I’m sorry, it was so hard back then
I’m sorry, I was so young back then
I’m sorry, I didn’t like you being different from me
I might have run away from you but

When I wake up alone in the morning, I look for your message
I draw your face in the strange sky outside the window
Your voice that first whispered love to me, your lips that spoke of our end
I can’t erase any of it – how about you?

Yunho slipped into his black leather jacket and boots before walking out into the cold streets of his neighbourhood. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jacket, keeping them warm in this harsh cold winter evening. His boots made rough little squeaky sounds as he brought his legs forward one after another across the snow-covered walkway. " Should have gotten the items earlier this afternoon. I'm such a . " he muttered to himself as he turned left towards the supermarket located at the end of the corner he was heading to. He kept his head low, looking onto his moving boots on the white-coloured street beneath him.

He shuddered as a cold gush of wind blew hard suddenly in his direction. He hugged himself a little tighter, footsteps moving a little faster this time, eager to get into the supermarket, somewhere away from this bare, cold and freezing weather. As he was trudging along the road, he bumped into someone accidently and both, him and that stranger stumbled hard on to the cold, frozen concrete walkway.

" AISH, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, AHJUSSHI! " 

A voice screamed at his face. Yunho rubbed his sore elbow gently and looked up wanting to apologize for his mistake. However, the stranger he saw made him stopped, stared and gawked. Yunho stood up quickly after that, carelessly brushed off the ice and snow that was on his jacket and bottom before looking at that stranger again. There she was, the love of his life. Someone who meant the world to him in the past and probably even now, the present.

I love you – words that weren’t so hard back then
I love you – now I’m afraid to say it
I love you – will I ever be able to tell you again?
Honestly, I can’t find any courage so I just live each day with bitter smiles but

When I wake up alone in the morning, I look for your message
I draw your face in the strange sky outside the window
Your voice that first whispered love to me, your lips that spoke of our end
I can’t erase any of it – how about you?

" B-BoA-sshi.. " 

His voice was gentle as he called out towards her. Meeting her again made him happy. He felt like a small kid again, given a candy cane on Christmas Day. He smiled at her, hoping she would smile back.

" Ah, Jung Yunho. "

Her answer was cold, so cold that all the fantasy that was in Yunho's little mind broke into a zillion small pieces. He frowned as he tried to come out with something else. Something to say as long as this moment could last forever.

" C-Care to join me for some coffee? "

" ..... "

" It won't take long, I promise. "

" Sure. "

Both of them settled down at the nearest coffee shop they could find. Yunho led them both towards a table for two located at the very end of the coffee shop. He made sure she was seated well before ordering coffee for them both of them. As they waited for their coffees to be ready, Yunho tried hard to start a topic with her.

" How are you, BoA? It's been such a long time. "

" I'm good. And you? Yes, a long time indeed. "

" I'm doing well myself. Thanks for your concern. W-Well, are you still working as a model? "

" Yes, I'm still with the company. Never left. "

" Oh, that's good news. "

" What about you? "

" I... I am doing well.. I'm still dancing hard. "

" Oh, right. "

" I heard you're married. "

" Yes, I am. My husband, I believe you know him. Shim Changmin. "

" Changmin? Ahh, right. Is he treating you well? "

" So far so good. He's doing great with our kids. "

" Oh. "

Yunho gulped so hard as he heard her mentioning about her husband and their kids. A huge pang of jealousy swept across him, making him almost unable to contain his tears. He wished he never had let go of her, 6 years ago. He wished he never had gotten sick. He would be happily married to her then. He would have been the father to her children then.

Yunho was too naive then. He always believe that one should never share your difficulties and sadness with your love ones. One should always be happy in front of the one that they love. He never knew how much BoA got hurt when he chosed to leave her 6 years ago. To him, he didn't have a choice. For someone whose diagnosed with cancer, there was nothing much that he could do. He thought that leaving her was the best way for the both of them. With that, she'll get a better life and he wouldn't have to worry about her when he dies.

But sometimes things doesn't work the way we think they would. One year after he was diagnosed with cancer, the cancerous mass of cells seemed to have disappear. This came as a shock to him as well as his medical doctors. He felt foolish then about having to leave BoA but everything was already too late. When he thought he could have had another chance with her, he found out painfully that she was already in the possession of another man. Shim Changmin, one of their colleagues when the both of them were still working at the same entertainment company.

" Come visit us sometime. "

" ...... "

" Jung Yunho.. "

He snapped back into reality at the mere mention of his name. He looked at her and saw her worried expression once again. She sat a little closer towards him, hesitating but placing her arm across his back, rubbing him gently.

" Are you alright? You look pale. "

" I-I'm fine. "

" I was talking to you but you ignored me. You keep staring into space. What's wrong? "

" Nothing. "

" Yunho, we had been together for 5 years before we broke off 8 years ago.. you think I wouldn't know if you're lying? Spill the beans, Yunnie. "

"  It's just... just... "

" Just what? "

" I miss us. I miss those days when we are still together. "

" Then why did you force me out of your life? "

" I had my reasons. "

" And what's that? What's so important that I, your girlfriend at that moment, can't even know? "

" ........ "

" You don't trust me that much do you? "

" I HAD CANCER! Happy now? "

" Y-Yunho.. "

" You have no idea.. about how it feels.. "

He was crying then. All these years filled with pent up emotions. Tears streamed down his now puffy face. Who knew how much this  poor little man had suffered for love.. for him to have pent up so much all these years. Every single part of him ached as he wept shamelessly in front of the girl he loves. He cried so hard that he himself didn't remembered the incidents that followed after that.

Yunho woke up to the bright sunlight flashing at his face. He was on his bed, in his room again. He sat up, surprised and curious about what had just happened. Was he dreaming or did that incident really happened? He scratched his head and frowned as he knew there wasn't the slightest chance of getting back ever again with BoA, the girl of his dreams.

I keep breaking down, I keep getting weaker
Take me out from being trapped in these thick memories

Just like the beginning when I wasn’t tainted by reality, when I didn’t know how to calculate
I want to go back to the times when I approached you with just my heart alone
I’m still hurting at the growing memories, how about you?