“…… So this is how it all started..”—

                I was passing through an alley trying to find Haruka. But then I saw her with my bestfriend holding her hands. I sent a message to my bestfriend and set him up, so me and my friends could beat him up. He went alone with him. I yelled at him asking how could he ever do that to me…. Cheating on his own bestfriend, which is me. He didn’t talk. He’s beaten up with my friends and can't even move. But the thing is, he never fights back. I punched him as hard as I can. I yelled:

“I TRUSTED YOU!! SCHM*CK!!”

Yet the only thing he say was, “You don’t know a thing, Daiki. If you only know—“

He’s not able to finish his sentence because I can’t stop myself from being mad and my fist just can’t be calmed if I won’t be able to punch him as bad as I can. I left him unconscious.

I just can’t stop crying because I lost two important persons in my life. I just couldn’t get over with those people.... Am I stupid enough?. What am I supposed to do?! They’re not even worth of crying for! They’re worthless piece of craps! Traitors should be punished for being traitor…..

I tried sleeping at night and I succeed. But then, there was this nightmare that made me woke up and I'm panting. The only that came up in my mind was to call Haruka and ask for comfort. She’s the only one in my mind. I opened my cellphone and saw that she left me a message; I’m relieved that she sent me one. But as I open it:

“What the hell is wrong with you huh?! How can you do that to your own bestfriend! After all he has done on you you’re going to beat him up like this!? Just look at yourself. SHAME ON YOU!”

This b*tch, how could she possibly say this to me? That traitor. I am out of control and I didn't notice what am I supposed to reply as I caught myself crying and is out of my mind. As I read what I typed I feel the worst. What the hell is wrong with me?!

“B*TCH DON’T TALK TO ME! THAT WORTHLESS SCUMBAG DESERVES THAT! AFTER ALL HE HAS DONE TO ME?! WHAT?! WHAAAAAAT--?! YOU B*TCH DON’T ACT AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED! YOU CHEATER! TRAITOR B*TCH! IF I ONLY KNEW THAT YOU WOULD DO THIS TO ME I WILL NEVER EVER, EVER--!! WASTE MY F***** TIME ON YOU!”

That’s what I typed. Why can’t I stop myself? Have I gone sane? Am I still normal?? If I am, then how could I possibly said that and I'm about to send that message to the one I cherished the most? Questions are flooding my mind now. I’m continuously breaking down. I’m falling apart…. I’m going to fall apart….

I didn’t notice the time runs fast. I didn’t sleep really well. I’m in a state of shock. Was that supposed to happen? Is this….. supposed to happen??--

I went inside my car and stroll around. I’m with my friends again and as I drove, I think of Haruka. I thought of sending her a message and I did. I told her to meet me at the parking area at the basement. But as I went there, she’s inside my bestfriend’s car.

I couldn’t stop myself from being hysterical that made me went out of the car and grab my steel bat inside my car to break through my bestfriend’s windshield. Haruka tried to stop me but I didn’t stop and only focuses on avenging for myself on my bestfriend’s betrayal. I saw her crying begging for me to stop and that was the very first time I saw her crying in pain. My face is bleeding because of the shattered glasses. Just by seeing her like that made me stop. I caressed her face and I said,

“Please come back to me…”

That’s the bravest thing I can say on her. Tears fell down through my face. She slapped my hands off her and asked my bestfriend to drive her back home. I saw my bestfriend smirking. And I clearly saw Haruka, crying… Is it because of me? Shame….on…..me…?.NO! DEFINITELY NO! THAT! UGHH! She’s the first one to cheat! I’ve been faithful to her all these years! I didn’t lie to her! EVEN ONCE! BUT WHY…..?? After all you’ve done….. I still love you…..?

I went on being depressed the whole month and I'm not talking or going out with anyone. Maybe she’s happy flirting with my bestfriend. I checked my phone and everyone’s worried about me. As I scroll down my messages, I realized that I’m finding a single message from her. I can’t get over her. I had drunk all night just to forget her. I did everything I could do just to get over her but I just can’t stop thinking of her. I saw our photos together, as my tears started to fell on my cellphone’s screen.

I’m full of sorrow. I’m depressed, these anguish that I’m feeling right now….. doesn’t seem to have an end. I ended up breaking my cellphone just by checking our photos together. I loved you….. How could you ever do this to me, Haruka….--? Did you ever love me?

Have I gone mad………?

 

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I went out trying to get some fresh air. It doesn’t feel right. I bumped into her. And she’s looking at me as if she has never known me ever since that day. She just gave me a strange look and pass through me. What am I going to do? I want her back….. I stood up and thought a lot of things. And finally I realized that I am missing her that I run after her. I grabbed her arms but I grabbed the wrong one.

“Sorry…”

I said solemnly. I continued searching for her in the crowd. I manage to see her and grabbed her to a quiet place where there’s only the two of us. I hugged her and told her how much I missed her. I hugged her as tight as I can as she kept on resisting on me. She’s punching my back but no matter how much that hurts, I love her that much that all I can do is cry because I missed her so much. I never thought I could ever got the chance to hug her…… once again. She kept on resisting and I touched her beautiful, soft hair as I realized....... that the hair that I'm touching..was fake. What happened to her hair? She left me with a question mark.. She ran away from me. I don't know if I'm going to run after her... As I started reminiscing about the two of us and I couldn’t do a thing.

