Ever since I entered SM Entertainment, I had felt the most grateful when the members of my sub-group EXO-M finally warmed up to me, giving me the opportunity to do the same since it was one of the hardest things for me to do. Luhan was the one who was the easiest for me to talk to, he was easy-going, we were the same age and he didn’t think of me as someone intimidating. After him, it was Minseok that I got along with well, he cared about the others around him a lot and it was because of these two members, that I could get along with Yixing and Jongdae as well. It didn’t take long before we were on good terms, even though Jongdae was a little bit shy at first. After sharing rooms with him, we both decided we wouldn’t do anyone anything good by staying quiet and that was how our friendship was established. Yixing was just… I liked him a lot, as a friend. He spilled my secrets and made fun of me often, but that was his way of showing me he liked me, too.

It was only with Zitao that I couldn’t easily communicate. Not only was he a shy person, he also seemed to avoid me whenever he had the chance. He would stick to either Luhan or Minseok and I knew that he needed someone older than him, someone to guide him through ‘being an idol’, but because I was the leader, I wanted to be the one to help him. I knew the hardships of being in a different country and not wanting to lean on anyone, but he had the chance and I didn’t. So it was a mystery to me that Zitao didn’t come to me for help, reassurance of anything else of that kind. I felt somewhat disappointed and wronged because I wanted to know him too.

 

So I guess you can imagine how happy I was when the others were out once and Zitao came to me for once. It was one of those rainy days, the streetlights were on almost the entire day because almost no sunlight was able to peek through the clouds. The four other members were out to some indoor amusement park to which I couldn’t join them. After all, I was the leader and still had things left to do before I could enjoy the three-day rest we had been given. Our maknae also didn’t join them, but that was because he was going to be moving into our dorm today. He had been living together with his parents and he had chosen exactly this day to move in, when the rain was pouring down so heavily that even an umbrella wouldn’t be happily doing its job anymore. I helped him get his stuff in as quickly as possible, to not burden his parents any longer and when we were finally done, we sat on the couch like two wet dogs.

“You can go shower first, if you want to.” I said, hoping to at least make some conversation now that we were alone in our dorm for the first time. He fiddled a little awkwardly with his fingers before flashing me a small smile and I knew it then, I knew that small smiles from Zitao were something that cheered me up. More than when Luhan shot them, because Luhan smiled at me often and Zitao didn’t.

“It’s okay if you want to go first.” He offered in return and I couldn’t help the smile creeping up my own face. I liked how he was considerate and wondered if he was always like that, because when we had work, I rarely got to talk to him.

“I don’t want to, so go ahead.” I said, gesturing for him to just go already. I didn’t like seeing the youngest being cold like this, what if he got sick because of me? But still, Zitao was reluctant and I decided to let him know of my worries, to urge him on. “I don’t want you catching a cold – and now don’t say that I will get a cold because I don’t care. Go on.”

“Thanks Wu Fan.” He mumbled shyly before going towards the shower anyways. I waited for a while and wondered why I couldn’t fully relax, knowing that Zitao was finally going to dorm with us.

When he was showering, I thought I’d make him some hot chocolate – knowing that I always liked to have something warm to drink when it was pouring outside – though I couldn’t say I had the skills to actually make it tasty. I wanted to try, though, because, like I had said before, I wanted to be more comfortable with him, so I had to show him that I was a fun and nice person too! I scrambled my way into the kitchen, wondering how Yixing was always able to find every single thing he needed in less than three seconds while it took me minutes to even find a cup to put the contents in…

But after a while, I managed. I had put the powder in a cup, added some water, waited for the water cooker to be ready… I just hoped Zitao wouldn’t be finished before I was, that would just be embarrassing. Willing the stupid water to hurry up, I heard Zitao open the door and at exactly that moment, the cooker clicked and I could pour in the hot water right on time, serving him the cup as he went to sit on the couch.

“I uh… I made you hot chocolate see you in a minute I’m going to take a shower now~” I said, not fully grasping why I was so nervous, but when I was out of his line of sight, I realized it. I was embarrassed because I hadn’t done anything like that before; I didn’t feel the need to prove anything when it came to the other members.

