“Honestly, without U-Kiss, there won’t be Soohyun.”

 ~Shin Soohyun (Han Love Interview)

Soohyun flopped down onto the couch and massaged his temples, trying to stave off the growing headache. Working in the chicken restaurant wasn’t hard, but it was sure boring. For some reason the owner always stuck him out front, working with the customers as a cashier or waiter. Usually by the end of the day he was ready to pull his hair out from frustration. He might actually be developing a bald spot on the side of his head.

Giving in to the inevitable he got up to get some painkillers. He would have to get more soon. He was getting a lot of headaches lately. As he stared morosely at the bottle of pills he considered quitting for the fifth time that week. But where would he find another job in this economy? His boss reminded them every week how lucky they were to have one. At least it paid the bills. Still, he sighed as he contemplated returning to work tomorrow. Another frustrating day of sheer boredom, just to come back to a lonely home and stare at the tv. Not that there was a whole lot to watch when you were avoiding anything with music in it. He would be doing exactly the same thing tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. An endless amount of days stretched before his eyes and filled him with horror.

When did his life get this way? He didn’t always use to be like this. Once he was full of vigor. Once he greeted each day as a new opportunity, each sunrise as a moment to be cherished and carried throughout the day, letting the golden rays bring color to everything around him. Once he sang as if it was the most important treasure in the world, back when he was a trainee at JYP Entertainment. But the world didn’t want Shin Soohyun the singer. It was happier without him.

 “You have a good voice, but people don’t want another ballad singer. These days looks are more important, singing is just the icing on the cake. And that is something you just don’t have. I’m sorry.”

Soohyun begged, he pleaded. He promised to get surgery. He would do anything they asked him to. But they had more than enough trainees to fill their bands, and he just wasn’t the type they were looking for.  That was the end of his career (his life). He never sang again. It was too painful.

Soohyun rolled the bottle around in his hands. Over, and over. What was the point really? Why try so hard to build a life for himself, working every day just to earn enough to pay the bills. He had nothing left to look forward to. Was he really going to spend every day in misery? How long did a person live for? 365 days in a year. 80 years in a life. 29,200 days. 700,800 hours. 42,048,000 minutes. He wasn’t so sure he could endure that. What would happen if he took all the painkillers left in that bottle. Would the misery finally end? Would it be painful, or would it be like falling asleep?

Soohyun’s phone rang, startling him from his thoughts. It was a text from Minji. A sweet girl who liked to hang out at the chicken shop, and had a huge crush on him. Soohyun wasn’t interested of course, but he hadn’t told her yet. Her whole face would light up when she looked at him, and he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. There was enough pain and darkness in this world. He didn’t want to be the reason the light disappeared from hers. It was the least he could do with his pointless life.

Minji: you HAVE to watch this! It makes me think of you every time I hear it. So I’ll make sure to listen to it a thousand times a day, k! <3

Some song by a new artist, Yeo Hoonmin.  He moved to delete the text message, but accidentally clicked the link. Stupid touch screens… But then, something weird happened. Soohyun let it play. Maybe he just couldn’t muster the energy to turn it off, but soon a mellow voice filled the air.

Soohyun’s heart gave a painful lurch, and for the first time in a long time, he could feel it beating. His lips parted, his face flushed, tears filled his eyes. He breathed, and this time his soul breathed with him. It swelled up inside his chest until it was ready to burst.  It had been so long since Soohyun felt strongly about anything, felt anything but the apathy that had consumed him, it was painful. The song faded into silence, leaving nothing but the sound of the ice breaking off his heart. The bottle of pills dropped from nerveless fingers, to roll quietly underneath the couch.

If you’re lonely and defeated, I’ll come whenever.

I’ll keep my heart that you used to live in,

This foolish heart.

Even if I gasp for more breath, please bear it.

The next day when Minji offered to walk Soohyun home, he actually accepted. He ached for another voice to break the silence in his life.

“I run to where you live without rest.”  She tried to sing. Key word being tried. She was so bad that Soohyun burst into laughter. A throaty sound that came from deep inside.

“Sorry, that was rude.” He immediately apologized. “But please don’t quit your day job.”

“That bad, huh? But it’s worth it if it makes you laugh like that! That’s the first time I’ve seen you smile for real.” Minji immediately continued to sing at the top of her lungs, not caring how many people stared at them.

“Please, you’re not even in the right key! It goes like this…” Soohyun breathed deep. Fill the bottom of the lungs with air. Keep the stomach tight. Provide a firm foundation for the notes to take root in. It was all so natural for him, like remembering how to ride a bicycle. And then he sang. It didn’t sound that great to him, his vocal chords creaky from disuse, but when he looked at Minji was hanging open, that inner glow lighting up her face again.

“Why didn’t you tell me you could sing? That was amazing!”

And he remembered. That desire, so long forgotten. He could remember it all too clear now. He remembered why he was once so driven to sing, why he had once given it everything: his sweat, tears, and blood. It was for this. To look out on an audience, and see his melody change them. To see their faces light up and push the darkness further away. He wanted people to be able to feel what he felt when he listened to music. He wanted to make them happy.

That night, and every night after, he sang.

People at work started to comment on his change. He smiled. He hummed while he worked. He told jokes. Was he getting sick? The ajumma who owned the shop even stopped by to check his forehead, concerned that he was coming down with a fever. Soohyun had never felt better in his life.

“Soohyunnie! You know that singer you like, Yeo Hoonmin?” Minji’s excited voice rang out one day during work.

“Hmm? What about him?” Soohyun had been sad when Hoonmin faded and disappeared. He was an amazing artist, but the world didn’t want another ballad singer.

“He’s joined my U-Kiss! I was so sad when they kicked Kibum and Xander out, I cried for days! But I’m glad that Hoon will get another chance to sing. Besides, the kissmes have already decided that it doesn’t matter what NH Media says, U-Kiss will always be 8! I can’t wait for their promotions to start again. I’ve already started looking up all the fanfics about Paran and Hoonmin that I can find. They can be valuable sources of information about personalities…”

Soohyun let her prattle on, taking care to nod his head and agree every now and then. Yeo Hoonmin. The timid boy with the voice of an angel.

When U-Kiss’s new mv came out, Soohyun stopped everything to watch it. From the moment Hoon’s smooth voice slipped through Soohyun’s headphones, he was entranced. A song began to form in his heart, and he hummed the rest of the day. When Soohyun got home that night, he pulled out a sheet of paper and started to write.

I wrote a song for you. My heart has never stopped playing it since.