When the rain falls...you'll find me
When the rain falls...
Wooyoung looked out the window.
The sky was getting darker; painted by pitch-black colour. Dark clouds were slowly covering the bluish sky. Thunder of light was also showing itself to the world bit by bit. Within a few moments he can clearly see clouds looming over the skies of Seoul but somehow there was no exact word that can describe the dramatic vision that decorated the sky. Experts believed that this beautiful phenomenon needed its own classification but he was not experts. There was no denying that the vision was captivating as if it has its own story that it want to share to the people.
The honking sound from behind wake him from his daydreaming thought. He shifted his gaze from the sky to the road in front of him. He immediately changed the gear from neutral to drive. His car slowly moved along with the other cars made its way to the desired destination. He pressed the gas pedal harder to increase the speed. He wanted to arrive home before the heaven decided to open its gate and let the rain pour. He hated to stay outside during the rainy days. It was not because rain will likely cause him to catch a cold or fever but rainy days made him lose control over himself.
The rain started to fall when he finally arrived at his home. He parked his car in the porch and ran quickly to avoid himself from the rain although the rain barely touched him. He fumbled over his keys when he tried to open his front door. When he finally inside, he throw his briefcase and keys on the couch and shut every blind in the house before switched on all the lights. He then let himself fall on the floor and closed his eyes tight. He covered both of his ears when the loud thunder can be heard outside. Slowly tears streaming down on his pale cheeks. His lips started to tremble. He curled himself into a ball. The sound of thunder was not the only sound can be heard in the house but the sound of his crying too.
How he wished the angel of death can take his life at that very second. It was not like he hates his life but he only hates his self being when time like this comes. He was tired of running away and hid himself when rainy days pay the world a visit. Can you even imagine what happened to him when the rain decided to stay more than a week? He wanted to be free from all the pain, the torture or cursed just like his friends said. Whatever it was, he just wanted all the unpleasant feeling which lingered inside his little heart every time its rain to just vanish.
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Junho arrived at his best friend’s door step. He pressed the bell. Once. Twice. No answer. He looked again at the porch and saw his friend’s car was parked nicely there. It showed that he must be home. His best friend wasn’t likely to go to work by public transport judging from the distance of his office. Besides, he always home when its rain. He took out his cell phone and dialed his best friend’s number. He pressed the bell for the third time; still there was no answer. He turned the doorknob and it’s unlocked. Although it was his best friend house and they were like brothers but he still know the dos and don’ts when it comes to manner.
He called his best friend’s name for few times before decided to go inside. The house was so bright from all the light and he had to cover his small eyes from all the lights that penetrate into his eyes. He switched off some of the lights and walked to the living room. He scanned the room and saw his best friend’s belonging on the couch. He made his way around the house to look for his best friend hiding place this time. His track was stopped when he saw a body lying lifeless on the hallway which linked the living room and the small dance studio. He immediately ran and grabbed his friend; placed him on his thigh. He was glad that his best friend was still breathing.
Junho could see trace of tears on his best friend’s cheeks with his hair was disheveled and both of his hand was curled into fist. Without even thinking twice, he lifted his friend to the living room. He let his friend lie on the couch before went to the kitchen for a glass of water. A small tear formed on his small eyes upon seeing his best friend’s state.
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Wooyoung could hear someone at the door. It was no doubt that it must be Junho; hearing from the voice calling out his name. He could not lift himself or even let out his voice to respond. It seems that all his energy has dried up from the crying. Within a few minutes he could feel his body was lifted on the air and placed on the couch. He looked Junho disappeared for awhile before appeared again with a glass of water on his right hand and a bottle of medicine on the other. The couch dipped when Junho sat on the couch next to him.
“Wooyoung-ah, drink this,” Junho handed him two tablet of pills and brought the glass on his lips.
He gladly drank the water and swallowed the given pill before let his head fall on Junho’s thigh. He felt his hair was being combed by Junho’s gentle hand and caressed his cheeks to remove the stain of tears. He could feel the unpleasant feeling inside his heart slowly changed into something pleasant and warm.
Suddenly he felt Junho got up from his seat and walked to the closed blind. Junho was about to open the blind when he shouted to stop Junho’s action.
“Just leave it.” He said when he saw Junho’s stared at him.
Junho shook his head. “The rain has stopped Wooyoung-ah. Besides this house need proper ventilation”.
