Ahoy, smarty pants. Yeah, it is me, the one and only awesome person, your best friend.

            Hey Nam Woohyun, do you remember the date we first met? It was on the 16^th of October 1994. I bet you cannot even remember that date. Kekeke. On that bright, sunny day, I was crying uncontrollably in the playground until you came by, asking me what was the problem. I told you that my pink bunny shaped balloon got stuck in a tree. You patted my head and reassured me that everything would be alright. I could still recall how thin and frail your body was, trying to reach for the balloon. You came down with full of scars, yet you still can manage a sheepish smile.

              You told me not to cry anymore, as it looks horrible for girls to cry. I asked your name, and I called you Namu. We battered for an hour, as you thought that that the nickname was not manly. I did not won in the end anyway, as you decided to call me Kimbap. How could you name me from a food? Gosh! I still don’t know why you call me that though….

              Oh and do you remember that time when I was 10 and you were 12? When we were at the library? You were teaching me Mathematics, a subject I loathed. Why I brought up this, you ask? Let me tell you a secret. I could not tell you this before but, I had a crush on you since I was 8. Surprised, huh? Kekeke, I could imagine your shocked face. Well, on that day, I secretly watched you, admiring your face. Hey, do not blame me; I was a hopeless little girl who likes a dashingly handsome boy. Be honoured that I even like you. I remember you caught me once and you hit my head with the super thick textbook, saying that I was not listening. That hurts, you know. Who told you to have such a handsome face? Then I wouldn’t be staring! Merong~

               When I came home few weeks ago, I vowed to never meet you again. I was scared; I thought you were already happily married with your spouse. And I definitely did not want you to hate me too. All because of that stupid incident we had four years ago. The day where we, well, I separated from you. Can’t recall? It was the time when I was a freshman and you were a sophomore. Nam Woohyun, I am so sorry. I did not mean to kiss you abruptly, when you still had your girlfriend. It cringes me every single time when I remembered your shocked face, like I did something totally wrong and stupid. Damn heck it was my first. You forgive me, right?

              The 4 years being separated with you was hell. I think of you every single day and night. Not once had I forgotten you.  I got busy to just get you out of my mind, but the action was avail. I am so messed up the friendship we had built all this while. The more I got busier, the more I thought of you. Sometimes I wish you disappear, sometimes I do not. I even thought of getting myself into an accident just to forget you. You might think I’m stupid just for thinking that, but what can I do? I felt like a lost little lamb, finding her way out of her misery.  

             I came home at last and found out that you were in the hospital, with a fatal disease. It felt like my world was crushed, and my heart was ripped into pieces. Why did not you tell me? At least a call would do. Was this the price I have to pay after leaving you? Those thoughts flicker in my head as I contemplate on whether I should meet you. If I did, will I be able to see you go?

              I braved myself to see you after I got some advice from mother, waking me up from this nightmare I shouldn’t have created. You should be thankful to her. I am sure you were shocked at how impulsive I am when I practically crashed your ward and deliberately hugged you. With a runny nose and red, puffy eyes, I am sure my face was horrendous. I missed you so much, and I couldn’t hold my feelings anymore. I think I mumbled words that you did not hear, but I am so elated that you heard those important words. You slapped my cheeks and said, “Yah, Calm down! I love you too you know…” And you kissed me, full of warmth and happiness. My heart was about to explode. You do not know how meaningful that was, as I had longed to hear those words come out from your mouth, and giving me the best kiss I’ve ever had.

                I did not like it when you said I had changed. Sure, I have short cropped brown hair now, but I am still the same old me. But hey, I am ier aren’t I? Kekeke. Tell me you have enchanted by my new look. Did I make you laugh? I hope I did. Well, I wished we had more time together, and, maybe we will grow old and have kids together, living a happy and contented marriage life. But it will never happen huh?

Oh Woohyun,

                This last one month I had with you had been bliss as I had the chance to be reunited with you. We caught up with each other, telling stories during our separation before you…. Well, before you were gone, that is what I thought. You were getting sicker as days passed by. All those wires and tubes going all over your body… I can’t bring myself to even think that. I hated seeing that stuff on you. But you fought on, smiling like how you did when we were small. You again reassured me that it was alright, but I could see pain in your eyes.

                 I could not help but feel joyful looking you smiling so brightly when you got a donor, finally. You told me how this was going to work, and we will lead a very bright future in each other’s arms. Few days ago, you told me, “Don’t leave me again, okay?” I nodded, but it will not be the same as you imagined.

                You are the last person to know this, as I told both of our parents not to tell you. I am sorry for not being there beside you when you wake up. I am sorry for breaking our promise. Two weeks ago, I found out that my heart was suitable with yours. I think you could guess what is next, huh? My parents were shocked, definitely. But seeing me suffer will not be bearable. I might just as well kill myself, huh?

                  I absolutely cannot live without you, Woohyun. But I know you can do well without me. Take care of my heart, please.

Thank you for lightening up my life.

Thank you for being my best friend.

And thank you, for loving me.

Live Namu, live for me. Do not be despair over my death. I promise to be beside you, forever. I will live for as long as you shall live, thinking of me.

               Giving away my heart was the most I could do, and that was the best decision of my entire life.

I love you.