How did I ever get to fall in love with her? It’s been so many years that I can’t clearly remember the actual reason. It feels like I’ve loved her since forever, but then again, even if I remember all the things that happened after I noticed I had fallen, I can’t remember the precise moment in which I chose to fall in love with the girl who was my best friend, with the girl who would later become Jonghyun’s girlfriend.

When was it? How did she get me to fall this hard? Why did she make me break the best friend code when I shouldn’t have? I can only barely remember one time I went out to help her since she had been in a situation like the one in the morning and just when I had finally got to her and helped her, just then, just when she hugged and everything felt different than before… yeah, that was one of the occasions in which I had noticed there was something wrong with me.

Back then, I couldn’t understand the reason why I wanted to make her smile, why I would always help her out in everything I could. I thought that perhaps was because we were so close and that maybe, just maybe it was because I considered her more than a friend, but I didn’t know to what extent.

However, one of the things I remember is the moment she came up to me, happily hugged me from behind and then said, “Oppa…Jonghyun confessed to me”, it hit me like a lightning bolt. My two best friends…were in love.

That day, she really didn’t know what to do or how to respond to his confession. That day, I didn’t really know what to do or how to go back in time and be the one who confessed to her first. She smiled brightly upon hearing Jonghyun saying he liked her, I faked a smile upon asking her if she liked him back. Her eyes, however had the answer to my question, those smiling eyes I won’t ever forget and that were telling me that she did like him, that I had lost my chance for not telling her first. If I had been the one to tell her, would things have been different?

Would it have been the two of us instead? Would we have been able to maintain a long distance relationship due to the training to becoming part of the band? Would we still be in love by now? One thing is having a one-sided love in which you can love the person for any length of time you want, you don’t get the person’s love, but you can love, love no matter the time. In a relationship love can easily come to an end if something goes wrong, and I didn’t want things to end between us, guess I was better off as her best friend.

I didn’t know the answers and I wouldn’t ever know, because those times were gone, and I lost my first chance. I could have got a second chance, but it was not going to end well, after all, Jonghyun made use of his second chance and got close to her, but his situation is different, he can get close to her in that way, but I can’t.

But even if things were like this for the three of us, even so, we both were here at this moment, just the two of us, sitting on a sofa together, watching TV or well, having the TV as a background sound since we were talking about this and that.

By ‘this and that’ I mean random stories of our teenage years, silly things we used to do. She just laughed at all my rants regarding her attitude back then.

“But you liked me still! Or else our friendship would have ended!”

Yes, I liked her, in both ways, as my best friend whom I could joke around, whom I could hug, listen to music with the same earphones and as the girl I liked, the girl whom I couldn’t get close to because I was afraid of losing her friendship, because I was afraid of hurting my other best friend, because I didn’t want us three to fall apart when we had been together for so many years.

And I still like her after all these years, even if I try to forget her, it’s like she wouldn’t let me. I sometimes wonder if she knows about it and on purpose plays with my feelings, but knowing her, she’s so clueless to even realize, she didn’t realize back then so why would she realize now. It’s not like she can get to fall for me, after all, her mind is filled with Jonghyun.

But right now- right now there’s something bothering me, she asked me, Kang Minhyuk to stay a night, not Lee Jonghyun, why? Perhaps I shouldn’t be questioning this too much, but there’s something…there’s something that makes me want to find out why I’m here, right now, sitting next to her, talking to her, laughing alongside her and taking care of her.

“Minhyuk-oppa, should we order something to eat?”

“Omo, what’s with you and eating today? Is it because you are ill?”

She pouted in response, “Yeah probably, I will gain weight at this rate”

I ruffled her hair playfully, “So what if you do? A little food won’t kill you, and your face is still beautiful so—“ I stopped myself from saying anything else that could get to be misunderstood by her. Before I showed her how I felt about her, even if it was just a small compliment.

“Omo, you think I’m beautiful?”

“I… I just said I thought your face was beautiful, only your face”

Come to realize it, I had never called her pretty, or beautiful, if I did I couldn’t quite remember, maybe it was because I haven’t done so that much, or at all. And for me she wasn’t just pretty, but beautiful, but I was scared to tell her because I thought she might find it weird. But I had done so just now, and she was alright with it, guess I should have done that earlier.

She gasped and playf