After showering as quickly as possible because I wanted to be a better host than none at all, I noticed Zitao was wearing his pajamas and well… how could one deny that he looked adorable in those? I was wearing my sweatpants and some random shirt because I didn’t feel like getting properly dressed anymore – it wasn’t as though I was still going anywhere. I sat back down on the couch, not all that bothered by the fact that I had done nothing I had actually wanted to do today, because I had helped Zitao – who was sitting cutely next to me with his pajamas on, something that I considered more valuable than that stupid paperwork. I still had a few days left too, so what did it really matter?

“Here, I made some for you too, because you helped me out so much.” I was pulled out of my thoughts by his soft voice as he handed me a cup of hot chocolate as well. I smiled brightly and thanked him – he didn’t have to do all that for me. “Wu Fan… Can I tell you something?” he asked and I raised my head from the chocolate milk to look at him.

“Of course you can.” I said, maybe a little bit too eager, but how long had I been waiting for him to actually talk to me? I was getting a little bit too excited as I turned myself 90 degrees to look at him and maybe it scared him, because he looked down in a matter of seconds. Wrong move, Wu Fan. Better watch what you’re doing in front of the sensitive maknae.

“I uh… I don’t like admitting it to the other members but I… I’m a little bit afraid of what is going to come… I’m afraid of meeting the fans, being good enough and pleasing everyone… I don’t know if I can do all that.” My heart swelled, deflated, did some flips and other awkward things because, well, he just told me that. He told me. He wanted me to know that he had a hard time letting the others know, he wanted me to know what he thought of himself.

“But you can do it, Zitao, of course you can do it! The company would never have trained you and let you debut if they thought you wouldn’t be able to do it. And I don’t know if it would help you in any way but… I think you can do it, because you… ah…” somewhere around there, I got a little bit embarrassed because I was crossing a few lines of where we were comfortable and where we were not. “Sorry about that.”

“No, no! It’s okay! Thank you for all that, really… I’ll try and become a better Tao!” he flashed a smile and pumped his fist in the air as if he was doing a ‘hwaiting’ and it made me smile too. Having Zitao as our maknae was really a blessing.

 

But good things come to an end. The other members giddily came back from their little trip to the amusement park and were all around Zitao because he was in our dorm – to stay – for the first time. I just retreated to the room I shared with Jongdae to fill in the needed paperwork and also just… to not see how affectionate they all were with Zitao. Of course he deserved all that… love but I… I wanted to be part of that too. The only thing until now that I had done for him, was making him hot chocolate. Go Wu Fan the Great. I groaned just thinking about it, why had it been so hard for me anyways? The others didn’t seem to have a single problem in getting him to talk comfortably with them and all I did was… being awkward.

Even the slightly peaceful moment had to come to an end; when I had finished filling in the paperwork way faster than I would have thought. Maybe it was because of the frustration I felt towards the others – or maybe even to myself, but I would never admit that I was frustrated with myself.

I opened the door as silently as I could to peek on the others and I didn’t even know why I was doing that. Maybe I wanted to know the secret? I nodded, blaming my weird behavior on that. I wanted to know the secret behind befriending Huang Zitao and I was going to learn that right now. But hearing those laughs coming from the living was way more intimidating than it was when I would have already been in there, what if they were having fun over things that I didn’t know about? What if they were… having fun with Zitao? I crept closer, backing up against the wall and peeking from behind the corner that led into our small hallway.

Right. The maknae was sitting next to Minseok. No, he wasn’t sitting next to Minseok, he was laughing next to Minseok over some stupid joke Yixing had made. Minseok had his hand on Zitao’s shoulder and the other didn’t care, he was just… I frowned, how could it be that easy? The laughter died down, but the oldest didn’t remove his hand from the maknae’s shoulder.

“You know–” I cut Jongdae off with a slap to his face which I hadn’t intended, but I was so engrossed in the situation in front of me that he scared the hell out of me, appearing behind me like that.

“Sorry.” I whispered, still not wanting to be found out be the others, only just now realizing that Jongdae had indeed not been there the whole time. “Please continue.” I gestured with my hands until he smiled and gently rubbed his cheek where I had hit him, making me feel worse about that.

“It’s okay, it doesn’t hurt that much… Well, I was saying,” he also spoke in a hushed tone, probably because I did. “We were talking about you just now, but our baby Zitao got all awkward, so we decided to joke around a little and when I left to get Yixing’s food from his room, I saw you standing here with your face all scrunched up… What’s wrong? Did you hear us talking about you?” I raised one eyebrow as I let myself slide down the wall to sit on the ground. They talked about me? Were they saying bad things about me to make the maknae uncomfortable?

