She wasn’t real…she couldn’t be. Nope. She was just a mirage. Gah, this lack of sleep was really getting me. Really? What the heck am I on to be hallucinating a woman who I’ve only met in my dreams? I laughed hysterically. God must be playing with me right now. I think he wanted to make me happy even if it was for only a while…because frankly it was working.

I admired the beautiful creature in front of me. The sunlight hit her face as she leaned against the rail. Perfection. What if she was an angel sent from the heavens to take me away from this idol life? Even though I loved my members dearly—lately, I've felt like I've been suffocating-trapped.

Super Junior was at the top. Literally. Our popularity soared to heights I never imagined and our schedules became so packed that none of us got any sleep. And it was always the same damn thing over and over again. Music shows. Radio appearances. Variety shows. CFs. It never ended.

This whole popularity thing got to some of my members’ heads. We fought more often. We cried. We hurt. Except I didn’t want to change. I wanted to be Choi Siwon, the person—not the idol who was so perfect in everyone’s eyes. God knows I am not perfect but does everyone keep calling me a ‘god’? I don’t understand. I looked at the sky.

It was peaceful and calm…that’s where I wanted my aching heart to be. I stepped closer to the railing and closed my eyes. “Sunbae…” My eyes fluttered open. That unmistakable voice...I’ve heard it so many times on the radio, on my very own iPod…“I’m sorry for not acknowledging you, I didn’t see you there,” she smiled.

The mirage I saw earlier was now standing in front of me. And it had taken the form of a human. Oh dear god…she was real. I couldn’t help but ogle at the beautiful woman in front of me. I blinked repeatedly and my chest tightened. Thump. Thump. Thump. I quickly ruffled my hair...what should I say to her? Uhmm-

“Continue to work hard. Goodbye,” she said. 

Then she disappeared. 

Just like that, she took my heart.

Leeteuk said I was crazy. Yesung thought it was cute. Donghae supported me. Basically every SUJU member had a different opinion about this semi-serious dilemma of mine. I thought it was normal for a twenty-two year old man to be…uhm well attracted to the opposite .

It was totally normal. So what that I had developed a crush on someone? “But here’s the thing, Siwon. That person isn’t just someone. She’s Park Bom for god’s sake,” Leeteuk would say to me, “And she’s from YG.” I didn’t understand. I was very fond of this Park Bom, whom I’ve never (formally) met. Her voice was pretty as was she. Oh and those legs…they made me go crazy.

“Hyung, I think you have a chance with her,” Donghae commented cheerfully. “He does not,” Eunhyuk retorted. I rolled my eyes. “Guys, guys listen. I’m not looking to date her,” I said, waving my hand in the air. “Uh-huh, so are you just going to stare at her creepily from far away for the rest of your life or what?" Yesung asked seriously. 

I shrugged my shoulders. 

Eunhyuk and Leeteuk did something that pissed me off. And that was not telling that 2NE1 was going to be a guest on their radio show. Like what the heck?! I could have met her but no these guys just had to ruin it for me! “Hyung, we’re sorry about this…but here why don’t you take this signed CD?” Eunhyuk said with a weary smile on his face as he handed me a copy of 2NE1’s first mini album.

“Why didn’t you guys tell me?” my voice cracked. In a hushed tone, Eunhyuk whispered, “Leeteuk doesn’t want you to have any false illusions about the future.” “What?” I scratched my head, confused. Leeteuk caught us chatting it up and raised an eyebrow, “Let’s focus on our promotions, Siwon.” He held up two fists, “Fighting~”

After he left, Eunhyuk placed a hand on my shoulder, “She was very…cute? Yes that’s the word-cute, bubbly, adorable. She has manners too.” A smile crept up on my face, “Anything else?”“Well…” he paused. "You know what hyung.  Just go on the ‘Kiss The Radio’ website and see for yourself,” he winked.

Oh I did. 

Listening to sappy love songs and watching romantic dramas became a habit. Suddenly I dreamed of all that and more. With her. I saw her from far away on several music shows but my mangers were being extra cautious with me ever since someone spilled the beans and told our manager about my ‘problem.’ So I couldn’t even be near her. How disappointing. All I wanted to do was greet her. What harm would that do to Super Junior?

Infatuation’s a total —excuse the language. I’m not usually like this. It’s just…I couldn’t get her out of my head. It was silly; I didn’t even her know personally. But I've heard so many good things about her. Like how much she loves her family and her pets. And her fans. She’s so family-orientated just like me.

Even her love for corn makes me like her more. Thank god she likes food. I know many yummy restaurants that she would love. I've also noticed that she's gotten prettier. Oh and I found out she's funny. A girl with a sense of humor! Could I ask for more? There’s ‘No Other’ like her. Hehehe.

