The fans roared and cheered, hands throwing up in the sky making the whole atmosphere a bit high ad edgy. Girls are squealing their lungs out, flipping their hairs side by side, and grooving their bodies with the beat of the sound. Despite the activeness of the people around me, I just stood in the middle of the crowd like a statue, I’m too engrossed with the man in front of me. Jepp Blackman.

I’m a fan of him, I already memorized all his songs, you can say that I’m close to a person you call a stalker, but I’m not a sasaeng fan that do nothing but to disturb the peace of the idols, well Jepp Blackman is not really an idol … more like an underground rapper right?

His moves were awesome, pumping his opened hand in the air up and down with the beat of the song, his foot tapping along with it and his head swaying side by side. As the song slowly slowed down it also reflected in his moves making small gentle gestures before escalating it again to a much stronger force, everything about him really makes my heart go thump in an awkward manner, leaving me breathless.

After a few hours of sweat, the stage finally ended, the rappers bowed and waved, ending everything with a soft smile and appreciation. They slowly went to the backstage while the crowd that were once so hyped leaving the place nothing with trash and dirt.

For some reason I remained like a statute there, staring at the now empty stage. I bit my lips as small images and memories of Jepp Blackman performing on it still remained inside my head, making an illusion, a mirage of him still on the stage. I laughed at my craziness, shrugging it all away, I walked away from my spot and soon found myself walking in the small path right behind the stage. It’s the shortest way towards my house.

Drip … drop …

There goes the sound of a somewhat broken water pipe, making the water in it drop on the ground making nothing but a poodle of water. Everything seems to be so quiet, I don’t know why but it felt like the time stopped around me. Cars put into a halt in the road, birds suspended as the moon hits them with its radiance. The wind also stopped making everything either cold or lonely. I felt someone was near me. I turned and surveyed the whole small lane, I saw boxes stacked their that’s only normal if there’s not a foot sticking out of it.

I took small cautious steps towards it, and there I saw … my Jepp Blackman, with his arm covering his eyes, back leaning on the wall and soft sobs around him.

“Jepp Blackman.” Those words slipped out of my tongue making the leaning guy flinch a bit. A staring contest occurred between us, his eyes are pure black and red with a tint of the moon hitting his face, his gummy smile disappeared and was replaced with a frown, his profile is really perfect in front of me.

He started shuffling, “Ahh mian mian, I’m going now.” He took small steps towards the main road away from me. Jongup … this is your chance to be close to him, are you letting his chance away because you’re some weak and pathetic bastard like what your father said to you? My consciousness ticked me, making my body carelessly move on its own, taking his wrist and stopping his tracks.

His head turned towards me. Now what? I asked myself again. I know my actions will either tick him off or piss him, and I’m right because it shows quickly on his face. He shot me an annoyed glare, trying to let go from my grip, but I’m right here now, I don’t want to back away just because he shot me a scary stare, and regret it later. I pulled him closer despite how hard he pull his wrist away, I still pulled him closer till our bodies touched. My hands quickly s around his waist, with my chin on his shoulder everything became quiet again.

“Are you … okay?” I asked while maintaining that position. I can feel the warmth on his body, it’s really soothing. He tried to move but I didn’t flinched and only tightened the hug. “If you really don’t want me or anyone to see you crying then … use me.” I don’t know what I’m saying anymore and I’m sure that I’m being cocky right now, but … I don’t care at all, all I want is to let him let out all his tears away so that I can once again see his smile, the same smile that makes my heart melt.

He stopped moving after the words I said, I thought that he’ll going to push me, but I was surprised when I felt something on my neck, it was his tears. It was wet as it flows from my neck to my chest. I hummed a ‘sshhh’ softly while rubbing his back, I couldn’t believe how soft and emotional this strong willed rapper can be, his personality on a stage is really different from what he is showing right now, and … I have to admit that I like this personality of his more than what he was on stage.

We stayed in that position for a few minutes, I heard nothing but his soft sobs and pants, his chest heaving up and down against mine, his heart beat rising quickly. I don’t know what happened to him, but because of how he cries right now, I can assume that he was keeping so much pain and loneliness inside his heart, and he’s forced to smile because he’s popular … and has fans that want to see that smile of him like me. You’re … nice Jepp Blackman.

After finally calming down, he pushed me softly, my hands around him quickly loosened and ended up falling back to my sides. He rubbed his eyes with his arms before smiling. “Thanks …” his deep voice sent chills in my spine, I smiled then slowly shook my head. “It’s okay Jepp ---“ “Call me Yongguk …” He muttered.

I can feel the wide gap between our age, I’m just a kid for him, a kid who hadn’t even experienced the real hardship of life. “Thanks kiddo.” There he finally said it, he treated me like a kid. That’s the fact that I hate, the fact that I can’t change. I want to grow up. I muttered before taking a small step in front of him and a very large step inside my heart. You’re going to be my first kiss Yongguk hyung. I whispered inside my head before placing my lips on his.

1 …. 2 …. 3 ….

I did the most disgusting thing for him, but I regret nothing. I don’t care if he’ll hate me after this, but I’m glad that I finally shed my pathetic skin out, all that’s left is to wish that he’ll not hate me after the soft chaste kiss I gave him. “Mianhe …” I mumbled before looking down and walking away, leaving a very shocked and stupefied rapper behind me.

The same tears that made me confess to him, the same tears that made me do that kind of actions, the same tears of pain that he shed, the same tears of that rapper, fell from my eyes. He didn’t reject my feelings but … for some reason a pain surged inside my heart, he didn’t kissed back nor pushed me away. I don’t know anymore, I turned a glimpse back saw him still standing in the same position. “I guess everything that had happened between us is too shocking for you … “ With that kind of mindset, I assumed that he rejected me and disgusted at the same time. I will…. Never go back here again … I promised myself, I will … forget who Jepp Blackman is … who Bang Yongguk is, and the rapper that shed soft tears inside my hug.

A/N

Okay ... uhh yeah i don't know what just happened here ... i'm just writing things inside my head so ...

yeah sorry ... please comment what you think ...