On Earth, people say that everyone has their guardian angel to look out for them, to protect them when things get dark. But I’m afraid for some of those people that isn’t completely true. Have you ever lived life and wondered why some douchebags out there are able to find their missing half, and then you have those people who are absolutely wonderful in every single way but they struggle to find their perfect Mr or Mrs Right?

It’s very simple really, it’s because their other half, their soul mate as some call it, is up here with me. People who have guardian angels watching out for them are people whose other halves aren’t on Earth. When people die, they come up here to heaven and the people who have been just downright evil are sent away to a dark place but that’s another story.

So yes, when humans die they all end up here in heaven but that’s only the start of it. The primary job for guardian angels is to simply watch out for humans on Earth. We are meant to be prejudice free since it is not our place to cast judgement but let’s face it, who follows the rules anyway?

We spend our time up here watching and guiding lost people onto the right track but there are times where we get side-tracked. Contrary to popular belief, we aren’t perfect. We make mistakes just like humans; the only difference is that when human’s fail and fall, they don’t fall far since they are already on Earth. When we fall, we fall hard. We still hold our memories from when we were in the mortal world. I, myself, have lived many lives on Earth that I simply lost count.

No one really knows why but after an angel ‘falls’, I use the term fall because we don’t die or disappear, we are simply reborn again. All the memories we held up in heaven, all the memories of the thousands of lives we lived are all forgotten. We live life on Earth again, forced to relive mistakes we once learnt before. We are forced to start from a clean slate once more.

I bet many of you are wondering ‘how does an angel fall in the first place?’

Well it’s hard to explain. It’s something I need to show you.

April 19^th 1990, Kim Himchan entered the world. He was born in Seoul, South Korea. His mother and father were both owners of a small music store nearby their home. They had no other child. Himchan was their first and only one. His parents adored him; they fussed over him and pampered him like the precious treasure he was.

At age four Himchan received his first bicycle from his father on his birthday. His mother was a little reluctant in getting him such a gift since he didn’t know how to ride it. But his father was determined to teach him and Himchan was so eager to learn.

I remember it being a clear sunny day in the middle of autumn. The leaves on the trees were a mix of red and gold, painting a beautiful backdrop on such a beautiful family. Himchan’s father had explained the basics on how to ride a bike; he had Himchan ride with him holding the handles so he wouldn’t topple over. But Himchan was such a stubborn kid, he wanted to ride it on his own after a couple minutes of learning.

“I can do it!” Himchan puffed his cheeks in frustration when his father refused the first time. His cheeks were oh so fat and round at such a tender age.

“Okay, okay,” his father surrendered as he let go of the bike.

A squeal of delight squeaked out of Himchan as he rode on his own for the first time. He however didn’t get very far when his tyre hit a rock on the ground and he fell over to his side. Himchan’s mother was quick to his aid as he began to cry at the sight of blood.

“It’s okay sweetheart,” his mother soothed as she wiped away the blood with a tissue.

“I never want to ride a bike again!” Himchan screamed.

But of course he only said that because he was mad at the bike for hurting him. He rode his bike to school every day throughout his schooling life.

It was at Himchan’s 10^th birthday he had made the wish “I want to be happy forever.” I remember reaching out and touching his hand when he said that. He couldn’t feel me of course but I felt the need to at least try to touch him. I knew that in this lifetime he wouldn’t live a happy life. No human with a guardian angel was completely happy. We bring nothing but bad luck, no matter how hard we try to bring the good.

Around Himchan’s 10^th Christmas his parents had begun to argue. Himchan never understood what his parents argued about and he was often left in the dark. I knew though, I knew what they argued about. The music store his parents were once so proud of wasn’t making enough money and they were near bankruptcy. I wanted to help them, I could have pushed a charitable rich man into their direction but I didn’t. I didn’t want to fall. I wanted to wait for Himchan to join me up in heaven so I did nothing but observe.

“What do you want me to do?” his father yelled at his mother at the dining room table, “Do you think if I sold the store everything would be better again?”

“Yes!” his wife screamed, “I know it means a lot to you but you have to let go of it.”

“Where would I work after I sell it then?” he snapped, “I’m almost forty, no one will hire a forty year old man!”

I left Himchan’s parents to watch over him. I saw him curled in the foetal position in the corner of his bed. He had once said he was too old for toys but at that moment his only company was an old stuffed bear which he clung onto desperately. I sat beside him and listened to him cry silently. I wanted to reach out and embrace him, to comfort him in some way but I couldn’t. He didn’t know I existed, he didn’t know about the bond we once shared and still do, even to this day.

“It’s going to be okay,” I whispered but of course he couldn’t hear me. He never would, not in this lifetime.

By the time Himchan entered high school his parents had already divorced. I had seen it coming; it was months and months of constant bickering and arguing. Eventually the two finally agreed on something, they agreed that they should simply separate, much to Himchan’s horror. But he didn’t dare show the world on how he felt about it, he kept it bottled up.

