There are supposedly five stages of grief.

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

In concerts, all people see is the happy faces, but they don’t realize it’s a mask of the reality.

As I look around the backstage venue, I see faces at various phases.

A manager is sitting on a chair, staring blankly at the wall.

I saw him a while ago, talking to the phone, shouting, pleading to whoever it is on the other line not to leave him.

I move to his gaze and he snaps outs of his reverie and gives me a blank smile. I return the smile but it quickly fades when he says that his wife just called him and said that she’s waiting for him to come home, so they can have dinner together.

Another manager told me earlier that his wife died.

ooo

Denial

Ooo

I can't bear to look at him any longer and selfishly turn away as he looks back at me to draw strength.

My gaze lands on a stage technician. His eyes are burning with anger as he shouts at his staff. About some pyrotechnics that didn’t go off during someone’s performance. About the lights that were not functioning. About trivial things that belonged to the past.

I overhear someone mention about his sick son.

ooo

Anger

Ooo

A female dancer is sitting a few chairs down from Bom and is being comforted by one of her fellow back-ups. Her boyfriend, or this morning, her ex. Her head lies on his chest while his arms are rubbing against her back in a soothing motion.

He looks up at me and catches my eye. I move towards them but stop when I hear her pleading with him.

Possessions and your own life won't change anything, I think cruelly. Words that won't be appreciated at present.

I walk away from them and out of the hall.

ooo

Bargaining

Ooo

The fresh air smells different to the air I've become accustomed to over the last few hours.

It smells almost strange.

I panic and gulp it in.

I hear a soft weeping sound coming from nearby.

Minzy, her hair falling around her face, softly weeps into her hands.

I step forward to move away when her head shoots up wildly upon hearing the crunch of a twig beneath my feet. I stare at her and she stares at me. A name comes forth from her lips before she resumes crying even harder. I reel in shock unable to comprehend the new information she has given me and hurriedly move way.

ooo

Depression

Ooo

We face the crowd for one final performance, like nothing happens behind the scenes. Because that’s what we are. Entertainers. Celebrities. Someone whose personal life gets wrapped up, kept in a corner, and is forgotten for a moment when we perform.

My friends that I considered my family form one line, all waving, and smiling, anticipating the final fall of confetti from above.

And then I feel his hand, touching my wrist, as we bow in unison.

I embrace the feeling.

My hand moves forward and I wrap it around his wrist before moving down to twist my fingers with his.

He stares at our clasped hands for a single moment before tightening his hold.

We hold onto each other as we walk back to our normal lives.

ooo

Acceptance

ooo