“Quit it, DooJoon!  Quit hitting!  Yahhhh!”  Laughter bursts out of the youngest boy, DongWoon, as his leader slaps him in his laughing fit.  These two boys at the opposite end of the age spectrum were sprawled out on the floor of the living room, howling at each other as they make faces and drink beer lazily.  DongWoon had found his leader half awake on the living room floor, a scattering of beer cans his only companion.  Instead of berating the eldest for a sloppy habit, he went easy on him.  DongWoon had heard from KiKwang that morning and was asked to just be light on DooJoon.  No more details were given, but DongWoon could feel something on the edges of KiKwang’s voice; something that felt like understanding and exhaustion. 

     When DongWoon had found DooJoon intoxicated, he had joined in and sipped a few beers, grinning and joking with the hammered adult in the room. 

     DongWoon was the youngest boy but he was often mistaken for much older.  The “NamShin” as he was affectionately called by his fans, was a very kind person but he didn’t put up with people trying to fool him.  He was quick witted and a hidden temper slept beneath the handsome features: dark eyes, a straight nose, a proud mouth.  Never did DongWoon release his anger on his friends as they rarely deserved it.  When they did cross the line, however…  god’s wrath came down.

     “Why so violent today, DooJoon?”  DongWoon asks as his leader slides into a sit against the wall, tipping more beer down his throat.

     “I had a lot of booze…Heh…”  The eldest slurs out, his ears pink from the sheer amount of alcohol he had consumed.  It was his weekly stupor and he was too drunk to realize he had been caught red-handed.  After last night with KiKwang comforting him in his weakness, he wanted to let oblivion find him once more before he began the long struggle to tackle his problems.  His problems wore a suit and had a beige office that housed a withered plant.  One more time he would sink into the release of alcohol and tomorrow… the real world would call DooJoon out into the blaring daylight and he would stand taller than he had in a long time.

     “I think you’ve had enough today…”  DongWoon smiles gently, reaching to take the half finished beer from DooJoon.  Instantly the placid, drunken boy became dark and storm clouds roiled behind his focusing gaze. 

     “Give it back, DongWoon.” 

     “You’ve had enough.  Don’t be pathetic, Dooj.”  Eyes roll as the comment is said, the little nickname doing nothing to lessen the sting of that one word.  Pathetic.  It caused lightening to strike in those storm cloud eyes and DongWoon was too careless to see it. 

     “Are you depressed because you didn’t have many fan signs at the comeback?”  DongWoon teases gently, entirely meaning a joke but the elder boy became tense.  His shoulders round back as he sits up straighter, snatching the beer from the thief with an ice cold glare.  DooJoon kicked backed the rest of the beer before using the wall for support to stand and propel himself down the hall towards the room he shared with five boys. 

     DongWoon stands, frowning slightly.  The young man never was around when the leader got this intoxicated; he was dealing with something foreign.  A wild animal was ready to strike at any given moment.  Had another friend been there, JunHyung or even HyunSeung, they would have told DongWoon to keep the jokes away from DooJoon.  Anything could set him off and as DongWoon huffs and calls out, “Don’t come crying to me when our manager finds you asleep next to the toilet,” the thunder claps and the animal strikes. 

     The bottle comes soaring across the room, barely sliding past DongWoon’s cheek.  It hits the wall and shatters, liquor staining the white walls brown. 

    DooJoon stands glaring and panting, his arm descended from the throwing position.  DongWoon stared at him with wide eyes, anger over taking him as well.  DooJoon’s eyes are fierce and dark and wild where as DongWoon’s are calculated and cold and biting.  What the youngest man didn’t realize was that DooJoon wasn’t really aiming to hit him.  DooJoon was aiming at all of his problems and in his drunken state, DongWoon had become a problem.  The stinging remark had been just the spark the leader needed to attack.

      “You could’ve hit me with that!” 

     DooJoon clears the distance between them in no time even in his drunken stupor, inches from his friend.  DongWoon is a little taller than DooJoon, so the glare is directed upwards, the reek of alcohol hard on his breath as he says in a quiet, dangerous tone, “I don’t care.”

