We were going strong even after 10 months of dating.  It was true that we both busy with individual schedules, Bom especially because of 2NE1’s world tour and then promotions. But we saw each other often, either visiting each other’s houses or having car dates or just talking endlessly on the phone was enough.

What I felt for Park Bom had grown into something deeper…you can say I was crazily, stupidly in love with her. No one could burn out the flames of love deep inside of me. Granted, Leetuek didn’t approve of our relationship, but I know one day he would come to accept her. 

I thought Bom and I shared everything with each other, I thought she trusted me…but I guess I must have been too blind or stupid to notice the hurt hidden behind her sweet smiles. It was a fine, fall day when Bom burst through my door without calling or texting me first. Her makeup all smudged, and she was wearing her PJ’s.

“Break up with me, Siwon,” she said in a raspy voice. I felt my world crashing when she came to me with those words. Immediately hot tears streamed down my face. “Why…is there someone else?” I croaked. Bom ignored me as she turned her back toward me. “I’m a monster,” Bom said coldly. “Bom, what are you talking about?”

“I’ve tried my fixing my face for you…over and over again, but I guess the plastic surgeon is my anti. Every time, it just becomes worse. Now I really have become a monster. I’ll never be good enough for you not that I ever was. Neitizens right. I'm ugly.” Shocked, I remained quiet. Bom fixed her face…for me? “Yah Park Bom…” my voice cracked, “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes upon.”

“DON’T LIE TO MY FACE, SIWON! THAT MUCH I CANNOT TOLERATE!” Bom shrieked as she grabbed a nearby object and threw it across the room. Her chest heaved up and down as she looked at me with pure hate. I got on my knees. “I am NOT lying to you. I love you so much, Bom,” I cried out and forced her to look at me. I grabbed Bom’s soft hands, but she harshly pushed me away.

It hurt so much to see Bom breakdown like this. I had to do something. I wiped my tears and got up. “BOM!” I suddenly addressed her causing her eyes to widen. She was going to hear me out. I couldn't let this end like this.

“I confessed to you first didn’t I? Do you know how long it took me to finally have the courage to approach you? Two years. I waited two years to make my move.  Since then and now, I have only looked at you. It’s always been you. And now you’re trying to take all that away from me?! Don’t you think you’re being selfish? What about me?! Tell me right now if you’re serious about letting me go over something silly like appearances because I might consider giving you what, leaving me, since I love you that much and more.”

Bom’s eyes immediatley softened, but she looked sick and pale. Stepping closer to be, she collapsed in my arms. I secured her by hugging her tightly. I really did think this was the end. I inhaled deeply as I waited for her reply. “I…I love you, Siwon,” she said softly as she cried. 

Like this we made it through our first hardship…but that wasn't the end to our problems.

I was afraid we would drift apart like most idol couples did. It scared me so much that I called Bom more, visited her more, and constantly kept up with her schedule. I can proudly say that we've spent Christmas and New Year's two years in a row. We were growing strong. It was irritating having to hide our relationship from the public though.

Every idol out there knew we were an item, and good thing too because Park Bom was mine. No one dared to call her as their ideal type or else they'll have to deal with me. All Bom had to do was deny deny deny whenever the topic of 'boyfriends' came up in interviews. It's funny because I was rarely asked if I was in a relationship. If they did I would have hinted at it.

Then again I believe people assume I'm in a relationship already since some SM artists have already come forth with their relationship like Yoona and Sooyoung and Tiffany. Besides Super Junior has been around way too long for fans to get upset about us dating. I think the public would respond positively if I were to reveal our relationship but YG doesn't want that. Bom is always the subject of backlash and undeserving hatred.

It's like netizens pick at every little thing she does. There was that time she posted a pic of herself in a bathing suit and got hate for it. They called her fat while I literally drooled over that picture. Even my members couldn't stop staring, but I made sure to remind them of what's mine.

2NE1 went on their second world tour. It must have been an amazing experience. My own group has go on tours countless of times but for reason, watching all these fancams made me miss her more. She was out there giving fanboys s while I was at home, alone. I was grumpy and overly jealous. I threw my laptop in frustration. Oh Park Bom, wait til you get home.

Bom came home to me with an unexpected visit. I thought she wouldn't be back for two more days. "I lied. I just wanted to surprise you," Bom said while she dropped her bag and kissed my lips. I encircled her waist immediately and kissed her deeply. Breathless, we pulled away at the same time. "You should have warned me.

I would have taken-" I began only to be hushed with Bom's finger on my lips. "Don't speak," she said ily. She then removed her furry coat. "A little birdie told me how upset you got after watching those fancams," she said hinting at the s. "And?" I gulped, anticipating what she would do next. "And well I'm feeling y," Bom smirked, "Let's go to the bedroom." "Y-yes ma'am!" I replied and dragged her to my bedroom.

