“was she really that cute or your just being overly exaggerated?” Woohyun asked me. I chuckled and took out my wallet.

“here, our last picture together” I said giving them a photo of the two of us. It was one of our last dates

“wha~ yeoppoda!!” they all mumbled

“she’s pretty isn’t she?” I asked smiling. I closed my eyes and saw her in my mind. She was the same. Her chestnut brown hair was curled on its tips, her eyes that shines with hope, her lips that draws to the smile I have always adore-

“you still have this? You met her in what? High school? And knowing you, you had tons of girlfriends and yet you still have this?” Myungsoo asked breaking my thoughts. I opened up my eyes and saw them expectant. I laughed

“there weren’t girlfriends, just flings. I have never love a girl again after she left me” I said looking far away and thinking about all those booze and girls I’ve had over the first few years when she left me

“she left you?” Sungjong asked unable to believe it.

“don’t get ahead of my love story” I said grinning

 

~flashback~

 

“NamHee ah~” I called out on the corridor. She was talking to her friends and when she saw me, she turned around and walked fast away. I jogged to caught her by the shoulder

“is… there a problem?” I asked a student’s glance our way. She looked around and blushes

“a-anio , Sunggyu-shii, I just need to do something” she said looking down. She never called me Sunggyu-shii after that night. It was always Gyu ah~, Hamster or Rock Star. Hearing her say my name with formalities brought an unknown pain that made it hard to breathe

“y-ya, what’s going on?” I asked frowning. Did I do something to make her this mad? It’s been weeks since we last talked

“nothing. I need to go” she said brushing my hold. I grabbed both of her shoulders

“ya wae?! Oh? Did I do something wrong? Ya, tell me my mistake so I can say sorry to you properly” I yelled losing my temper now. Impatient Kim Sunggyu is once again making a scene along the corridor. Heck I’ll be meeting with the Head of Teachers again later.

NamHee couldn’t look in my eyes

“let go Sunggyu –shii” she whispered

“ya, Sunggyu ah~ isn’t it obvious that she doesn’t want you anymore? You should be happy she wants to be out of your life now. Who would want her anyway?” a girl said from the crowd.

The anger rushed into me. I let go of NamHee and slammed the girl on the wall. I remember her, one of my fans.

“what did you said?” I hissed

“s-Sunggyu ah” she shakily muttered

“Sunggyu, let her go” NamHee said pulling me away but I gripped the girl tightly

“if I hear you, or any of you” I said glaring around the people that were surrounding us

“say anything about Yoo NamHee . You’ll really get a piece of me. And I swear you wouldn’t like that” I threatened before letting NamHee pull me away.

She held my hand as we both rushed out to the school garden. She held my hand. That was all I was thinking. She doesn’t seem to have any thoughts about stopping so I gripped her hand and stop

She spun suddenly, anger a blaze in her eyes

“what was that Sunggyu, huh?! She’s a girl!” she yelled. She hated it when I look down or bully anyone but this was different. She bullied her. No one can bully her

“she said those bad things to you!” I yelled back. Shouldn’t she be happy I’m protecting her?

“yes, but was it right to slammed a girl, Sunggyu a GIRL! Forcefully on the wall? Would you feel okay if it was me slammed there?” she asked hands clenched

“they wouldn’t even dare” I groaned at the thought

“you hurt someone again. How many times do I have to tell you that you shouldn’t do that?!”

My blood pumped in my head.

“then what about me? Oh? What about me hurting NamHee?” I blurted without thinking. My knees turning into jelly as I admit what I was feeling.

This wasn’t me. I was the strong, dependable Kim Sunggyu, but what is this?

“bwo?” she whispered confused

“you, your hurting me. How long was it since we last talked? Have you thought that while you were busy avoiding me, I was finding ways to grasp you? That while you’re doing that, I was lying on my bed thinking what I have done to you? It hurts. Here” I said pointing at my chest

“knowing that the only person you want to be with the most is rejecting you” I mumbled, head bowed down

“Sunggyu, it’s not … you can’t. It’s complicated now” she said looking away

“tell me. I miss you so badly NamHee ah. You were the first girl who I actually befriended.”

