Hyukjae’s POV

I’m Lee Hyukjae, currently working as the back-dancer of a famous boyband named Super Junior. Yes, of course you know them right? Or maybe one of their fans? Well honestly, I’m their fanboy as well. I’m so lucky I could dance with them in one stage even not so often. But, I still could practice with them together everyday, I’m happy.

“Hyukkie!” the familiar voice called me. We just ended the dance practice today.

“Yes, Hae?” I answered with smile and he smiled back. He is the ultimate reason of my happiness.

“Let’s get something to eat! I’m so hungry!” Donghae grabbed my hand and I just nodded. But I frowned when I noticed something.

“Hey Donghae! Why you only asked Hyukjae huh!? We are in the same group but you just remember Hyukjae! Tsk!” that was Sungmin. I knew he didn’t mean that. He just wanted to tease me, or us.

“Whatever. It’s enough to see you all everyday in dorm!” Donghae replied.

“Sooo… you want to have some y times with Hyukjae hyung humh…” another tease from Kyuhyun.

“Shut up!” Donghae glared at the magnae. “Let’s go Hyukkie!” he pulled my hand as we walked out from the dance practice room.

Once Donghae and I arrived in a coffee shop, we started to order some foods and drink. We didn’t wait too long and our foods came and served on our table.

“How are you Hyukkie?” Donghae asked. Yeah, we just saw each other again today. Super Junior members was really busy with their 5^th album comeback.

“I’m always fine! How about you? Your new album is really daebak! I’m happy with that!” I said happily. Donghae just smiled on me, made me blush.

“Yeah it’s tiring. But it’s worth of it.” he answered.

I replied him with a simple “Hmhh…” and we started to enjoy our foods. But I couldn’t take my eyes off from the platinum ring that attached on his ring finger.

I hope it’s just an ordinary ring. Not like what the rumors said.

***

The next following days, I went to Super Junior dorms. Their manager said that I should meet Shindong hyung and Donghae to discuss a new choreography. I’m so excited. But it wasn’t last long, until a woman, a pregnant woman opened the door for me after I knocked it.

“Hello…” she greeted and smiled. But I was too shocked with everything. “Can I help you?” the woman then placed her hand on her prominent tummy.

That ring… So the rumor was true? Could I say that it was the worst? And he didn’t tell me anything?

“U-uh… It’s okay… I have to go now. Sorry for disturbing you…” I bowed and quickly ran away, afraid if I spilled my tears.

I’m so heartbroken… I should realize that it was impossible for me to be with him… He already married with a woman and she’s pregnant.

***

Donghae’s POV

It was 3 in the afternoon and I just back from filming a variety show. I quickly went home when our manager said that Shindong and I should discuss some new choreographies and I’m so happy to hear that.

I missed Hyukjae really bad already…

Once I arrived on our dorm. I dashed quickly to my room to put my things off and went to change into casual clothes. I opened the door and I smiled when Sunye welcomed me.

“Welcome home Donghae-sshi…” Sunye said as I entered my room.

“I told you to drop the sshi right? And thanks for welcoming me home.”

“N-neh and you’re welcome…”

I smiled once again and then I went to my shared bedroom with Leeteuk hyung. I quickly changed my clothes.

“Okay, I have to go to the dance practice room now. Bye…” I said to Sunye and she just nodded.

It took 10 minutes from my dorm. When I arrived; I didn’t wait again and stormed inside the practice room. I saw Shindong hyung and Hyukjae there.

“Yo!” I shouted. Shindong hyung and Hyukjae looked at my direction. But Hyukjae quickly turned his head and back to focus on a paper on the table.

“Finally you’re here! Take your sit and I will explain you about the choreography.” Shindong hyung explained. I approached them and quickly sat on the empty chair across Hyukjae.

We started discussing over the choreography. Some times I stole some glances on Hyukjae. But he kept avoiding my eyes. I really didn’t like it.

What’s wrong wit him??

“Did you understand Hyukjae?” Shindong hyung asked while I was examining the formation that Shindong . “Hyukjae!?” Shindong hyung called Hyukjae’s name and I couldn’t help to look at him as well.