     DongWoon’s anger was being fed by DooJoon’s quick temper and as the young man’s lips pursed into a thin line, he said something even crueler.

     “You’re a horrible leader, you know that?  Even YoSeob would have been better than you.” 

     It was just the right thing to set off DooJoon further.  DongWoon didn’t mean the insult; he was just angry.  DooJoon, though, is seething as he shoves his brother back hard, his eyes wild and dark. 

     “Why the hell would you say that?!  What’s wrong with you?!

     “Look at you.  A drunken mess on the floor.  Do you think this is what a good leader would do?!”  A scoff from DongWoon causes tempers to flare even higher.

     A fist is thrown, connecting with a strong jaw, toppling down the startled frame of DongWoon.  He falls into the hallway wall, staring at DooJoon in a mixture of fury and shock.  Touching his jaw tenderly, he stares up at his leader with pain but not at the hit.  DongWoon was hurt that his leader now bore over him, panting and staring down in surprise at his fist.  DongWoon watched how his leader’s face became less dark and more stone cold.  DongWoon saw the regret flitting inside the storm clouds and he too, felt regret.  He was angry at himself for having baited his tired leader cruelly.  He should have stopped when he saw the eldest friend get tense but no, his anger had flared. 

     “What happened to you…?”  DongWoon asks softly, touching his already forming bruise with tentative fingers.

     “I had to grow up.”  A soft sigh, a hard glare at everything and nothing was all DooJoon could respond with. 

     “No…you just caved in.”  DongWoon felt the break in his skin and regretted greatly the words he let out thoughtlessly.  He was losing steam but he had responded without thinking.  Standing up and pushing past DooJoon, he tried to get away from this whole mess but his arm was grabbed.  The grip was strong and DongWoon’s anger peaked up again as he tried to wrench his arm away.  He turns to glare at his brother, only to see that wild animal again.

     “Do you know what it’s like…?”  DooJoon’s words are quiet, quick, thought out. 

     “To listen to the five of you complain about every damn thing?”  The sound of his voice grows as his anger begins to escape him through his dark words.  Perhaps these thoughts were alcohol induced, but they were also because DooJoon never was able to tell them about the situation he was in.  Perhaps he felt abandoned even though he never reached out for help.  How could he?  He thought he was keeping them safe but at the same time, he thought they were leaving him behind in some way.

    “To try and fix everything you complain about?!  Do you know what it’s like not to be cheered for?!  You don’t, DongWoon!  Do you know what it’s like to feel…  ing abandoned by your brothers?!”  His dark words come out clearly, like knives flying through the air.  All his resentments at Mister Chun were being targeted at the youngest man and, unfortunately, DongWoon misunderstood DooJoon’s words. 

     “Maybe if you didn’t have your head up your and let us help, you wouldn’t feel this way!”  DongWoon snaps back, the swearing caused by his anger.  Normally, none of the boys used harsh words like curses against anyone.  Anger was a blinding fog, though, and clouded visions easily and let fly the words of war. 

     “You wouldn’t do a damn thing,” DooJoon snarls out, a scoff on his face as his anger boils up again.  One side of his nose was wrinkled, like he was disgusted.  His eyes were judgmental and his mouth was set in a firm, downturned line. 

     “I would if you told me what’s wrong.”

     “You have no idea how to do what I do.  I don’t even remember the last time I was congratulated…”  A gaze is turned downwards and brows knit together as a once angry face becomes solemn and full of pain. 

     DongWoon exhales sharply in a sound of disbelief, looking askance with a gaze of disgrace, before staring at his leader with pity.

     “Is that it?  You don’t get enough praise?  Neither do I and I don’t complain about it.”

     DooJoon’s self reflection is ended as his anger again summits harshly within him, causing him to howl out at DongWoon.