You were the first ever girl I actually fell for. The first girl who made my heart beat so crazily. The first girl I badly want to hug. The first girl I wish that would forever be by my side.

She looked at me and I was shocked.

It’s been weeks since those brown orbs looked into mine and there I see.

 

Pain.

Instantly, I grabbed her shoulder and wrapped my arms around

“wae? Oh?” I gently asked.

She started to shake and I felt my chest gets wet.

She was crying.

She never cries. That’s what she told me. For the few months that we hang out together she made it clear. No one can make her cry. One of the traits that I love the most is her bravery.

 “Sunggyu ah, mianhe … jeongmal mianhe” she muttered between sobs

“what are you saying? Why are you saying sorry? Isn’t it I who made the mistake, mm NamHee ah?” I said hugging her tighter

I felt her arms wrap around my waist and my heart went crazy. I should be happy right now, ne? But why do I feel so sad. Like, like she was saying goodbye? No, that impossible. She can’t leave. She can’t

“Sunggyu ah. You can’t … stay by my side now” she muttered pulling away. I looked at her tear stained face

“a-ah, mianhe NamHee ah, I didn’t-”

“you can’t see me again” she said looking in my eyes. The breath was knocked out of my lungs

 “a-ah wae?” I asked frowning as the words she just said was slowly sinking into me

“if you’re hurting now, you might suffer for tomorrow. I can’t let that happen Sunggyu” she said brushing his fingers on my face

“NamHee ah, bwo, I, I don’t understand” I said as I grabbed her hand and press it on my face

“I promise you, Kim Sunggyu that you will not get hurt because of me again.” She said giving me a weary smile

She took a deep breath and pulled her hand away. She manage a smile as tears once again flowed down her cheeks

“kamsahamnida, mianhe. Bye bye Gyu ah~” she said before walking past me.

I stood rigid.

I promise you, Kim Sunggyu that you will not hurt because of me again

kamsahamnida, mianhe. Bye bye Gyu ah~

Bye bye Gyu ah~

What does she mean?

I turned to look for her walking figure but there wasn’t any.

Was it a dream?

Anio, my chest is still wet from her tears.

Does … that mean she’s leaving me?

 

~end of flash back~

 

“I didn’t see her after that. Not in school. No matter where I find her, no matter how many times I asked her friends I couldn’t find her.” I said my breath getting hitched and my jaws clenched

“maybe she got scared of you ! Who wouldn’t, slamming a girl on a wall? Seriously Sunggyu hyung” Dongwoo joked

“maybe” I muttered

“but, it hurts more, when she left. The pain was so much I couldn’t function well. I couldn’t play, I couldn’t eat. All I was thinking was ‘is she leaving me?’ ‘does that mean goodbye?’. It was enough to drive me crazy. The only thing that kept me going was the thought, or expectation? That I could see her smile tomorrow at school ‘good morning Gyu ah~’ she would greet but every morning my hopes got crushed” I said whispering staring blankly into space

“hyung” Sungjong called shakily waking me from my thoughts

“but we saw each other after. By then, I believe we were made for each other by heaven” I said grinning

“aissh this bad guy!! Being too dramatic!” Sungyeol yelled heaving out a sigh

“but… why did you broke up hyung?” Hoya asked

As usual, among the group Hoya had a knick for analyzing stuff

“don’t get excited on the heart breaking part of the story. But why is like that? Fairytales makes people believe in Happily Ever After? Aren’t they making it more painful? To hope, to expect that the end of your story is smiles and kisses, isn’t it too cruel?” I asked them

“it hurts more, to know that the person you badly want can’t be yours, can’t even stay here. How could fate easily play with human emotions. Why is it so hard to love? Why did it have to be her?” the question slipped off my mouth before I could stop myself

Tears weld up

“ah hyung” they all called concerned

I cupped my face in my hands

“why did it have to be her, oh? It could have been another person” I sobbed

“mi, anhe. That sounded so selfish “ I added trying hard to get a grip of myself

“h-hyung” Sungjong called shakily

“gwen, chana” I assured him. Looking up and seeing the concerned faces of the members warmed my heart

I can’t seem to stop crying.

“Death lies on her, like an untimely frost/ Upon the sweetest flower of all the field.” I quoted shakily