I do not know what made me agree to going to Itaewon in the first place. I find myself in the train with Kibum-hyung, and we are heading towards Itaewon. I wonder why Kibum-hyung did not want to use the car.

I cringe, unknowingly registering the noise in the train and I stare at the place I am at now.

Itaewon.

I do not know if I will meet anyone I know there and I feel myself becoming stiff. Kibum-hyung nudges me. I utter a few curses and he gave me a stare.

“Let’s go, Minho.”

We walk, at 11 p.m. in the dark, guided by the street lamps, until he turns and enters a place. I glance at the place filled with red furniture and watch as Kibum-hyung walks up the staircase. When he notices that I am not moving, he gestures me to come.

“Come on,” he mouths.

I take a look at the neon signs above this building. It reads, “Always Homme”. I follow Kibum-hyung anyway.

I observe the foreign surroundings clearly. It is obvious that this is a bar, with drunk people lying around. Loud music is blasting, and I struggle to hear Kibum-hyung. I had never known that such a place exists in Itaewon. The scent of alcohol invades my nostrils. I suppress the urge to pinch my nose. Being in a foreign place like this makes me more self aware. I did not want to be rude, even when more than half of the people in here did not seem to care.

I see Kibum-hyung settling down on a chair, and I follow suit. Amidst all the commotion, I hear Kibum-hyung shouting for a bottle of soju.

I curse again, blaming myself for agreeing to go to this place.

Kibum-hyung takes a sip of soju and tells me, “I want you to meet someone.”

Who?

Something catches his eye and I watch curiously. He shouts, “Taeminnie!”

I think of Taemin and the prospect of meeting him when I hear that endearing nickname. I become excited, but there was no way that he could be there, I try to reason. He could not visit such a place that was deemed sinful. My heart pumps quickly despite the logical reasoning and my hands become clammy, but I attribute that to the cold air.

A teenage boy holding a bottle of soju waves to Kibum-hyung.

“Hey Key.”, he slurs and walks towards us. I immediately realized that the voice belonged to Taemin. When I turn to look at the boy, I am shocked. It is Taemin, I realize. It is Taemin. Those doe eyes and soft, plump lips were unmistakable.  

I am surprised, my eyes widen and I cannot believe that sight. Taemin, born and raised in a Christian family, could step into this bar, holding a bottle of soju? The dear Taemin that I had known for years, is standing right in front of me with a leather jacket, with ripped jeans. He looks stunning, even when he looks like a complete bad boy. His looks contradicts the impression that I had formed. I cannot believe it, but it is him-

“Minho-hyung?” He exclaims, a little too loud. His eyes widen.

“What are you doing in here?” He continues.

“Well, I wanted to introduce him to you. Seems like you knew each other.” Kibum-hyung speaks up.

The awkward silence stifles us until Kibum-hyung breaks the silence. And I get to know Taemin more.

-

Thirty minutes is spent conversing with Taemin and Kibum-hyung, and I realize that Kibum-hyung brought me to a gay bar for some unknown motive of his. Taemin tells me he is gay, and that fact just contradicts everything I had learnt from him for my whole life. He was not a God-fearing Christian, certainly not the obedient boy that I have always known.

For some reason, I had soon opened up to them, knowing that I can express my thoughts freely without being hurt by society’s standards. I start to like this bar, despite hating alcohol, because I no longer get hurt by homophobes. No one can hurt me with their words anymore, and I am not inclined to be someone I am not.

This place is like Rateen, where I can freely proclaim who I am, and meet other individuals just like me.  Taemin drinks a lot, and he urges me to drink some soju. I decline, not because of the religion imposed on me, but because I did not like soju in the first place. Taemin shoves alcohol in his mouth, and Kibum-hyung attempts to stop him once.

By now Taemin is utterly drunk. Kibum-hyung foots the bill and lifts Taemin up. I offer to carry Taemin, but the moment I put my arms around him, he murmurs incomprehensible sounds.

I strain my ears to decipher his words.

“Hey...” He whispers, and his hot breath hits my cheek. He reeks of alcohol but I like it that he is pressed against me.

With all that strength that he could muster, he puts his arms around my waist suddenly.

“I love you...” He mumbles, and I am really confident that those words are meant for me. Before I could close my eyes for a kiss, he crushes his lips on me. His teeth crashes against mine and my lips are bruised. The stinging pain dulls my other senses for a moment. The foul stench of alcohol makes me nauseous, but my heart beats so quickly against my ribcage.

It is exciting, exhilarating and I am no longer concerned about other’s opinions of me. His legs give way and he breaks the kiss to puke on the floor.

I did not register what happens afterwards and I am in a daze.  I touch my hurting lips. I have a vague notion of a commotion of some sort.

Taemin kissed me.

He likes me?

Taemin is in the train with us. I cannot believe that he is coming to stay at Kibum-hyung’s house. It turns out that Taemin gets drunk often and stays at his house often. I try hard not to notice the pair of eyes staring at us.

It is already very late, and Taemin’s head rests on my shoulder. He is sleeping soundly due to the alcohol. The stench of alcohol is still strong, just like my love for him.

It was just a brief moment, but it is enough for me to know that he felt the same way.

All of a sudden, it did not matter even if people discriminated against me, it did not matter even when my father kicked me out of the house.

What matters is that Taemin and I will live happily ever after, loving each other, even when God doesn’t permit it.

Author's note: I know it has been long ever since I've updated. Honestly, I did not expect myself to continue writing. I've been experiencing burnout these days. I have to admit that this was rushed though.