Youngjae was going crazy.

During the past few weeks, he found himself thinking about her all the time, almost involuntarily. It was odd. He had always worried for her safety and discretion but now he was simply worried about...her. Her happiness, her well-being, her everything.

He had a vague suspicion as to why he felt this way but he refused to acknowledge it. Because if he did, everything would be ruined.

Still, he wondered--hypothetically, of course--how this had happened, and when. When had he realized how kind and sweet and caring she was, rather than just friendly? When had he realized how cute and adorable she was, rather than just beautiful? When did he begin to care about her opinions and her happiness? When did he begin to want to be with her all the time? When did he begin to want her to look at him and only him?

When did he fall in love?

He didn’t know and he didn’t want to know. He still wouldn’t let himself believe it. Because he knew she didn’t feel that way for him and that she never would. Because she had Jongup. And dammit, why was Jongup such a nice guy? Youngjae couldn’t even hate him.

Sighing, Youngjae swiped a hand over his face and through his hair before packing up his stuff and heading to his car. He drove home and prepared himself as he did every night to walk inside his own house and pretend he was unbothered by everything.

It was painful, but he knew this was the least painful path he could take.

Unfortunately, he also knew this road led to a dead end. Soon, very soon, he would have to turn back and leave her to her happiness. But for now, just for now, he let himself be selfish.

“I’m home!” he called out as he stepped inside, tossing a curious glance at the sky. It was gray and cloudy and looked as if it was about to rain, despite being clear and sunny all morning.

“Welcome home!” he heard her voice say from the kitchen where she was preparing dinner. He really would miss this.

They ate dinner, filling the air with comfortable conversation and Youngjae thought, This is all I need.

Afterwards, he asked her as they cleaned up the table and washed the dishes, “How’s Jongup doing? I haven’t seen him in a while.”

Immediately, her eyes lit up and she smiled. Youngjae ignored the squeezing in his chest and smiled back. As long as she was happy.

“He’s great! He says he wants to see you again. I think he wants to be your friend,” she smirked.

“Really? So I haven’t intimidated him yet?”

She laughed. “No! He admires you a lot, I think. Hey, did you know he’s a dancer?”

“No, I did not know, but that’s pretty cool. What kind of dance?”

“I’m not really sure, but he told me he’d show me sometime. Wanna come with?” she invited.

Youngjae shook his head. “No thanks. I’ll let you and Jongup have some quality time together.”

“Oh. Okay.” Eun Ae sat quietly for a while, appearing to be thinking deeply. “Um, hey! So have you seen the flowers I planted outside?”

“Flowers? When?” Youngjae was surprised. He had actually been waiting for her to plant something but he hadn’t seen anything new sprouting from the yard yet.

“A few weeks ago. Oh,” she laughed weakly, “I guess that’s not enough time for them to grow out of the ground yet.”

“Maybe just a little longer,” he agreed. “So what kind of flowers did you plant?”

“Well, I got some lilies and daisies and some of those bright red poppies we saw at Jongup’s halmeoni’s store last time, remember?”

Youngjae almost laughed. How could he forget?

“I also got some cherry tomatoes because I thought it’d be nice to grow something that we can actually eat. And,” she looked down at her lap shyly, picking at her shirt, “I got some sunflowers because they’re bright and happy and remind me of you.”

“Sunflowers? Me?” Wide-eyed, Youngjae pointed at himself.

“Yes, you!” Eun Ae giggled. “Because every time I see you, it’s like you're shining. And you’re so warm and kind. I’m glad...I’m glad you’re the one I married.”

Youngjae was shocked into silence by her words, but then he realized that she must have meant she was glad she married him over some other snobby rich guy. “Ah yeah, I'm one of the better ones, right?”

Slightly confused, Eun Ae just nodded.

“So how did you get all these flowers? I didn’t think you had time to make a trip to the flower shop.”

“Oh, well, I asked Jongup for them.” She blushed.

“Oh. I see. You paid for them, right?” Youngjae was finding it harder and harder to pretend he was okay every time she made another reference to Jongup.

“Of course! What kind of person do you think I am?” Eun Ae acted offended.

Youngjae looked at her smiling profile as she scrubbed a bowl and said almost sadly, “You really like him, don’t you?”

“Huh?”

“Jongup. You really like him.”

She quickly denied it, getting flustered. “No! No, he’s just a friend, seriously.”

Youngjae forced himself to laugh again. “Look, it’s fine, you don’t need to suppress your feelings. Like I said, this wasn’t a marriage for love so it’s understandable if you’ve fallen for him. Just be careful, okay?” Youngjae stepped back, drying his hands on a towel, and left the room, unable to bear the pain in her presence any longer.

Eun Ae sighed, alone with the dirty dishes. “Youngjae...I’m sorry.”

It was raining.

Youngjae was crying.

It was time.

He had walked into the flower shop to say hi to Jongup and get Eun Ae some flowers for her birthday. When he walked in, the sky still clear, he looked up and saw Jongup and Eun Ae hugging. When he immediately turned and walked back out, the storm had begun.

And Youngjae would never forget the sight of that hug.

It wasn’t a platonic hug at all, but Youngjae had no right to be jealous. Their marriage was really all a sham, after all; she was free to love whomever she chose. And if she chose Jongup, that was fine with Youngjae.

Because--he finally admitted it--he loved her. And all he wanted was her happiness.

He slowly trudged home in the rain, not bothering to cover himself or buy an umbrella. What did it matter if he was soaked to the skin? What did it matter if he caught a cold? He just wanted his sanity back. But he wasn’t going to get it.

He didn’t know how long he walked in the rain, but by the time he returned home, the sky was already clearing and the sun was peeking out from behind the clouds.

I guess warm and kind sunflowers just aren’t her type, he thought distractedly.

He unlocked the door and stepped in, and right away he was attacked with several fluffy white towels.

“Youngjae! Oh my goodness, look at you! You’ll get sick! Quick, go upstairs and take a hot shower.” Eun Ae frantically scrubbed at his hair and face and clothes, trying to dry him off.

He just stood there, still as a statue as she fussed over him, until finally he said, “Let’s get a divorce.”

Eun Ae couldn’t believe her ears. “W-what?”

“Divorce,” he repeated. “That’s what you want, right?”

“What? I--no, I--”

“Don’t worry,” he interrupted. “I’ll make sure it seems like I did something wrong. That way, your family won’t be harmed.”

Eun Ae didn’t understand. What was he saying? What was he talking about? “But--you--your--”

“Yeah, I’ll probably have to step down from the company,” he admitted. “But that’s okay. I've always wanted to try starting my own business anyway.”

“But--”

“This is better for both of us, right? This way, you can be happy with Jongup and I”--his voice faltered slightly--“I can...be free to do whatever I want.”

“Youngjae--”

He shrugged off her hand and all the towels. “I have some matters to settle before we can file the divorce papers. You can go see our lawyer for them. I’m staying at the office tonight. Goodbye.”

© Copyright 2013 by skyblaze208