“What are you writing?”

 

 

The lovers found themselves in the dining room one cool evening in May. They sat there for a while, one scribbling black letters and words across crisp, snow coloured paper, as the other perched himself atop the mahogany wood, legs dangling childishly over the side. The dark-haired boy gazed at the younger’s elegant, yet still somewhat child-like handwriting. He brought a glass gently to his lips and took a slow sip of the icy water as he waited.

 

Upon hearing his question, the sandy haired boy glanced up at his boyfriend. He smiled gently, as he brought a finger to his lips, obviously signaling it was a secret. The tanned boy scoffed at the other’s mischievousness as he shook his head.

 

“It’s not as if I’m going to read it,” he laughed sadly. Sehun didn’t smile at the half-attempted joke. It was true that Kai had never been taught to read, being abandoned as a young child and raised in an orphanage that barely had enough time and money to feed the children let alone send them to school or teach them to read and write themselves. He had done well without it for a little while – he often had friends who would read out menus or signs for him, however it seemed that even they didn’t have time to teach him. It was a busy place; a busy time – if you fell behind, you stayed behind – there was really no way to catch up. However it only became apparent how important it was to be able to read when Kai had met Oh Sehun.

 

Oh Sehun was just like him – yet the opposite. Still to this day, Kai doesn’t know exactly how the smooth skinned, twinkling eyed boy came to lose his voice, or who his family is, why he doesn’t interact with anybody but him. Kai had no idea that somebody like Sehun, who was every definition of perfect to him, would approach him one stormy evening, and simply smile. Kai had no idea that that single smile would have the power to overturn every single emotion in his body, to take his breath away, that he would be so lucky to even see the beauty that stood before him in his lifetime. It never bothered him that he could never talk with Sehun, and it never seemed to bother Sehun that Kai couldn’t read any of the notes he wrote down for him. Kai had always kept to himself for such a long time, but after meeting Oh Sehun, he had an uncontrollable desire to share everything with him; what he liked, disliked, his favourite flavour of ice-cream, his unusual yet entertaining thought process, what he wanted to do tonight – how much he just wanted to stay like this, wrapped up in Sehun’s warmth, not even hearing seconds go by, a sweet silence capturing them in a moment just for them. Sometimes, he wondered if it bothered Sehun, that Kai could never hear him, what he thought, like, loved; And Sehun had just smiled and kissed him, across the table, in the middle of writing a letter just like tonight. It was then, Kai had realized they didn’t need any words, because somehow, even though he could never really explain how, he always knew what Sehun wanted to say. And just somehow, Sehun seemed to understand Kai better than anybody – sometimes even more than himself.

 

Kai watched the spidery ink flow across the spotless paper, beautiful looks and lines. Words he may never ever be able to read, sentences he may never ever need to, yet every now and then Sehun would pull out the paper and sit down and simply write. Kai never knew what the younger boy wrote – sometimes he watched Sehun’s beautiful face change as he poured his thoughts onto the pages. Sometimes there would be a glimmer of a smile, faint enough just for Kai to see, but big enough to light up his entire face. Other times, the younger would bite his lip in deep concentration, scribbling quickly, not quite as neat as he usually was; yet obviously trying to get all his thoughts down before he forgot them. Kai always laughed when Sehun made a little mistake and tried to fix it up, maybe he spelt a word wrong, or a character wasn’t as it was supposed to be – he would run the pen over the character repeatedly until it was mess, often resulting in a very bemused Kai, and an irritated – yet only for a few moments – Sehun. To Kai, Sehun’s writing was the most beautiful he’d seen; he somewhat imagined it as what his voice would sound like – soft, yet poignant and full of aspirations, love and thought – eloquent words woven together with gentle hums and cute giggles.  

 

Kai traced the final words with his eyes as Sehun finally signed the letter and placed it in a small, intricately decorated wooden box, along with an entire stash of others.

 

“Why don’t you post them?” the older inquired, resulting in yet another mischievous smirk, and a quick peck on the lips. Kai wrapped his arms around the boy’s thin waist, drawing him closer, until they rested their foreheads together, their eyes tracing each other’s delicate features, and everything that made them beautiful. It was quiet when Kai said them – the words he had desperately wanted to say for what seemed like an eternity with Sehun. “I love you.”

