Thursday, March 29 7:01 A.M

     “Dear umma,

     Things have been going well for me since the first day of school. This year has been really great. There have been some good and bad times, but nothing I regret so far. Do you remember when I mentioned Seoyoung to you in the last letter? Well, we have been together since the end of September, and I hope this news makes you just as happy as I am. I miss you and appa and everyone else at home. How are you all by the way? I want to know if you have opened up your shop yet.

     The hyungs are doing well too. Soohyun has been going to counseling since his “fight” scene this past January. He’s doing better every day and he even attends seminars to give advice to children about the dangers of bullying. His teacher, Mr. Lee, hosts the seminars too. Isn’t it ironic?

     Eli has been learning to cook and has been taking a cooking class since the second quarter. He taught me how to make omelets, which I found is useful when I wake up late in the morning and everyone has already left.  AJ won an academic award and has been accepted into an overseas school. He’s really smart like you said, umma.

     Kevin and Kiseop are in the drama club and they participate in all of the school plays and musicals. They’re really good! I’ll have to send tickets to you for the next play so you can come see it! I’m not sure what play they’re doing though, but I do know it’s going to be awesome.

     As for Hoon, he and I have settled our differences and we’ve been playing together in the school band. He still teases me sometimes, but it’s not anything to worry about. My hyungs like to pick on me just because I’m the youngest. I know they don’t mean any harm in it, but sometimes I wish I could live at least one day where they treat me like I’m their age. Oh well.

     I’ve reached the end of my letter to you, umma. By the time you’ve gotten this, Seoyoung and I would have already had our six month anniversary since we’ve been a couple! It’s so exciting! Well, I love you so much and I want you to tell me all about what everyone has been up to since I’ve been gone. Don’t forget that I’ll be visiting very soon!

                                                                                                                                Hugs and kisses,

                                                                                                                                Dongho”

     I folded the letter and put it inside the envelope addressed to my hometown. Thinking about home makes me feel good. I looked down at the envelope on my desk and smiled, remembering the smell of my umma’s perfume and the sound of appa in the garden t the plants. Things used to seem much simpler back when I was little. There wasn’t much to worry about back then. Nowadays, I have responsibilities and such, with schoolwork and dance practiced piled on, my life can get pretty stressful.

     Then I remember Seoyoung, and seeing her face every day. She warms my heart whenever I’m feeling cold. When she looks into my eyes and smiles, it gives me the same feeling as being back at home. I feel relaxed, happy, and worry-free. The days when we go out and have fun, and even on rainy days when we just sit by the piano and I teach her a song, they’ve all been so special to me. Being with Seoyoung has truly made me feel blessed that she’s in my life. I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

     Eli knocked on my door the same time as he entered, how typical of him. I sighed and turned around to see him. “Are you done with your letter yet, Donggi? I can put it in the mailbox for you.” I handed him the envelope and he smiled at me. “Awesome,” he said, “So, now we have all of our letters for our families.” He shuffled the envelopes in his hands, all different colors and all written differently. “By the way,” he said just as he was about to leave the room, “Did you want to come with us to the mall? We were just going to do some shopping before spring break starts.”

     I nodded in response. Eli just shrugged and accepted it as a yes. This was going to be my chance to get the extra special thing for Seoyoung for our anniversary. I just knew she was going to love it too, because she has been talking about it for weeks. The thought of her facial expression when she saw it got me excited, and I smiled to myself. Now I couldn’t wait. I grabbed my jacket and headed out the door, closing it behind me and followed my hyungs to the mall.

               

     The mall seemed peculiarly busy that morning, despite it being a Thursday. Maybe the other kids in our school wanted to go shopping before spring break, too. But then again, our school wasn’t even that big. We walked into the mall doors, feeling the cold breeze hit us and that warm-hearted smell of fresh pretzels wafting in the air and drifting its way into our senses. It always gave it that “mall” kind of atmosphere.

     We made our way into the western area of the mall where they mostly had clothes imported from America. Eli and Kevin liked to shop there the most, probably because it reminded them of home. It was too bad nothing in the mall ever reminds me of home. I didn’t know where to go first, so I just followed them into ‘Hollister’.

