Insecure. Heart filled with worry. Hate. Despair. Misery. Melancholy.

I try not to cry but I could not. Each time I try to stand up. Each time I try to just smile–even though not blinding, though not shining.

Everything hurts. Everything is painful. Everything is... Everything is–

I stumble. Fall. Fall. Fall.

I sigh. I don't think I could do this anymore.

-

The days before their comeback were coming nearer. It was already November and most preparations were being done.


All of them gathered on stage. The K members started first. Dancing to their first title song, MAMA, that caught the attention of different fans, the six Korean members were filled with emotion and excitement and exhilaration.

The M members, though, were not. Anxiety and nervousness and deep, deep angst were felt between them.


Their main dancer Yixing had been sick for awhile and the other members were filled with great worry.


Yixing though, being the cheerful boy that he always was and forever will be, waved off everyone everytime he was reprimanded to take a rest for even just a single damned minute. He said he was fine. He kept on dancing, telling the other members that he needed to be perfect. That this was for the fans and this was his job. He needed to do everything right. He needed to practice. He needed to feel the emotion he always felt whenever he performed.

Hearing those pointless words that were eventually named as excuses, Minseok and Jongdae and Luhan and Zitao and Jongin and Kyungsoo and Baekhyun and Chanyeol and Junmyeon and Sehun sighed and rested their case, shrugging and closing their eyes in frustration. They knew that their pleas and coax would not stray Yixing's resolve to practice. They knew it and they gave up easily.

But no. No. No. And just no. Wufan would not give up in persuading Yixing to take a rest. No. No, he would never give up. Yixing was hurting. He can read Yixing like notes he always needed to memorize. He knew Yixing like the back of his hand. He knew–knows– Yixing. And he knew that Yixing was suffering.

Yixing was not showing it.

-

Please. Someone. Please. Help me.

I gasp for breaths. I seek for comfort and warmth. Coziness I beg for. Worry I thirst. Strength I hunger.

They are telling me to stop:

Stop. Stop and listen. Stop. Listen to us. Understand us. Why cannot you see? Why cannot you hear? We are always here. Why cannot you even feel?

I feel blind. So very, very blind. I turn around and run in circles. Darkness. All I see is a numbing black; something darker than black. It feels so cold.

I open my eyes and I realize I never opened it at all.

I search. I look. But all I see is blank space. There is fog everywhere–gray, murky, dirty, sad, empty.

Empty.

Empty–

A lone tear.

–like me.

-

Yixing collapsed in in the middle of their dance practice.

Some gasped in shock. Some froze with worry. Pity. Stress. Chagrin. Mixed emotions filled the air. There were negative auras and Wufan silently cringed as he saw the frustration painted on their manager's face.

Luhan immediately ran to carry Yixing up, Sehun helping him without second thoughts.

Soon, Yixing was found inside the ER. A boy filled with dreams and great passion inside a blinding, white cage, wires and tubes connected to his beautiful skin and beautiful face.

At that same night, Luhan was crying desperately, clutching at Sehun's tear-stained shirt. Minseok and Junmyeon pacing around the long hall. Jongdae sitting and nervously playing at the hem of his sweater. Kyungsoo and Jongin, who was nursing an injured arm from too much dancing, and Baekhyun and Chanyeol pacifying each other. Whisphering it would be okay and he would wake up to each other's ears. The manager was outside of the hospital, calling the administrators to inform them of what had happened–no one actually cared where he was. Their mind was only filled with of thoughts about Yixing. Yixing yixing yixing: would Yixing be okay? He would wake up, right? What if this, what if that. What if. What if. What if.

Wufan had it worse. He was completely shell shocked, his mind not even swallowing the thought that Yixing just collapsed and was now in an emergency room and they were inside a waiting room, waiting and praying patiently and silently for good news–oh God, please.

It took time before Wufan felt it: that feeling akin to dread.

His knees buckled and he thought that they disappeared because he felt so numb and unfeeling. He felt that he lost eveything. All hope was gone.

Tears fell out one by one, clouding his already glassy vision. And by the end of two hours, the cool duizhang, the always composed Wu Yifan was definitely bawling and crying and screaming his lungs out in front of a public audience.

-

I could not–

A gasp. A painful catching of breath.

–I cannot ing see.

I reach out. Up and high to the sky. I want to reach that single star, the one shining so bright. The one who is beautiful and magnificent. The one who is always there.

I could not see him. Even though I open my eyes, I could not see him. Oh please no.

Even I try so hard–all hope is gone–I cannot reach him.

I cry. I bawl. I shout. I scream. I hurt. I am empty. I feel nothing except pain and misery.

No.

No.

Please.

Just... No.

Please.

Please.

-

There was a consistent tugging. A voice whisphered in my ear. Yixing, it said. Yixing. Yixing, baby, wake up.

I slowly opened my eyes, scared that everything was fake. The dreams, the passion, the hope. Fake.

I shook my head. I hoped not. I could not live without them.

Slowly, an orange light clouded my vision. I turned left to see the nightlamp on. I sighed in relief and tears started to cloud my eyes.

There was tugging again. The voice spoke, Xing. Xing, are you okay? A hand through my hair.

I looked to my right and my eyes were opened wide, my mouth agape.

Wufan, I whisphered. Wufan. Wufan. I was crying like a child. Tears falling from my eyes continuously. My nose itched and my cheeks burned. My eyes felt so, so heavy, but my heart felt like it was soaring into the heavens.

Wufan hugged me tight. He kissed my temple and whisphered:

Shh. Shh. I got you, he cooed. It's okay. It was just a dream. I'm here. You are safe now.

/fin.