 

The sandy haired boy kissed him again and rested his chin in the crook of his neck, trailing the skin mouthing sweet I love you too’s.

 

 

And yet, Kai had a feeling Sehun already knew that.

 

 

Because already knew he loved him too.

 

 

 

∞

 

 

 

Kai opened his eyes to the gentle morning rays resting on the untouched pillow beside him. He jolted upright as he realized. He froze for a moment, listening for any signs of the younger boy’s presence. He didn’t know if the birds chirping this morning were abnormally loud, or that the absence of his breathing was making the silence even more unbearable. The tall boy threw off the covers and walked around the apartment, repeatedly calling the younger boy’s name. He rushed to his mobile, expecting a message, even if he couldn’t read it fully. Nothing. He bit his lip in thought – it was unusual for Sehun to just leave at this time of morning and even if was an emergency, the least he could have done was draw a picture to as least give Kai some sort of clue to his whereabouts. But like this, made bed, and absolutely no signs that the younger boy had lived here at all, Kai was about to go crazy.

 

As he slumped himself down in an exhausted heap, he thought quietly to himself. Perhaps he was over-reacting, then again, where would Sehun go without him? Where had Sehun ever gone without him? Maybe Sehun had become annoyed that Kai couldn’t read what he wrote for him – but Kai wouldn’t believe that. Sehun had even bought him an audio cd and book to help him learn to read. It was harder than imaginable considering Sehun couldn’t exactly help him with the sounds how they fitted with the letters, but still, Sehun wasn’t that type of person. From what Kai knew, Sehun lived for him, and he lived for Sehun.

 

Kai had decided to wait. He decided that if Sehun wasn’t home by ten o’clock he was going to go out and search for him. Ten o’clock came after an agonizing wait of watching-but-not-really-watching television and listening to the painfully loud slow ticking of the clock hanging on the kitchen wall. Kai waited until the second hand fell towards five past and then ten past. He pressed his cheek into the cushion, eyes simply fixated on the face and black hands. He’d wait until twelve.

 

Twelve O’clock came after a restless sleep, in which Kai awoke body sore and red-eyes stinging. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. Sehun would never leave him hanging like this – Sehun would never leave him. Kai in a long breath to calm his thoughts once again, and pulled himself from the lounge. He found himself aimlessly wandering around the apartment – opening and closing doors, eating, walking – anything to take his mind off the one thing that kept him from losing it. He suddenly caught the wooden box Sehun often visited – the one which stored all the letters he wrote from time to time. Did Sehun’s letters have something to do with this? He pulled out one of the chairs and sat himself down, simply staring at the lid. He opened it.

 

After a moment or two of hesitation, Kai reached to the bottom of the stack and pulled out one of the letters. He unfolded it carefully and traced each letter at the top carefully with his fingers, trying to remember the sound each letter made.

 

 

To…

 

 

Lu-han…

 

 

Kai blinked and his lips parted a little. Who was Luhan? Why was Sehun writing to him? Why the hell did Sehun smile like that when he was writing to somebody else? Kai quickly threw away the paper back into the pile before his tears could ruin it. He lay his head on the mahogany wood and pulled out another letter.

 

 

 

To Luhan.

 

 

 

And another.

 

 

 

To Luhan.

 

 

 

And another.

 

 

 

My dear Luhan.    

 

 

 

Kai swatted the papers away from him and curled his arms around himself as he cried into the table, his salty tears darkening the wood beneath. He glanced at the clock which haunted him once more – Two O’clock. In an instant, heart pounding, breath heavy and racing, Kai threw open the window behind him. The strong breeze from outside sent the letters into a flurry of flapping doves wings, scattering them about the empty space. Kai watched them float lifelessly to the floor through blurry eyes, biting his lip, trying to settle his heart.

 

 

 

 

Sehun was gone.

 

 

Sehun hadn’t loved him.

 

 

Sehun’s heart lied.

 

 

 

 

But the part which broke Kai’s heart the most, was the realization that he didn’t have a heart anymore.

 

 

 

He had given it to Sehun.

 

 

 

And now he was just hollow.

