“Damn it!” Kris cursed as he clenched his fists tight, resting one of them against the wall. Various sounds like people cheering and screaming and joy could be heard from inside. Kris cringed in annoyance.

 

How could he make a mistakes–a lot of mistakes?

 

Kris gritted his teeth as he let out a deep sigh, turning his body around and resting them fully against the wall. He looked up at the ceiling, hoping that somehow there was a ‘replay’ button at a plot of someone’s life.

 

He felt like a totally failure. He had sacrificed everything–everything for God’s sake; his college, his free time to hang around with his friends, his energy, and his time with his boyfriend, Park Chanyeol; but what? What kind of result which he got in the end.

 

A failure.

 

Gosh, Kris really hated those words, and as long as he really hated it, he–

 

“Hyung!”

 

Kris reflectly turned his head towards the side as soon as he heard someone was calling him–even though he knew who actually was that.

 

Chanyeol.

 

“How’s the tournament, hyung?” Chanyeol asked cheerfully as he looked at Kris with enthusiasm, maybe expecting the usual ‘I won’ or ‘really good’ words from him.

 

Hearing the question, Kris couldn’t help but averted his eyes to the side. He really didn’t want–no, he really couldn’t hear it right now. It’s disappointing so much, for the fact that he also disappointed the others who put a big hopes on him.

 

“Hyung?” Chanyeol titled his head slightly to the side, noticing the expression on the older’s face was changing. “Is everything okay?”

 

Kris took a deep breath as he averted his eyes back towards his boyfriend, forcing up a smile. “Yeah, everything’s okay.” He answered in a low tone.

 

Chanyeol hummed unsurely before speaking. “How’s the tournament?”

 

This time, Kris didn’t answer–again. He looked down and held back a frustated groans. The same feelings which he felt when he was playing back then–basketball was his life, and he expressed everything about him through that–and then he failed washed over him again.

 

He felt totally like a failure–again.

 

Chanyeol put down the lunch box which he deliberately made for Kris earlier, and also brought it here for him–in case Kris forgot to eat lunch again. He held Kris’ face softly with both of his small hands. Chanyeol smiled.

 

“You’re not winning?” Chanyeol asked in an understanding tone as he lifted up Kris’ face slightly, eyes searching for the other’s eyes. Kris let out a deep sigh again.

 

“It’s my first time, Chanyeol,” Kris started to speak, his tone lacing with anger and annoyance. “It’s my first time ing failed!”

 

Chanyeol breathed out softly and his smile got wider, instead. “And you feel really bad about that?”

 

Kris snorted lightly and this time, he looked at Chanyeol straightly. “Of course! How could–I mean, the others were expecting me so much! My team, my coach, my friends, you, my parents, my family ..”

 

Chanyeol nodded his head slightly several times, but didn’t say a word. He knew how the other was feeling, he knew how exactly he was. He was a psychologist after all. He understood people’s feelings–moreover it was the one who staying with him for a quite long time.

 

“ .. but, I’m ing disappointed them!” Kris raised his voice slightly, his team wasn’t arriving yet and he was a bit scared that that they would hear him angry and everything. His team was respecting him so much.

 

“Take a deep breath.” Chanyeol ordered softly as he moved down one of his hands, holding Kris’ clenched hand calmingly. Kris kept quiet for a seconds, before finally doing it. He took a deep breath.

 

“Hyung, pe–“

 

“How many ing times did I tell you?” Kris cutted Chanyeol’s words abruptly, making the younger flinched in surprise. “Call me with something cheesy! Like ‘baby’, ‘darling’, ‘Krissie’, or whatever! ‘Hyung’ is too universal. You called the other older people with that name too.”

 

Chanyeol let out a deep sigh and fought back the urge to massage his temple–maybe Kris’ friends were right, at a times his boyfriend was unpredictable.

 

“Hyung,” Chanyeol called firmly. “We’re trying to be serious here.”

 

“I’m ing failure, Chanyeol ..” Kris started again, inching closer to his boyfriend as he slumping his shoulders forward. He felt so pathetic and the expression on his face clearly showed that he was in the definite state of confused and frustated.

 

“You’re not, hyung.” Chanyeol shook his head, lifting up Kris’ face again. “You just weren’t in your right time to win.”

 

Kris chuckled in sarcasm as he heard the younger’s words.”Yeah, and that’s because of my ing fault, wasn’t it?”

 

Chanyeol let out a deep sigh as he looked at Kris’ eyes tenderly–motherly. “I didn’t say that, the one who keep saying that is you. Could you guarantee the judgement of yours that your team was disappointed with you? Did you already ask them? Or did you already hear them said that?”

 

Kris shook his head slowly.

 

“Then why you had a negative thoughts about them?” Chanyeol asked as he brushed his thumb slightly against the other’s cheek. “They understood about it, because they are a player–and you too. A player knew the risk of being themselves–win or not win when they compete. They knew that there will be a time when they had to accept the result that wasn’t the same as they expected earlier, and they knew too that there will be another time–right time–for them to win.”

 

Kris let out a shaky breath as he closed his eyes tightly. He felt like–really, really messed up. First, he made his team lost for the first time at the tournament. Second, he really felt less responsible about it–even though he didn’t know exactly why.

 

“That’s why God never created people perfect, hyung.” Chanyeol smiled softly. “He want us to struggle, to always try, to always believe that hopes to make out life better are there, all around us. Even though you couldn’t grab them easily, but your weakness–which is the naturality of human life–would help you. It would help through the motivations which you had as the result of you feeling not perfect and enough.”

 

It was so heart-touching, Kris had to admit, seeing Chanyeol saying something like that. Even though it wasn’t actually the first time Chanyeol said something like that to him, but somehow it never failed him to fall all over the younger boy again. He was so wise, yet beautiful at the same time.