     “No!  ing shut up!”  DooJoon again closes the gap between him and his youngest charge by slamming his fist into the wall near DongWoon’s head.  Instantly blood becomes ruby jewels on the eldest boy’s knuckles and as he shakes his hand to try and rid himself of the electric pain, he glares darkly at DongWoon.  DooJoon was wading deeply in the thick fog of rage. 

     “You want to be leader so badly, I dare you, DongWoon.”

     “You know what, screw you, you drunk bastard!”  DongWoon shouts out, shoving past his thundercloud of a leader, trying to get away from this moment again.  And as before, he is grabbed by a steel trap grip and pushed back.  DooJoon slams DongWoon against the wall, staring up at the younger man with such a tumult of emotions.  With his hands firmly on the young man’s shirt collar, he keeps him in place with his hidden strength.  Now that there is no where for the youngest of the group to escape to, DooJoon begins to speak and his words are dark, angry, upset, lost, and well-thought out.  So many things skated across DooJoon’s brown eyes as he stared up at the young man who he held against a wall.

     “What if I were to disappear, huh?  What would you do then?  Would you wake up?  Would you be fed?  Would you be on time for anything?  Would you even miss me?  Would you be able to answer what happened?  Where I was?”  Softly, dangerously, the anger evident but behind all that…DongWoon could hear the lost boy, still a child, pleading for help.  DongWoon realized now that whatever DooJoon was hiding was killing that little boy’s happiness and leading the adult closer towards death.  As this understanding flooded the younger man, he became softer and his anger dissipated in the silent room.

     DooJoon continued, inhaling slowly and shakily. 

     “We nearly got fired.” 

    These words echo down the halls, permeating everything with a sick truth. 

     The dirty blonde-brown hair shakes from side to side with DongWoon’s head as he stares down, confusion lacing his features.  He blinks several times as he shakes his head with growing intensity, opening and closing his mouth to speak and finds no words in his throat.  DooJoon, seeing questions building he was afraid he couldn’t answer, stands back and silently casts his gaze downward.  He was still too drunk to deal with this moment but he couldn’t think of any way to escape it.  With his hands now fisted at his sides, he turns towards the room that his bed is tucked away in and, his footsteps heavy, leaves his youngest brother standing agape in the hall.  Before he gets too far, though, he feels a steel trap grip on his forearm.  He does not look up; he simply stands with his head held low. 

     “Wh-what?  What do you mean nearly fired?  The company is dropping us?”  A pleading question hangs like a flame, burning intensely in the air. 

     “They…they nearly did…”  The questioned boy answers softly, his voice a ghost of its former glorious din. 

     “I did…so much… to stop it from happening.  I called in every favor and used all of my money to buy us another chance…” 

      His secrets revealed and raw, DooJoon tugs his arm out of DongWoon’s vice grip of a hand, wiping that arm under his nose in a futile attempt at hiding the emotions running.  This poor, battered boy had given up his strong façade to, in this moment, feel the pain that spider webbed up his body endlessly.    With his brown eyes staring weakly ahead of him as the salty tears welled up, DooJoon feels a hand land lightly on his shoulder.  He doesn’t look around as he is led cautiously to the room six boys share like brothers.  Silently, gingerly, DongWoon pulls the blankets away as his leader collapses into the bed without a protest. 

      As DooJoon burrows into his covers, DongWoon takes a seat for himself at the foot of the bed, his hands clasped tightly between his knees.  The young man slumps forward as he takes a moment to try and compose himself.  It was a perilous task, however, and as one hand shoots up to hide his face in his palm, he hears a muffled voice.

     “Don’t…tell the others, please…”

      A steady inhale from a soul that has just offered silently to help shoulder a terrible burden and the reply is given.

     “No.  No need for more problems…  Thank you for telling me, DooJoon.  Sleep well…”

     “Thank you for hearing me.”

      He feels emotions rising up quickly as he hears such a genuine thankfulness come quietly from his leader’s tired mouth.  Turning his head to hide his heart ache that his leader had endured so long on his own, DongWoon takes a shaky breath.

     “Goodnight, DooJoon.”

     “Goodnight…DongWoon…”