~★★★★★~

How can I not love you?

What do I tell my heart?

When do I not want you here in my arms?

You know what's sad about love? It’s when you know there’s just no hope for you to have him but yet you cling to that hope. It’s when your mind is determined to let go but your heart still holds on. And most of all it’s when no matter how hard you try to forget him, you just can’t. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back it’s either seeing yourself giving up or dye slowly every day.

I woke up on the floor. It’s hard and uncomfortable, cold even. I had a bad dream taunt my sleep and somehow I feel like crying even knowing I shouldn’t for the sake of someone seeing me. I made myself seat up to try to acknowledge my surroundings and I soon realize it isn’t my room. I fell asleep in Yixing’s room who’s slumbering figure can still be found in bed although Luhan isn’t in his. Could the older boy have seen me laying down here? Why didn’t he wake me up? I bury my face in my knees feeling a sudden headache creeping in. I don’t remember having fallen to sleep here, only…the kiss. Why do you submit yourself through this Wufan? I wish I could change the circumstances. No. I wish I could change my feelings. My heart. Always making the same mistakes. Always suffering unnecessary pain. If you love and get hurt, love more. If you love more and get hurt more, love even more. If you love even more and get hurt even more, love until it hurts no more.

“If only I could make you love me.” I voiced out softly unintentionally.

“Yifan.” For a moment I thought I could’ve imagined the voice, the so familiar voice but it wasn’t imagination. I looked in shock at the boy above me and got up the fastest I could. Could he have heard me? He looks so sleepy it could’ve slipped by. “Who…who were you talking about?” but it didn’t obviously. He is looking straight in my eyes. Now it’s your time Wufan. Say it or bury it. Either way you’ll suffer.

“You.” My heart started racing. I wasn’t sure I was able to endure this pressure.

“What do you mean?”

“I was talking about you. It’s you.”

“Don’t.” he looks away and gets up.

“What?”

“Don’t! Don’t you dare love me!” I was bewildered, I couldn’t believe his words.

“Is it forbidden to love you?”

“Yes.”

“That’s not going to make me stop.”

“Please Yifan.” His voice is shaken. “I didn’t fight all this years for nothing. I didn’t conceal my soul so deep so I couldn’t feel a thing, for you to just come here and ruin everything! I don’t want this!”

“I don’t understand Yixing.”

“I love you!” he starts crying with his eyes still open wide looking at me. His word hit me like a knife. “I love you so much it physically hurts because I can’t have you!”

“Yixing, you-”

“No! Because we’re band mates. Don’t pretend like it isn’t complicated because it is.”

“You love me.” I started to come near him. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t dreaming I wanted to feel him in my arms. I wanted to make him stop crying. I wanted to hug him.

“Don’t Yifan…don’t.” I didn’t listen to his words. He was too weak to stop me anyway so I enlaced my arms around him and tighten my grip. He felt so small, so fragile. He cried for a while but shortly when he felt less tense he hugged me back burying his face even deeper in my chest. He loved me. He loves me. It’s all I can think about. At this point nothing can make me back down. Nothing can forbid me to make him mine. Yes it’s complicated but we can make it work. We will make it work.

“I love you.” I whisper in his hair having the need to say it back. He looks up at me with tears filled eyes, his face is red and puffy and he couldn’t look cuter. He disconnects our gaze to look at my lips and I’m sure he wants it as much as I do but doesn’t have the courage. So I make the move instead. His lips are soft and they fit perfectly in mine. He tastes sweet so I kiss him deeper and I feel him kissing back. The world around seem to have vanished. I’m lost and I don’t want to be found. The outside world seems so terrifying right now that I want to stay in his arms forever. We separate so we can regain our breaths and I stare at his eyes, they look so deep and dark, his lips are red that makes me want to kiss him again. “You’re mine Yixing. I’m not letting you go.” He smiles but hides his face. I let go of his waist to gently grab his chin so he faces me again and I kiss him once more making it last this time.

You know what's sad about love? It’s when you know there’s just no hope for you to have him but yet you cling to that hope. It’s when your mind is determined to let go but your heart still holds on. And most of all it’s when no matter how hard you try to forget him, you just can’t. But with the night also comes the day and I’ve found my sun. With the shadow also comes the light and that’s the joyful side of love. When you find it and it finds you. When all hope is gone but a miracle happens and when it happens you have to hold on to it. Make it yours. Forever.

~★★★★★~

I found some time. It's 9AM and I haven't sleep yet. Not relevant anyway. Uhm, I was really hesitant to post this but yeah...well...here it is. It's really small. Like 900+ words. Maybe not what you wanted but I couldn't figure out what to write. The best I could really. Sorry. Anyway I have to continue Butterflies asap or else I'll curse myself forever. I have to start writing about other couples, it's flooding Kray omg.

Bad endings are bad. Italic quote is Shakespeare. When I wrote the first story I never thought someone would read it and now I have 30 subscribbers and I can't stop. I blame you. lol Your comments make my day tbh and thank you for supporting me with my english because I'm really self conscious with it. <3 Saranghaeyo.