“A-ah neh!?” Hyukjae was startled. “I’m s-sorry!” he apologized.

“Are you okay?” Shindong hyung asked.

“Y-yeah… I was thinking of something. I’m sorry!”

“We are free tomorrow right, Shindong hyung? I think we can continue this tomorrow!”

“N-no!!” I looked at Hyukjae. Our eyes met but again, he looked away. Seriously what’s wrong with him?”  “I-I mean, we can continue this now.” Hyukjae continued and then he bowed down his head.

“Alright!” Shindong interrupted. “I think you should take a rest Hyukjae. Don’t worry, we are free this Sunday if you’re okay with that.” Hyukjae then nodded. “Don’t feel guilty. Wel, I need to go now. See you again on Sunday!” Shindong hyung stood up and left us two alone in the room.

“Uh… I need to go as well. Bye Donghae…” Hyukjae stood up but before he could take any step, I stood up as well and grabbed Hyukjae’s wrist.

“Wait!” Hyukjae stopped. “look at me. Tell me what’s wrong with you today?”

“It’s nothing Donghae. I’m just tired.”

“Look at me!” I demanded. He sighed and slowly planted his gaze on mine.

He seems sad and lost…

“What now?”

“Tell me what’s wrong?”

“I said I’m okay!!” he struggled to let my hand go off him and I stopped gripping his wrist. “Let’s pretend that… we don’t know each other from now…”

I was shocked as my heart shattered into little pieces. I know that I should stop him, but I lost my words. Hyukjae was already gone from my sight.

Why he said that? I love you Hyukjae…But why?

***

“Ah you’re back Donghae!” Sunye as usual greeted me.

“Yeah…” I smiled weakly. Seriously, why my brother dumped this beautiful and kindhearted woman? Ahh, I’m too tired think of it.

“What’s wrong? You look unwell…” she said in worried voice.

“I’m okay. I just need a rest.”

“Yeah, you really should take a rest. By the way, I forgot to tell you that… before you came home, there’s someone visited this room.”

“Who?” I asked as I opened my shared bedroom.

“I didn’t know. But, I remember that he has platinum blonde hair.”

Soon, I felt that my heart was beating so fast. I kept praying that it wasn’t him.

It wasn’t Hyukjae, was it?

“Oh, t-thanks for telling m-me. W-we met already…” I stammered.

“No problem. Umh, Donghae-sshi… thanks for everything…”

“Don’t worry about it. You should rest. Good night…” and I entered my bedroom.

Inside, I quickly took my phone out. I searched his name on my contact. Then I pressed the call button. I hoped that he would answer my call. But, as I expected he kept rejecting it.

“ HYUKJAE!! PLEASE PICK IT!!!” I screamed in gritted teeth.

I then sighed in surrender. Then, I tried to send him a message.

To: Hyukkie

From: Hae

I know what happened on you. Why you didn’t want answer may call!? Listen, you just misunderstood something! Please Hyukjae, don’t do this to me! Let’s talk!! I’m begging on you!

I sent it. Then I laid my body on the bed. I’m really tired. I keep waiting Hyukjae to reply my message. But I didn’t get any. I checked the clock on my phone screen, its 11pm already.

I should tell him everything before. Why I’m so stupid!!

I kept blaming everything on myself. And soon I drifted away from the reality and fell asleep.

***

Nobody’s POV

Sunday finally came. Both of Hyukjae and Donghae are feeling the anxiety on their heart. Hyukjae hoped that Shindong cancelled the meeting today. He didn’t want to meet Donghae. He wants to avoid Donghae forever. He even changed his number already after that night when Donghae kept calling him. And he didn’t tell about this to Donghae… only.

Donghae was vice versa he couldn’t wait the CF filming ended. He wanted to explain everything to Hyukjae. Once the director announced that the filming is ended for today. Quickly Donghae approached Shindong.

“Hyung! The meeting isn’t cancelled right?” he asked hopefully.

“No. What’s wrong? You have another schedule? I will tell Hyukjae then.”

