Ren could not careless about the beads of sweat forming on his forehead. It is impossible not to notice the way his hands were shaking as well as the almost unbearable speed of his heartbeat. He was the last athlete to jump and he hated it. He always hated to be the last one. It’s not fair that they can breathe properly while Ren’s still suffering, painfully waiting for the time of his judgment.

And unfortunately, his coach picked the paper with “15,” meaning he’s the last.

His coach did notice Ren’s uneasiness as he handed the shaking boy a bottle of water. “Minki, calm down. You have 14 before your turn, I did well in picking, right?”

Ren didn’t even notice that he rolled his eyes before grabbing the water bottle from his coach’s hand. He then nodded and his coach settled himself beside him. His coach is calm, much to Ren’s dismay. He isn’t the one jumping that’s why he’s so calm. How can he be so calm? What if I failed this one? What if he fails, that’s what is bothering him since it dawned that there’s no escape to this. He’s here, fidgeting, while waiting for his turn. If he’s the first one, maybe he won’t be as nervous as this. His coach really did a great job. A great job in torturing him.

Ren’s quite in a daze that he didn’t realize how fast the time’s passing by. Before he blinked his eyes, the first player from Incheon was stretching but when he opened his pair of orbs, a different player was readying himself on the track. He then felt that his heart’s beating the fastest in his entire life as he looked at the score board. He then saw that the player on the track’s already the tenth. What the freak did just happen? Did he fall asleep? Impossible. Why does the water bottle, which is full of water a while ago, empty? He’s sure that his mind wandered somewhere he himself didn’t know and it didn’t take a lot of time before he felt that his bladders will soon explode. A trip on the comfort room won’t hurt, he thought, and after he excused himself from his coach he sprinted towards the nearest CR.

After he let everything he’d drink out, he went straight to the sink and washed his face. He then noticed that his hands were shaking and he scoffed. “I’m this nervous?” he asked himself. After drying his face with the roll of tissue paper, he walked back slowly to his coach’s side, but not after he heard Jonghyun’s father threatening his son, again.

He didn’t mean to eavesdrop but Jonghyun’s team’s on the way, and he didn’t fail to notice Jonghyun’s constant nodding. Curious, he took the path closer to the Kangwondo team.

“That’s too low to be the highest, Jonghyun, I expect that you’ll beat that. You better beat that!”

Maybe Jonghyun’s father’s telling him to do that a lot of times already, because Jonghyun seems to be nodding automatically. When Ren looked at the score board, which has 12 scores in it, he looked for the highest jump, and upon seeing that, he gasped. 2.26 meters? He looked at the name of the record-setter, and sure enough, it’s the Mokpo guy. 2.26 meters? And my record in Busan is 2.30 meters. In my condition right now I think I can only do 2 meters. How… then he remembered that this is just preliminaries. Not recorded, just practice. Just practice but why are they giving it their all? If today he just jumped 2.26 meters, how about tomorrow?

Ren’s train of thoughts was interrupted when Jonghyun’s father spoke, “Show them that you’re really my son, Jonghyun. I don’t want a son that is a loser. Better be the highest jumper or…”

Ren can’t listen anymore, how can a father treat his child like that? Then he remembers his own parents, he remembers that he was neglected not until recently, and then he understands that some parents just doesn’t know how to show their affection towards their children but still…

“I couldn’t think about that. I should be thinking about myself. In order to prove them that I can, I must win this. I must win this.” Ren whispered as he stood beside his coach. He wouldn’t know that he actually said it a bit loudly if his coach didn’t give his shoulder a light squeeze.

He looked at his coach and saw that determined look on his face. Even so, his eyes still show understanding. They aren’t talking but Ren knows that his coach won’t mind if he doesn’t win. He just wants to see me jumping at my best.

The 13th player was done when Ren and his coach paid attention to the track. Sure enough, Jonghyun was the one standing now. Who would have thought that the boy was the 14th? He’s doing the normal stretching whilst avoiding his father’s judging eyes, as if he could, and for a moment his eyes found Ren’s. Jonghyun is indeed, intimidating, realizing how Ren felt a bit small under the boy’s gaze. He shouldn’t be, because behind that cold façade is a boy who wants to break free from his father, or that’s what Ren thinks.

