he died, he told me there was one thing he had always wanted to say to someone but never got the opportunity to, so he instructed me to read this at his funeral, it is a page from his journal he wrote in High School,” he began to read.

“March 2^nd 2008

How can something so small change a person so much, I almost didn’t recognize her this morning. It was her first day of high school, she said, she wanted to try something different. Gone were her braces and glasses, she no longer was the little girl that followed me everywhere, the girl I regarded as my sister, it was the first time I saw her as a woman. It was a small physical change on her part, but for me, it altered my feelings completely. Eunji-ah, I think I love you as more than a friend…

He wanted me to tell her he loves her, and he is glad she is happy with her life even if he couldn’t be the one to make her smile”

I never even knew he felt the same way, we could have been together, but neither of us had the guts to confess to the other and now it’s too late, he’s gone. Every tear that I have suppressed for the last forty years is spilling out and the only thing left to do is stand here and cry.

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