 

 

 

 

 

∞

 

 

 

 

“What are you writing?”

 

 

 

Kai jumped in his seat. He stared at the blond-haired figure standing in front of him, eyes wide with fright and heart leaping in shock. He tried to speak, but no words came out – he hated to imagine how Sehun would feel at a time like this. The pale man simply smiled and gestured towards the tear spotted paper Kai held in his hands. The dark-haired boy reluctantly handed the paper to the outstretched delicate hand. Kai had no need to ask questions - how this stranger managed to get into his apartment, how he walked up to Kai so silently, why he was so beautiful – why he reminded him of Sehun. Kai had no desire to say anything, because he realized that words were meaningless - Because lies were woven with words and because of that, he thought Sehun would never lie.

 

The bright eyed man scanned over the paper and nodded in understanding. He gently placed the paper with the trembling-scribbled Sehun in the middle of it back onto the table. He pulled out a chair of his own in front of the other and sat down. He sensed the sadness in the Kai’s eyes and reached out to touch his hand. Strangely, Kai’s heart stopped pounding and slowed to a steady, calm page.

 

 

“You must be Kai.”

 

 

Kai blinked. His lip trembled.

 

 

“Are you…Luhan?”

 

 

The blonde smiled with a small tilt of his head. He gestured to the pile of letters on the table. Kai’s eyes opened in astonishment – they had been strewn across the floor only a second ago. How-

 

 

“Would you like me to read?”

 

 

The dark haired boy simply stared. Nothing made sense. How did this stranger know about him? Kai opened his mouth to ask him if he knew where Sehun was when he was quickly silenced, as the man gently pulled a letter from the pile and began to read. His soft voice filled the empty space which had smothered Kai since the first hours of the morning. Kai listened, he cried and listened.

 

 

 

 

“Dear Luhan,

 

Today, Kai and I went to the park. It was really crowded today, but I didn’t get lost – Kai wouldn’t let go of my hand. He’s sweet like that. But not as sweet as mango ice-cream, his favourite he said. I wanted to tell him I wanted to try all the flavours.”

 

 

 

Kai held back a small sob.

 

 

 

Luhan picked up another letter.

 

 

 

 

“Dear Luhan,

 

Kai brought home this interesting movie today. It was about a child who was blind. Everybody kept doubting him on what he was capable of. Honestly, he learnt the piano and became famous! He fell in love and it was truly beautiful. Kai said that was like us. I stupidly started crying because I was so happy, but he thought I was crying because he had offended me. Then I started laughing and crying, and Lulu, you should have seen the look on his face. The poor boy~”

 

 

Kai bit his lip, but it did nothing to hold back the choked cries and tears which flooded his vision. His heart began to race again, and his entire body began to tremble. All the things Sehun had wanted to say were written on those letters. All the words Kai couldn’t read, all the things about Sehun he would have never known. He watched as Luhan picked up another letter and quickly stopped him. He choked on his words as he tried to explain.

 

 

 

“He’s…gone…”

 

 

 

Luhan sighed and returned the letter to the pile. He gently held Kai’s hands in his small ones, his large eyes hidden with secrets and kindness. The taller boy sniffed as he tried to continue.

 

 

 

“W-why did he write these to you…b-but didn’t s-send…”

 

 

 

Luhan hushed him and brought a hand to his face to wipe his tears.

 

 

 

 

“He didn’t need to send them, Kai. I was reading when he wrote them.”

 

 

 

Kai scrunched his nose in confusion. Luhan couldn’t have been there. It was only ever them – just them.

 

 

 

 

“When you’re an angel, heaven is anytime and anywhere.”

 

 

 

 

Kai’s mouth gaped open and he did not take his eyes off Luhan for a split second, afraid the angel would vanish into a cloud of gold dust. Luhan traced circles on the table with his fingers as he spoke.

 

 

“Sehun and I have been friends for centuries. We watch humans from time to time for something to do. Sehun used to watch you from up there. I guess, as angels, we have a lot of free time on our hands. He would come to me day after day, talking about you, what you did on yesterday, two months ago, five years ago – how happy you were for getting a small gift for your birthday when you were fifteen. He told me everything.”

