Dear diary,

Diary, you know that the day I met kazuya was the best day of my life, right? You know how much delighted I am when I saw him on that sand box, right? Because at that very moment, I felt an angel’s presence in his form.

It was like kazu was really meant to be there for me to find. For me to know.

Those tubby little fingers of his that moved cutely while playing with the sand under the warmth of the sun. Those chubby cheeks that are stained with sweat and little sand.

-

“how did you met little kazuya, jin?” jin’s mom asked as they were back from the ice cream stand to give him his ice cream.

“he is playing alone. I joined him,” jin answered simply earning an approving nod from another woman.

“jinjin is funny!” Kame beamed, laughing at his own words, making the people around him laugh too with his silly way of talking.

“that’s my son,” the other woman spoke, making the other two smile at her.

They chatted all happily leaving jin and Kame playing in their own little world.

-

Ne, diary, from that very moment, I already like kazuya. Feeling that angel’s presence from him, I know that God sent him to me to save me from myself. To be with me. He sent kazuya for me to take care of and protect. For me to make happy and safe.

Looking around, I again saw the picture kazuya drew for me. it was a tubby panda with my name underneath. My room is filled of him. Everything. From his drawings to his project drafts to the rejected art works. Everything is kept soundly in my room. But this panda is really special. It was the first drawing I ever had from him.

-

“kazu~” jin called out to the busy Kame that is still not done with his homework.

“I want to play~” jin whined, making Kame smile though jin can’t see it.

“I am not done yet,” Kame answered. He’s done with assignments actually. He’s just drawing something for jin.

“you should have been done a while ago~” jin whined louder, getting even the attention of jin’s mom.

“wait, will you?” Kame tried hiding his smile, but ti was really evident.

Finishing, he held the piece of paper under his nose with the picture of a panda and the words: “jinjin” beneath it. Jin smiled brightly, getting the picture to his hands and hugged kazu tightly as thanks.

-

I still have that drawing. It is framed as I asked my parents to buy me a picture frame for it. Kazu never notices though. He’s way busy with playing when we are inside my room.

Then it went forgotten.

The picture of the panda hanging in one of the walls of my room, waiting to be appreciated by its own artist and those who would see it in the future.

Ne, diary, since I turned 9, I can feel this weird thing inside my body. There are two different things inside me. the other one is good while the other one is not. The second one brings pain to my abdomen sometimes making it hard to breathe for me too. But it’s not often. Just sometimes when I don’t eat or when I try to eat too much. The first one though is kinda pleasant.

I would feel butterflies in my tummy every time kazu would hug me or kiss my cheek. When he smiles up at me, or he would look at me with those beautiful eyes of his.

I really like him.

I love him even and I would never let him feel pain. I will protect him from anyone. Even from myself.

-

Time passed so quickly for them. One moment they are innocent little 1^st graders, now they are high schoolers, still going to same school, same class.

“I am shirota yuu and this is my friend pi,” a tall white guy approached them over at lunch. the pi one is actually checking Kame out if not for jin who threw him death glares, killing him almost if those stares came with real daggers. Jin pulled Kame closer, surprising Kame but he did not react. He knows when jin is warning someone about his possessiveness that makes him giggle every time.

“sorry about that, jin,” yuu spoke, smacking pi’s head as he notice the death glares he threw to his companion.

“sorry about jin too. He’s just really possessive,” Kame giggled a little as he glance at jin who was til glaring at pi.

“stop it, jin,” Kame warned I'm ina  low voice making him tear away his glare to pi.

“are you two dating? I mean, burn you two if you’re not,” yuu laughed a little before listening to the response Kame gave him.

“he’s actually my best friend. Like really my best friend. He’s my baby sitter as well and my brother and my girlfriend and my boyfriend and my lover and my mother and my father and my sister and my classmate and my neighbour and my teacher,” Kame smiled, speaking while his eyes are darted to the blushing man beside him.

“so you mean he’s your everything? In other words, you two are dating, right?” yuu spoke, confused by everything now.

“yuu, you idiot half Spanish man! They are not dating you baka! They are best friends! And when Kame said all those, he does not mean that they are dating. He means that jin is his best friend that plays all the roles in his life,” pi spoke matter-of-factly earning a nod from Kame.

“I like you pi,” jin blurted out, smiling now at the man he was glaring at earlier. They high fived and then began talking.

“but I thought I’m the only one you like~” Kame pouted, saying the words in a murmur being careful to not let anyone hear.

“but you the only one I like~” jin whispered on his ear.

-

When we were in high school, we met these two kids. Pi and yuu as they asked us to call them. They are fun. Yuu mentioned about something like dating. Well, I was delighted when they thought that we were dating.

But then I saw pi checking kazu out. I just can’t help but be mad. It felt like there was this strong emotion inside my chest that is waiting to explode causing me to react in accordance to the emotion.

After that day, I knew I was jealous.

-

“jin-chan, please accept this,” a girl came to jin one time on lunch. he was with Kame and Kame brought him a bento too.

Jin really want to smack the girl’s head. Can’t she see that jin was already eating? I mean, it only takes an idiot not to know.

But jin can’t be impolite or mean. He doesn’t want Kame to think of him that way.

