It’s been years, since I last saw him and it had been four years since I liked him. I was so young that time that I don’t consider it as love at first. For me it was just infatuation and admiration. So I didn’t expect it to last this long, I thought this feeling would end fast that everything would pass as time goes by.

But I was wrong, totally wrong.  Because until now I have this hope about this feeling that I felt, that everything would come back.

I promised myself that I would never cry and shed my tears for him. I won’t be that pathetic to cry over a guy. Because doing that shows how loser I am, loser when it comes to love.

Years had passed but I still love him, I am still asleep not waking up from this pathetic dream.

I tried; I did my best every day to forget and to move on, but moving on is not simple, even though it’s very easy to say, it’s like the hardest decision to do. Do you expect me to move on when I fully gave my heart to that person? To that guy who caused all this heartbreaks in me.  I don’t blame him though because the heart ache I gave him is nothing compared to what he gave me.

Two years ago I left him and I went to another country. We were both broken and our hearts both aching. He was hurt, same with me, but he learned how to move on. As time pass by I was forgotten, I was left alone feeding myself with lies. I never stopped holding on, I am still hoping, hurting myself. That I often tell myself that "Dara you are pathetic" I keep reminding myself to move on but no, I stubbornly hold on not wanting to let go.

So here I am at a bus stop heading my way to school, when a familiar guy did not get unnoticed by me. I know that face, that looks, everything about that guy I can still remember. He did get taller and he looks more mature now. I feel like air left my body, like a girl paralyzed by just the sight of him.

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“Dara” I heard him mumbled my name as he saw me. I just looked at him and didn’t say anything. I have no words to say at all. Speechless by the sight in front of me, I ignored him and continued my tracks, not minding if ever the bus will arrive. What is he doing here? This is far away from Korea a place that I know he wouldn’t want to go. I lived here for two years already, praying that our path not to cross. I just looked away, not him, but he is stubborn, just like before.

“What do you want from me?" I annoyingly asked, but honestly I want to hug him tight, to show how much I missed and still love him.

"I want to see you, so I came here for you” He came here for me? What stupid lies is he saying now?

I don't get it, why would he want to see me suddenly when all those years all he wanted to do is avoid me, he clearly showed me that everything ended two years ago. Does this mean were both waiting for each other? 

Does he still love me? "Stop it Jiyong you're confusing me" I am looking intently on his eyes trying my best not to cry.

"I won't shed a tear" 

"I won't cry"

Those words I keep chanting them inside my mind. I need to; I don't want to be a loser. I don't want to be pathetic in his eyes, because I would be, if a tear drop falls from my eyes. 

"I just want to visit a friend and hang out" Friend? It’s like millions of knives stabbed my heart with that word. FRIEND but I am glad he considered me one now.

"Friend me? Since when?" I frankly said.  How can he look so calm, fine and cool? While I'm hurt and uncomfortable.

"Dara, I came here in peace, so please let it pass and enjoy a day with me" I can see the sincerity in his eyes and words. That I can't dig up any reasons to reject his intentions. For this day, I would let myself be happy with you again. But what are your intentions Jiyong? Why do you need to do this?

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Should I smile even a bit? He’s been trying his best to make this day happy for me, and I don’t understand why he needs to do that. I want him to tell me his reasons, but I’m scared that his answers would hurt me but I’m also hoping that maybe he’s doing this for us to be back again.

Selfish of me to still hold on and hope.

He was the one deciding where we’ll go but of course he asks my opinion. We are heading to the park, a place where we could always remember our childhood memories. I sat down on one swing welcoming the cold breeze of America. “You changed Dara” he suddenly told me as he stands behind the swing I’m sitting at. He just stood there looking at the sky while talking.

“How could you say that?”  I know I changed a lot here on America.

I know, I change, and everybody changes as they grow up.

“You’re not as cheerful like before, you look unhappy” He was right though, I am not happy. I was alone here, without anyone and without friends whom I was used to. I learned how to be independent and live with my own skills.

I decided not to talk; I just stared at the ground. I don’t want to show him how weak I am.

“Bring back the old you Dara, don’t blame yourself” Funny how he could read my mind. I am blaming myself, for everything. That if I didn't left him, maybe we are happy, and maybe we are together.

“I can’t, this is who I am now” This is what I am for the past two years.

I was surprised when the swing started to move “YAH! WHAT YOU!?” I shouted at him. He just smiled at me as he continues push the swing.

Instead of stopping him I let him push the swing, its gives me comfort, like the feeling of a child free from everything.

 "I feel like I went back on kindergarten again" Jiyong laughingly said at me. Our time on the park was fun. It was peaceful and quiet since there are no little kids playing around. I and Jiyong are like little kids having fun inside our own world.  

And now I could feel very comfortable with him again, just by a short time Jiyong changed me, more like, bring back the old Dara. He then smiled at me, that smile that hunts me every day.

"Do you still hate me?" I asked, for those two years I know he hates me. Who wouldn't when suddenly you were left alone and broken by the one you love.

