Kyuhyun was the type of person who you’d get annoyed over despite his looks, even if said nearly perfect looks would cut him some slack. He was the type you’d try tolerate being with because he was more than physical beauty, he was that person you’d beat yourself over for because you think he has the right to be arrogant, rude and no-holds-bar candid, enough to degrade you to the very core.

But Kyuhyun wasn’t that kind of person his entire life. No. Sometimes, the way we are is molded through Life’s experience – good and bad. Unfortunately, Kyuhyun had a generous amount of bad while still in his formative years of life or is what Kyuhyun would scold his self but to be honest for the most part, is just an exaggeration.

*~*~*

Kyuhyun, growing up, was never interested in anything that requires him to sweat, he was only slightly interested in the Arts and had only read books when the teachers says he has to. Kyuhyun only enters the gym, steps on the vast football field, grabs a brush, learn to whisk and open a book when classes call for it.

People had been trying to urge, threaten, bribe him into doing something, anything for that matter, his parents were even bargaining him into buying him any game console, CDs, software he wants just to have him out and enjoying his life as a boy growing up. The idea was fairly tempting, but not tempting enough for lazy, smart- Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun didn’t mind being a wall flower during the school festivities, he enjoyed watching others fall, and fight over getting a ball, run and shoot it in a basket or get all muddied up just to kick a ball across a huge field.

*~*~*

“Please, please, please,” Donghae begged and cling on to his sleeve, leaving small crease mark to his perfectly ironed uniform. “Fine,” Kyuhyun gave in and earned a silent smile from his best friend. People thought Donghae had an amazing skill – to have such persuasive ability on Kyuhyun – but Kyuhyun thinks of it as a very annoying person, a much more annoying being than he is but on a lighter aspect.

Kyuhyun had just turned sixteen then, sweet sixteen as girls would call and celebrate over it, another ordinary day where he turns another year closer to legality, Kyuhyun thinks. And for probably the first time in those sixteen years he has voluntarily entered the library and joined a club.

“Hello, I’m Cho Kyuhyun,” he mumbles begrudgingly as he makes a lethargic bow onto the surprised stares of the members. Kyuhyun wished they wouldn’t stare so much, he couldn’t be the only sloth in the entire school? The stillness of the library was, however, interrupted by three slow claps, every head turned towards one of the bookshelves behind Kyuhyun and Donghae.

“I know the club needs more members in order for it to survive, even if said members would just be fillers but,” the student, who by the looks of it was a senior to both Donghae and Kyuhyun, said as he studied Kyuhyun discreetly carefully. “They should at least know one classic novel.”

Kyuhyun knew this was a subtle challenge. Clearly, despite their situation, the head of the club doesn’t just let anybody in. “Great Gatsby is a classic right,” Kyuhyun asked over his shoulders and Donghae confirmed it with a  nod then Kyuhyun looked back at the Club Head and nodded, signaling that that was his reply.

“Author?” prodded the Head.

“Fitzgerald… something,” Kyuhyun answers with doubtful squinted eyes. “Oh, Haruki Murakami’s After Dark,” he finishes with excitement. “Wait, no, that’s not really Classic right?” and he purse his lips rummaging titles he have read. “Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens then or The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde.”

The dark, thick eyebrows of the Club Head furrowed in curiosity and amazement, he has heard of Kyuhyun and his reputation, so it was half surprising as it was when he entered the club that the boy actually reads. Although he and anybody else who isn’t desperate enough to pass a class hasn’t heard of Kyuhyun making a business out of making book summary – the reason why he’s somehow become a wide reader. The Club Head closes the book he has been holding in one hand, tucked it under his arm and with the other, extended it to shake Kyuhyun’s hand.

“Welcome to the Books are Us,” he said cordially, with a pleasing smile. “As I’ve said and hope Donghae had explained, we don’t really require you to read or do whatever else we usually do, we just need one more name to keep the club alive while we still can,” he finishes with a simple explanation.