“NO! I’m free. Don’t cancel the meeting, okay!” Donghae beamed and he left Shindong to change his outfits.

“What’s wrong with him?” Leeteuk suddenly asked.

“I didn’t know. Hyukjae seemed couldn’t focus on our meet before.”

“I think I know the reason.” Leeteuk said and he sighed. “Hyukjae met Sunye already.”

“What!? B-but… how??”

“Sunye is living in our room, since a week ago actually. Her condition is getting weaker. And we didn’t tell you all because she didn’t want to bother any of you. And few days ago, she told me that a platinum blonde haired guy visited my shared room. Obviously it was Hyukjae.”

“Oh my God… they should talk. I will tell them that I have another schedule and it’s so sudden.”

“Yeah, it’s better like that.” Leeteuk nodded.

***

Hyukjae was sitting nervously on the chair inside the quiet practice room. Shindong and Donghae aren’t coming yet. He just danced for awhile though, but it didn’t help.

Suddenly, the door of the room burst open. Hyukjae was surprised and too much for his liking, Donghae was the one who opened it. Hyukjae quickly planted his stare on his slap. He heard Donghae’s footsteps are getting closer.

“Hay.” Donghae greeted and it startled Hyukjae a bit.

“H-hay.” Hyukjae answered.

Donghae then sat on the same chair from the previous meeting. And there is an awkward silence between them. He really wanted to talk about the misunderstood with Hyukjae. But, he better do it after the meeting. So Hyukjae and he could focus on it.

Again, Hyukjae got startled and so did Donghae. But now, Donghae’s phone was the cause. Donghae took out his phone and he saw Shindong’s name on his screen.

“Yobosaeyo Shindong hyung? Where are you?” Donghae asked after he picked the call. Hyukjae was hoping that Shindong cancelled the meeting. “What!? You have another schedule… but you said— aish! So it’s cancelled?”

‘Oh God! You hear my pray!’ Hyukjae thought.

“Okay then… aish! Neh, bye…” Donghae ended the call. And he sighed. “it seems the meeting is cancelled. Shindong hyung has a schedule suddenly.” Donghae told Hyukjae, even he was sure that Hyukjae heard his conversation with Shindong before.

“T-then, I’ll go now.”

“Wait! Please, I need to talk to you.”

“No Dong—”

“I love you.” Hyukjae was shocked. “Lee Hyukjae, I love you. And I know you do love me too.”

“W-what… stop joking Donghae! You have a wife already and she is pregnant! And I don’t love you!”

“That’s what I want to explain. But don’t lie on me.”

“I’m not lying!”

“Look into my eyes while saying it then!!”

Hyukjae was hesitated. He knew it already that Donghae always knows when he is lying. And he couldn’t hold it again. Hyukjae finally broke down and crying. He covered his face with his palms. He hated himself for being so weak like this.

“Don’t cry please… let me explain everything…” Donghae removed Hyukjae’s hands from his face. Then he wiped the tears away. Hyukjae finally stopped crying and calmed a bit. “I won’t lie to you. I really love you. Before I married her, before I met her, before I debuted as Super Junior.”

“What?” Hyukjae was shocked because Donghae’s blurt out.

Donghae smiled softly, “I love you since that long…”

“And the woman?”

“Her name is Sunye. She is my brother’s girlfriend. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t steal my brother’s girlfriend and made her pregnant or else, I love you remember. Sunye is bearing my brother’s baby actually. And my brother ran away from his responsibility.” Hyukjae gasped and Donghae just smiled weakly. “My mom as a woman and a mother, she didn’t have heart to abandon her and the baby. Still there’s my brother’s blood on the baby and we can’t deny that the baby is my mom’s grandchild. So then, she asked me to replace my brother. To be honest, I didn’t like my mom’s idea. But she kept convincing me. And it’s the best for our family’s name. You know how good South Korea’s media for searching these kind of issues.”

“Seriously Hae, are you sure that your story wasn’t a part of the script from one of your dramas??” Hyukjae still couldn’t believe it. But he knew that Donghae was telling him the truth.