"I never hated you Dara, never in my life I would hate my first love" I was touched by his words, first love, being her first love is an amazing feeling but being his last love is much better right? If you are the first it's you who teaches him how to love, it's you who first gave him those butterflies in his stomach but being the last means a lot more. You are the last to feel his love, the last one that he'll promise to love. The one that he will truly love until he dies.

So I'd rather be the last that the first one, since the first one can end

But the last love will be forever

The one who'll have his heart up to eternity.

"Don't flatter me with words Jiyong" 

"I’m telling the truth Dara, I don't hate you, maybe I was just angry but the damage has been done, forget about the past" How can he be so honest? Telling everything to me right now.

Forget about the past is one thing that I can't. Past hunts me every day, those moments of yesterday will be forever trapped in my mind. 

“All these years I thought you hate me"

All these years I was blaming myself because I thought he hates me, because I hurt him.  

"Now you know I don't" he said not looking at me but still on his surroundings. I want to know is he not looking at me, is it that hard to look in my eyes? Am I that pitiful that when he looked into these brown orbs of mine, he might come back to me because he feels sorry? Rude but I think that's the truth, I am pitiful that's why he's trying to change me.

"Come on let's go back home and eat there" Even though I want to eat outside with him, I know he's tired, he already did his goal on making me happy for a day.

"Why are you tired already?" He asked with his calm voice

"No but's it's you need it". Without waiting for him to talk, I started to walk back in my house.

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I looked at Ji and he was just sitting quietly at the sofa. No words no actions. He’s not even minding the show that is being played on the television. He was lost on his thoughts, deep in his mind.

I went out of the kitchen carrying a tray with a cup of coffee and cookies that I prepared. I placed the food at the center table where Jiyong could easily reach it. I was surprised when suddenly he looked at me…

For the first time today he looked into my eyes, I tried to turn away my gaze from him but the words he said made me look at him back “let me free” I raised a brow at him even though I clearly understand what he meant.

“What did you say?” I asked in a whisper as I tried not to cry in front of him.  He stood up and went to face me. He held my hand still his eyes are on mine. 

“Please let me go, let me get out of that heart” he said as he uses his hands that are twined with him to point my heart. Why is he saying all these things suddenly, I was leaving peacefully but he suddenly showed up again, but in the end he is just begging me to let go of him

I tightened my hold on his hand as I feel myself on the urge to cry already. “Then why did you come here?” I asked.

“I want to help you, I did love you Dara. I love you so much, those times I am with you are the best memories of my life. It was innocent and young, and to be honest we both don’t know what love is that time. But I am sure I loved you. But we are not meant to be together Dara. You should learn how to accept that. When you left me before I thought it was the end of my world, but I opened my broken heart and moved on. You too, you need that, you need to move on. Don’t cage yourself with our past; I am begging you, I am not the only guy in this world. Let other guys know how pretty you are, how lovely and kind your heart is. Love again and let go of me”

Tears flow down from my eyes, he is begging me to let him go and it’s painful. He is the guy that I loved all throughout these years. I waited for nothing, I hoped just to receive another heart ache. I glad e’s not laughing at me now, and I appreciated that. Because I look funny now, I think I look like someone who is begging a guy to not leave me. All the pain from longing was nothing compared to the pain I am experiencing now. I don’t want to cage him forever, I want him to be happy and if that happiness he wants will only be given if I let go of him, maybe it’s time to stop.

I looked up to him and placed a one last kiss on his lips “You’re free now” I said as I let go of his hand slowly, still tears are flowing from my eyes.

“Thank you” ha plainly said and I just returned him a smile, to show him that everything would be alright. He hugged me again tightly in his arms. I closed my eyes as I savor the one last moment with him

“Be happy” I heard him as I opened my eyes, and when my vision cleared he was gone.

I looked at my surroundings only to see that I am on my bedroom, it’s still dark outside but as I saw the clock it’s already five in the morning. I sit up on the bed and as I wipe my face, my tears were still there.

I dreamed about him for the first time, Ironic of how dreams should be like a fairytale when you and your price charming should kiss but you suddenly wake up.

But on my dream it was different.

It’s for me to wake up; a wakeup call for me to move on

IT’S A DREAM TELLING ME

TO LET GO OF THE LOVE I’VE BEEN HOLDING ON FOR YEARS.

JUST LIKE AN ALARM CLOCK

SAYING

“WAKE UP IT’S TIME TO LET GO”

===============================END================================

Once you wake up and you realized that you need to put an end on something, do not hesitate to do so, for  much better things will come to your life

but remember 

DREAMS HAS TWO MEANINGS

- WHAT YOU DREAMT CAN HAPPEN

- OR THE EXACT OPPOSITE WILL HAPPEN

but we don't know where fate will bring us.

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THANK YOU EVERYONE... and i feel very happy sharing this dream of mine to everyone

SORRY IF IT'S LATE THOUGH 

it took me a month to finish this cause I CAN'T IT'S AFFECTING ME TOO MUCH . LOL BUT EVERYONE HENGSHO NOW!

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ScarletARIA<3