Wooyoung closed his eyes again before answered, “I like this way, Junho yah. Please let it stay like this”
With that, the unpleasant feeling that moment ago replaced with something warm slowly crept back into his heart.
Junho could feel Wooyoung’s voice was trembled as if he holds the urge to cry. He sighed before standing in front of his weak friend.
“Come let me bath you, you looked like a sick man. You know I hate seeing you like this. It hurt me so much when I could not even help you when times like this.”
Junho sighed for the nth time. A clear liquid falls on his cheeks. He hates seeing his best friend suffered. He even hates himself for could not do anything to save his friend. It’s been two years and it pained him every time seeing him like this; helpless. Wooyoung was still young. He didn’t want Wooyoung to waste his bright future just because one man who doesn’t even care for him.
Wooyoung compelled to the request when he saw Junho was crying. Junho was his best friend even before that man came to his life. The word best friend was an understatement to describe his relationship with Junho. They were more than that. They’ve been gone through all the hardship together. Junho will always be with his side every time he needs a shoulder to cry on, a person to talk to and a person who was willing to sacrifice his life just for him. He hates seeing Junho hurt because of him. How he wished the world would swallow him than being the cause for Junho’s pain.
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Wooyoung was getting ready for his work when his cell phone rang. He glanced at cell phones on the dressing table before continue tying the blue tie around the collar of white suit. He fixed his hair which has nicely done before grabbed his blazer and cell phone. He left the closet room and made his way to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and took an apple then placed it between his mouths. Before locking the door, he made sure that all electricity in his house was switched off.
Just ten minutes leaving his house, his cell phone was ringing again.
“Wooyoung-ah, where are you? Why didn’t you picked up my call?”
It was Junho.
“I’m on my way to work. Is there anything important that you called?”
He made a right turn towards the coffee shop.
“Uhm nothing. I just wanted to remind you about the party tonight at 8pm. You remember right?”
“Yeah I did. Don’t worry I’ll be there on time. I promise,” He said before ended the call.
After properly parked his car, he walked out towards his favourite coffee shop. It was a routine for him to grab a coffee on his way to work. He was greeted by a petite girl once he entered the shop. He smiled and bowed a little to her as her gesture of politeness before made his way to the counter.
“Morning, Wooyoung-sshi. Here is your drink, caramel macchiato,” the girl at the counter handed him his drink.
“Thank you, Nana,” he handed the girl money as he took a sip on the coffee. After received his changed he left the coffee shop to his car.
“What a lucky day today,” he said to himself upon seeing another car was parked in front of his car. He looked around him to see if the owner of the car was nearby. He looked at his watch. It’s fifteen past seven. Gosh! He’ll be late if this person didn’t come immediately. He unlocked his car and pressed the honk several times; hoping that the owner will come. Within five minutes, he could see a beautiful woman running towards his way. The closer the woman, the more he wished to run from her. The woman bowed to him to apologize before drove the car away. He just standing there dumfounded. It was indeed a lucky day for Wooyoung. After spent almost five minutes staring at the empty spot which was left by the woman, he tried to compose himself before getting back behind the wheel continued his journey to his office.
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Wooyoung leaned on his chair; closing his eyes. He just finished meeting with his team mates regarding the new design for one of his client’s house. He sighed as his mind wander to this morning incident. Just when he was ready to forget all the pain away suddenly he was brought back to his old memories whether he liked it or not. He hates the fate of his life. He hates how god played cruelly with his heart and his life. But he cannot blame entirely to Him; it was his fault. He had ensured the people around him that he was okay and saying that he had left all those behind. But who he wants to kid? Definitely not himself although he managed to fool his family but not his heart. Not Junho either.
Once again he was woken up from his deep thought by the sound of his cell phone. This time without even look at the caller id, he knew it was Junho. He cleared his throat before answer the call.
“Junho-yah, where are you?”
His voice sound weak to Junho’s ear.
“Wooyoung-ah, are you okay? You didn’t sound good. Is everything all right?”
He smiled weakly to no one. He stared blankly towards his desk which occupied with drawings and files.
“I’m fine, it just that I just came out from the meeting. So where are you?”
He asked to divert Junho’s attention from himself.
“I’m at home just getting ready for the party. So what time you’ll be leaving the office?”
He looked at the clock on his desk. It showed five minutes to seven.
“I’ll be going after this.”
