Biting his lip, Kai watched as his boyfriend glared down the members of both halves of their extensive group. Kai knew all too well that his boyfriend was overly protective of the youngest member of Exo-M, but Kris was his boyfriend, not Tao's; and this whole situation just seemed messed up to him. "Manager said..." But what about how Kai feels? Because they were apart for so long was Kai now that insignificant in the stupid dragon's life? Feeling zapped of all of his energy, Kai remained silent as he heard his boyfriend go on about how they need to be careful around Tao- as if the younger male didn't have enough of an understanding how to hurt any one of them, let alone protect himself from another member who had tripped.

As Kris' verbal rampage came to an end, Kai excused himself from the impromptu meeting and locked himself in the bathroom. He had tried on many occasions while his boyfriend was in China, Taiwan, America, or heck just another building- to muster up any type of semblance to match Huang Zitao somehow so that he wouldn't lose Kris. What had just happened in the living room had been proof enough to him that he had lost a long time ago. Why was he even trying anymore? Kris would never send him that caring gaze that Tao seemed to always receive. Kris would never actually say the words Kai wanted so desperately to hear either, would he? They had been together for over a year now and Kris had even forgotten that one detail- their anniversary date.

Kai finally brought his gaze to the mirror and noticed he had tears streaming down his cheeks. "You should just give up." He recommended to his reflection, "He won't say it, he can't, not without lying." He easily slipped into reprimanding the innocent reflection of himself, "It's useless. He has no need for you. You stay in Korea while he's over there. There will always be something to separate the two of you, so why can't you go and ing finalize it already?" He had unconsciously raised his voice and was currently yelling at himself. He knew the answers all too well though, and the realization sunk in with renewed vigor.

Kai loves Kris.

Heart, soul, and mind; Kris had won Kai's heart over a long time ago, and until it was shattered to pieces, Kai had no way of earning it back- and breaking his heart certainly did not sound too tempting. Crumpling to the floor, Kai pressed his shoulder blades against the nearest surface. He hated himself. He was falling apart because Kris didn't care- had he ever given a flying about Kai after all?

Depression was quickly engulfing the Korean dancer after he had managed to keep it at bay for so long. More tears streamed down his cheeks as sobs racked his body. He could almost hear the cracks that were forming in his heart. He had poured so much into his relationship with Kris, that he never thought a day like this would come. He knew Kris had a lot of stress and demands from management, he knew that his boyfriend was constantly trying to put the safety of the group first, but this just hurt too much.

What am I doing with my life?

Kai soberly thought while he allowed himself to continue crying. I love dancing, and Exo is doing well, but maybe I'm not meant for this place? Maybe this is all some ed up sign from the heavens. Kai's mind formed a tangent on its own and his hands began to move of their own accord as well, "Suho, tell manager-hyung that I need to talk to him, please?" Kai sent the cowardly message to the Exo-K leader from his balled up spot on the bathroom floor. He was beginning to feel numb. Maybe he had been wrong to come here, to even think of joining a group with talents that amazed him some times. Opening another message he typed and hit send to Taemin, "Hyung, I'm pulling out. The ship has sunk." They were terrible codes, but Taemin would understand- he was putting an end to everything.

Seconds later, a message from Suho was on the display, "Why? What's wrong?" Kai managed to lift the edge of his lips up the slightest degree in amusement as he sensed the leader's concern, "I want out." He typed back without thinking, just sensing that this was his final moments as a "K-pop idol." It was almost fitting he was spending it with red eyes and tear-stained cheeks on the bathroom floor, right? However, the coming moments would be the last thing Kai would expect to happen.

Suddenly, the bathroom door lock was picked and forced open before being slammed shut again. Startled, Kai looked up at the figure who had entered, recognized the device in their hands, and then dropped his phone. His own device clattering to the cold tile floor between his feet, Kai jumped up and reached for the door only to be stopped by a pair of arms around his waist.

"Don't go." Two words had never been spoken so weakly and needy to Kai before and he froze. Dropping his hands to his sides, he relaxed his muscles to show that he would cooperate, "Suho gave me his phone when he saw a message from you." Kris mumbled against the dancer's shirt and Kai could almost feel his heart breaking as the cracks dug deeper to remind him of their presence. "Why, Jongin?"

