Excuse Me, Is This Hell?
-해 린.HAE RIN-
It's been a week and a half. I sure miss those boys.
I think Ha Young is going to do a great job being me. She really is sacrificing herself. The killer is still out there. God, please take care of her. God, you hear me right? Okay, I thought my voice in my head was too low.
Ha Young is going into war. I hope she survives.
From the killer, of course she'll survive. She looks like she can take care of herself.
From Super Junior, urgh. Give me a moment here, I don't know how to predict with Super Junior in the picture.
What? It took me how many long to get used to them when Donghae introduced me as his friend? And Ha Young's going to get the ultimate shock of her life by seing them for the first time.
Okay, now, for Ha Young, I think confronting the killer is way easier than confronting Super Junior for the first time and has to act like you've known them for years. I would say the perfect comparison for this situation is, 'It is better to commit suicide and live in hell afterwards than to live in hell now and wish to go to hell afterwards.' If you guys don't get it, ask my P.E teacher, he taught me that, although I'm still not sure what it truly means. But the choice of words are great, right?
-하 영.HA YOUNG-
Almost two weeks now.
My brain is slowly recovering and getting used to 13 images of people in my head. Remind me to thank God later for giving me such a great brain. I have to start short-listing the names of people who I want to donate my brain to when I die. Well, it's going to be hard to choose, I mean, who is going to be able to handle the greatness of my brain? And I know my brain is going to miss me.
I think I have almost become Hae Rin. Her hair is a bit shorter, so she called her stylist and made our hairstyles the same.
And, I'm wearing her clothes. Although I'm very ashamed to wear other's clothes, she was nagging about how bothersome it'll be to get new clothes, and so, she just wants us to share.
We read her previous phone messages together, and all her e-mails. Yeah, in short, you could say her private life has become mine. That Donghae guy seems like she likes her. Don't laugh now. Although most of their messages are,
'Yah, short legs!',
'Yah, stinky fish!',
'You'll wish you are dead when you come here!',
'You choose, a cake or death?',
'Don't bother going to clubs, no one wants to get near you. You're too short.'
'If you do that again, I'll make sure tomorrow's breakfast is FISH fillets chopped in hundreds!'
I've been living with boys, I know how they treat the girl they like. Don't bother asking me why, ask those weird boys.
"Who must you give the food to first?" Hae Rin shoots another of her pop quiz just to make sure I'm prepared.
"Ryeowook...because he wants to make sure you don't put poison in Donghae's food. Wait, by saying 'you', I meant 'me'." It's confusing huh, saying something that Hae Rin do would mean something that 'I' do.
"Good girl!" Hae Rin seems pleased.
"Can we go now? The nervousness is going to kill me before I kill myself." I'm serious. I'm so nervous I can't eat a thing. You hear me? Me, pushing food away, is so not me. It's all because of this nervous thing.
"Fine, here's the key. Remember to follow the back door to their rooms. Other than getting mobbed by Super Junior, I'm sure you don't want getting tormented by their fans." Last reminder from Hae Rin.
"Wait! You're not going?" I'll be alone?
"Er, Ha Young, if I'm going with you, what do you think you are replacing me for?" Hae Rin laughed at me.
See what I told you about these nervousness? It's making me crazy I tell you.
"Just text me, and I'll help as much as I can. And Ha Young, I'm sorry you have to go through all this. Really, I am."
-동 해.DONG HAE-
There's still no sound coming from the door.
Owh, my watch is too fast. Great, there goes my perfect countdown.
'Ding. Dong.' Hae Rin's here? My countdown is wrong again.
I opened the door to see her.
"Please sign here, sir. And here's your package." The mailman sure had perfect timing I guess.
She'll be late this time I think. Well, more time for my bed and me then. A sleep would be nice after the schedule last night.
'Ding. Dong.' Oh, she's here already?
I rushed to the door. Okay, I miss her just a bit. But only missed torturing her.
I opened the door again.
'I'm sorry, sir. I forgot that there's another package for you. Here.' Did I say the mailman had perfect timing?
-하 영.HA YOUNG-
I saw a mail man walking away from Super Junior's dorm. Must be another fan gift.
I found their dorm by just following Hae Rin's instructions.
'Hey Psycho. I'm acting as Hae Rin now, and I'm going to meet Super Junior in a while. Just to inform you, since you're my 'bodyguard' or whatever. And also to remind you, I've got plans on getting you back for kidnapping me. So, don't be at ease just yet.'
SEND. To Junho sshi.
A reply came shortly after.
'I'm behind you already, since I'm your 'bodyguard'. And can't wait to see your plans to fail on me.'
I turned around and saw Junho leaning against a wall very far from I am, but he's smirk can still be seen. Smile now you psycho, while you can.
Well, of to the dorm now.
My hand is almost reaching the doorbell.
A little bit more, Ha Young.
That's it, now press the bell.
I can hear voices coming from inside the dorm.
