No matter how much you wanted them to, the tears wouldn’t stop coming. You had come to the end of your rope, and everything you had been holing inside came flooding out. Your lungs burned and you started to get lightheaded from the lack of oxygen, but still the sobs echoed out into the cold night. You felt a warmth settle to your right, and the familiar cologne told you who it was that sat down.

A strong arm wrapped around your shoulder and you immediately pressed yourself against the firm chest. The feeling was nice, and it calmed you down just enough to in a breath before the crying continued.

Jongup just sat in silence next to you. He wrapped his other arm across the front of you, trying desperately to hold you together. It tore him up inside to see you like this. Jongup had been your best friend since middle school. He had watched as you dreamed up big plans for your life and worked hard every day. He was there as when you fell in love for the first time, and let you cry into his shoulder when that love died. He had seen you happy and he had seen you sad. He was there for everything you did, always cheering you on from the sidelines. So it broke his heart to see you here like this, emotionally battered and bruised.

He knew what had brought you to this point, but he also knew there were some things you had kept from him. There was always a small pain in his heart every time you put on that fake smile and said everything was fine. He knew he should have tried harder, delved a little deeper. Maybe then he could have saved you from this, or at least softened the blow.

But there was something inside that always held Jongup back. A wall that he had built to keep you just out of reach. His feelings for you; more specifically his romantic feelings for you. They had been so insignificant at first; a thought about how cute you were when you laughed, or how pretty you looked with your hair up. He dismissed those thoughts as inventions of a bored mind. Before he knew it, they had exploded into such intense feelings it was sometimes hard to breath.

So he pulled back, just enough to keep his heart at a healthy pace, but not enough to raise any suspicion from you. He was a coward really, too afraid of rejection to do anything, but too scared to push you away completely. So he had stayed there on the sidelines, cheering you on, trying desperately to suppress the feelings inside him.

But now here you were, a broken sobbing mess, clinging on to him and your last shreds of hope.

“Why? I don’t understand. I-I-I did everything right. Why would he d-d-do that?” You fisted Jongup’s shirt, as you remembered the look on the face of your fiancé, well ex-fiancé. It had only been a few hours since he told you he was leaving, and moving in with the real love of his life. He had actually brought the hussy to the apartment to help him move the last of his things. At first you were filled with rage. You even threw a vase at the door as he left, but after a moment, the reality of it all came crashing down. That’s when you had turned to your best friend.

You were actually surprised he came. You had been so wrapped up in the engagement and wedding plans that you slowly began to push Jongup away. In reality, you pushed him away because you knew he’d see right through your lie. The lie that everything was perfect. The lie was so flawlessly constructed that you even believed it, and distance from Jongup was the only way to maintain it. You had growing suspicions that your fiancé was cheating, but you lied to yourself to keep that dream of a perfect life alive. 

Jongup sighed heavily from above you. “Are you really that surprised?” It was a bold move, but in that moment Jongup decided he was done being a coward.

You stilled at the question. Half of you wanted to slap the man for his insensitivity while the other half wanted to hide in shame. The latter half took over and you buried your head further into his shirt, letting out a small cry.

Jongup tightened his hold around you. You had known each other long enough that no more word were needed.

After a while, your sobs had diminished into sniffles and you really began to take in your situation. Despite everything that had happened, you were surprisingly calm. It was warm and comforting in Jongup’s arms. You hadn’t realized how much you had missed him.  How he would always laugh at all your jokes, and the stupid thumbs-up he’d always give you when you needed encouragement. And his smile. You had always loved his smile. Even when you were feeling the lowest, his smile would always make you feel better.  You wanted to see that smile, now more than ever.

You turned your head to look up at your friend. He was looking out over the park, but shifted his focus to you when you moved. He wasn’t smiling. You continued to stare into his deep brown eyes. Any second now he’d flash that perfect smile that melted all your worries away. But the minutes dragged on and the smile never came. He sat there silent, never once wavering from your gaze.  You searched his eyes for clue as to what he was thinking, but you couldn’t decipher the meaning behind them.

Suddenly the air around you got heavy. Your heart started beating faster, but it wasn’t just yours. From your close proximity you could also feel Jongup’s heart. It was beating just as fast as yours, if not faster. He lifted his hand and brushed a few stray hairs out of your face before cupping the side of your cheek. You inhaled sharply as his face slowly moved toward yours.

He stopped with mere inches between each of your lips, he eyes never once breaking their hold on yours. The sound of your accelerated pulse pounded in your head, making it impossible to form a rational thought. The only thing you could think about was closing the gap between you, but fear held you firmly in place. The feeling of his warm breath on your face and his stare sent shivers down your spine. You finally released the breath you were holding.

The feeling of your breath mixing with his was all it took for Jongup to act. He crashed his lips into yours, entangling his fingers into your hair. He poured all the feelings he had kept locked up into that kiss.

The fireworks exploding in your stomach rendered you frozen. Everything about this situation was wrong. Jongup was your best friend, not to mention you had just been dumped by your fiancé. But the growing chaos is your abdomen quickly pushed those thoughts away. You kissed back, letting your walls break down completely.

Jongup pulled you closer when he felt you press back into the kiss. His tongue slipped across you lips asking for entrance, to which you enthusiastically granted. The feeling of him exploring every inch of your mouth sent shivers down your spine. In that moment you wanted to lose yourself in him completely.

You shifted to straddle him and tilted your head to grant him more access. His hands slipped into your jacket and wandered up and down your back. Your bodies pushed and pulled, trying desperately to melt into each other’s. The lack of oxygen was dizzying and you finally broke the kiss, air into your lungs.

The rush of cool air cleared your head and the realization of what just happened hit you. Jongup moved closer to you again, but this time you lowered your head, only allowing your foreheads to touch. He stopped his advance, searching your eyes for an explanation. You keep your gaze down; afraid you’d lose yourself again in those deep brown orbs. You closed your eyes and inhaled, holding back the tears you felt forming.

“I’m sorry”

Without another look at him, you quickly got up and began to run towards home. You didn’t make it very far when his hand wrapped around your wrist. He spun you around and pulled you into a tight embrace. You tried to push away, but his hold on you was too strong.  The tears began to fall again, this time out of guilt.

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. It wasn’t right.”

Jongup hushed you, rubbing small circles on your back. “You don’t need to apologize. It was my fault anyways. I took advantage of you.”

You shook your head and looked up at him. “No, you were right. I’m really not surprised he left. I don’t think he was even there at all. I was so focused on my perfect dream, that I missed what was real right in front of me.”

You managed a small smile, which Jongup returned. He squeezed you tighter before letting go and holding you at arm’s length.

“Let’s get out of this cold. Why don’t we go back to your place and eat a whole tub of ice cream on the couch?”

You laughed at the contradictory statement, but nodded your head none the less. “Actually, can we go to your place? I don’t really want to go back home just yet.”

“Ok, but you gotta buy the ice cream as payment for using my couch.”

Jongup smiled down at you and you nodded your agreement to the payment. He turned and held his hand out for yours. You placed your hand in his, lacing your fingers together.  He shoved both your hands into his jacket pocket and smiled again before leading you out of the park.