I was surprised to see the stranger once again. He was walking on the other side of the road, and at that moment the green man started blinking. Out of impulse and curiosity, I decided to follow him. He was wearing a white windbreaker, and he carried a black backpack with him.

   Staying in a safe distance, I traced his steps. The sky was dreary, indicating that there would be a downpour sooner or later. I disliked the rain during the winter season, to be honest. The water droplets that would fall on me were icy cold and sharp, making me imagine that I was being pierced by tiny needles. I hated that kind of pain.

   I followed the stranger aimlessly. The pavement was wet due to the melted frost, and the rest of the crowd seemed to vanish from my sight. All I could see, at that time, was his back. The people became fewer, and so I took more caution. The winding alleyways I was unfamiliar of took me to places I never knew existed. In the end, he stopped in front of an abandoned building. He simply looked at it, and I waited for him to enter the place. He didn’t.

   Thunder rumbled overhead, and soon, rain started pouring down. It didn’t seem to make the stranger move. He still stood there, completely unfazed. Feeling my body seep in the coldness, I stepped back, and walked away from him.

<:>

   “Dad?” I began. My mother had to go to Busan for a trip with her colleagues, and so I decided to spend several days with him. We were in the living room, then, watching a variety show of some sort.

   “What is it?” he asked in reply.

   “Do you know any abandoned building near the seventh district? It’s at the very back of the area, though.”

   He seemed to think for a moment, before answering, “You mean the suicide building?”

   My eyes widened. “Suicide building?”

   “It’s been there for decades,” Dad said. “It was originally a library, but it had to be demolished due to something that happened.”

   “And what was that?” I pushed.

   He sighed, and I noticed the sadness in his eyes. “I was still in middle school when I heard that a group of college students committed suicide in there. We’re talking about twenty people here, Sunggyu. It was too much of a controversy, and so the company decided to leave the place.”

   “It wasn’t demolished completely, though,” I pointed out.

   “I see,” he replied. “Maybe they’re trying to recreate something from that place. Like the way the government renovated the Mokpo Bridge.”

   I nodded away, understanding what he had meant. The bridge was restructured, you see. There were encouraging messages and questions on the rail, together with photographs of happy people. Right at the end of the bridge, a golden statue stood: two people, sitting on the bench, with an elderly man trying to cheer the younger one up.

   I went to that place recently, and I still wondered how those messages which would light up once you walk past it at night would help a person. I guess words really did have a strong impact on people. While walking, though, I thought about Woohyun. Did he visit the bridge, as well?

<:>

   Weeks passed by, and December came around. The days became shorter and the nights became longer. Everything became cold and almost sad. The leaves completely fell off from the trees, and neon lights wrapped the branches and trunks like vines.

   Back in high school, our Literature teacher used to tell us people are more likely to commit suicide during the Christmas season. He said it was because of the sadness they would feel, especially when they would see how happy the others were. He said that kind of feeling alienated them all the more. I guess I understood, considering I did feel like that whenever I’d see a complete family enjoying themselves.

   Soon, I started to spend my free time in the abandoned building, studying floor after floor, imagining how the college students killed themselves. For the police to discover twenty corpses all at the same time, it must have been really bad. The building was dark and damp. I had to carry a flashlight with me on my second visit, together with even thicker clothes. The bitter wind would enter the place, making it groan. The floorboards creaked, and after several days of speculating the place, I managed to find several books—one was even The Tales of Genji. I decided to take everything, and at the very top of the library, where a glass dome served as the roof, I read to kill the time.

   The roof didn’t really protect me from the cold and the rain, due to some missing glass panes, but I didn’t mind. I had no idea who I was waiting for, or why I even took my time reading ancient books in that place. All I knew, at that time, was I had to be there no matter what. I suppose I was afraid that people would find the place and do what the twenty college students did. And the worst part was, nobody would even know.

<:>

winter-daze
2012-12-14 03:15
tagged as: #queue

   This is my last post. If this ever gets published, then just know that I didn’t back out on what I’ve decided to do.

   Sunggyu. Thank you for everything. For the casual conversations, and for the silence. I did tell it to you before, didn’t I? You made the days worthwhile, and you’re very special to me. You may believe this or not, but I’ve considered you as a friend. I apologize, because I lack in so many things. You’ll find me.

   Boohyun. I left this blog’s e-mail address and password in your drawer. If you ever read this, I would like to apologize. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough. Hyung, this is for the best.

   The list contained several more names, but I stopped reading them. It was already past three in the morning when I read that post. As if my mind was on autopilot, I grabbed the coat nearest to me, and stepped out of the house without even bothering to slip into a pair of shoes. I could feel splinters enter the sole of my feet after a few minutes, but the coldness made me numb. I didn’t care if the people looked at me weirdly. All I could think of, at that time, was the suicide building.

   Woohyun never mentioned anything about taking his own life, and it might just be me overthinking things. Nevertheless, I didn’t want to take any chances. So far, I knew that twenty people killed themselves in that place. I didn’t want Woohyun to be the twenty-first. I was functioning on nothing but instincts and the snippets of his words gushed into my desperate mind.

   I slipped for several times due to the frosty road, and my feet were beginning to burn due to the cold temperature. Still, that didn’t stop me from running. I already had bruises and wounds, and I almost stepped on dog crap at some point. I stumbled in the dark, and tiny debris of bottles sunk into my flesh. I was already bleeding a little by the time I emerged from the narrow alleyways. My coat was ripped, together with my pants. I was panting hard by the time I arrived in front of the abandoned building.

   Limping, I made my way into the place, climbing the stairway while heaving a sigh with every few steps I took. I stopped on the floor just before the rooftop, and cried in a dry, tearful voice, “Woohyun!”

   A dull thud followed, and I wasn’t mistaken when I thought that it was a piece of rope hitting the moldy floor that made the sound. It was dark, and I couldn’t see the person all too well. I was sure, however, that I wasn’t alone. Blood rushed into my head, making me feel dizzy, and I felt like my heart was about to burst. My adrenaline rush vanished, and all that was left of me was the feeling of tiredness and relief.

   “W-Woohyun,” I whispered, while gasping for air. I was so sure before, but all of a sudden, I had no idea if I was addressing the right person or not. “The sky isn’t as cloudy tonight.”

   Silence.

   “Let’s stargaze.”

   But all I wanted to tell him was this: I found you.

"We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.)"
- Romans 8:24