I wrote this even after the AP English exam just because I love you all. So you all better love me (kidding). <3

Also, I can't get over that this actually happened:

Crying tears of neglected TaeKai forever ;~;

Maybe a month had passed, maybe a few weeks, who was counting? Jongin was, actually. Each moment he was alone, he would decide to tell Taemin of his acceptance letter. Though, if he was physically around Taemin, the thought would vanish. How could he bring himself to wipe that contagious smile off Taemin’s cheeks? His sentences would start off with a tone of earnestness, and end with sweaty palms and a squeaky “ahh nevermind”. Though this slight distance made Taemin just scarcely suspicious, he trusted Jongin enough to know there would never be any secrets or disloyalty between them. Right?

~~~

Maybe Taemin’s day would have been better if he hadn’t have seen Jongin limping in the hallway. Maybe if he hadn’t have seen Jongin grasping to Sehun and Minseok for support, time would have moved consecutively and by seconds in replacement for the hours.

Rain drops raced each other down the school windows and proved a much more entertaining occupation than listening to a lecture. Taemin tapped on the glass to help out a certain dewy opponent whom he preferred. As the race continued and the thunder sung, Taemin eventually lost himself in the lightning as his mind transported to the clouds. The drones of the lecture faded out along with the helplessness he felt for Jongin and time seemed to reverse; it was going to be a very long day.

Fifth period eventually arrived, and Jongin’s gorgeous face definitely pulled Taemin out from his constant dream and back to reality. Class began as normal. The teacher mumbled some incoherent directions, and a few students responded immediately. Taemin must have missed the topic, for around twenty minutes later, a familiar voice chimed into the argument.

“But that’s just paradox, isn’t it? In retrospect, we are all going to feel loss, and that’s inevitable; you’re right. But I can’t grasp why you would rather pull a family apart sooner than needed.” Jongin’s voice, booming with concentrated opinion set to kill.

“Would you rather separate a child from their mother as a newborn, or as a pre-teen?”

“Have you ever felt loss before?”

The room grew dead silent, and Taemin wished he had stayed awake enough to hear just what they were arguing over. But that didn’t matter. What mattered was the tip of Jongin’s nose turned a cherry shade as he continued.

“Have you ever lost a loved one? No matter what age.”

“No, but—”

“Then don’t talk about things you don’t understand.”

Jongin turned his head towards the wall, purposely turning his face away from the class, but mostly Taemin.

Taemin’s heart screamed.

Of course Kyungsoo was still on his mind. How could Taemin actually have the audacity to believe that maybe Jongin was okay?  In hindsight, Taemin should have known.

Kim Jongin, who dances away ache, would still rather bend than break.

The room was still silent, and it was known that Jongin had won that discussion, but it was also known that this was due to some supernaturally painful reason. Taemin wanted to run into Jongin’s arms and carry him away from this room, from his gnawing heart, from his thoughts. All he could do was stare at the perfect frame of Jongin’s back and wish, and feel the secondhand pain.

The bell was usually on their side, and it rang just at the perfect time. The students rose simultaneously, and Taemin just managed to grab onto Jongin’s shoulder as he was walking out the door. Jongin turned around, and they just looked at each other for a while. Just looked, nothing more. Their telepathy wordlessly understanding each other and confiding in each other.

“Jongin… I… If it’s still raining by the end of the day, maybe we can hang out at school until it stops. I don’t want you to drive home in the storm.”

“I’ll be okay, really. Thanks though.” He smiled. The redness of his nose was gone. Taemin wondered how hard it was to stop the tears from falling. Jongin kissed Taemin’s cheek quickly so no one would see and headed to his next class.

~~~

Thinking during a cloudy day often leads to the most brilliant ideas known to man. Taemin desperately wanted to contribute some light to Jongin’s day and life, so he figured he would pick up a few things that would guarantee smiles, no matter how clichéd or overused. The next thing he knew, he was standing outside of a cute boutique filled with romantic gifts. The card section jumped out to him first, so he browsed through a few promising covers. The first one he chose was embroidered with rose petals and had an essence of sensuality. He opened it and began to read the inside.