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After a month, I never thought that that day that I hugged her was the last time I’m going to feel her warm embrace. A message from a friend gave me a fright and that made me hysterical all over again. I’m going insane.

“Haruka…… Haruka has only 30 minutes to live. She’s waiting for you.”

I didn’t believe it at first because it might be a prank but then when I saw who the sender is, it was my bestfriend. The only thing that I replied was,

“You’re joking……right--??”

He replied me with three pointless dots. I asked where the hospital is and I come all the way to the hospital. Even if it cost my life I would go to that hospital just to see her. I love her so much. Is this really supposed to happen?! BUT WHEN?! HOW COME I DIDN’T KNOW THIS?! WHY, HARUKA?! WHYYYYYYY--?

I am crying like a baby. I’m bursting in tears. It really hurts and it’s tearing me apart……. This is a dream……. I am hallucinating like an addict, I can only see Haruka’s smile. What now? I saw her crying….

I came to that hospital and found my bestfriend standing outside the operating room. I choked him and he didn’t resist. He just gave me a glare. He opened his mouth and he is about to say something. He stopped and sighed. Maybe now is the time to listen to a traitor’s explanation…My EX-bestfriend explains it all.

“You did not listen to me before when you’re beating me up…. And you never give me the chance to explain everything…”

He said solemnly. I remained in silence and started to open my heart to listen to his explanation. I am now going to listen to a person who betrayed me.

“What you really saw was nothing. She told me that…. She’s suffering from cancer…… And I’m really feeling bad about it that it makes me feel that I want to tell it to you. But he stopped me and tries to hold her hands since you don’t know what the problem is. I was comforting her. She wanted to tell you but she’s afraid of what is going to happen. She loves you that much that she even does everything to avoid death but then she just couldn’t prevent it. I understand her situation and when she already agreed that I’m going to tell you the current situation, you have gone berserk just by seeing me.”

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“Please don’t tell him… I love him so much…. I don't know what to do... Maybe I should forget him?...”

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I froze at my place. I don’t know what to say. I can’t even think normal. I remained in silence with a big sorrow in my heart. He continued explaining,

“She pleaded to me not to tell it to you. She wanted you to forget her. She told me that she accidentally bumped with you in the plaza and you chased her. You brought her to a quiet place and begged for her. You hugged her so tight and she’s resisting even though she really want to hug you back and hold you like she’s not going to let you go. All she can do is cry….. She’s thinking that she’s worthless. She even thought of suicide but then I stopped her. If you only know….. how much she loves you…”

I can do nothing but to stand and gave him a big sigh. He suddenly held my hand and gave me something. I opened my hands and took a peek… I saw our couple ring……

I have gone mad. Really. That I persisted of going inside the operating room where Haruka located is. My friends can’t stop me but this bestfriend of mine, who I thought that betrayed me, with just a simple tap on my shoulders made me stop from persisting on going inside the operating room.

After 15 minutes, the operating room has been unlocked and the doctors opened the door. They brought us Haruka’s body with a rotten smile on her face with a single tear on her left eye.

Just by seeing it, I can do nothing but kneel down in front of her corpse. Things started to flashback through my mind. 

"Shame on me…… I BETRAYED MY OWN HEART….. I AM THE WORTHLESS WHOLE SH*T CRAP….. I AM THE SCHM*CK……. I AM THE TRA*TOR….. I LOVE HER THAT MUCH BUT I AM SO FOOL THAT I DID NOT KNOW IT AT FIRST……. I ACTED AS IF I KNEW EVERYTHING….. I ACTED AS IF THE WORLD BETRAYS ME…… MY WORLD IS NOW TEARING APART... EVERYTHING IS KILLING ME INSIDE….. PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO ME…… ALL I WISH FOR HER IS TO BE HAPPY…… I LOVED HER AS IF SHE’S THE ONLY ONE IN MY WORLD…..NO….. SHE’S MY WORLD…… YOU’RE MY ALL….. BUT THEN………….. YOU LEFT ME……. I HURT THOSE PEOPLE WHO CARED SO MUCH FOR ME….. I should be ashamed of myself………… or rather…. Killing myself…. I'm a shallow.....

I thought of those things that all I can do in the real world was to burst in tears. There’s nothing left for me. There's no tomorrow for me… That’s what I felt when I lost her…… MY everything…… This wasn’t supposed to happen….. I have gone mad…. I’m really insane….. I’ve gone berserk….. I didn’t care anything around me. All I can see was the painful memories that we had. Those happy, painful memories……. Those cold times…… Those mistakes that I’ve done…… All my regrets…… I’m so selfish….. All I care is about myself—

Oh my girl, I cry-cry
You’re my all………….. say goodbye..—

 

 

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Thanks for reading!! :)