She waits for him silently in their den, waiting for the moment he'll actually come. After all this time, he couldn't possible let go of what they have and what they both share, right? Not even after that lollapalooza that has happened to her not too long ago.

Her thoughts lead her back to a week ago; she has Donghae pinned to the ground after she's heard the surprising news that she has been dating him. She could have sworn that dating scandals could only happen to celebrities, but she guesses that to anyone who's popular like Donghae, it becomes an issue that in clearly no different from showbiz, even if they were merely in the intermediate grade. Then the look in Changmin's eyes flashes bright in her mind just as they shine just as bright right before her very eyes. She sees a tad of pain in those eyes she's grown to adore -- sorrow, more likely; doesn't even know where it comes from. If it's his disappointment or something else entirely; if he believes in the rumour, disappointed that with Donghae, or if he knows it's fake, disappointed that she has agreed -- mainly it all focused on her. Disappointment on her. But if it is the case, he should have known the rumours are truly fake. Her intimate relationship with Donghae? Fake. Their acts? Entirely unreal. He should know what really is going on inside her skull and how sincere is her gestures; to anyone who looks closely -- and for Sooyoung, to someone who is close to her -- they would easily see how she hasn't put her heart into it.

It is a whole lot of stupidity -- Donghae using Sooyoung, pretending that they are together, fooling everyone, scaring away the admirers of Donghae most especially Jessica, as well as the ones who have admired Sooyoung. Including her best friend. She doesn't know why she agreed to it afterwards, though maybe it has been because there is this qualm about not being able to help her friend. And Sooyoung couldn't stand to be guilty, and if she always have put herself out there, why not with Donghae, too? She remembers, it seems like he's really desperate when he explained.

"Youngie, please?" He pleads to her as soon as he was able to get her off of him and dragged someplace else where it's more secluded. "Why should I even agree to this?" She asks as she crosses her arms by her chest, looking at him with stern eyes like a mother scolding her child. With all honesty, why does she even have to agree to it? No, this isn't what she imagines her first relationship to be like; she has wanted it to be real, to be sincere, to be all lovey-dovey with someone she actually loves as someone more than a friend. And if she is honest, someone she loves as a best friend. But then Donghae brings her around, and her sensitivity towards her friends is her weakness, "I really need this, Sooyoung. I'm just sick and tired of everything and I need to catch my break," he says with a tired sigh escaping his lips. A sigh escapes her lips too, and the next thing she knows, she finds herself nodding, "Okay, fine... But when I say it's over, it's over." The brightest of smiles come across his lips, and it's a memory even Sooyoung will always treasure though the smile is for all the wrong reasons.

There. She hears that familiar squeaking of the front door, and she's hoping -- praying -- that it's her best friend. And just like that, she's faced with the set of chocolate eyes she's grown to love. She smiles at him; a weak one, because she doesn't know what to say now that he's here. They haven't talked all that much ever since the scene from last week, and if only he's correct her, the only thing she remembers him asking is, "You and Donghae, huh?" And one of her mistakes is that she couldn't do anything but nod to it. So badly, she wants to say that it isn't what it looks like, but she keeps shut -- she stays true to the fake relationship, doesn't really want to blow her cover. And somewhere in the quietest part of her, she thinks that it could be good for her to take refuge in such relationships -- maybe it would give her some time to think about what she really wants.

He smiles; she finds it hard to distinguish what kind it is, as if he's determined to still take refuge in ambiguity; such a conscious act at that. He takes a seat on the couch, and its springs creak under his weight, and he utters the words, "Hey, Sooyoung." That name again. As soon as he says it, Sooyoung's mind lingers at the very thought of his disappointment.

She goes to like on the vacant space beside him, her feet laying on his lap, and it's like how they always used to except for the air that hangs heavy. "How's your boyfriend?" Utters Changmin, playing with the ends of her feet -- doesn't know what to do, doesn't know what to say. Out of nowhere, she speaks up, actually believing for that small moment that she really is with Donghae, "Wae? Are you jealous?" Her one foot found its way out of the other's lap ans started poking at his cheek in a teasing manner, "There's no need to be. You're still my best friend!" With a roll of his eyes he tries to whisk her foot away from his face, and he denies it, "Psh. Why would I be jealous? If you want to dedicate your time to him, then fine... That's understandable." He's not jealous, he's never been jealous, he can't be jealous. But she is his only exception. She pokes away, not wanting to stay away, and she laughs at his stubbornness, because even Sooyoung has him memorized like the back of her hand; she knows how Changmin's mind works. No one can replace him in her heart.

"Help me with Spring Cleaning," invites the girl as she comes back up on her feet, urging the other to do so as well.

It's like any other time; they spent countless hours talking, numerous moments laughing, and at moments of silence, they'd sneak glances at each other and hastily look away. And when the darkness of the night comes to loom over the atmosphere, their eyes flicker to ever corner, every box they've managed to fill with unnecessary items, to the eyes of the other. The mocking continues; irony seems to like playing them like toys, having them in such close proximity at a time of distress and confusion. She mocks him too, teases him, constantly rolling out words of mockery, "You know you're such a slow worker? We could have finished by dawn! Your capabilities betray your built," she laughs at him, and she knows shes only doing the teasing to release the tension. But when Changmin threatens her to keep quiet, the next few happenings are out of their hands, "Aish, like you're any different? Now shut up or I'll make you!" But she doesn't. She sticks out her tongue and continues to tease, until such time he's finally able to keep her quiet, replacing the talking of with something else entirely. It lands on her with a bit of force, with determination, and gentleness. It doesn't hurt at all, not yet, and she could say she enjoys it. It's everything she hopes it would be, but she doesn't know what comes after. This is her first kiss. And she's afraid she's going to get murdered; that Changmin would kiss her just this once, then never again.

The succeeding nights are a nightmare for her. Her eyes train to the ceiling, and the the darkness of the night, her being is constantly wrapped with thoughts of Changmin and that faithful night when their lips met. Both has acted like nothing happened; the night ceased to exist, the moment just a dream, and the lingering feeling upon her lips is plainly chimerical. Sometimes she would trail off into one of her cognitive dissonance -- that's something to think about when one has the time, and she wonders how many more of them has to suffer this way. Clearly it's hurtful enough whenever it comes to certain points in the night. She'd dream of her and Changmin, how happy they are, and without a care, they do as they please. And that kiss would replay in her dreams; it doesn't have to stop. Then she wakes up. It's one of those dreams where she doesn't want to wake up from; she's having a better time sleeping. And that's really sad because it's like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare, you're so relieved. She wakes up into a nightmare.

Donghae himself is in distress, or at least he is affected by Sooyoung's aberrant behavior. He is, after all, the pretend boyfriend who has to care, who has to act, though it is getting smoother and more natural with each passing day to the point it doesn't seem like an act. He would take Sooyoung's mind off the matter, make her believe he actually cares -- which he does -- make her believe that their pretending is real. Out of the public's eyes, it is way past being pretentious that it seems like Changmin and Sooyoung are the ones pretending that they have something extra-ordinary.

Sooyoung doesn't want any part of it anymore.

And as two years has passed since their pretension, she decides that she's going to end things, cut off her bonds, start back up again. Unknown to her are the repercussions.

Author's Note:

Double update, lol! The next chapter will be short though...