i walk and feel the coldness of winter in south korea. its evening now and i don't want to go back to my apartment back. snow is everywhere. today is december, 10th. 15 more days to christmas day. i should be happy for the christmas, but what happened to me nowadays didn't help me for sure. i'm alone this week and nobody call me, or the simplest, text me good night or good morning. my best friends all are in vacation and my older sister stay overnight in her best friend's apartment. i take my phone and decided to call mom.

"hi mom."

"hi krystal. how are you there?"

"alone. sica eonnie is staying overnight in fany eonnie's apartment."

"sorry dear i can't accompany you there. we're so busy."

"please mom, just this christmas, please?"

"i want but... ah mianhae krystal-ah, mom has to attend meeting now, call you later. bye!"

mom ends the call. i sigh. is everybody busy now? i go to the nearest cafetaria. i go in and sit beside the window. i order hot chocolate. this winter is colder than usual, as cold as my heart now. i remember this cafe. suddenly the music in the cafe changed. taylor swift's voice can be heard. 'i think i know this song' i thought. its back to december and my mind suddenly flashes into my past with him...

i'm so glad you made time to see me. how's life? tell me, how's your family? i haven't seen them in a while~

june 2010

"hey sweetie." said my boyfriend, kai. "what are you doing here alone? i'm hungry let's find some food." he grabbed my hands and drag me to the nearest cafetaria. "let's sit in that corner. what do you want to eat?" asked him.

"what's the best here? i haven't gone here. same as you." i answered. he smiled.

"okay then. actually i'm newbie too."

"aish you pabo. let's order together then." i went together with him and ordered one spaghettie and two cokes. i watched him brought all of our food and drinks to our table. he was so gentleman. as we sat, he quickly at the spaghetti. i chuckled seeing him, eating like a hungry kid. i kept my eyes into him. he lifted his head and looked to me.

"waeyo? ya soojung ah! you want this?" he asked. i shrugged and shook my head, telling him i wasn't hungry. i looked around the cafe. it was decorated perfectly in brown, yellow, and orange since it was autumn season. i rub my hands and blow it. the air conditioner was too cold and i didn't used to it. i drank my coke. i should ordered hot chocolate before. he saw me blew my hands and he stood up. he sat beside me and touched my forehead with his palm.

"you sick? is this too cold?" he asked with soft voice. my heart touched with that simple and gently question. i just nodded and he pulled me into a hug. he continued eating while hugging me. i chuckled.

"ya jonginah. how come you eat while hugging me? let me go, you have to eat." i said with smile. he shook his head and continued eating.

"no. how is it now? warm enough? i can eat like this really." he answered. i tried to let go but he was too strong for me. i can't do anything so i just kept silent in his hug. he was so warm.

"by the way how are you nowadays? i didn't see you in this few weeks. i even didn't greet your parents. i'm sorry, i was too busy with my tasks." he stopped eating and let me go. he stared in my eyes. i looked back to his eyes. was he angry?

"its okay krystallie. i know you were busy. either me." said him. "its okay. my parents didn't angry. they know well we're busy with our stuff in school. they can understand it."

"mianhae jonginah. i'm so happy when you called me to meet me today."

"aniyo, its okay. its my fault too. don't blame yourself. we were just too busy. its okay really." he said and gave me a peck on my cheeks.

you've been good, busier than ever, we small talk, work, and the weather.

october 2010

i tried to call kai. no answer. the last time i saw him was when he took a photoshoot for campus magazine with campus' top models like yoona, luhan, taemin, etc. and he became busier than ever. when i wanted to have a lunch with him, i often saw him, busy in taking a photo with the girls. he became so popular. i tried to call him again. no answer. i sighed. i decided to left the park and went to his classroom. in the class, i saw him was busy chatting with his friends.

"hi kai. so busy huh?" i greeted him. he looked to me.

"hi krystallie. yeahh as you see. man, can you leave us?" said him to his friends. his friends nodded and went outside. i took his cellphone and saw many pictures of him and his fans in the campus.

"you become so popular after the photoshoot."

"yeah. i know, i'm handsome right? hahah" he said. "by the way how are you nowadays? we haven't seen each other."

"busy too." i said coldly. didn't he feel if i annoyed with his attitude?

"oh." he just said 'oh'. my jaw dropped, hearing his answer.

"today is really nice. what about we go somewhere?" i tried my best to ask him.

"i'm busy. let's find another time?"

i just nodded.

your guard is up and i know why. because the last time you saw me, is still burned in the back of your mind. you gave me roses, and i left them there to die~

december 2010

kai was still busy with his stuff. i became bored. i decided to hang out with my friends; minho, taemin, jonghyun, sulli, and amber. we went to the amusement park and spent our time there. taemin and sulli were in relationship so they went everywhere together. jonghyun and amber weren't in relationship but they were best friend since they were still a kid. me and minho left.

"where are we going?" i asked. he pointed to the high roller coaster. we went there and i really scared of height. he noticed it and he held my hand tightly. i felt... warm. he was like kai. was i wrong to feel warm when holding hands with other boy beside kai? i didn't want it at first and i just realized how tall the roller coaster is. i can't do nothing beside held his hands. we all were happy with our day there. we went back to our own house.

knock.

i heard the door knocked. i went to the door and opened it.

"k-kai?" i stuttered. he went inside.

"i saw you at the amusement park with minho. did you guys have so much fun?"

"i-i i d-didn't m-mean, n-no, i went th-there not just with minho! i went there with s-sulli, jonghyun and others too!"

"but why you rode the roller coaster together? just two of you? and you held his hands. it supposed to be me, not choi minho, not kim jonghyun, not any other boys."

"t-taemin and s-sulli went together! and j-jong-"

"don't leave me please." he hugged me and kissed me on the lips. i shocked and i immediately pushed him away. "why krystallie?"

"i-i, n-no, y-you better go h-home. its n-night already." i said, stuttered.

"i'm sorry for the kiss. i go home now." he said. without any good night. without any simple hug. he left me alone in the living room with the roses he just left for me on the sofa. i didn't care and i just went back to my room to sleep.

how's the chapter guys? subscribe and comment please~ so i'll continue the fic :D