“I’m sorry, but, I am already full and accepting that means I have to eat again,” jin kind of forced a smile to the girl. He’s already nervous from the look on Kame’s face.

He was not paying attention to him. And that certain purse of Kame’s lips indicates that the kid is somehow... jealous.

That makes jin happy. But scared at the same time. He does not want Kame to be jealous because it’s only Kame that he loves. The only one he likes and wants.

“kazu?” jin asked, diverting his gaze from the bento Kame made him to the kid in front him.

“hm?” Kame replied. Jin panicked inside. It’s only when kazu is angry that he replies in that way.

Oh no.

“sorry,”

“why?”

“you’re mad at me,” jin pouted unconsciously, making Kame sigh inwards.

“how could you say I’m mad at you?” Kame softly asked jin, making jin look at him with scared eyes.

“you do not ‘hm?’ me when I call you. You always ask me ‘why?’ or ‘yes, jin?’. But when you ‘hm?’ me, it means there is something wrong. And this time I know you’re mad at me,” jin is on the verge of crying when he felt Kame’s hoes step above his.

“this is enough payment,” Kame smiled and continued eating, making jin sigh in relief.

-

Ne, diary, you know how much I love this kid, right? Like every day, I write here about the new things we did and the things I always consider to make him more beautiful and more outstanding. Like the way he keeps that bunch of hair above his left eye or the way his hips sway when he walks ar the way his eyes sometimes speaks of words I know only I can understand.

Everything in him is so special for me.

And about the girl in the cafeteria, I know that he would not forgive me that fast. He wouldnot let it go that's whyi went to the arcade and really spent my week’s allowance just to get that turtle plushie he wants. Ifelt like an idiot. Really. Remembering that now, I can just laugh. I mean, I was that kind of kid? Really.

There are too many cute things that Kame does. And my favourite is the one when he jumped on my back. I suffered back pain though after but, it was still my favourite. It was when our first unofficial kiss happened.

-

“Kame! What was that for?!” jin winced in pain before looking at Kame who looked apologetic.

“sorry,” he murmured and looked at jin through big eyes, making him look like a lost little kid who accidentally bumped into a stranger and now asking for apology.

“oh no, kazu. You know that a simple ‘sorry won’t work this time,” jin spoke, eyes narrowing at Kame who looked at him confused before jin pointed his cheek to signal him what he should do.

“gross,” Kame heard tat-chan say as Kame kissed jin repeatedly on his cheek saying sorry in between. Jin’s hands came in contact with his hips making him scream with the contact before jin got the idea of tickling Kame all over.

“stop! Ahh~! Jin stop!” Kame laughed while tat-chan laughed too, enjoying Kame’s flushed face before he helped jin in tickling Kame.

“ahhh~!!! Stop!!! Please stop!!! Ahhhh~!!!” Kame screamed, trying hard to stop the two from tickling him too much.

“that is for jumping at my back,” jin spoke as if a villain laughing at his success.

-

I just did not want to talk about it. But, I was not able to sleep that night. Only the thought made me feel dokidoki and the butterflies in my tummy are having the party of their lives.

Well, diary, you know way too much. Everything if I may say.

And this entry is all about my preparations for the proposal, right? So, yeah. Here’s the back ground of the happenings.

Two weeks before graduation, I already talked to the principal and faculty members about this. Mrs. Cabrera literally scolded me but stopped when she earned glares from the others that supported me.

I was happy when the principal himself really did supported me. he was in favour that I wanted to do this right. When I was asked if our parents know, I answered a proud yes making the rest agree too.

Then came next are the parents and the students. I had some help from the teachers though. We made letters to  be given out to parents to inform them of the graduation plan. This was really hard to hide from kazu. Everyone is really careful on not to let him know. I know he’s beginning to be suspicious but I have to keep it a secret still. A good thing he’s occupied with stuff.

But then he exploded.

I was actually done the day before graduation. Just in time. So I the word nervous is not enough to describe everything inside me. it’s more.

When he told me what he was thinking while I paid him no attention to him on the past days, I was over joyed. I can see the hope for a yes.

So, yes. Today was the graduation day. It was really fun and when I was up that stage, my heart is beating really fat I thought it would jump out of my chest! Then when the emcee repeated ‘akanishi kazuya and Kamenashi jin’, my heart just stopped. Everything stopped. The time, the noises, the crowd. It was only kazuya I am seeing, hearing and feeling. His every breath, his every gasps. It all over whelmed me.

And when I put that ring on his finger, nothing I could ask for more.

Finally, kazuya is going to be really mine. He is really going to be my partner for life. Really going to be my angel that is going to stay by my side forever.

And after this night, I don’t want to be forgotten. The jin that used to be his best friend. The jin that used to be his brother. I don’t want to be forgotten when we face a new life. Face a new beginning not as best friends anymore. But of lovers and partners. Og being one, hearts beating for each other.

I love my kazuya.

Soon to be my akanishi kazuya.

Good night diary.

After this night, I might not write here anymore. Because tomorrow, I will start another journey with my kazuya.

The beginning of being by his side forever.

Ja.

 

Now and forever,

Kamenashi Jin <3

-

Cold sweat.

Nothing but cold sweat and silence.

This is not happening.

None of this is happening.