“No Hyukjae. It’s real. I love you Hyukjae… please tell me that you love me as well.”

“I love you Hae.. Bu— mmph…”

Donghae cuts Hyukjae by kissing his lips. It was a tender kiss.

“Thanks. I’m happy to hear that.” He smiled at Hyukjae who still got dazed by Donghae’s kiss. It’s their first kiss after all. “and Sunye knows about you and my feeling towards you.”

“What??” Hyukjae got surprised again. “omg Donghae. Too much information! I can’t take it.”

“Help me to pray that Donghwa hyung will be back for Sunye. This ring is Donghwa’s ring, not mine. I wear it, just in case that one day Donghwa hyung saw me and this ring through television, so he decided to go back to Sunye. I’m still waiting that miracle.”

“I’ll wait the miracle comes with it you. I love you Hae…”

***

Hyukjae’s POV

Months passed, Donghae already told Sunye about relationship. And Sunye was so happy to hear that. I couldn’t be more relieved. But the fact that Donghae is Sunye’s husband and he will be a father soon, still bothering me. I know I shouldn’t be selfish, still I just want Donghae as mine only. Everyday I prayed that Donghwa will comeback soon. And I hope that I could stand with this situation.

Apparently, Sunye’s tummy is getting bigger and her condition is getting weaker. Donghae spent almost all his times to take care of her. I tried to not getting jealous and hurt, but I couldn’t deny it.

I’m jealous. It hurts me a lot.

I realized about my position here. Only Sunye, SJ members, and the company that knew about our relationship. Same with Donghae’s relationship with Sunye. But, Sunye is his wife by the law after all.

To be honest, I always thought to end our relationship. It’s simple, Donghae likes child and soon he will be a father. Sad fact, that I’m ing a male and couldn’t give him a child.

But Donghae kept saying that he loves me a lot. And I couldn’t ignore my heart that I really need him in my life.

“Let’s go to the mall Hae?” I asked randomly. Donghae was on his day break. Yeah, company gave him break times for companying Sunye.

“Okay? Sunye is asleep already. Wait for me in the car okay? I will write a note for Sunye.”

“O-okay…” I nodded.

Sunye is his priority for now…

I went to Donghae’s car and waited him inside. Then I saw him came out from the door dorm and jogged to the car. He sat on the driver chair and we drove away.

Should I tell him my plan…?

***

Once we arrived, we started strolling around the mall. Tasting a lot of cakes in every cake shop that we saw. Yeah, I don’t really like shopping anyway. We just bought a cotton candy and I started to eat it excitedly, like an innocent 5 years old kid. Donghae just chuckled seeing me.

“I can’t wait for the baby, Hyukjae!” Donghae beamed all of sudden. And my heart felt like stabbed slowly heard that.

He was so rare calling me Hyukkie now…

“Yeah… me too…” I replied as I stopped eating my candy cotton.

“I wonder… is the baby a girl or boy? What do you think?” Donghae asked while grinning widely.

“Uh… it’s same… at least the baby born safely.”

“You’re right!! But I hope it’s a boy. So I can teach him playing soccer. You know right? I like soccer and I’m a good player!”

“Hummph…” I lazily replied.

He is really happy…

“Hyukjae! Let’s go there!!” Donghae took my hand and dragged me to a store that he pointed at. As we got closer, I then realized that he dragged me to a baby store.

We entered the store and Donghae looked so excited to examine all the stuffs in there.

“What do you want to buy Hae?”

“I want to buy every single thing for my baby!!”

Another stab on Hyukjae’s heart.

MY baby…

“Is this the feeling of a soon-to-be-father?” Donghae said it while busy choosing the baby clothes. Smile never gone on his face.

“Yeah… maybe…” Hyukjae smiled sadly. He didn’t take it again. He reached his limit. But he didn’t want Donghae too see him like this. Donghae should see him as the happy Hyukjae.

***

Nobody’s POV

Hyukjae and Donghae just got back from the mall. He drove Hyukjae to his house. Hyukjae was busy with his thought and didn’t realize that Donghae already parked his car in front of his house.