Kyuhyun tilts his head slightly to the left with a small shrug as he accepts that extended hand. “Well, it’s not what my parents wanted but a club is a club, I can sleep here, right?” Kyuhyun has retracted his hand and placed in inside his pants’ pocket, both of his hands.

“Of course, but only during club hours,” the other had said, still with a smile, very much like a gentleman Kyuhyun thought. The Head started introducing the members, there were only nine of them, including Kyuhyun to the count already. “And I’m Choi Siwon, the current head of this club but I’ll be resigning soon, graduation and college entrance exams and all,” the tall gentleman with thick, well-kept eyebrows said.

But Kyuhyun knew that. Kyuhyun apparently knew him and he was one other reason why Kyuhyun had begun to secretly like reading.

“Donghae tell me why I shouldn’t skewer you right now?” Kyuhyun muttered threateningly as he and Donghae had walked towards the shoeboxes near the entrance. School had ended for that day. Donghae scrunched his nose and bit his lower lip but decided to man it up. “Well you know, Kyu,” he started as he stretches an arm a little to grab onto his outdoor shoes. Kyuhyun was beside him, crouching, as his shoebox was at the second to the bottom column. “As you’ve heard our dear Head is about to graduate, and he really loves the club and as good members and admirers of his dedication to the Literary world –”

“Oh cut the bull crap,” muttered Kyuhyun as he slams the door of his shoe box and had a head start off. Donghae stifled an amused laughter. “We both know why you’re doing this.”

Donghae swings an arm around Kyuhyun’s shoulder and sways a little more to Kyuhyun’s side, “Kyuhuyn. Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun. Think of this as my Christmas present okay, aren’t I such a wonderful friend?”

“No,” drawled Kyuhyun as he shoves both Donghae’s arm and the dried up leaf that had rested upon his shoulder and walked off.

*~*~*

“You’re home late,” mumbled Kyuhyun’s father with his mouth half full with tonight’s dinner.

“Some club meeting,” Kyuhyun answered dully. It had been a week since his first day at the Books are Us club, which is practically a book lovers’ club.

Forks, spoons, mouths stopped halfway wherever direction they were planning to go and all eyes were on Kyuhyun.

“Club? What club?” his father asked incredulously. This couldn’t be his son, surely, his son doesn’t do clubs.

“It’s a book lovers’ club thing, nothing grand really,” then he immediately added, “Donghae dragged me in.”

“Well,” drawled his father. “True, it’s nothing impressive but it’s still a club so –”

“We’re so proud for you,” cut in his mother with a beaming smile all addressed to him. “We didn’t have that extra room turned into a library for nothing, I just knew it in my heart.”

“Mom, don’t exaggerate,” Kyuhyun muttered and tried his best not to roll his eyes, he knew how his mother hated it. “You renovated that room from a sort of clothes room to my study room not a library. I just so happened bought a few because of school literature subjects and stuff,” Kyuhyun reasoned out but his mother dismissed his little speech with a nonchalant wave of the hand and continued with dinner.

“For a filler member, you sure do come by a lot,” Siwon had said, leaning onto one of the bookshelves.

Kyuhyun climbed down the steps with a book in hand and prayed he wasn’t blushing from embarrassment. “I only come twice a week at most, that’s not a lot in my dictionary,” Kyuhyun retorted and went to one of the tables at the farther side of the library where most people don’t go because the smell of books is pretty thick.

“Donghae told me,” Siwon said, he had followed Kyuhyun, and hearing his voice suddenly almost made Kyuhyun jump. “You’re actually a pretty good reader.”

“And I was told you were an aspiring writer,” replied Kyuhyun curtly as he takes his seat.

Siwon had taken the seat across him. Kyuhyun gazed at him with curious, surprised eyes.

“Why are you following me?”

Siwon smiles widely, showing none of his teeth. “The other members aren’t here yet, so do you mind?”

“Yes,” Kyuhyun answered instantaneously. “I do mind, very much.”

Siwon chuckles but made himself comfortable instead. He had pluck out a small notebook from his coat’s pocket and a pen from the pocket and started to scribble.

