Warning: OC sortof oneshot. Bromance. Incoherency. Confusing.  Illogical. Gheeeeey. Messy. ed up idk lol. Passively Emotional (dont ask, no idea whats that too) and might be angsty. And, oh right, bad english. Was written on phone so its not pretty and only messy.
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He was doing what Yongjae liked to call, 'the searching' again. 
It's not the kind of, "I'm searching for my phone. I think I placed somewhere" or what you'd think it is. Some people might call this, reaching out, maybe. It's the kind of thing some people do when they're in need of comfort, they seek things to comfort then, some reach out to people to comfort them. To spill their feelings or something. 
That kind of... searching. 

Jinhyun doesn't do that 'spilling feelings out' thing. It's weird anyway. Maybe not for girls, but guys rarely or almost never do that kind of thing with, well, guy friends. It's awkward. 
And kinda weird, in his opinion. 
Actually, come to think of it, he's got no right to say that. 
His form of searching, the thing he searches for is weird in itself.
Jinhyun doesn't like it one bit, but he survives on the feeling of someone's skin on his. Someone touching or him touching someone.
It's creepy. He really thinks it is. But its like oxygen, or water, or food to him. 
Skinship—
No. Skinship is too... shallow a word to describe it.
Touching is like breathing to him. 

Physical contact? Yeah, that kind of thing. In his daily life, he takes what he needs from the people around him that way, subtly. A pat on the back, poking someone, or if he's closer to that person, sitting close to them. That kind of thing that's all normal interaction to most people but to him, it's breathing. His way of struggling to live and fight the that life throws at everyone.
If he gets the chance, the touches get more intimate, more needy, more touchy. 
It sounds ual, but that kind of thing...
For him, ual isn't rare, but it isn't common too. (He's not a ert!)

The touch of skin on skin becomes more desperate when he's not okay. And the more not okay he is, the searching starts. And the further it worsens, the searching becomes more desperate. And this is what it is now.
He feels like his skin is tingling, buzzing, and he's absolutely jittery.
His hands can't stop shaking.
 It feels like he's a emotionally unstable bottle of eons long of pent up everything. 
The bottle has no opening, no mouth.
And, it feels like the bottle is going to crack and everything might just spill, overflow and the remainders of the bottle will scatter like dust.

He's alone at home now and too much of a wreck to go out to search. So he does what he does when he can't relieve all of this. He goes online to the places he exists with a different persona (so no one can ever find him). Jinhyun types furiously behind his armor of keyboard, messages full of lies and a mask searching for interaction, communication from him friends on this cyberspace. Some respond, some don't. But it's not enough, absolutely not enough. 
It's never been this bad, to be honest.
Jinhyun shakily taps at his phone, his entire being stilling only when he's faced with the message screen of the only person he'd allow himself to be the tiniest bit of vulnerable to. 
Not that Yongjae doesn't already see everything anyway.
But then he flings it away, drawing in a shaky breath and in a flurry of clothes, he looks decent enough to go out for a walk at night.
He only takes his wallet. 
He's given up and has decided to practice self-control so he won't breakdown suddenly and gets out of the house.
Jinhyun then just walks. He doesn't know where he's going, his feet are working on auto-pilot. He tries to focus really hard on breathing and block out the things in his head and heart. 
It works although he almost trips and collides with people a few times.
Maybe I should go to a bar and try to pick someone up, is what he ends up thinking.
It's stupid yet also a solution. Or maybe someone might try to pick him up. Either way, it would work for him. 

So he turns around to go to the only bar he frequents but collides with another person.
That snaps him out of his auto-pilot mode and he's apologizing frantically until he realizes the person is scowling at him and he knows this person.
A quick scan of his surroundings makes him realize he's been walking circles in the park near his apartment. 
That still doesn't explain why Yongjae is here.

"Watch where you're going, dude." , is all Yongjae spits at him before Jinhyun is dragged to a park bench and he's made to sit down forcibly.
Jinhyun isn't sure of how to react when Yongjae scowls at him again and sits down really close next to him.