Himchan was bullied the first couple years of high school. I watched him as the other kids teased about his weight and about his glasses. They because they thought he was ugly and weak. I didn’t hate those bullies; it isn’t my place to judge others. What I hated were the words being spat from their lips. They were hurtful and buried deep into Himchan’s skin, scarring him in ways they couldn’t possibly understand. He didn’t want to show that they won so he often kept a smile on his face, suppressing those hard feelings he felt inside.

I wanted to tell him, “You’re beautiful where it counts. They don’t know you like how I do. They don’t understand this is just a vessel you house in. They don’t understand you like I do,” but my words would never be heard so I remained silent along with him.

The midpoint of his 16^th year on Earth in this particular lifetime, he had changed himself drastically. Over the holidays he lost a lot of weight and instead of wearing glasses he began using contacts. When he returned to school again, no one believed that he was the same Himchan they teased all those years ago.

I was disappointed that Himchan had to change himself to fit in with the other kids but at least he no longer cried when he was at home.

When Himchan was 17 he fell in love for the first time. I knew the girl he was dating wasn’t his soul mate or ‘the one’.  I knew the two would eventually break apart but I couldn’t help but feel a little jealousy within me. She was just as beautiful as Himchan himself and she was a decent girl as well but she wasn’t me. She wasn’t the one that would make Himchan happy forever.

“I love you,” Himchan whispered into her ear.

I watched as the girl blush a rosy pink and returned his gesture with a loving kiss.

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” a Himchan of another time and era asked me under the moonlight.

“It is an idiotic notion,” I replied as I stared up at the stars with my eternal partner lacing their fingers with my own.

“How is it idiotic?”

“What if you were to meet the love of your life after they fell into a mound of horse dung?” I questioned.

I felt fingers fiddle with my locks of hair as they laughed at my words, “What about love? Surely you believe in that.”

We stared up at the stars for a moment as I pondered. “I believe in many forms of love. I believe in the love a parent has for their child. I believe in young love even though that is not always everlasting.”

“What about everlasting love? Do you believe in that?”

I remained silent for some time, simply gazing up at the infinite night sky above. “We’ll see. If it is real we will find each other again.”

“What if our faces and bodies change?”

“I will accept you in any form. Man or woman, in sickness or in health,” I replied and questioned, “What of you?”

“Always and forever,” was the reply I received, followed by a tender kiss under the moonlight.

The more I saw Himchan and the girl together the more I thought back to the handful of lifetimes we had spent together. I had heard many stories from the other guardian angels. They had said they met their other half on Earth every couple lifetimes and said that I and my partner were unlucky. I had only seen mine a total of six lifetimes but I didn’t care. I treasure and still do treasure each and every memory with the upmost care.

I had thought that the two of them would have broken up after a couple months but their puppy love for each other continued on. Himchan was near the end of his high school years and had grown to be popular with the other kids his year. In fact everyone loved him but there was still something he kept hidden away. Something he kept to himself that no one except I knew about.

It was his insecurities.

The more he went out with his girl the more he began to think that perhaps one day she would get up and leave. His parents had done so when he was a child and so he feared his girlfriend would do the same. Even the friends he had at school, he believed that once high school was over they would all grow distant towards each other.

Himchan was afraid of being abandoned.

She finally left him after two years of being unable to understand Himchan. He tried to open himself up but it wasn’t enough for her. She wasn’t satisfied and so she left him. She had given him many chances but it wasn’t enough. I don’t blame her for breaking Himchan’s heart; he never gave her his whole heart anyway. It was already incomplete since the very start of his life. I carried his other half and he carried mine.

Himchan had completed high school at this stage. He was off to university with the money had saved up all those years but it just so happened his father fell sick. He was getting old; I could almost see his timer above his head.

If I could see a timer above a human’s head it meant that they were on the verge of death. That is how we know when to save a human. The moment the timer hits zero, their mortal life for that cycle is over.

Instead of heading off to university like he had originally planned, Himchan instead pumped all his money to his father’s hospital bill. The longer he stayed in the hospital, the less money was left in Himchan’s bank account. I could have stopped this. I could have simply pulled the plug for him and eased his suffering, eased Himchan’s pain but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to see him upset and mourn over his father’s death. I feared that perhaps he would lose himself if it occurred too soon.

Over the years of separation, Himchan’s mother had married another man and had children of her own in America. Himchan didn’t want to trouble her about her ex-husband or bother his step siblings so he kept his father sickness a secret. His friends offered money but he declined every time. Himchan is a stubborn person, he wouldn’t accept it. He would rather work five jobs than accept charity from his friends.

I was in the room when Himchan’s father eventually passed away after nine months of suffering. As I had feared Himchan was utterly devastated by the news. I had never seen him cry so much since his parents wanted a divorce when he was younger. Himchan clung desperately onto his father’s hand, begging him to come back but it was too late. He was up in heaven with the rest of us.

“Dad, come back,” Himchan pleaded as he gripped into his father’s hands tightly.

I crouched down beside him and looked over at Himchan’s face. Just as all his other lives, Himchan was just as beautiful as always. I however didn’t stare at his perfect lips or his sharp eyes, those things changed in every life cycle; what I searched for was the birth mark at the base of his neck. Birth marks were always in the same place no matter what life cycle you were living. I have one beneath my right eye and he had one at base of his neck, near his right collar bone. It would always be there and that was how I knew he was my better half and not some other person miles away.