Kai's mind went blank for a moment when he heard the name slip from Kris' mouth. Once again tears had brimmed at the corners of his eyes, threatening to fall as he opened his mouth to respond, "That's why." He whispered as he turned around to face Kris, "I'm still Jongin. I'm terrified. I'm not good enough for Exo or-" he cut himself off as he searched the elder's eyes the last word being barely more than a breath as it rode into the air between them, "You."

The confused look on Kris' features would have gone unnoticed by anyone who didn't spend as much time as Kai had examining the faux-blond's face. "What do you mean?"

Dropping his gaze to the floor that was barely visible between their bodies and Kris' arms that were still locked around him, Kai swiped the tears- that were starting to fall- away before speaking again, "I love you. We've been in a relationship for over a year and I have tried my best." Kai started clarifying before diving headlong into the part that pained him, "You've never said those words to me- in any language. There's not even been a simple note that reads '143.' Yes, I know what that means. You didn't even respond to the card I sent you for our anniversary- let alone called or messaged me on the day- our day- and I never felt so alone because of it. Then, you come back to Korea- I know how taxing your duty as leader can be, duizhang, but I can only take so much. I'm not just the strong-willed Kai I display to help promote Exo, dammit! The only words that have left your mouth since your plane arrived yesterday have been about management or Tao. It hurts, it stings, and I just... can't take it. Do you know how hard it is to try to stay composed around everyone while you go on for half an hour about how 'precious little Tao must be kept safe'? Do you know how long I've just had to accept that you're busy so not even a text message for two weeks is okay? Do you know how neglected I feel?" Kai challenged, his eyes having met Kris' at a point he didn't even take notice of as his vision had become painfully blurred, "This isn't an idol named Kai who loves you. It's a young guy who grew up in South Korea named Jongin, with a surname of Kim, who has poured his entire heart into loving you." Kai clarified, for both of them.

The words seemed to hang in the air around them and the small bathroom seemed to become a claustrophobic person's worst nightmare as seconds ticked by painfully slow. As Kris' arms suddenly went slack and Kai was no longer kept in place, Kai could hear those cracks deepening. Was this it for them? He prayed that Kris would prove him wrong- or at least do something in an attempt to keep him from walking away. Feeling a sense of gut-wrenching disappointment, Kai waited a bit before giving up and turning to the door once more. As his fingers wrapped around the metallic doorknob, he heard it. The words he had wanted to hear so desperately for a year now.

"Saranghaeyo." From the tone Kris had used alone, Kai knew the elder was telling the truth, and suddenly the arms were around his waist again and Kris was mumbling against his shoulder, "I love you. Wo ai ni. I'll say it as many times and in as many languages as I need to, just don't give up yet, on any of us- our relationship, or Exo. I've been a terrible boyfriend, I know that and I'm sorry. I promise, if you give me another chance, I will make it up to you so that you don't regret this decision, just... please. I really do love you, Kim Jongin."

Had he really been Kai at that moment, he would have told Kris off some more; however, Jongin turned to face his boyfriend as he felt like the cracks that had formed were slowly starting to heal already, "I like the way you've started," Jongin complimented the older one, ignorant tears still hovering at the corners of his eyes, "But what I really want out of everything, is your love, Wu Yifan; because as it stands, you better believe that I love you."

For Kai, what had started out as an energy-zapping, self-hating evening, ended with an 'okay' to have his room to himself for the night-  with a 'plus one' invitation for Kris. It was a sweet night with the two cuddled together whispering about random things; but Jongin had never felt more precious to anyone than he had during that night. It was only when Taemin showed up at Exo's door the next day that Jongin even realized what he had really done the night before. His mobile phone still laying forgotten in the bathroom where he had dropped it as it displayed hundreds of missed messages and calls from his worried friend. Even this situation, though, was not enough to deter Kai's new mood. He knew that Kris loved him, he just needed to be pushed to show it a little more often.