Her dongsaeng is in a bible study group with me. Thank you jesus! Here’s my chance. At one of our sessions, I finally gathered enough courage to ask Minji about Park Bom. I wondered how much courage I would need to actually approach her if it was this hard approaching her group mate.

Minji was alone in the kitchen getting a refreshment when I approached her from behind with a bible clutched tightly against my chest. I was sooo nervous. “Hello Minji-ssi,” I said, trying to sound calm. “Oh! Siwon-oppa!”

“How are you liking today’s topic?” “It’s very inspirational,” she replied coolly. Dang, why are the 2NE1 members so cool? “I agree.”

Silience.

I gulped loudly, “So how are your members doing?” She looked at me confusedly, “They’re doing well.” “How’s…ssi doing?” I mumbled. “I’m sorry oppa, what was that?” Crap. I couldn’t do it. It was too awkward. “Never mind, Minji. Let’s go back to prayer.” She nodded cutely. Well…………I blew it.

There will be other chances, I told myself.

Timing is everything—that’s what I would come to learn this year. Speaking of which, I actually survived a whole year without doing something to embarrass myself like the time I dared to approach in front of her label mate, BIGBANG's T.O.P. Even I acknowledged what an idiot I made out of myself that day.

The MAMAs finally came. I heard Bom and her group were going to attend. They always did, and they always put on amazing performances. I was looking forward to this, because apparently SUJU was going to sit right next to 2NE1. I was backstage with our members, getting ready for our performance.

The noona hair stylists were fixing my hair last minute. I insisted on it since I wanted to look good for her. She was going to be watching. Earlier I saw her cheering wildly for CL. I wanted her to do that for our group too.“Yah! Siwon, hurry up! We’re up in five,” Shindong said loudly as he poked his head in the dressing room.

“I’m coming,” I said as I looked at myself in the mirror one last time. “Man seriously come on!” he scolded. I rolled my eyes. “I said I was coming!” I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. Please notice me, Park Bom. I was drenched in sweat as I hopped off the stage. I’ve never felt so alive.

As we were heading back to our dressing room, my panting suddenly came to a halt. “2NE1, you’re up next!” I heard the PD say. My ears perked up. I frantically looked around, hoping to catch a glimpse of them. Donghae put a hand on my shoulder and laughed. We were directed back to our seats, and to my disappointment, I didn’t get to see her.

We finally took our seats. Music started playing and the crowd went wild. Yup, 2NE1 was on stage. Everyone was on their feet, even me. I was surprised that SUJU was being so enthusiastic, especially Eunhyuk. I jumped up and down, and in my head, I was chanting Bom’s name. I looked over at Leeteuk.

He seemed to be thoroughly enjoying their performance as well. I could already tell this was going to be one memorable night.Their performance came to an end, and the cheers were almost deafening. I took a seat, suddenly feeling exhausted. “I’m going to talk to CL,” Eunhyuk announced to no one in particular.

Leeteuk raised an eyebrow. Shindong burst out laughing. And the rest just opened their mouths. Yesung suddenly nudged me.Eunhyuk slyly walked past us all and greeted 2NE1 who was approaching the seating area. I wonder what he was saying to them…I didn’t realize but all the other SUJU were also holding in their breaths.

“Okay well it was nice seeing you again,” I heard Eunhyuk say. 2NE1 then passed right by us, bowing their heads. Okay…I was going do it. “Hello." My world seemed to stop. The red haired girl looked up at me and smiled. “Hello sunbae.” And then she was gone. Just like the first time…she was so breathtaking. Someone hold me please…

She went back to her seat, and I found myself still standing while everyone else sat back down. “Down boy,” Yesung laughed as he pushed me down to my seat.Eunhyuk had a goofy smile on his face as if he had done something good for the whole group. “Hey Leeteuk! CL and I agreed to remain close. We never really got to exchange numbers since the last time we saw her,” he winked.

I don’t know where this new found confidence came from, but I knew I needed to act on my feelings..before someone else did. Tsk. Like that Hongki guy. 2NE1 was promoting their new single ‘I LOVE YOU.’ It so happened that one of our hoobaes at SM was also promoting around that time. My plan was fullproof.

I wandered the broadcasting station’s corridors with one thing in mind: asking Park Bom out. Today would be the day. I neared 2NE1’s waiting room, ignoring all stares I got along the way. I could do this. I'm cool, handsome, and overall a nice guy. Crap, why am I blushing? This can't be good. I can't lose my cool!!!

I straightened out my clothes as I made my way inside, but I stopped when I saw Bom through door that was left slightly open. She was at the corner, but her beautiful smile couldn't escape my field of vision.  She was radiating. I admired her like a creep for a good while before I bravely decided to go inside.