“Okay, don’t be late. I’ll see you there,”
After the call, he gathered his things and put them in his briefcase. He grabbed his blazer and left his office.
It took him almost forty minutes to reach at the restaurant because of the traffic. He saw Junho already waited for him outside the restaurant. After made himself presentable, he walked out of his car to Junho.
“Sorry I was late. There was massive traffic on my way here,” He said although it barely reached eight o’clock.
“It’s alright. You just in time,” Junho said while busily fixing Wooyoung’s tie.
“Come,” Wooyoung followed Junho.
They walked past an exquisite water fountain which led to the dining hall. Beautiful flowers planted along the way which produced sweet scent. Once he inside the dining room, a beautiful garden covered in fairy light welcome the guest into an open air garden restaurant with plenty of glittering shiny stars above. It was beautiful he thought. This was another great masterpiece of Junho.
“It was breathtaking Junho. I’m impressed with you buddy,” Wooyoung sincerely congratulate his friend.
It was not the first time Wooyoung had been invited to Junho’s events. But each time he was amazed on seeing his friend’s talent.
“Thank you Woo. You’re not bad yourself,” Junho said while grabbing Wooyoung’s shoulder.
“Junho, there’s someone I want you to meet,” a voice from behind calling for Junho made them turned around. A tall man in black tuxedo with a slick hair was standing in front of them.
“I’ll be back. At the mean time, enjoy the night,” Junho said before leaving him with the said man.
Wooyoung looked around the hall and saw people started pouring in. He excused himself to one of the booth which served wine. He treated himself a glass of wine after all the things that had happened to him lately. The feel of alcohol running down his throat made him intoxicated with the taste. He was now on his third glass when he saw a familiar figure in front of him along with all the people in the room. He closed and re-opened his eyes again to ensure that his eyes didn’t deceive him. The familiar figure was no longer there. He was glad but he could feel there was a slight pain stabbed his little heart.
He must be drunk, he thought. He shouldn’t be drinking at times and place like this. He put away the glass on the counter and decided to go to gents to freshen up. Along the way, he could see Junho was in a deep conversation with his clients or perhaps future clients. He passed several people before reached the gents’ room. He splashed some warm water on his face before looking at his reflection on the mirror. He saw a figure of handsome young man with slight chubby cheeks in a black grayish suit on the mirror. He smiled sarcastically at himself looked at his own perfect reflection. He may be perfect on the outside but definitely on the inside.
He made himself out after several men walked inside the room. He saw some of the guests were on the dance floor dancing along to the rhythm of the music which was being played. He decided to leave after spent almost an hour at that place. He scanned around for Junho but he was nowhere to be seen. He took out his cell and dialed Junho’s number. It was unanswered, probably because of the blaring music in the hall. He then sent a text to inform Junho that he’ll be headed home.
Wooyoung was about to walk out from the restaurant when he heard his name was called from behind. His steps getting slower and stop. It might be Junho who was calling him after reading the text he had sent him. Unfortunately it was not Junho that he saw when he turned around. A familiar figure which he saw moment ago was now standing in front of him. It meant that he was not drunk or dreaming when his eyes caught the figure moment ago.
This time around, Wooyoung could feel his soul has left his body elsewhere and his heart seemed to stop beating. Small sweat started to form on his forehead and his voice was stuck on his throat. His eyes roamed around the man in front of him. He stood there staring like a dummy. Suddenly the man’s voice has somehow managed to call his soul back to him.
He gave the man a smile as genuine as he can as if wanting to show that he was okay.
“Wooyoung I couldn’t believe I meet you here. Are you invited to the party as well?” he asked him. His voice was filled with shock to Wooyoung’s ears.
“Ya me too. Hurm, Junho invited me since his company managed the event. You remember Junho, right?” Wooyoung put his both hands inside the front pocket of his pants to cover his tremble hands.
“Junho, of course I remember. I think I saw you for awhile but then you gone so I thought I must be dreaming but when I saw you walked out the door, I know that I was not dreaming,” The man’s words surprised Wooyoung because that was what he felt a moment ago.
“Anyway, how are you Youngie? “
Youngie. No one has called him with that name since this man left him two years ago. Hearing his name came out from the man’s lips somehow bringing him back to the old memories that they shared together.
It took him awhile for him to answer the question. How is he? He was fine, right? From an outer appearance, he was perfectly fine although he had lost some weight but he was still healthy. It just that he think he has some problem with himself especially during the rainy days. He always felt sick when it rains and too bad he couldn’t do anything about it. But he wasn’t going to inform him about that when the main reason he felt that way because of this man.
