30 steps to quitting Jonghyun.

by cutterpillow

Title: 2/5

• Your title was a bit confusing, and it didn't really draw my attention.

Poster/ Graphics / Trailers: 9/10

• The poster was really cute! It matches well with the story, just maybe, if the colors were brighter, it would match the story more! I do like the fact every chapter has its own poster though. The trailer was really cute too, after watching it; I felt the need to read the fic! It was nice.

Introduction: 8/10

• The introduction was good, but it only contained a few of the steps, which got me curious about what the next steps will be like! The intro makes the readers want to continue reading!

Flow of Story: 16/20

• I love the flow of the story, it is very good, the speed seems reasonably good. I like how each of the SHINee members help her “quit” Jonghyun. You would have gotten a higher score if your fic was completed.

Writing Style: 7/10

• Your writing style is really good! I LOVE the different uses of words, I’m happy your vocab isn’t limited like some authors, keep it up! More writing will help you improve a lot!

Plot: 8/10

• The plot is very good! It seems well planned and thought out! Many different scenes made me smile, lots of part were just simply cuteness. The story keeps getting better as it goes on, and every chapter has something fun to read. I like the flashbacks that are in some chapters, they help give us background information in a “natural” way? The writing the letter to Jonghyun part was my favorite, I actually laughed out loud for the strikeout letter, but the real letter was emotional and nice. The part where she was talking to Se Kyung and she was like “THIS IS NOT THE REALITY I WANTED” was extremely funny! The last part about MinHo wanting to be her friend was so sweet I went awwwh. I would have given you a higher score if the fic was completed.

Originality: 11/15

• Even though it sounds cliché, there is something about your fic that is different. I don’t know how to explain it, but I guess the way you wrote it, made it different. I was expecting a totally cliché fic, but it turned out to be cliché with twists and turns as the fic goes on. The actual 30 steps to get over Jonghyun was the most original factor of your fic, very nice, I would have given you a point or two more if the story was completed.

Grammar: 14/20

• Grammar is graded leniently because English is not your first language! For someone who does not speak / write English as their first language, you did pretty well, you just had some issues. Over time, you will probably get better, for now, you should ask a friend to re-read for you, maybe they will see mistakes you don’t. Don’t worry, other authors can be worse, you are getting there! Just keep writing, and make sure to read it over carefully to spy any mistakes. You used ellipses very well; even I get mistakes on those a lot of times! But, here are some of the issues you had:

Watch your use of apostrophes & unnecessary words.

"The sun shine's forth through my window,"

"The sun shines through my window."

Incorrect use of verb:

“he could go back later.”

“he could come back later.”

“I stand in front of Jonghyun with a glass of water in my hand.” (Awkward verb)

“I stood in front of Jonghyun with a glass of water in my hand.”

or

“I am standing in front of Jonghyun with a glass of water in my hand.”

“Writing is never been my forte...”

“Writing has never been my forte...”

“Before I forgot…”

“Before I forget…”

Incomplete sentences:

“Better start my jump-packed schedule.” (There is no subject)

“I should start my jump-packed schedule.”

“Okay. Enough said. I'm not here to discuss the appearance of his long lost brothers.”

“Okay, enough said, I’m not here to discuss the appearance of his long lost brothers.”

“Just in time before the bell rang. My hand phone vibrated.”

“Just in time before the bell rang, my hand phone vibrated.”

Awkward sentences that don’t make a lot of sense:

“I stared at my phone blankly, checking if it wasn’t a part of my figment but a reality which constructs Jonghyun’s message.”

I did not really understand this sentence, it probably means something along the line,“I stared blankly at my phone, wondering if I was really dreaming of this, or that it was really Jonghyun’s message.”

“By telling everyone this story in a third persona?”

This sentence is incomplete, and it does not make a lot of sense, I would combine it with the previous sentence, and restate it to, “By telling this story to everybody?”

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

I enjoyed your fic so far,. hehe, I’m sorry if my review seemed really harsh! I tried my best to help you improve, please don’t take it to heart! Good luck to your fic, hope you get more readers soon!~ Do tell me if I made any mistakes

Total: 79 / 105 = 75% - Good job so far, keep it up, some more inspiration might give your fic a boost.

REVIEW COMPLETED. 04/01/11