 

Kris never regretted the time where he had this courage to speak up to Chanyeol, telling him that there was this someone who liking him so much, and really wanting him to be the one who always accompanied him–even until they’re old but still falling over again at each other.

 

Chanyeol moved up his hands slowly to the back of Kris’ head, grasping the slightly wet hair there. He tugged on the elder’s head softly, before bringing it down to let it rest against his narrow shoulder.

 

“You can tell anything,” Chanyeol spoke tenderly. “–my strong, great man.”

 

A small amount of water–like tears–slipped from Kris’ eyes as he pressed his face more comfortably against the younger’s neck. His lips quivered and suddenly he had nothing to say–it was too much, the pain was too much and it because he always tried to be perfect–someone perfect.

 

Once the truth played cruel on him–that there’s never ever nobody perfect–he crumpled, he shocked, he broke, and he couldn’t stand it strongly like he always did.

 

Chanyeol rubbed Kris’ back gently, shushing him softly. “It’s okay. It was just a game ..”

 

Kris wrapped both of his arms around Chanyeol’s tiny waist, pulling the younger boy closer–if it could be more, as close as possible. He inhaled deeply on his boyfriend’s scent–it was really sweet, and probably strawberry as well.

 

“It just ..” Kris’ voice sounded cracking when he talked. “.. It’s really hurt everytime I see their faces. They were smiling at me, telling me that it was okay, telling me that I’m still their best captain, but–“

 

“–deep down I know, they’re disappointed too.”

 

Chanyeol took a deep breath as he listened to Kris’ explanation. Sometimes, he felt really weird and strange to have Kris all so narrowed mind and pessimistic like this–he looked so strong and determined outside that Chanyeol always ended up admiring him.

 

“Hyung,” Chanyeol started again, still rubbing the elder’s back tenderly. “I already told you that–“

 

“ing that would right!” Kris spat suddenly, cutting the younger’s words harshly. Chanyeol flinched again at the words. “You just kept saying that, ‘Hyung, you are too overreacting and you even don’t know wether they speak that way to you’.” He mimicked Chanyeol’s words earlier.

 

“I definitely didn’t hear them saying that because they won’t absolutely say that directly to me! Come to think about it, Chanyeol. Is there any of person in this world that–“

 

“Even if they did, they must be forgave you.” Chanyeol replied quickly. He looked at Kris firmly.

 

Kris only let out a deep sigh as he rested his head again on his boyfriend’s shoulder. It was so comforting–in every cases when he got strucked down by an events like this and he needed it–and he liked the feelings when his cheeks brushed lightly against it’s shoulder’s skin;soft.

 

“If they did not, at least they felt embarassed by their creator–God.” Chanyeol continued, tone less firm than before. “Even God who created people forgiving his creature, why couldn’t his creature forgive back another people?”

 

Kris closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around the shorter boy tighter, managing himself to only listen to the younger boy speaking–he didn’t want to intrude, he didn’t want to reply. he just wanted to hear the wise, this smaller and shorter’s boy voice. so calming.

 

Words couldn’t even describe how much he loved the younger boy, how much he really appreaciated him, how much he really wanted and always cravings for his warm presence. Kris adored him like he always adored the philosophy figure. His words, everything which he managed to come out wisely; Kris liked them all about him.

 

“Thank you, Chanyeol.” Kris said in a mere of whisper, but Chanyeol knew–no, he could feel–that he was smiling slightly through it.

 

Chanyeol smiled a wide smile–even though Kris couldn’t see it, but he was sure that it also happened the same way to him. Kris could feel it too.

 

“So, since you already felt better then,” Chanyeol spoke in a playful tone as he released himself from the other’s arms, slightly. “What kind of reward which you want to give me?”

 

Kris raised his eyebrows confusedly at Chanyeol.

 

Chanyeol laughed that beautiful laugh–in which Kris always fell over it again, and again because it sounded so melodiously to his ears–as he waved his hands slightly.

 

“I’m just joking, I’m not–“

 

“Marry me in the future.”

 

Chanyeol stopped laughing, dumbfounded. He blinked at Kris and this time, it was his turn to raise his eyebrows confusedly.

 

“W–what?”

 

“I said, marry me in the future, Chanyeol. You have to be my wife.” Kris repeated in a more tender, serious tone–in which Chanyeol never dare to consider as a lame, failed romantic jokes.

 

The younger spontaneously averted his eyes to the side, nervously–didn’t know what to do to react, or give a response.

 

“I–is it an earlier propose?” Chanyeol asked unsurely, with a hint of shyness here and there. He looked up at Kris blushingly.

 

Kris only smiled his trademark smile–all confident and gentle and keeping a various meanings–and pulled the younger towards his embrace again. He lightly kissed the top of the younger’s forehead.

 

“You can count on it–only if you willing to wait.”

 

Chanyeol blushed harder hearing the older’s words. He simultaneously wrapped back his arms around the other and buried his face onto the other’s chest, mumbling–

 

“–I do.”

 

 

A/N: Okay, so this is result of me a little bit failing at my first music performance. I decided to make a fic with a similar theme which I felt at that time. I was so nervous at that time that I couldn’t help but made a mistakes (even though the singer did it too). I felt so frustated and kept thinking myself as a failure (at that time). But then, I remembered something: If you fall down on your way, you have nothing to do unless you stand up again. And if you fall down again, you have nothing to do again unless stand up again.

I realized that I have to take a positive sides from this. Maybe I could learn from this event that I have to perform better at the next time. Yep, haha.

So, enjoy your read and have a nice read! Always take a look at the positive sides, and don’t let yourself drawn into the box of the past :) Bye-bye~