“I’m fine,” He paused.
“How about you? How was…” He was about to ask same question to the other man when he didn’t think that was necessary especially after hearing a beautiful woman calling out for the man’s name.
“Nichkhun, baby, what are you doing outside? I was looking for you for dance. Who’s this?” the same woman that Wooyoung met this morning appeared again. Although that woman didn’t know Wooyoung but he knew her so well. Maybe because the man that she referred as ‘baby’ was once his man.
The brunette woman who was now standing next to Nichkhun looked stunning. They were definitely a match couple made in heaven. He laughed a bit at his own thought. How could he think that way when the feeling hasn’t left him completely?
“I’m sorry but what were you saying, Youngie?” Nichkhun asked him, concern.
He shook his head.
“Good to see you again,Khun…Nichkhun,”
Wooyoung excused himself not because he was jealous but because their relationship has ended a long time ago. There was nothing that he can do about that. There was no path of return for them and that won’t be likely in the future. If someone should be blame, it was him. He was the one who let this man slipped out of his life without even has the strength to stop him. He kept walking despite the look on Nichkhun’s face. This was the best, he thought.
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Wooyoung sat silently in the living room when Junho arrived at his house that night. The house was dark; not a single light was turn on. The only light that illuminated the house was coming from the natural light from the heaven which was piercing through the dark stormy sky. The second rain of the week has fall again. As usual, Wooyoung would hide himself alone in his big house when the rain decided to show up suddenly without giving any sign.
All the memories that he had hidden so well has slowly opened by itself; the memories of him and Nichkhun. It played one by one reminding him the past that he desperately wanted to forget. But the memories will find its way back to its hidden place once the rain had stop. Amazing, right? It was definitely nothing that should be amaze about when it only brought hurt and pain to Wooyoung. Wooyoung could feel his heart break piece by piece. He sat there stared blankly on the floor as he fall apart inside until he was empty except the pain that squeezed his heart.
Junho find Wooyoung soon after he found out about the encounter Wooyoung had with Nichkhun; the man that has caused Wooyoung for being in this state. If only he knew that Nichkhun will be there, he won’t invite Wooyoung that night. He felt bad for him.
“Junho-ah, do you know which day Nichkhun likes the most?” Wooyoung’s voiced break the silence between them.
Wooyoung rose from his seat and walked towards the window. This time he didn’t shut the blind like he used to. His hand reached the glass as if he wanted to touch the rain. His eyes looked outside at the rain fallen hard hitting the ground.
“Nichkhun loved rainy days. He was always getting excited when the rain falls. When I asked him the reason, he said because we could spend the day with each other cuddling to warm our body. We would dance while listening to the sound of rain because for him the sound of rain was soothing and comforting. We would treat ourselves with a glass of hot coffee while enjoying the view of rain falling.”
Wooyoung stopped to wipe his tears before continue his story, “Nichkhun always beside me when the rain comes. No matter how busy he was, he always there,”
Wooyoung could no longer compose himself. His cried getting louder accompanied by the sound of thunder on the background. He let himself falls on the hardwood floor while his hands slipped from the glass window. Junho who just sat silently listening to Wooyoung’s rambling a moment ago, now was hugging his best friend. He thought it won’t pain him after two years seeing Wooyoung in this state but he wronged. Two years was a long time for someone to suffer like that.
“Wooyoung-ah, stop torturing yourself for him. Even if you cry like this, he won’t be here. He won’t return,”
Junho rubbed Wooyoung’s back to calm him down.
“Junho-ah, it hurt. It hurt so much every time its rain,” Wooyoung said while squeezed his chest.
“I know but be strong Wooyoung-ah. I’m here with you,” Junho said.
Wooyoung cried harder on Junho’s chest. It hurt so much. The pain was unbearable for Wooyoung. Even though he knew it has ended between them, he loved Nichkhun. The memories of them will always be on repeat itself when the rain falls and stop when the rains stop. And that’s when he will stop as well. He just hoped that one day he will be brave enough to stand in the rain without the pain squeezing his little heart.
~What can I do about something that already ended?
I’m just regretting after like the stupid fool I am
Rain always falls so it will repeat again
When it stops, that’s when I will stop as well~
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***********THE END*************
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