Well who doesn’t want to be free? Ren’s wants to, for sure, but he would like to feel jailed, too. Given that he can do whatever he wants to but he still doesn’t feel any satisfaction from it. At least, now, he thinks that he’s being held back. But he lets himself be chained by his own mind, setting it on a goal that he isn’t sure if he can reach. Nevertheless, he’ll try. He’ll try to be the best so that everyone will be proud of him.

But that isn’t applicable in Jonghyun’s case. Ren might be over-thinking but he can clearly see that the boy isn’t happy that he’s ruled at. What if he doesn’t want to do this thing and is just doing it because of his father? What if…

“Minki, you should observe his moves. He’s your greatest rival, anyway.” His coach whispered. It did make him concentrate on Jonghyun’s moves. He felt nothing but the rapidly beating of that thing called heart. As Jonghyun runs, Minki’s heart seems to join him. Minki’s so nervous, he’s so afraid, but there’s this feeling that decided to join his already overflowing emotions.

He can’t help but admire the way Jonghyun runs, slowly at first and gradually becoming faster and faster as he reaches the horizontal bar. And there it is, as Jonghyun takes off on his right foot, everyone holds their breath and when he lands on the thick mattress. Ren won’t notice that he, too, is not breathing until the score board flashes 2.30, making Jonghyun the new lead.

2.30 is Ren’s record on his school. It’s his record before he’s trained. He wonders why Jonghyun chose a low height. But then Ren can’t help but feel so nervous because he’s the next. Even if the coach isn’t expecting so much from him, everyone else does, even himself expects the best from him.

For this event, the players aren’t undergoing what they should’ve undergone. It should have been the survival of the fittest but since it’s only the preliminaries, they’re the ones to set the bar, and Ren decides that he’ll do it on the 2.30m mark, too.

He’s actually planning on 2.31, but he still isn’t sure on himself. Can I do it? Can I do better? Since it’s just the preliminaries, he decides on the highest recorded mark and that’s Jonghyun’s, on 2.30m. His coach gave him a thumbs-up and that’s all Ren needs before he walks towards the field. While doing so, his eyes landed on Jonghyun, noticing that the said boy’s looking at him with big eyes, and when the said boy knew that he’s being looked back at, he glared at Ren. Why is he glaring at me? When I’m doing this because…

As Ren stands on the starting point, he got confused. Did he really set the bar at 2.30 because he’s doubting himself? Maybe that’s a part of the reason but as he thinks about it, he can’t help but remember how Jonghyun’s father’s taunting his own child. Does he pity his greatest rival?

“Choi Minki from Busan, are you ready?”

He breathes deeply before nodding his head. Is he ready? If not, will they give him a chance to get himself ready? Of course not, so he has no choice but to say yes, even if there’s a lot of things circling on his head that does everything but to calm him down.

“On your mark,”

As if really on his mark, Ren’s body automatically bends and he faces the track he’s going to take. He’s done this a lot of times so this shouldn’t be hard.

“Get set,”

Ren can’t be more thankful to his body, for not listening to his out-of-the-world mind and for acting on its own. He should concentrate, he really should, because one cannot accomplish something they doesn’t set their mind with.

“GO.”

And that’s all he needs for his feet to start striding, beginning with his right, then left, then without him knowing it he’s actually concentrating on one thing, he needs to jump over the horizontal bar. It shouldn’t fall or he’ll make a fool out of himself.

LEFT

RIGHT

LEFT

And he jumps. He always has his foot on the left. He feels the wind brushing against his skin. It should hurt but it didn’t. Without a minute he has his back on the mattress, too. When he opens his eyes, he sees that the horizontal bar is still there, safe and steady. He did it. A second or so and he saw 2.30m aligned on his name.

And then the representatives of Busan and Kangwondo on the first place.

He got first place on the preliminaries.

***

The wind feels so cold that it hurts a bit but it’s okay. Maybe Seoul is a bit colder than Busan but he got used to it. It’s been two weeks since he landed on the city anyway. And like the past nights, he’s jogging under the moonlight again. The day after tomorrow’s the big day, his coach warned him that he shouldn’t strain his body, he’s actually advised to rest and maybe fall asleep early. Tomorrow’s a training day, still, and Ren should be relaxing his muscles.

But it becomes a habit, and he really likes the peace the night offers. He’s the only one jogging and it’s really quiet. And he really likes it. He’s jogging for quite some time now and his legs are starting to give up. So he walks, stepping little by little until he reaches the benches. He really thought that he’s alone. He won’t notice that a person’s sitting on the back if that person didn’t clear his throat.