 

 

 

He paused.

 

 

 

“And Kai, one thing you must know about angels, is that we remember everything. That’s what sets us apart from humans.”

 

 

 

Kai blinked, said nothing, and let him continue.

 

 

 

“Also, the fact that…angels do not fall in love. So when Sehun began to fall behind in his duties, and learning about you became almost like breathing, he was almost cast out. Sehun had pleaded with the head-angel. He wanted to show that angels and humans can love each other, regardless our differences. The head-angel miraculously agreed on one condition though – he wouldn’t be able to say a single word.”

 

 

 

 

It hit him – Kai understood everything. Why Sehun never seemed to be upset without his voice, why he had no family, no friends – why he remembered everything Kai had ever told him. He furrowed his brow in confusion.

 

 

 

 

“Where is he now? Why isn’t he here?”

 

 

 

Luhan brought out the letter he had placed back in the pile, the one from last night. Kai swallowed as Luhan began to read.

 

 

 

“Dear Luhan.

 

For ages, Kai has never been able to say he loves me. For ages I’ve waited, and I don’t mind because I know he does. He’s done this on purpose – The head angel made me without a voice so I could never tell him I love him. Because when he says I love you it happens. What if it never happens, Luhan? Will I never get my wish? The head-angel doesn’t understand – because words mean nothing if you’re in love. People in love don’t need to say I love you. They just feel it. That’s what angels don’t understand – because they remember everything they are told, but they never feel. I don’t want to be like that, Luhan. I want to be real.”

 

 

 

Kai snatched the letter out of Luhan’s hands, his eyes welling up as he tried to read it. He could only make out certain letters and his name. Then he remembered.

 

 

 

It was quiet when Kai said them – the words he had desperately wanted to say for what seemed like an eternity with Sehun. “I love you.”

 

 

 

He sprung to his feet.

 

 

 

“I told him, Luhan! I told him I loved him!”

 

 

 

Luhan broke into a large smile this time – a true smile which made his eyes twinkle. He nodded as he folded his hands on the table watching the tanned boy in front of him smiling through tears.

 

 

 

“What happens now? Where is he?”

 

 

 

Luhan’s smile faltered.

 

 

 

“I don’t know,” he whispered.

 

 

 

And he vanished.

 

 

 

∞

 

 

 

Kai grumbled to himself as he quickly bent down to pick up his dropped coins. He apologized to the man at the counter, who only laughed at his childishness. He finally paid for his ice-cream and turned to leave.

 

 

 

“Oh! Sorry!”

 

 

 

He accidentally bumped into another customer, and smiled as he apologized. He made his to the exit and stopped. His hand lay on the metal knob, but not turning it. Instead, he slowly made his way back to the front counter. The old man at the register laughed upon his arrival.

 

 

 

“Hey, help this customer out – he can’t decide which flavour he wants!”

 

 

 

Kai studied the stranger, dark brown hair covering his eyes gently, smooth milky skin, beautiful hazel eyes. He smiled.

 

 

 

“How about all the flavours!”

 

 

 

The stranger laughed, and Kai’s heart fluttered. He had such a beautiful laugh.

 

 

 

“As much as I would love that, I can’t afford them all!”

 

 

Kai snorted in return.

 

 

“What about mango?” he whispered quietly. The stranger nodded in agreement and waited for the man to scoop out the ice-cream. Kai’s heart jumped as the stranger turned towards him, extending a delicate hand.

 

 

“Um, Hi. My name’s Sehun.”

 

 

Kai shook it. He had such a gentle voice.

 

 

“I’m Kai.”

 

 

The fair-skinned boy reached for his ice-cream and took a small bite. He smiled happily like a child and his eyes lit up like stars on the darkest night. He looked at Kai.

 

 

“Have I met you somewhere before?”

 

 

“Maybe once.”

 

 

“I’m sorry, I’ve probably forgotten.”

 

 

 

Sehun headed towards the door and paused.

 

 

 

“Do you want to go for a walk?”

 

 

 

Kai grinned from ear to ear as he followed the shy boy outside.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And Kai, one thing you must know about angels, is that we remember everything.

 

 

 

That’s what sets us apart from humans.

 

 

 

 

End