Track 1: Dance Without You

Chapter 1

7:00 PM

I checked the time and smiled to myself after walking in the living room. There was still half an hour left until you arrive from work. I made a quick check at the dress I wore, making sure every detail was ok just because you told me to expect tonight’s dinner as something special.

Waiting had never been my thing but when it came to you, I grew to tolerate it. I can’t blame you though, being a composing artist was hard and demanding. I stared blankly at the shelves on both sides of the television, eyeing the line of music albums that filled the space. It was amazing on how many have you collected over the years.

With slow steps I walked forwards, stopping when it was just a few inches from me. I smiled at the only drawer on the right shelf. A drawer containing videotapes of the recording you took of me dancing, of us goofing around, of us just being ourselves. You like to call it our personal video blog, such a selca prince.

7:35 PM

I jumped from my place after realizing that I had been too immersed in reading the labels you wrote on the videotapes. You were never late in special occasions such as this so I decided to call you. The line just kept on ringing so I figured that you got caught up in work at the last minute. Again. Sometimes having a sudden change on a song you were working on can’t be avoided just like how the dance routines I choreographed are.

I sighed and walked towards the kitchen.

“Might as well as clean up the mess I dumped on the counter table.” I said to myself silently.

I continued looking at the things scattered in my rush to get home from the dance studio to freshen up. After another sigh I lifted the box of cake my co-dancers gave me and placed it in the fridge. It was then that I noticed how a lot of your favorite drink was still there. Normally, the lemon water I make for you would be barely gone when Friday comes. The reason why I made sure to go grocery shopping on Saturdays to make sure it was always in stock.

8:09 PM

The kitchen was now clean and no plates were waiting on the sink, so I decided to try and call you again. I grabbed the glass of water I just poured and fished out my phone. But before I could hit the green button, my screen flashed with the words Saengie appearing on the caller id.

“I’ll forgive you for being late if you act cute.” I teased as soon as I picked up the call. You were never found of acting cute or being called cute. One of your adorable insecurities about that baby face of yours.

 Instead of a whining response, all I heard was the rustling sound of something being rubbed against the speaker of your phone. Your jeans to be more accurate.

“You forgot to lock your phone again Saeng.” I said over the receiver even though you wouldn’t hear it. Smiling at the piano notes floating in the background.

It was one of your habits actually – to forget to lock your phone after making a call whenever you were busy. The reason why you tend to call the last number in your recent registry and in most instances, that was directed to me. But I love that habit of yours too. 

“Saengie ah~” I playfully called as I sip some water, waiting for you to notice the accidental call you made. I stopped drinking when I heard your phone drop. Like it was tossed a few inches away, which was unusual. If you had dropped your phone then you would notice that I was on the line. So I listened more carefully, waiting for you to pick it up. But you didn’t.

‘Uggh…o-p-pa…’

 A chill ran down my spine. My heart stopped beating.

‘Ng-gh…Eu-Eun-Jung….ahhh…’

I ended the call and looked down. Pieces of shattered glass were everywhere, water pooling near my feet. I bent down and forced my numb fingers to pick up the remnants of the glass I was holding a while ago. My mind convincing me those things wasn’t as it seems. That it wasn’t your angelic voice another woman’s name. I threw the shattered glass away and dried the water on the floor, making sure that nothing was left. Concerned that you might cut your foot when passing by.

10:27PM

I got up from the couch. By this time the restaurants would have already closed so that special dinner outside was out of the question. I threw myself in our bed. Not really caring that I was still wearing the dress I carefully pick out for tonight.

You wouldn’t betray me like this. I continued to convince myself that it was just a misunderstanding on my part. That you don’t need anybody else than me, that you would not even think of hurting me because you promised. . .right?

I rolled to my left side facing the empty space where you usually fill. Clutching the necklace you gave me during our high school days – the day you declared your intentions of loving only me. The significance of the one winged necklace and that you never took yours off was somehow relaxing to think of. Yes you wouldn’t hurt me nor betray me.

“It is only when our two necklaces are together would we be able to feel complete. Because it is only when we are together Eun Ha does my life have meaning.”

“I must have dozed off.” I thought silently as I saw your shadow peacefully sleeping next to me when I opened my eyes. Even if I wanted to be upset because you didn’t wake me up when you arrived, I just couldn’t. Not when you bothered to cover me with our blanket as the room was now colder.

I checked the time on the bedside table next to you and noted the time.

2:41 AM

I rubbed my eyes and shifted in my sleep. It was then that I noticed that I was still wearing a dress. As soundlessly as I could, I left our room and headed to the bathroom down the hallway. You were sometimes sensitive to light so changing there might only wake you up.

With sleepy eyes, I changed my clothes, brushed my teeth and washed my face. I was about to put my dirty clothes in the laundry basket when I saw yours on the floor next to it. You always tend to miss the basket whenever you were dead tired.

I smiled lightly and picked them up only to notice something unusual in the air when I brought it nearer to me. The smell was tickling my noise, irritating it. I bit my lower lip trying not to jump into any conclusions.

Just when I convinced myself that it was just a misunderstanding, here were those judging thoughts racing endlessly inside me. It wasn’t your perfume. The one you always wear was not this strong because I was allergic to strong ones.

I wiped away the lone tear that escaped my eye. Quickly putting your clothes in the basket and padded to our room once again. It wasn’t right to judge you just because of this. There could be a lot of explanations. And the moment I saw your angelic face, sleeping contently didn’t help me at all.

Seems like my thoughts are contradicting me and it was too confusing to be pondered. I softly lay on my side and faced you again. Pushing all the thoughts at the back of my mind, telling myself not to think about it but I still found myself whispering, Happy birthday Eun Ha.