“No.” I answered flatly.

“Then why are you… in ninja-mode spying on us?” For a second I was speechless because… wouldn’t it be awkward if I said ‘Zitao’? Wouldn’t that make me a major creep? “Anyways~ Come and join us, you weird Duizhang.” He said, pulling me up from the ground and into the living room, where I had to face Zitao, something I didn’t think I could do. Even though he had been talking just now, the second I stepped in, he just fell silent and that made the mood as awkward as it always was – but that used to be when he and I were alone, which we weren’t now.

 

This thing continued on for the whole of our free period of time – me spying on them and being awkward when we were in the same room, even with the others around –, until the last day, Zitao and myself were alone, again. I didn’t know what to say anymore because we had been practically avoiding being alone together for the past days.

“Wu Fan…” his sweet voice called me once I was looking outside at the gloomy weather. I didn’t think it was fair that it was raining again; I wanted sunshine to brighten up the weird mood I had lately. I hummed in response, not looking away from outside because I didn’t know how to behave; I didn’t know what I was feeling. “Could you make me hot chocolate again?” he asked and I felt his presence only nearing each second. I gulped, starting to realize why I had bothered to spy on them before. Why did I not like him to be around them? Because I simply wanted him to be around me instead. I almost forgot about his question, but remembered it before it seemed weird and nodded quietly to go and get it. I waited for all those watery things the second time, though now I knew where to find everything I needed, so it took less time. Yet, I still had some time to think about it. Why would I want Zitao to be around me, if I didn’t like him? Did I, then? What did he mean to me, other than him being the maknae for our group? I think I knew; he gave me some special feeling that the others didn’t give me and right now, when he had actually asked me to make him that hot chocolate, he made me feel as though… as though it would make him happy if I did that. I liked that idea, being appreciated in that kind of way. The one thing that was the most obvious – and probably most important – was that I felt nervous, I wanted to look good in front of him; I wanted him to like me.

“Here you go.” I said, after awkwardly clearing my throat. He gave me that small smile again, the one that sent my heart to do weird things with me again. “Zitao, can I ask you something?” I swallowed as he turned around to face me again, instead of looking out into the darkness that was the downpour outside. “What–” I got harshly cut off by Luhan who stormed inside, leaving a trail of rainwater all over the floor that had just been cleaned.

“Zitao~ Can you please help me carrying the groceries from downstairs, I left them in the hallway but it would be way faster if we took them together…” I groaned, I was about to ask the guy a very important question, but Luhan had a legitimate request so I couldn’t turn him down like that.

Being the sweet maknae he was, Zitao willingly helped the older and I just… waited until he came back. But no seconds after that, Minseok thought it would be a nice time to come home as well, asking the only one I needed to talk to, if he could please get that one blanket he needed to change his bed sheets which was on the top shelf of his closet, so he couldn’t reach it himself. In the meantime, I just sat down on the couch, waiting until it was my time to interact with him again.

You should be able to guess that Yixing came back home too, wanting Zitao to get him his music sheets as he himself was going to take a shower. But it was when Jongdae entered, that I really just had it already with these kids interrupting my important question.

“Zitao?” he asked, poking his head out from the hallway and my poor, tired maknae practically ran to him to see what his problem was, but I caught him by the wrist before he could reach him. “Oh. Hi Wu Fan. What’s your problem today…”

“You are going to fix your own things right now because I was talking to him! I’ve been trying to talk to him for the last hour but everyone thinks they can just claim him or something! Isn’t it obvious that I want to… that I want to …” I realized I had raised my voice and now everyone had stopped dead in their tracks to look at me. I didn’t know what to do, I had attracted everyone’s attention without wanting to do so, but… but I really didn’t want to wait any longer, so I leaned closer to Zitao, whose face I could easily see turn red, giving me a little bit of hope that his answer would be no. “Would it bother you if I liked you?” I whispered in his ear without even thinking about what the others would think was going on at the moment. I gasped when his answer came in the form of a soft kiss planted against my neck.

“I was afraid you wouldn’t like me back, Wu Fan.”

 

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Okay ^-^ I hope you liked it! Especially you, Rendeboo~~ Although it was a little bit hard for me to write, I had a lot of fun doing so as well, so I hope it was at least okay (:

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