"Donghae ah, go get the door!" That's Heechul's voice.
Wow, those non-stop learning about them really pays off. I can even recognize their voice by seeing the videos of them from Hae Rin's collection.
"Don't want to. I bet it's the mailman again." There's Donghae's voice. The mailman just came, why would he come again?
Then the door opened.
And I saw Kibum in front of me. He smiled just a bit and went back into the dorm, not even lending me a hand with these food.
"Don't expect them to be all gentlemanly. I told you, they don't treat me like a girl I think." Hae Rin's voice in my head reminded me.
Fine, I'll just let myself in.
"MORNING GUYS!" I shouted as loud as I can. Just to let you know, everything I'm doing is all Hae Rin's directions. It's because this was what she always did, and well, of course I have to do it too.
"Yah, it's almost twelve already." That's Hyukjae's voice, as expected.
Well, Hae Rin said they wake up in the afternoon and judging from their faces, I'm positive they just did.
Now, go to the kitchen and find Ryeowook. He must be preparing lunch.
"Ryeowook, here's the food."
And he starts sniffing every food container to see if there's poison in it. Wow, Hae Rin really knows these guys.
"Don't worry, I only put a spoon of bleach in there. Nothing much." Ryeowook looked shocked and and started sniffing more hardly on those food.
It was hilarious! What? Hae Rin said I'll have to joke around with them like she did, and I'm seriously loving that part.
Hey, no one is attacking me. Pheww, I thought this is going to be war.
Just then a pillow hit my face.
Oopss, spoke too soon.
"Yah, you went on a vacation and brought no souvenirs?" Kangin said while holding another pillow in his left hand.
Just then I started hitting him with the pillow back and someone screamed, "Pillow fight!"
What?! Are they kidding me? A pillow fight? Seriously, they are like kids.
And I just did what I think was right. Stop? Nah, not a chance.
I hit everyone who joined in. That'll include Hyukjae, Yesung, Shindong, Eeteuk, Sungmin, Kangin and maybe some other members. Well, it's hard to see when your brain is suffering from too much vibrations because of the pillow hitting.
I swear I don't know how they came into the living room so fast with the pillows. Ahh, my head is starting to hurt from all this pillow hitting.
"Guys, where's Donghae?" Right, I must see Donghae and look for Hae Rin's shoes. It's Hae Rin's special mission to me.
"I think he is sleeping. He was waiting for you earlier." Hankyung answered. His pronounciations aren't that bad. Okay, maybe just a bit off. Just a bit.
Donghae waited for Hae Rin? See, I told you he likes her.
I went to Donghae's room, at the far end of the hallway. Good thing I memorized their dorm structure.
I opened the door and saw...
There's no one there. Where is he anyway?
I got out of the room and made my way into the living room again.
Ouchh. I accidentally bumped into Yesung at the hallway. He stared at me for a long time, without blinking his eyes or moving his body.
Oh, right! Almost forgot about Yesung. Well, let's get to it then.
I stared back at him without blinking my eye.
Ahh, seriously, how could Hae Rin stand this? Tears are forming at my eyes. I can't do this anymore.
"WHAT?! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I FINALLY WON!" Yesung screamed and ran to the living room.
Yep, Hae Rin said Yesung is going to have an eye fight with her everytime she comes and she never loses. Ever.
Sorry, Hae Rin. I still can't do that eventhough we trained together the whole week. Aisy. This is hard.
When I got to the living room, everyone's face is shocked.
"I can't believe you lost!" Siwon looked surprised there.
"Yah! How can you do this to us?!" And then there's Heechul.
"Now Yesung hyung is going to brag about it for 40 days and 50 nights. Thanks." That is a 'sincere' thanking from Kibum. Yeah, he does look cold at times but Hae Rin said that's normal.
Now I know why Hae Rin withstood the pain of eye fighting with Yesung. It was to avoid these guys' naggings. Man, they sure nag like a housewife who's regretting having thirteen children.
"Yah short legs!" I guess I forgot about him.
My head made a 90 degrees turn to the left to see Donghae standing beside the window.
Wow, he is handsome.
I forced my eyes to see what he is holding in his hands.
Noooo. That can't be.
He wouldn't, would he?
I take back the 'handsome' part. He's like a child now that I can see his behaviour.
"YAH! THAT'S H.., ERR, MY SHOE!!!" Yep, he's holding Hae Rin's shoe that I wore to come here out the window. I'm sure I left it at the doorstep. When did he sneak away and take it?
"Hahaha. Yah, did you hit the steering so hard your voice is like this? HAHAHAHAHAHA"
I think he's talking about Hae Rin's fake accident that she told Donghae about.
That little fish is going to get it. Forget Hae Rin's wrath. I, myself is going to tear his body parts apart and grill it on fire to make a fish barbeque. Good thinking Ha Young! That'll make you save some money on food this month!
"Hey short legs. Who said you can go on a vacation and not bring me along? Plus, I don't see any souvenir in your hands." He is still waving that shoe out the window with a grin.