Kyuhyun sighed exasperatedly to show how annoyed he was with the unwanted company, Siwon just scoffs. “I’ll let you have a sneak peak at the manuscript once it’s done if you’ll just bare with me for a few hours,” he had said casually without so much as looking up at Kyuhyun.

“No, thank you, I’m not that excited for anything you make in all honesty,” Kyuhyun flatly replies.

Siwon shakes his head, amazed and amused but he stays and had closed off the outside world within minutes and was entirely engrossed with his writing.

But Kyuhyun lied, Kyuhyun already knew of Siwon’s dream before any of the members had shared it to him during one of those initial days as a member. Kyuhyun had read one or two of Siwon’s articles in the school newspaper even if Siwon had used a penname, he knew it was Siwon. Kyuhyun lied for his sake, because he doesn’t know what to do in this situation where he’s with no one else but the person he has only admired through his writings.

Kyuhyun lied, he was certainly excited that he’d be the first person to read the raw version of whatever Siwon was going to write that was going to be published outside of the school. Kyuhyun lied when he acted annoyed sharing one table with anyone, because as Siwon continually loses himself in the world he created Kyuhyun was actively taking into memory every bit of his physicality the table would allow him to see.

Kyuhyun had wished silently that this wouldn’t be the only time they’d be sharing a moment together.

*~*~*

Kyuhyun was standing at the entrance, staring into nothing when he felt something warm nudge his face that had gotten quite cold from standing too long in the open.

“You’ll get sick with whatever you’re doing,” Siwon said with a snicker and handed Kyuhyun the warmed can of chocolate milk. Kyuhyun accepted it and drank from it without any smart commentaries. “Want to share?” Siwon asked as he tilts his umbrella towards Kyuhyun’s side. It had started to snow.

“Well since you insisted,” Kyuhyun answered rather haughtily and started to walk as he chugs his hot milk.

Siwon chuckles as he tags along to the younger one.

“You’re going home late today,” Siwon starts the conversation.

“You too,” Kyuhyun dodges to answer, even though it wasn’t a question, he knew it was implied to answer.

“College exams to prepare and all,” Siwon says nonchalantly with a shrug.

“You still need to go to college even if you’re just going to be a novelist or something?”

Siwon rolled his eyes, “For a smart person you sure ask a dumb question,” he jests.

“It’s not dumb,” retorted Kyuhyun. “Anyone can write for all I care.”

“True, but one has to know the basic and essence if one wants to make something worth the world’s time.”

“Should what you want to write matter more than what everyone wants? You can’t please everybody.”

“One could dream.”

“One can of course dream, every one sleeps after all.”

“Smart one, are we?” Siwon says as he elbows Kyuhyun at the side lightly. And for the rest of the journey back home, well until the subway station, the senior and his junior had talked in a friendly term as if they had known each other more than a month’s time, as if they’d known each other since childhood.

*~*~*

Kyuhyun had been greeted with a creepy face when he stepped foot in his room. Donghae had been smiling from ear to ear, although Donghae was already known for being a smiling person, this, as Kyuhyun described was a frightening one.

“So,” Donghae starts in a sing-song tone, dangerous, Kyuhyun tells himself. “What’re you going to give for secret Santa?” Donghae says and swings his feet above his head. He had heedlessly lain on his stomach on Kyuhyun’s bed without the other’s permission, granting that he was Kyuhyun’s best friend.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kyuhyun muttered and goes to his closet, looking for a change of clothes.

“I know whose name you had picked,” Donghae said rolling his eyes as he rolled onto his back simultaneously. “So spill,” Donghae commanded.

“A pen,” was the boring reply.

“Seriously, you could think better than that, like for instance.”

Kyuhyun’s fist instantly collided with Donghae’s head even before the words and action could be processed and thought over, it was like reflex. “Or a date,” Donghae mutters while he massages his aching head.

“Hae,” kyuhyun sighed deeply. “I’m fine just being able to talk with him casually, this is something I never actually thought would be possible, and you know that. Besides, I get to read his manuscript even before his editor would, so I’m happy,” Kyuhyun replied.