     Kevin turned around to talk to me while he was looking at a shirt on the rack. “Dongho-yah, you don’t have to hang around here if you don’t want to.” I just shrugged as a response. “You can go wherever you want. I know you have to get an anniversary present for Seoyoung-i.” He winked at me and patted me on the shoulder. I smiled in approval and then he left to continue shopping.

     I walked out of the apparel department and made my way to the music store. For some reason though, I felt the need to keep looking behind me. I always felt like I had to be walking with someone when I was in public. Maybe I was just used to it. I needed to stop being so dependent on my hyungs. After all, I’m grown now, and I wanted to be able to do things on my own so that they could see that.

     The music store had a fresh feeling to it. I walked in with a big smile on my face. The store owner was happy to see me once again. I often came to this part of the mall, always looking at instruments and being curious about playing each of them. The owner, Kim Hanyeon, was the one who sold me my very first piano. I was a hesitant on playing the piano as my first instrument back then, but he was the one who told me that learning the piano first would help me learn more instruments in the future. He gave me so much confidence in playing, that I was inspired to give it my all to the piano and learn no matter what it took to do so.

     “Shin Dongho!” He greeted as he walked toward me. “How are you? You’ve matured so much since the last time you came in.”

     I bowed and shook his hand, “I’m doing great, thank you, Kim Hanyeon ssi.”

     “You’ve been practicing piano right?” His face brightened up.

      I nodded and smiled at him, “Of course. I’m actually teaching piano now.”

     He clapped and put his arm on my shoulder, “Why that’s wonderful! You’re teaching younger students at your school I assume?”

     “My girlfriend actually,” I blushed.

     He nudged me and patted me on the back, “Oh hoho! Well now, little Shin Dongho has a girlfriend does he? How nice. Is it going well?”

     I rubbed the back of my neck in embarrassment, “Oh, yeah, it’s great actually. Well, that’s why I came in here actually. You see it’s our six month anniversary today, and I wanted to get her very own piano here. She’s been hinting about one for a while. I know she wants one so she can practice at home.”

     “That’s so thoughtful,” he chuckled, “Not a lot of people give pianos as presents. So,” he said as he led me to the piano section of the store, “What kind of piano are you looking for?”

     “I hadn’t really put a whole lot of thought into it. What do you recommend as a good starter piano?”

     He nodded his head and took me to a section in the back where they had really nice ones. “These are some of the better starter pianos, perfect for students, especially young women. A lot of them admire the beautifully crafted woodwork.”

     “Hmm,” I pondered, looking at each one carefully, but none of them felt right. Then I looked toward the furthest end of the store, where there was a secluded piano that looked perfect. I could imagine Seoyoung sitting right there and playing at that piano. Nothing else seemed to fit besides that one. I walked over to it without saying a word, and the owner knew right away that this was the one I wanted. I looked at it and inspected every inch. It was a dark sienna color, and so amazingly crafted. “This is the one.”

     “Are you sure?” He asked me with a nervous tone in his voice.

     “Yes.” I said immediately. There was no denying that I was making the perfect decision.

     The owner laughed insecurely, “To be completely honest with you, I was actually going to give this piano to my daughter as a birthday present. But, I doubt that she has been practicing piano like I told her. She never really wanted to in the first place. I think she said she would learn piano just to make me happy. She didn’t really have the drive to do it, I could always tell.” He smiled with a tear in his eye, but wiped it quickly. I guessed that his relationship with his daughter wasn’t that great. It wasn’t any of my business though, so I put it past me.

     “I’m sorry,” I said, trying to see if it was appropriate to be remorseful.

     “It’s alright. I just don’t really get the chance to see her much anymore. Anyway,” he quickly looked up at me, probably trying not to reveal too much of his personal life to me, “It’s all yours, for half price.”

     My eyes lit up as I looked at the piano once more, my finger across the keys. “Really?”

     He nodded and patted me on the back again, “Of course.”

     “Thank you so much, Kim Hanyeon ssi. I really can’t thank you enough.” I wanted to jump up and down with excitement.

     “Come with me to check out and I’ll take care of shipment and everything.”

      I followed him to check out and paid for it and proceeded to write down Seoyoung’s address for it to be delivered at. After I wrote it down and everything was paid for, I walked back to the piano and took a picture of it with my digital camera so that I could show Seoyoung to surprise her. “Shin Dongho ssi!” The owner called out, and I turned around to see him inspecting the clipboard where I wrote down Seoyoung’s address.