I just answered like how Hae Rin would answer.
"Bringing you to a vacation? Yah, the whole plane is going to stink because there's a fish on board! And souvenirs? I better by a sword to chop you with than by you a souvenir. That'll be the best expenditure of my money!" Well done, Ha Young.
I know he already knew how I would react. And so, with the most devilish grin I ever saw, Hae Rin's shoe went bungee jumping from the 12th floor of the building.
Except, this bungee jumping had no ropes to hold it.
I ran in attempt to catch the shoe before it falls down. Of course, luck is always hating me. The shoe already hit the road. I can see the heels breaking off from the shoe. Oh dear, Hae Rin's going to go crazy again.
There was a string of applause heard coming from the other members. What the?!
"Go Donghae! Nice one!" Donghae starts to high-five the members.
"Donghae hyung, you have to repent soon for what you did to those shoes." Siwon with his excessive hand gestures said.
Great. I forgot Hae Rin said they're always ganging up on her. Well, at least Siwon is there to back me up. Then, Siwon turned his head to me.
"Hae Rin ah, did you go to the church last Sunday? You did say to the people there I'm busy right?"
There goes my hope for Siwon to back me up. Urghh.
I think I met all the members.
Wait Ha Young! You're assuming too fast, that means for sure something bad is going too happen.
"Ouch!" A game controller just hit my head.
Okay, my head had already have a hard time to learn about you guys. And now, you're trying to break my head?
First, with the pillows.
Now, a game controller?
I'm surprised a table hasn't met my head yet.
"YAH! MY HEAD IS GOING TO BREAK!" I turned to see who threw it at me.
The magnae, Kyuhyun, looked at me fiercely. Hey, what'd I do???
Everyone seemed fine with it. Well, they must really enjoy torturing Hae Rin.
"You stepped on my game controller. It's broken now." He wore a cap,sunglasses and carried a small backpack. Looked like he's going out somewhere.
What?! I didn't realize I stepped on his game controller.
I took a look at it again and saw it was broken. Must be when I'm trying to catch the shoe.
Wow, my feet are strong that I don't even realize stepping on it!
But to hit me with the game controller? No way I'm letting that go. That thing is as hard as a brick!
"Eeteuk hyung, I'm going out to buy a new one. Already told manager hyung." He said as he is heading out to the door.
"Yah! You're zipper is unzipped!"I shouted to him. He paused his steps, turned to look at me and then to his pants' zipper.
Everyone in the dorm looked at him too and laughed hard. Serves you right for cracking my head!
I laughed my heart out when he looked down at his zipper's pants. I swear it was hilarious.
Then he gave me a confused plus angry look.
"What? I meant your bag's zipper, not your pants." I'm telling the truth. Then he walked out and slammed the door.
Really, I tell you, the members aren't even concerned about me or that Kyuhyun guy.
"Time to eat!" Shindong went crazy with the food.
Everyone started to gather around the dining table. I just watched in amazement at how fast they gathered there.
Why don't we guess, shall we? What item hit me now?
A pair of chopsticks hit my arm.
"Yah! Go get the leftovers from last night at the fridge." Thanks Donghae. I truly, deeply understand how much you missed Hae Rin by the amount of strength you used to throw the chopsticks at me. Yes, you missed her a lot.
"Don't forget to heat it first!" Then there's one naggy Cinderella.
"Let's play Twister afterwards. Hae Rin's on my team!" Sungmin suggested with his cute smile plastered on his face. Great, now my bones are going to get twisted because of them.
When I get back, I'm going to check the bruises on Hae Rin's body and I'll have to make a report to the police station.
'Hello, police? Yeah, I want to make a report here. I've been abused by thirteen men in a room with pillows, a game controller, and chopsticks. When are you coming to arrest them?'
Oh, and don't forget to ask Hae Rin about Kyuhyun. I mean, she told me he doesn't talk to Hae Rin much, and Hae Rin always ignored him. But why did he look like he's going to murder me? I don't need him doing that. I've got a killer trying to kill me for thinking I'm Hae Rin.
Playing eye-fighting until I teared up, having concussions because I got hit I-don't-know-how-many times with hard pillows, a game controller cracked my skull, chopsticks beat me up, and my body parts are going to interchange positions later.
Not to mention my ears complaining to me about the noises they make. I'm sorry ears, head, and other body parts. Just hang in there okay. After this we'll hit the gym and get you guys to strengthen up so we can beat these Super Junior guys until they regret torturing me, okay?
This is only a day with them and I'm already in bruises. How did Hae Rin survived years in hell with them?
A/N : Although I spent hours on this chapter, I still think it's a bit crappy. Apologies for my dry head. It's really dried out of ideas. Tell me what u think!
Thanks for reading! Leave comments, okay?
I'll try updating later. Don't worry, I'm not going to leave the story hanging. I'll try my utmost to finish it!
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