“Hyukjae, we arrived already…” Donghae said. He frowned when he saw Hyukjae was startled when he told him. “What’s wrong?” Donghae asked.

“I need to go to my cousin’s house tomorrow.”

“Where? Let me drive you.”

“It’s in Gimpo. And no, you don’t have to drive me. I will take the train.”

“Why?”

“It’s faster to go there by the train. And… you should look after Sunye.” He reasoned, actually he lied. And Hyukjae got hurt but his own last words.

“Then I’ll drive you to the station then. No buts!”

“O-okay then…”

“For how long?” Donghae asked again.

“I don’t know… maybe for a long time…”

‘… or forever’ Hyukjae added in his mind.

“Don’t let me die because I will miss you a lot when you go there…”

“Cheesy…”

“I tell you the truth. I can’t live without you even just one day, one minute, one second.”

“You and you— mph…”

Donghae silenced Hyukjae by his kiss. At first it was just a simple kiss. But Donghae started to nibble Hyukjae’s lower lip. And soon the kiss is more demanding. Donghae tried to part Hyukjae’s lips with his tongue. Hyukjae complied as he brought his arms and flung it around Donghae’s neck. They are each other tongue.

‘Why I have a feeling that Hyukjae is going to leave me forever?’

Because of the need of oxygen, Hyukjae and Donghae parted the kiss. They were panting hardly. Donghae noticed the tear on Hyukjae’s wipe.

“Why are you crying?” Donghae asked.

“Nothing, I’m just happy. Thanks for everything Hae.” Hyukjae said. Before Donghae said another thing, Hyukjae pecked Donghae’s lips. “I love you, always.”

“See you tomorrow, Hae… and promise me that you won’t prevent me for leaving.”

***

Donghae’s POV

And I’m here with Hyukjae, waiting for the train that I wished to be just delayed quickly by the station staffs.  I hold his hand tightly; I don’t want to let it go. I just wanted to say that he shouldn’t leave. His words are still lingering in my head. I know he meant something but I don’t know what it is.

Then, I heard the signal that the train is going to approach the station very soon. I tightened the hold on Hyukjae’s hand. He walked forward and I followed him. He then turned his body as he facing me. Hyukjae put his free hand on my chest. I stared at his eyes and he smiled.

“Your heartbeat is the beautiful thing that I ever heard. Every time you hugged me, I never missed a chance to hear your heartbeat. But now, your heart isn’t beating for me again, like it usually did before.”

“What are you talking about!?” I snapped. The with what he just said?

“You love Sunye. You will be happier to live with her than me. I’ll be happy for you too.”

“Please don’t say it… please don’t say something like that Hyukjae!! Are you going to leave me forever?? I love you Hyukjae! I really do!”

Hyukjae turned his body again when the train arrived. He kept walking, but I don’t want to let go off his hand.

“You promised me Hae. You won’t prevent me.” Hyukjae said lowly.

“Please don’t go…”

I didn’t know what’s wrong with me but slowly I let go off his hand.

Stupid hand!

The train automatic door finally closed with Hyukjae inside. I stared at him for the last time. When the train already out from my sight. I fisted my hand and looked at it.

I could still fell Hyukjae’s warmth hand.

I leaved my current spot and I walked lifelessly.

Hyukjae is gone. He left me forever.

My heart was getting heavier and I couldn’t breathe properly. The eyes were hot because the tears. And soon it flowed down swiftly from my eyes.

Why I’m too stupid? Why I let him go? I ing hate myself!! Please comeback. Please don’t leave me. Please don’t do it.

***

Hyukjae’s POV

“Don’t let me die because I will miss you a lot when you go there…”

“I tell you the truth. I can’t live without you even just one day, one minute, one second.”

“Please don’t go…”

I couldn’t stop my tears again as the train is getting farther from him. My heart is broken into pieces and I know I couldn’t put it together again. But it was the best for us.

After all, I won’t stop loving you… Donghae ah… I wish you for your happiness with Sunye…