     “Is there something wrong?” I asked him.

     He put down the clipboard and shook his head, “Never mind, it’s nothing.”

     “Oh, well okay,” I shrugged and proceeded to walk toward the door.

     “Have a nice day!” He called out as I left.

     “Thank you again! Good-bye!” I called back and then left the store with the greatest feeling of accomplishment in my heart. I couldn’t wait to see Seoyoung’s face when I would show her the picture of her very own piano.

 

     I met back up with my hyungs somewhere in the food court, where Hoon and Soohyun were munching on dumplings. They waved at me when I walked over to them. “Donggi-yah! How did the anniversary present shopping go?” Soohyun asked me with his mouth full.

     I whipped out my camera and turned it on to show them the picture of the piano. “Uwa! You got that for her? Daebak!” Hoon exclaimed after he swallowed his food, otherwise he would have choked.

     The rest of my hyungs came over to the table to see what I was showing them. They all gawked at the picture of the piano, saying how generous I was and how lucky Seoyoung was to have a boyfriend like me. “Are they delivering it to her place tonight?” AJ asked, looking over my shoulder.

    “Um,” I stuttered, “I guess so. Even if they don’t deliver it right away, I still want to show her the picture of it.”

    “She’ll absolutely love it.” Kevin assured, and everyone else agreed. I loved the fact that my hyungs liked Seoyoung and they supported my relationship with her. I felt so lucky to have guys like them in my life.

     Hoon surprised me a little bit by tapping me on the shoulder, “Are you two going on a special date tonight?” He asked me.

     I kind of felt embarrassed telling him my business with Seoyoung, but I knew he wasn’t going to do anything to sabotage it. That was all in the past, and I trusted him now, “Well I was going to take her out to the park this afternoon. I want the time to be right when I show her present to her.”

    “Stop it, will you? I can’t take the cuteness!” Kevin said tearing up. Wow what the heck is wrong with him? “Our little Dongho is growing up! I’m so proud of you right now.” Then he hugged me in front of everyone, how embarrassing. Kevin was always such a softy when it came to stuff like this, and it was even worse because it had to do with me, the maknae.

     Eli chuckled, “Okay, Kev that’s enough.”

     Kiseop looked at his watch and announced, “We have to hurry up if we want to catch the bus back to campus.”

    “Okay, okay. Geez,” Soohyun replied. “Come on guys, let’s go.”

 

     While we were on the bus back home, I figured I’d call Seoyoung to make the date official for that night. I dialed her number on my cell phone, and it rang for a bit.

     “Yeoboseyo?”

     “Seoyoung-ah! Happy anniversary!”

     She giggled through the phone with her cute voice, “Happy anniversary, oppa!”

     “I want to take you out to the park tonight, just you and me for our anniversary. What do you say?”

     Seoyoung didn’t respond right away. She took a few breaths of silence, and then sighed. “Actually,” oh man, I already had a terrible feeling in my chest, “Eunji has a ballet recital tonight, and she asked me to come see it. You know I can’t miss that…”

     My heart sunk to the ground, I thought I had lost all feeling the moment she said that. “Oh,” I said in disappointment.

     “But,” She said with hopefulness in her voice, “We can definitely go out tomorrow night.”

     That just made me feel even worse, “I really wanted to go out tonight though. It’s supposed to be special.”

     “I’m so sorry, oppa.”

     “Can’t you ask your sister if you could skip out on it just this once?” I hoped to God that would work.

     She sighed again, “No. I want to go to her recital. She’s my sister, and I can’t miss it.”

     “But it’s our anniversary. Isn’t that important? I thought you wanted to spend time with me.”

     “Dongho oppa…” She sounded like she was getting upset, “I do want to spend time with you, it’s just that-“

     “I didn’t think you liked your sister that much after the way she treats you.” Okay, maybe I’ve gone a bit too far.

     “I can’t believe you would say that.” My poor Seoyounggie, her voice was shaking, “My family comes first. It always has.” She took a breath, “We’ll go out some other time.”

      I was starting to get really upset. I had everything planned out already, and then it just got all ruined. Seoyoung’s sister must have wanted me to suffer. I got so angry, I shouted at Seoyoung, “I guess today means nothing to you!”

     “I never said that,” she said, sounding like she was about to cry.