To my lovely wife—

Taemin closed the card and chose another. This one looked less committed and more sincere.

To brush away your hair, to touch your skin

To feel your lips, to hold your chin

Caresses and kisses

I want nothing more

Than to see you each day, of which I would adore

Hmm. Seems accurate. Taemin then read the bottom.

Love, your loyal girlfriend.

He angrily threw the card back onto the shelf and decided to pick a less prejudiced item instead. A row of chocolates jumped to him first. Caramel, hazelnut, coffee, white, dark, bitter, vegan, mint. It seemed as though they promoted certain kinds of profits instead of meanings. Behind the mass amounts of chocolates lay an empty heart shaped container; the processed chocolates from it had been missing. Taemin slipped it into his bag; he would fill it with his own homemade sweets, which could correctly express his heart and implication of better days.

Adjacent were rows of bouquets. Pansies, daffodils, daisies, tulips, and of course: roses. Taemin’s eyes scanned the assortments of roses until he decided on just a single, wine stained rose. He removed the thorns towards the bottom, along with a few pricks, and the aroma of the petals whispered through Taemin’s senses; though nothing could compare to the scent of Jongin.

As Taemin was paying for the rose, the cashier smiled and spoke quite excitedly with a hint of innuendo.

“Aww is this for your girlfriend?”