"This is really gay." Jinhyun sputters out without thinking.

Another scowl.
"You already swing both ways and only now, like, right now, you start getting bothered about looking gay?" Yongjae scoffs at him. "This isn't even that gay unlike—"

Jinhyun almost falls off the bench when Yongjae tries to do whatshallnotbenamed to him just to prove his point. 

"Okay, okay! I get it! You don't have to go creepy on me!" He croaks out as he backs away.

Apparently Yongjae finds this amusing and gives him a creepy smile, waving at him in a way anyone would think of as girlish. Jinhyun makes a horrified face and kicks at Yongjae who's just laughing his off. He whacks Yongjae a few more times as the latter laughs. Slowly, the laughter dies out and theres only silence between them.

"Why didn't you just call me or something?" Yongjae asks. His face open in that way that only those closest to him see.

Jinhyun freezes up, feeling awkward and self-concious. He just shrugs awkwardly before saying, "I don't do that. You already know."
Inside, he's choking up with gratefulness but dying because, Yongjae knows him too well without even knowing anything.

"You sometimes do though. Sometimes. "

"Why are you here?"

"I had a feeling. So I just came here." Yongjae says, looking at him with a knowing smile.

Jinhyun doesn't look at him. Yongjae tugs Jinhyun to sit close to him, and Jinhyun obeys, silently grateful.
The chatter starts and Jinhyun only responds sometimes, his responses are half-hearted, no thought given to them because he's on auto-pilot again. He can feel Yongjae's arm and leg next to his, touching his. Yongjae's gesturing wildly, almost hitting Jinhyun in the face a few times while talking about how Miseo freaked because of some dead lizard in class. He's reenacting it and Jinhyun just laughs hollowly.
When Yongjae hears that hollow laugh, he makes a face that Jinhyun can't decipher because what the is that face even supposed to be. Jinhyun is about to say that Yongjae looks unglam but is rendered speechless when Yongjae suddenly takes his hand and holds it before resuming his endless chatter. Jinhyun looks incredulously at the hand and then at Yongjae and then 'wow this is weird' is running through his mind. He wants to sort of jump up and knock Yongjae back to his senses because this isn't what the two friends do. 
Then he remembers that he forgot to breathe and breathe is what he does. That's when he realizes Yongjae knows what he needs, knows that Jinhyun is at breaking point and is giving it to him despite this being absolutely bizzare. Then Jinhyun ignores the part inside him that dies because someone knows he's not okay and gives in to the warmth. He sort of crumples and leans into Yongjae's side a little but theres no pause in the endless chattering and the now one-handed wild gesturing.
His hand in Jinhyun's doesn't feel like what you'd think it would feel like. It doesn't feel romantic, or awkward, it doesn't feel like the kind of "Oh noes, hes holding my hand so we might have a somethingsomething between us!". It just feels normal, warm and familiar.
Its a gesture that says, "I'm here and I'm your friend. So, it's okay even if this is awkward and abnormal between us two, who are guys." and Yongjae can finally process what Jinhyun is chattering about—he's started talking about A Pink. 
His thoughts aren't going round and round in a frenzy anymore. He thinks he's still shaking though, still feels that tingle on his skin. But it's not as bad anymore.

The night goes on the same way until Yongjae's mother calls to scream, "Do you know what time it is?! It's 11:30PM and you have school tomorrow! Come home now, young man!" that they have to part ways.

On the way back home, Jinhyun figures that he should have figured out earlier that it would be okay. 
(Yongjae's there.)

He also realizes that people search for things when something is lost, something needs to be found, something is needed. He wonders why he thought 'the searching' was different. 
Did he think he wasn't lost?
Whatever it is, he figures he'll be okay for awhile. 
That doesn't mean he's not lost.
He still is.
But for this moment, even if the whole thing makes no sense to him, just for awhile, he thinks he might be okay.

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I don't know what this is. Don't even ask.

Posted On: A blog on roleplayrepublic at 3am-4am ish on the 12th of July. Its also on an aff blog.