Because of you, hyung, I can’t even be calm anymore. I don’t even breathe right anymore. I sigh in and out instead of inhaling and exhaling.

 I was feeling depressed and kind of not all there after last night’s events. I decided to take a walk and try to sort things out, because I knew I’d only fall to pieces if I tried to think in the bean bag. It still hurt, not knowing. I knew you had feelings for me, so why break-off our beautiful relationship? It wasn’t as if you were going to die soon or anything. Were you protecting me? From what?

 On my walk, I passed by your house. It drew me in like a magnet. Of course the sight of it made me tear up. I wondered what you were doing right now, within its walls. Were you thinking of me? Walking past it, I saw something white lying on the lawn. Trying to see through the blur of my crying, I realized it was a sign. Inching forward, I read it.

 FOR SALE.  

 Two words. Two words that sent me pitching and reeling over the edge. I collapsed on the ground right were I was, reverting to hysteric gasps.

 It can’t be. NO. You’re not gone, I remember thinking feverishly. Any moment I would catch a glimpse of you walking by the window. Any moment I would hear the sound of your voice as you talked to a friend on the phone.

 I ran to your door and pounded on it. No answer came. I knew before I tried anyway. I just couldn’t cope. I desperately rushed to your mailbox to see if your mail was still coming in. Anything to prove me wrong. You couldn’t be gone. You just couldn’t.

 Opening the small door, at first I saw nothing. Then, far in the corner, I noticed a small envelope. Removing it and shutting the door, I examined it. I saw that it was addressed to me in your messy scrawl.

 Opening it slowly, scared to even breathe, I pulled out a picture and a note. The picture was one I knew well. It was on my birthday last year. We were laughing at something Taemin’s mother had said about his yellow hair looking like macaroni.

 We looked so happy. Of course we were. We had everything.

 I looked at the note. ‘To Kim Kibum,’ it read. ‘Key, I had to move. I will miss you every minute, and I promise to come back if I can someday. I didn’t want to hurt you. Forever, ~Jonghyun Kim.’

 More tears stung my eyes, but I didn’t try to wipe them away. This was evidence that you still loved me; you were real. I buried my face in the envelope; It smelled just like you. All the memories and everything we had ever shared all came rushing back at once, now safe locked in my head, never to be doubted again. It had been real, all of it.

 Staring blankly down at our laughing smiles in the picture, a small smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. Now I knew why you’d risked the mistake of kissing me.

 It was a parting gift.

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yea hmm. final/epilogue coming on fri 4/29 or thereabouts.

comments?

yer yer yer!