“Boyfriend.” Taemin smiled with an accomplished satire, and laughed at the cashier’s expression as he exited through the double doors.

~~~

A few times, Taemin psyched himself out of actually delivering his attempt at romance. He could spend weeks with his lips locked to Jongin’s, but he couldn’t give him a flower and chocolates. This seemed logical to Taemin, and we won’t question it. Just the thought of handing over his love infested offerings shot butterflies and chills down his skin. And it didn’t help that he was standing right outside the door to Speech and Debate, moments away from the actual event.

He gulped. A few self-prep talks on pride later, and Taemin had finally opened the door. Jongin was busy talking with some kid, seemingly absorbed in the conversation. Taemin held the rose and chocolates behind his back, and slowly made his way towards Jongin. He would have spoken up earlier, but his stuttering and quiet voice muted him. He finally pulled the gifts out from behind him, but Minseok stepped out of nowhere.

“Hey, Jongin. Congrats on getting into that college you wanted! China… wow!”

“Thanks, man!”

As Jongin finished thanking Minseok, he did a double take in Taemin’s direction. He then noticed poor Taemin, frozen and mouth agape, holding his attempts at being a good lover. Jongin’s eyes widened and he spoke quite fervently. “Tae… Tae… , I was gonna tell you earlier and… this isn’t how I wanted to….”

Taemin’s mouth opened to speak, but no words came out. Finally, he croaked out some combination of words. “Congratulations! Wow! I knew you could do it! How could you not get in; you’re Jongin for sakes. That’s… I am so happy for you! Seriously so happy I…”

“Tae…”

Taemin’s smile broke. His eyes watered, and his vision blurred.

“ please don’t cry. Don’t cry. Come here… c’mere Taemin.” Jongin motioned for Taemin to sit on his lap. Taemin’s head tilted, and he ran like a small child towards Jongin’s lap and chest as his tears were now obvious. He half jumped into Jongin with his entire body and sat sideways on his lap with his arms around his neck, still holding the gifts.

Jongin cradled Taemin as though he were a delicate infant, holding him as close as he could and not allowing any part of Taemin to dangle even inches away from his comfort. Taemin buried his face into Jongin’s neck, crying out confusion, ache, and slight anger. Jongin’s soft voice echoed between them with a sense of urgency.

“Taemin. I am so sorry. I am so sorry…,” he then noticed what Taemin was holding, “Tae, what are those? Are those for… me?” Taemin didn’t pull away, but nodded, holding a little tighter.  Jongin’s breath froze.

“Why did you get these for me, Tae?”

Taemin managed to cry out a few words. “I just… want you to be happy, Jongin. That’s all I want.”

Miraculously, Jongin was able to comprehend Taemin’s mumbled conversation with his neck. He had never felt so cruel and with so full of regret, and the lack of air between them witnessed this. Their cheeks squished together as Jongin spoke solely to Taemin’s ear, half whispering, half demanding.

“I feel like complete . Don’t cry, please… you are so perfect. You are so good to me. I can’t believe you actually bought me…”

“I made them.”

“.” That only pulled Jongin lower to rock bottom. He continued to hold the emotional wreck, refusing to release an inch of his beauty. He kissed Taemin’s head, forehead, cheek, and any exposure of skin repeatedly until Taemin’s tears subsided (only slightly). Taemin pulled away, only to rest his forehead against Jongin’s and attempt to speak through his quivering lip.

“I’m sorry… I’m happy for you, really, I just… you’re just… my everything.” He broke down into sobs again as he finished his sentence, and Jongin’s heart broke.

One thing was certain about the situation: Jongin couldn’t bear to stay in that classroom any longer.

He stood slowly, still holding Taemin. He hoisted both of their bags around his free shoulder as he carried Taemin to the front of the room to talk to their teacher. Thank god Taemin weighed less than a feather.

“Excuse me. Taemin is extremely sick. He’s burning up and he can barely walk. May I be excused to him to the nurse?”

The teacher looked concerned and nodded. It wasn’t as though Taemin would miss anything anyway; he basically knew more than the teacher.

The next few minutes were a blur to the each of them. All Taemin could remember were the melodies of “I love you” that occasionally sung into Taemin’s ear if his tears grew more frequent. And all Jongin could remember was the sun’s introduction and aura of the rose as they strolled along the school’s parking lot.

Eventually, they reached Jongin’s car. Jongin carefully placed Taemin into the seat and strapped him in before strapping in himself. Taemin’s head rolled towards the window, so Jongin opened it to allow for new breaths and a cool breeze. Taemin’s hair blew upwards with the wind, exposing his face and closed, tear stained eyes. Though his expression was sullen.

Neither spoke. Though somewhere along the journey, Taemin’s hand reached around for Jongin’s without removing his head from the window, and their fingers locked. As though Taemin needed the reassurance he was still there, and as though Jongin wanted nothing more than prove he would not abandon Taemin on a whim.

Taemin’s house eventually came into view, and Jongin made sure Taemin was steady enough to walk by himself before getting out of the car. Taemin nodded, though Jongin was going to hold him anyway, regardless of Taemin’s answer.

Taemin had grown extremely tired from crying, and there wasn’t a time when Jongin wasn’t sleepy. Therefore, they both fell onto the nearest and large enough sofa the moment Taemin unlocked the front door.

“Taemin, are you mad at me?”

Taemin was silent.

“Taemin.”

He finally answered with a trembling voice after a few, for Jongin, very long moments. “You know I could never be mad at you. For anything, ever. I’m just… in shock. Even though in the back of my mind I knew you would get accepted.”

Jongin gulped, and debated on reassuring Taemin that everything would be okay, or not risk anymore distrusts between the two and cut the bull. They lay so close, their lips almost touched. A few times they did with a few stressed words, and their legs wrapped together to emphasize their longing to devour the other's preciousness and free time.

“Then let’s spend all the time I have left together, always. We’ll just have to make the most of it, right? We’ll do everything humanly possible together. I will be you and you will be me until we are sick of each other. Every feeling we have will be felt together, by the both of us. Every night and day. Think of us as one.”

Minutes of silence passed, until Taemin finally broke it.

“That sounds nice, Jongin. But I could never get sick of you. I always want more of you. What will happen to me when you’re gone? I wouldn’t have had enough of you yet. I never will. What will happen to me then?”

And Jongin didn’t have an answer.

“Why don’t you come with me? You’re better at dancing than I am, and—”

“For one, that’s bull . And that’s your dream, Jongin. You have an honest reason that has nothing to do with me. You know that. You’re the dancer. I’m the watcher.”

Jongin didn’t speak after that. And neither did Taemin. Neither did the inevitable future and neither did the present. Neither did the moments lost and neither did the moments gained. But the revolution of time did, and so did the triumph of love that conquered all venom; and so did the patience of time that waited for Jongin and Taemin to realize this. 

~