     “I thought you loved me.”

     She started to cry just then. “I do… I love you so much, oppa.”

     “Whatever.” I said angrily and hung up the phone without so much as a good-bye.

     My hyungs obviously saw that I was upset about something, but they didn’t even bother to ask me what had just happened.

     We finally got back home just went it started to rain, and I gave myself a headache from the deep anger I was feeling. I walked back to campus faster than anyone else. I stomped along the rainy path home and I didn’t even care that I was getting soaked.

     I walked inside and slammed the door behind me, kicked off my shoes, and locked my bedroom door. I hated everything. This day was a total mess. No matter how much I wanted to scream and just forget about what I did for Seoyoung, I still felt bad for yelling at her. She didn’t deserve to have me yell at her. How could I be so stupid? Now I started to get mad at myself, and it made my headache worse.

     A few minutes later, someone knocked at my door. It was probably Eli. “Dongho-yah,” Eli whispered as he peeked his head through the door. I knew it. “Are you okay?”

    “Go away.” I scoffed.

     Eli sighed and came into my room anyway. He sat down on the edge of the bed where I was sulking, and I buried my face in my pillow. “Look,” he started, “You know that you can always talk to me when something is bothering you.”

     “I don’t want to talk about it.” I said, my voice muffled by my pillow.

     “What happened when you were on the phone with Seoyoung? We heard you yelling.”

     I said nothing in response. He didn’t need to know what happened because it was none of his business.

     “The only reason why I’m asking is because I want to look after you and I don’t want to see you hurt or upset. It has nothing to do with me prying into your business. At least let me try to help you.” He put his hand on my shoulder, but I pushed it away.

     “There’s nothing you can do,” I replied as I lifted my head up, “We’re not going out tonight..”

     “Hm,” Eli contemplated what to say for a moment, “Why not?”

     “She’s going to her sister’s ballet recital,” I replied, starting to get angry again, “She’d rather support her sister who shows no compassion for her at all than go on a date with me for our anniversary.”

     “Yeah but that’s her sister,” he explained, “No matter how much pain and suffering a sibling makes you go through, they’re still family. She loves her sister. Love always overpowers anything anyone says or does. You out of all people should know that, shouldn’t you?”

     Eli had a point to what he said. I hate when he’s right. I suddenly started to feel absolutely horrible for what I said to Seoyoung. “It’s too late now. I promised that I would never hurt her and I broke that promise. I feel like an evil person.”

     For the first time in a while, Eli hugged me. I wasn’t sure if it was for sympathy or just because he was trying too hard to be a “protective hyung.”

     He finally let go and then looked at his watch, “It’s about 2 o’clock. Let’s go do something, anything. You just say the word, and the guys and I will do it.”

     I sighed and looked at the ground, “I don’t really want to do anything right now. I’m still kind of depressed.”

     “Seoyoung will be fine. Just give it a little bit of time, and then she’ll forgive you. I know she will.”

     I looked up at him, “How do you know?”

     He smiled at me, “Because she loves you.”

     My heart suddenly felt like it stopped and then my stomach turned upside down. I almost forgot that when I was on the phone with Seoyoung, she said she loved me. She was telling me how she felt, but my bitter selfishness pushed it away.

     Eli looked at me and could instantly tell the remorse and sorrow I was feeling. I could tell by the way he was breathing. Without saying another word, he got up from the bed and walked toward the door. He paused and turned around to look at me, giving off a hand signal, basically telling me to walk out of the room with him. “Let’s go take our minds off of things for a while. It’ll make you feel better,” he said quietly as I got up.

     He followed me out of the room and into the living room where my other hyungs were sitting down and doing their homework. “What are you doing, hyungs?” I asked, tilting my head a bit.

     Kevin poked his head out of his book when he heard me speak. “Oh, Dongho-yah,” he said, smiling, “We’re doing our homework before school starts again.”

     I quietly laughed and sat on the couch next to him, “Why?” I asked. “School doesn’t start again for another month.”

     Soohyun looked up at me, “It’s better to get it done right away rather than worrying about it at the last minute. Otherwise, you’d end up making the wrong decision,” he explained. He gave me a look as if he was directing what he said toward me. Almost as if he was trying to tell me to do something about my situation with Seoyoung. It was nice that my hyungs were concerned for me; I just wished that they would stay out of my business. That was always our biggest conflict.