“Wow, such deep words man,” Donghae said shaking his head slowly with his mouth tight shut to show that he means it. Kyuhyun throws a pillow on him instead.

But the thought of at least confessing had crossed Kyuhyun’s mind once and it has burdened and stressed him but not as much as what he’d give for Siwon. Whether it was fate or not, for their secret Santa, Kyuhyun had picked out Siwon’s name to which he was clearly overjoyed and he was thankful that he was good at keeping a poker face that his excitement didn’t show. Kyuhyun shakes off both, if by chance he will confess, it’ll be on a day that chances of them seeing each other would be slim because if the worse could happen at least they won’t be seeing each other anymore, there won’t be any prolonged awkward phase. As for his present, he still has to think about it; else he’ll settle with his first choice – a pen, but a branded one. He still has a couple more weeks to mull it over.

One cold, white, snowy Tuesday, as he was heading to the library, he stopped in front of the door and extended his curious ear against the light wood. There was a woman’s voice and another, that of a man’s. No sooner he realized it was Siwon and still some unknown girl but without any warning the door had swung open and Kyuhyun was face-to-face with a scarlet face girl that was at the brim of crying.

“Way to go break a girl’s heart before Christmas,” Kyuhyun said as he closed the door behind him. Siwon had returned to one of the tables, probably the one he had occupied before the student had arrived.

“I don’t think now’s the right time for anything romantic,” Siwon solemnly replies.

Kyuhyun was worried, for one, Siwon was always up and in par with his commentaries, those were one of the moments he enjoyed when he was with this particular senior whose writings he admired and now who somehow he just plainly admires.

“Writer’s block?” he asked and tries to sound soft and concerned. He mentally shoots himself with an imaginary gun, the lengths he goes through just to sound and act human for Siwon. Siwon nodded hesitantly.

“Actually, I was told that what I submitted was good, but needed more,” Siwon confided.

“I thought so too,” Kyuhyun bluntly agreed.

Siwon’s eyes widened, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well,” Kyuhyun hesitated.

Siwon sat back and crossed his arms over his torso. “Kyuhyun, you’ve been downright frank with a dash of sarcasm with me all the time, now you’re being timid and had actually found a filter for your mouth.”

Kyuhyun sighed resignedly. “I’ve told you before you can’t please everyone and true what you wrote was beautiful it was, how shall we say, vague, playing safe. You have to write a book that wants to be written. And if the book will be too difficult for grown-ups then you write it for children,” Kyuhyun says a bit more serious nothing sarcastic.

Siwon was impressed though he had been impressed with the younger one for the other academic achievements he has achieved, as everyone already knows.

“I just read it somewhere in the internet, no need to be all amaze,” Kyuhyun says again as he embarrassingly scratched the back of his neck. Siwon smiled nonetheless as he took his notebook and pen, looking at both instruments as if they had life and that they were important.

“Perhaps you’re right,” Siwon says softly. “I would surely miss you, you know.”

“Whoah, what’s with this sudden turn of events,” exclaimed Kyuhyun. “First you were like ‘no romance for me’ now you’re being mushy and disgusting,” and Kyuhyun made a face to show how he felt. Siwon just chuckled.

Kyuhyun continued blabbering and telling Siwon off on being disgustingly cheesy and sweet until something covered his mouth lightly. Something soft, warm and pink and the wonderful smell accompanied it.

“What the –” Kyuhyun mutters as the kiss was broken almost as fast as it had come.

“There, that’s better,” Siwon said. Kyuhyun hadn’t noticed Siwon standing, he hits himself mentally for being too engrossed with being grossed out but he didn’t hate it.

Siwon kissed him. Siwon said he would surely miss him. So does that mean Siwon likes him back? Kyuhyun wanted to clarify, Kyuhyun wanted to say something, anything, even lash out or something, but he was too stunned, too happy, too blank to say, do or think of anything and he’s thankful for the involuntary movements of his organ system else he’d forget to breathe or he’s heart would just stop. And Kyuhyun would’ve just died that way.