“Annyonghaseyo!” I bowed to the staff. I noticed all the 2NE1 members were missing minus Bom. Bom immediately glanced up from her chair and smiled. "Hi," she greeted. "Hi," I said awkwardly as I lingered around the door. "May I come in?" I asked. Bom cutely nodded. I stood right in front her, shifting my legs uncomfortably. Siwon, get a hold of yourself! Stop shaking.

I couldn’t bring myself to say anything, and the staffs’ weird looks weren’t helping either. “I would like to talk to Park Bom-ssi in private,” I announced and held in my breath. The staff people looked at each other and then at Bom who blinked repeatedly. They all hurried out the door after Bom gave them a small smile, as if telling that she was okay with being alone with me.

I didn't want this to be the last time we saw each other until yet another awards show came around. That was a long time from now. I let out the breath I was holding. “I have something to say to you, miss Park Bom.” I confidently looked in her eyes. I wanted to maintain eye contact to show her how serious I was right now.

But her gaze on me melted my heart immediately and I suddenly got dizzy."SIWON-SSI!!" Bom suddenly shrieked. I nearly jumped. "YOUR NOSE IS BLEEDING! OMO WHAT DO I DO?" she panicked. Whaatttt? I froze in place when I felt my nose running. Bom quickly found some tissues and held them against my nose.

As she did that, our fingers met...and dang it if it wasn't for my bloody nose I would have savored the moment."Tilt your head back," Bom ordered when she led me to a nearby chair. I could feel my face getting warmer with each passing second. This was so humiliating. Well there goes my chance of being Mr. Cool Guy. I blew it. I peered up and saw Bom's worried face.

"Are you ok? Does this happen often? Are you taking any medicine?" She bombarded me with questions. She placed her left hand on my forehead. No matter how embarrassing this situation was...she was being totally sweet. I suddenly caught her wrist. "Bom, are you dating anyone?" Was I crazy? Yes. Was I delirious? Yes again.

Bom's eyes widened with my question. "I had a dating ban but not anymore..." she said slowly."But are you dating anyone?" I asked again. "Mhm no? I'm still single...gahh I can't believe that I my age I can't even find a date. You must find that weird huh?" She rambled on cutely."I don't find it weird. In fact, I'm relieved," I blurted out.

"Ehhh?" she scrunched her nose cutely. "Noona, is it alright if I ask you out? You just said you're free to date." "I did say that didn't I?" She laughed awkwardly. She was still pressing a load of napkins against my nose. When she realized this, she burst out laughing. "Well this is the most bizarre situation in which I've been asked out...but okay, Siwon. I want to try it." She smiled brightly.

I finally sat up properly and flashed her a smile despite bleeding from a bloody nose. "I should go clean myself up," I said, excusing myself. I kept a cool look on my face until I broke out into a goofy smile once I left her waiting room and found a restroom. I gasped when I looked at myself in the mirror...oh jesus I looked horrible! Wait that didn't matter! I was a bleeding mess, and she still said yes!! I smirked at my reflection.

And so this is how I sealed my fate with Park Bom...or so I thought. 

“So you weren’t lying about this so-called test,” I exhaled deeply as I lay on the floor, totally exhausted from the physical test YG sajangnim made me do. Bom giggled as she patted my sweaty head. “You did good,” she whispered and leaned closer to my face. “Then do I get my reward?” I seized her wrist and pleaded with puppy eyes.

I then pursed my lips. “Yah, what if someone sees?” Bom laughed but her eyes remained glued to my lips. “Hurry do it quick!” I exclaimed. Bom stooped lower when we suddenly heard a lough cough. “Siwon-ssi,” YG sajangnim’s voice resonated across the fitness room. In a split second, both Bom and I straightened up and got on our feet.

I bowed continuously until Bom nudged me to stop. “Ne sajangnim?” she asked. YG sajangnim looked straight into my eyes. I felt shivers run down my spine. I was scared enough being in YG’s building but having YG staring at me like that made me more nervous than any time I’ve promoted with SUJU.

“Siwon-ssi, I must say I am quite pleased with your physical endurance. Now about the style test…you did so-so. Try to get some pointers from GD alright? I don’t know how you won them over, but clearly our artists are fond of you as you at 100% approval from YG’s artists as being a worthy suitor. Congratulations, you got a 90. Pass,” YG smirked creepily.

Bom gasped as she brought her hands to her face and squealed inwardly. It took me a full second to realize that I had been approved by the scariest man in the K-Pop industry. “Thankyouthankyou,” I must have said over a billion times as I bowed non-stop. “Welcome to the family,” YG said and left the room. You can say I got a mighty fine reward that night. Hehehe.