     I just brushed it off for the time being, sighed, and watched my hyungs do their work.

     “Jaeseop, help me with my mathematics.” Eli said to AJ, “Jebal.”

     AJ blinked and hesitated for a second, but then a smirk appeared on his face. He actually loved helping us out when it came to doing homework assignments, or anything else for that matter. He also enjoyed being smart. It might sound strange, but he wasn’t the least bit cocky about it. It only made him feel happy when he saw others improve because of something that he helped them with. AJ sighed in content as this would be yet another chance for him to see one of us benefit from one of his many talents, “What is it this time?” He asked.

    “Geometry,” Eli answered and rolled his eyes. “I have to find the circumference of the circle.”

    “Did you use the formula from your formula sheet?” AJ asked him as he sifted through Eli’s papers.

     Eli ruffled his eyebrows and scratched his forehead, “I don’t have my formula sheet with me. What’s the formula? I’ll write it down.”

     “C equals Pi R squared,” AJ replied.

     “You know,” Soohyun interrupted, “If you think about it, love is like a circle.” What was with Soohyun today, seriously? He was starting to sound like he was on drugs or something.

     Eli nodded, “I see what you mean. Because like a circle, love is forever, right?”

     “Yeah,” AJ said, “There’s no denying that logic. Hey! Don’t deny our R square Pi!” He laughed at his sudden rhyme. “I think I might use that in one of our songs someday. After all, it has meaning behind it.”

     I shook my head, “The more I hang around you guys, the more I question my sanity.”

 

     A few hours passed and after a while, I stopped thinking about my problems.  I only focused on the good times I had with Seoyoung, and the even better times we would have in the future. My hyungs kept me in a good mood that night. After their homework was finished, we stayed up and played video games and watched a movie. Eli and AJ kept cracking jokes to each other and we all nearly died from laughter.

     It was about 11PM when I decided to call Seoyoung and check up on her. I figured the concert was already over by that time, and by the look of that thunderstorm outside, it probably ended early anyway. I dialed her number on my phone and waited for her to pick up. It rang, and rang. And rang. And rang. No answer. I waited about thirty seconds and called her phone again. It rang about 5 times. No answer again. Maybe she was asleep? I eventually left her a message in her voicemail, “Seoyoung-I, it’s me. I know you’re probably still upset with me. But I just want to let you know how sorry I am. I don’t even expect you to forgive me. I still want things to work out with us. I promise you, I will do anything possible to make you happy. I want to give you the world. I don’t care if you went to your sister’s recital. She’s your sister, and you should always be there for her. Seoyoung-ah, I’m so so sorry. I’m such an idiot.” By then, I was getting teary eyed, “I just want to let you know that I-“ the message session ended, “love you.” I sighed. The voicemail ran too long and the service cut me off. I was so mad. I just wanted to tell her that I loved her, just once. The whole time we were together I never said it to her face, not once. I felt so terrible about it.

     There was always tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow I could finally tell her. I was so geared up for the next day just thinking about it. It would be the day I would finally tell her how much she means to me, and I hope she was willing to accept it. I mean, of course she would right? She’s not mad at me anymore, right? Right?

     I looked at my hyungs, all sprawled out in the living room fast asleep. We ended up having so much fun that they all passed out. Kiseop and Hoon were on the couches, Soohyun in the recliner chair, and Kevin, AJ, and Eli were on the floor in bean bag chairs. There were bags of chips everywhere, an empty pizza box, seven cups of soda, and other things that made it look like we partied hard. How was it that I was the only one still awake? I shook my head at them and smiled as I shut the lights and then walked down the hallway to my room.

     I opened the door and saw my alarm clock flashing “3:30AM.” It must have been from when our power went out a few hours ago. Luckily, it came back on within ten minutes. My clock probably reset itself back to 12AM when the power came back and the time just kept going from there. I shrugged and changed the time back to 11:20PM.

     Lightning flashed from outside and then loud thunder soon followed. I crawled up in my bed and hid under my covers. Thunderstorms are always so scary I hate them so much. But I would face my fear for Seoyoung. I would protect her and make her feel safe. All I could think about was Seoyoung, because I still wanted to be with her and I wanted to be strong for her. Nothing else mattered to me at that point. Nothing.