"Bommie when are we going public with our relationship?" I asked as I held her close. "Soon," she responded and kissed my nose. I groaned like a child. "Just wait for me," she said seriously. I tried to be understanding but honestly it hurt a little. Was she embarrassed of me? Insecurity got the best of me.

I could deal with Bom saying she liked Lee Minho and Kim Woobin. Fine. I was cool with that. They were popular actors anyways. I couldn't deal with Dong Wook though. For some reason, he gave me bad vibe. Bom was starring in a new variety show with him, and I just couldn't help but think that this dude had a crush on my girl. I didn't want him near Bom. Bom and I even fought because of it. "It's just work, Siwon!" she had told me. Yeah, work.

Two weeks after the show ended, an article appeared....a rather scandalous one at that. They were pictures of Park Bom and Lee Dong Wook on a supposed date. It was embarrassing for me. I was also angry at Bom for going out with him alone. The media exaggerated their story, saying that they've been dating since the start of the show. Lies. Lies. YG released an official statement that said that Bom and Dong Wook were merely friends.

Of course no one believed that. So what did YG do? They just decided to confirm their so called 'relationship' until it was an appropriate time to call it quits. It was a stupid idea if you asked me. In every damn photoshoot, interview, or radio appearance, Bom was asked about him and she was forced to talk about their relationship. It hurt so much. At one point, it seemed like Bom enjoyed talking about him.

All I could think about was how could she? How could she hurt me like this? Wasn't I her 'one and only'? She had told me over and over how she only thought of me when she sang that song. Everything was going downhill. And it frustrated the hell out of me.

"Why couldn't you fight for us?" I accused her, hiding my pain. I yelled at her instead. "Why Bom? Why?!" "Siwon, I'm tired. Let's go to sleep. We'll talk in the morning hm?" Bom said tiredly. I could see eyebags under her pretty eyes. I knew she was tired, but I couldn't stop myself from being an . I don't know when or how I turned like this.

"No, Park Bom. I want to talk about this right now!" I shouted and seized her hand harshly. "Let go!" she screamed but I held her tighter. "Why couldn't you have cleared the air and said you were dating me instead of that actor...son of a ," I gritted though my teeth. "It was YG's decision," Bom croaked. Tears welled up in both of our eyes.

"YG's decision?" I repeated mockingly, "You could have fought against it. You could have fought...for us! Does our relationship mean anything to you? I hate when you talk about him. I'm starting to think that maybe you like it. You weren't all that popular before all this happened since Dara and CL had all the fanboys. But now you finally got some attention and you think you can throw me aside?" I laughed wickedly. Bom burst out crying and began hitting my chest. "I hate you! I hate you!" her words hit me hard. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes. "YOU HATE ME? GOOD! I HATE YOU TOO!"

I've become a monster.

5 months later. Bom and Dongwook announced their 'breakup.' 2NE1 returned with a new single after promoting their successful album all year long. It was a sad, melodic love song. Of course it topped the charts.  Their interviews were highlighted all over the TV and Internet. I was cooking breakfast one morning while the TV played in the background.

"Park Bom-ssi, it has been said like you cried while recording this new single. Was it perhaps because of your breakup with Dongwook?" the interviewer asked 2NE1. I froze immediately. 2NE1 looked rather uncomfortable with the question. "Actually all of us cried a little while recording," CL answered quickly.

Bom smiled brightly and then laughed, "It was an emotional song just like one of previous singles titled 'Missing You.' Since it's been five months, I'm okay with talking about this freely. I'll be honest. I didn't cry for Dongwook. I cried for an old lover. In fact, he's still in my heart. I will never forget him for he made me the happiest woman in the world.  Our love was beyond this world. But I hurt him, probably more than he hurt me. I don't think I ever apologized. So if he's watching, I'd like to say I'm sorry. I was a fool for not fighting for us."

I could tell Bom was fighting not to cry on national television. Her next words surprised. The interviewer asked Bom to give her old lover a message. "I hope you're doing well, my prince. It was my loss here…I hope you find your special lady." My heart felt like ripping apart. Why was I such a fool back then?

2 years later.

This was absolutely nerve-wrecking. I was standing alone without any of my members. I clutched the trophy tightly, just in case I dropped it. Lights flashed everywhere and all eyes were on me as they waited for me to give a speech. Heck, I had just won a top award in the acting field.  “Uhmm firstly…I would like to thank my family…my fans, my members. To those who believed in me…I promise not to disappoint in the future……….I would also like to thank a special someone whom I still love dearly with all my heart. I have not forgotten. It was my loss here. My doll, I love you.” The stadium erupted into cheers and screams. I walked off the stage in a daze. I can’t believe I just said that. Surely, neitzens would find out who I was referring to.

But at this point…did I really care?

This is for you, Park Bom. I kissed the trophy and raised it up as cameras captured the moment. /Fin