I reached out for his mark and attempted to touch it but of course he couldn’t feel it. He couldn’t see or hear me either. I was just a presence he would never know about, at least as long as he was on Earth.

“Don’t leave me here all alone,” Himchan continued to beg as he buried his face against his father’s lifeless body.

I wrapped an arm around him and whispered into his ear, “It’s going to be okay.”

Over the years Himchan had lost his way. He had given up on so much. He had his heart broken many times, so many times that in the end he had given up searching for his soul mate. He worked hard to earn enough money so he could apply at university once more but it was too much. After paying for the funeral expenses and the hospital bill, he was left with almost nothing and had to start right from scratch. It became too much for him, he needed a way out. He wanted something to make everything go away.

He resorted to drinking. He drank a lot; it hurt me to watch him become so self-destructive. I wanted to leave sometimes. I wanted to head back up there so I wouldn’t have to watch him suffer first hand. But I couldn’t, I couldn’t leave his side when he needed me the most.

I left subtle messages for him, hoping that perhaps it would miraculously open his eyes. University catalogues reached his doorsteps but he didn’t read them, he used it to roll smokes. I made his mother call up to check on him but he lied and told her everything was okay. I even pointed decent women and men in his direction but if Himchan did end up dating them he quickly dumped them since the feeling of lethargy never left him. I was running out of ideas and Himchan didn’t have much time left.

It wasn’t clear but I could have sworn I could see ghostly numbers above his head. If the numbers were to become solid it meant that his time was coming to an end very soon. I panicked, I didn’t know what to do; I didn’t want to see Himchan to die. Not like this, not with him wasting his life away.

June 28th 2025 that was the day Himchan’s numbers appeared solid. That was the day he was meant to die.

I had followed Himchan since the day he was born and watched him until that day. Day in and day out I would scream and yell at Himchan to grow up, to open his eyes and see the light. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. He couldn’t hear me.

“Himchan,” I muttered.

I watched him gulp down his beer, ignorant to my existence.

“Himchan please,” I begged, “Himchan, stop. Don’t do this anymore.”

My pleas were useless, just like the ones he had told his father. It was too late, he couldn’t hear anymore, his timer was already in affect.

“You’re going to die today,” I explained, “Do you know that? Do you want to die like this Himchan?”

There was no reply.

I stood in front of him and watched him continue drinking his beer idly. With each sip he took the more frustrated I got with him. I reached out and attempted to snatch the bottle out of his hand but of course I couldn’t do it. Nothing happened and he continued to drink.

I knelt down in front of him and placed my arms on his lap as I looked up at him. He still had that handsome face from his high school years but his expression was a lot harder now. He smiled less but he was still Himchan on the inside.

I reached out for his shirt to grab hold of it but I couldn’t.

I straddled him and attempted to grapple his collar but I couldn’t.

I even went to punch him in the face but again I couldn’t.

“Kim Himchan!” I screamed and looked up at the timer above his head.

He only had 10 minutes left.

“Stop!” I bellowed and threw my arms around him and hissed into his ear, “Stop Himchan. Please. Enough.”

He didn’t hear me but he didn’t continue to drink either. For a moment I thought I had finally reached him, I thought I had done the impossible but no. He had just finished his drink. I got off of Himchan and watched him look into his empty bottle and let out a profanity.

I watched him get onto his shaky feet and grab his keys.

“What are you doing?” I asked him.

Himchan ignored me as he left his home despite being tipsy.

I could see that he struggled to maintain his balance but he didn’t care. He just wanted something stronger to drink. I followed him out onto the busy streets of Seoul. It was late at night but the streets were still filled with life. No one took notice of the drunk Himchan leaning lazily against a pole as he waited for the lights to turn green.

Everyone was far too busy doing their own thing to take notice of him, it was either that or they chose to ignore him. I looked at the timer above his head; he had seconds left the live. In ten seconds Himchan would die and we could be together at last. But I didn’t want to watch him die. I couldn’t do it. I had seen him die many times and each time was just as hard as the last. But he never had to die like this; he never died as a drunken bastard with nothing to live for. If we were to ever meet again I wanted to make sure we had no regrets.

The light flashed green and Himchan began to cross the road without a care in the world.

Five seconds left.

Four.

He stumbled over his own feet for a moment.

Three.

He managed to straighten himself up.

Two.

The sound of tyres screeching pierced my ears as I did the only thing I could do in that moment.

One.

Everything went black.

On June 28th 2025 Jung Daehyun entered the world. He was born in Busan, South Korea. My human cycle had ended March 23rd 2075 so I never got to see his parents but from what I can tell they were wonderful people. He is currently married to a woman and has three lovely children, but he is not happy. She is not his missing piece. Daehyun will never find his missing piece because I am his mising piece.

I once went by the name of Kim Himchan but no one calls me that anymore, I don’t have a name. My job is to now watch over my better half, hoping that one day we can finally meet in this world or the next.