Ren held his chest to calm his racing heart, he gets surprised so easily, before looking at the back. Sure enough, someone’s there. It’s just, he didn’t even think that it’ll be Jonghyun.

He’s further pushed into his black hole of confusion when he sees that Jonghyun’s still glaring at him. They had an eye battle for a minute or two before Ren surrendered and looked away. The intensity in Jonghyun’s eyes’ too strong Ren actually thought that he’s skinned alive.

“Why, why are you glaring at me? You’ve given that look a while ago, too.” Ren asked as he finally got enough courage to open his mouth.

“You can do better!” Jonghyun exclaimed with the hint of anger and disappointment on his voice, the glare still not leaving his eyes.

“What better? I jumped the same height as yours! So what better?”

“Stop pitying me! I told you to forget everything you’ve heard! I don’t need your help and I can beat you easily! Don’t be too full of yourself!”

“Who said that I pity you? Jonghyun-sshi, I don’t know where you got that but you should stop thinking that I pity someone as boastful as you.” Ren calmly said, surprised that he could actually retort to what the other have said.

“Then why did you set the same height as me? You could have jumped higher! And… and…”

“And what?”

“I saw you eavesdropping on our conversation a while ago. To think that it happened before you set your own… And the way you looked at me before I ran, it… it’s screaming pity, you know?”  Jonghyun said as he lowered his gaze to the ground, glare no longer present on his eyes.

“But… okay, Jonghyun-sshi, let’s say that I did pity you, but that’s not the only thing that I felt a while ago. This is my first competition, aren’t I allowed to be nervous at all? I don’t want to boast. I don’t want to be a disappointment so I did that. I can’t possibly set on a lower height, can I? What’s the point of jumping if the height I set’s lower than the record height? But I can’t set it higher, too. What if I fail?” Ren said, shocked that he actually let all of his worries out in front of his not-so-stranger greatest rival.

They sat in silence after that, only their breaths audible in the quiet night. When Ren’s about to stand up and get out of the awkward situation, Jonghyun started speaking.

“I love doing this, really, but it is kind of suffocating. He always reminds me that I need to be the best. I want to, I know I can, I know I am but when he speaks it looks like I am not. I can’t meet his expectations and I feel so small because of that. Sorry if I act like this. I want to befriend you all but because you’re an opponent, I can’t. He’d be angry.”

“You know you can break some rules, right?”

“In this game, you can’t. You can’t break a game’s rule or you’ll lose. Just, don’t do it again. This is the first I’ll be doing this but I beg you, stop pitying me. I don’t deserve such treatment, Minki-sshi, and you aren’t entitled to feel that way, too.”

“So are you saying that I’m not allowed to feel what I want to feel now? Aren’t you rude?”

“You haven’t proven that you’re better, yet, so you aren’t allowed. Not at all. Beat me and we’ll see what happens afterwards.” Jonghyun said and without waiting for Ren’s reply, he walked away.

Ren stood there, stunned, Jonghyun’s right, Ren pitied him, but didn’t Ren explain that it’s not all because of him?

“Who does he think he is?” Ren said, obviously talking to himself. He now felt something that stirs his excitement and now he is actually looking forward to the big day.

As he’s walking towards his room, he can’t help but smile. He wants to smirk but every time he tries, he fails. He’s still nervous as ever but after his conversation with Jonghyun, he becomes kind of confident. He thinks that the boy is really threatened but is keeping his strong and intimidating disguise.

Only one can be the best, right?

Challenge accepted.

------

I’m… back? Hello. Do you remember this story? T^T I’ve tried so hard to write an update, you see, when I’m having this so-called writer’s block, it lasts for months. And I’ve been busy, too. So, yeah, I’m really sorry for updating so slow. Next chapter will be up before I go back to school (before June 17). I realized that I need to finish this soon because I’ll be focusing on my thesis when classes start. T__________T The next chapter will be the last, if I follow what I’ve planned.

This is un-beta-ed. It’ll help a lot if you pinpoint my mistakes and I’ll edit it^^

Comments are still loved. Yea.

Here's JRen... a small gift for you (but DO NOT EDIT THIS PHOTO OKAY. DON'T REMOVE THE LOGO TOO. credits: Mr.JREN twitter @Mr_JREN

And NU’EST will come back on June, aren’t you excited T^T

Until the next update.

nowplaying: Standing in the Rain - Nell